#142 A different candle

I’ve been posting a lot about my parents lately. It’s like some part of my subconscious knew.

The day started off with easy-going, relaxed vibes. I was making chicken soup, with plans to go to the local shopping centre with baby girl and put in a stack of $2 coins while she had the time of her life on those damn shopping centre rides.

But then Mum called. And hours later I was sitting with her and my sister at the docs.

Mum needs to have an operation. Everything is ok. WILL be ok. But in a space of a few hours, I feel like everything has changed. HAS changed.

Mum needs to take it easy. She needs to do less – both now, and after the op while she’s in recovery. Because of that, she and my Dad won’t be babysitting baby girl. There’ll be no more massive pots of food waiting for us. There won’t be last minute dashes to each other’s home while she helps me out. No, none of that.

Now big sis and I will be doing the running.

I am grateful that she is being treated for something that both can be treated, and that isn’t really serious, when you compare it to other things that ops are performed for.

But I also can’t help but think of how this affects me. She and Dad share the baby sitting duties with my MIL. If she can’t babysit, I can’t work. If I can’t work, we don’t have as much money coming in… and if we don’t have as much money coming in, how do we pay off a loan for our future house in our sea change destination?

Do I bid at the auction tomorrow?

Do we move at all?

Do we put this whole sea change of ours off indefinitely?

The questions and the indecision were making me go insane. I had to do something to break the negativity when I got home. After a further 40 minute convo with big sis on the phone, I lit this:

2016-07-15 18.07.18

There was something metaphoric about this candle shining in the dark. I was spellbound. It usually stands behind the TV, pushed far behind it from the days where baby girl’s curious hands would get into too many things. It still remains there, forgotten, pushed out of sight. Tonight I brought it forward.

And then I had my soup. I don’t know what tomorrow, the next 2 months, and the next who-knows-what will bring, but I think I’m grateful… for the change of that candle.

2016-07-15 19.36.36


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