#145 Mum and Dad: the babysitters

As much as I am grateful that my parents have been co-watching baby girl while I’ve been back at work for over a year and a half, and they did so today, this appreciation is also terribly bittersweet.

Today may have been the last day they watched her. And if it’s not today, their days of looking after my daughter may be seriously numbered.

See, I always knew this was a possibility. It was expected. I mean, we are planning to sea change, and we know that possibly, our parents may not be interested in spending days with us at a time while I do some work shifts. We would have to watch her between us.

I get it, we were prepared. But still, there was always… Hope.

And then this thing happened, which means Mum is off the scene from now until she has her op.. who knows when, hopefully soon. But then she needs to recover for at least 6 weeks. It’s brought everything forward. It’s brought everything to a halt. Unprepared, with no contingency plan for this type of thing, I’m madly rushing around and pulling my hair out to work out how to organise my roster accordingly so that someone is still watching her while I’m working.

It’s really hard. I won’t lie: it’s been a shit couple of days. And I’ve had my share of tears today. I’m really unhappy and depressed.

But this isn’t the post for that. This is the post where I’m meant to express gratitude.

So, here goes… I am indebted to my parents for all they have done. Not only for all their love and support in raising me, but they’ve helped to place a positive impact on baby girl in all of the time they’ve spent bonding with her during these ‘babysitting days.’ We will still see each other of course, if anything I’ll make more of an effort to get us all together and have fun with baby girl forcing us all to get up and dance in their lounge room/our kitchen.

But it’s just gonna be different. I won’t see them in the morning and the afternoon as I leave for work and then come back. I only see them for a few minutes at either end, and yet those minutes somehow add up to so much more. They’re a familiarity I’m so used to, and it hurts to realise that already, I miss that. I miss them so damn much.

Oh man. This is really hard to do without getting emotional.

So I’m grateful. Grateful for their help today, again, in saving the day and coming to the rescue. For me. Again. I hope one day I can watch baby girl’s children, and be the grandparents to them that my parents were to baby girl.

This is a sad moment. This appreciation is sad because it’s not what I have. It’s what I had.

The quote “it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…” That’s a heartbreaking one. It’s obviously coined by some glass half-full gal or guy.

But they forget the losing part. That stings.

I knew this day would come eventually, but the way it has come, unexpectedly… really hurts.

Thanks Mum and Dad. ‘Thanks’ doesn’t begin to cut it.



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