#74 Toilets

Today I snuck off to the toilets on two occasions, just to bloody get away. For one of my visits I was in the cubicle for 5 minutes, with 1 minute being personal business, and the other 4 spent staring at the tiles on the wall, deep in reflection, just breathing, and enjoying the serenity.

I’ve been stressed today. Rushed off my feet. Frustrated. I haven’t had a chance to breathe properly at times. It’s been one mad go-go-go day, and would you believe I’ve had all this, and it’s Fucking Mother’s Day?

I had to run away. I had to get away, from everything, from responsibility, from life, from my tears, from all of it. I couldn’t even enjoy the day because one of the people I was chasing after, is the reason I am a Mum at all.

The toilet, is one hell of a magnificent refuge.

Mother’s Day comes along, and you know what we really truly want? You know what would make us Mum’s so happy?

To be left alone. Maybe like, a warm bath with candles, for one hour if that’s ok. I’ll even take walking in the rain. Staring at the wall aimlessly too. I’d hide in a closet if it was ok (it probably isn’t but many Mums do it).

I just needed time out.

And I got it, in my two 5 minute toilet ‘breaks.’

The toilet is gold.

It ain’t all that bad though. The day ended at my parents, and after going through the motion of changing baby girl, putting her down for a nap, then waking her an hour later so that she would still sleep at night, only to have to coddle her for the next half hour because she was so grumpy/tired from having been woken – only after ALL that, did I start to have a good time. Talks with my Mum and Sister helped, but just their presence does that without even saying a word… and then pyjamas happened hours later, and that was incredible… but all those wonderful things I’ll be specifically grateful for another  day.

Oh, and I got special kisses from baby girl.

But today, toilet.




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