#183 The look of adoration

You stay on their heels. They keep you on your toes.

You repeat repeat repeat repeat. Then repeat again.

You check what they do. Every thing they do. You can’t relax. You sway between begging, bribing, and threatening them. When you’re just asking, it’s at the dangerous point of not caring anymore.

But. They know how to get under your skin. More than Frank Sinatra. They know what to do, say, or how to look, to make your heart melt and any prior annoyances disappear forever more.

Tonight I was gently begging baby girl to finish her milk. She went from one side of me on the couch, to suddenly sit on the other. She then wanted a cushion behind her back. I complied, getting her one. Despite the support she chose to lean off it and onto me. I tried to straighten her up, and still she leant onto me, while I tried to keep her straight so that she could hold her cup and finish her milk.

At the point where I started to get slightly irritated, she leant her head back and looked up at me. Inquisitively, wide-eyed. Searching my face. All my cares and worries and stupid annoyances vanished instantly, just like that. I stared back at her, a smile turning the corners of my lips ever so slightly, and she mirrored me. We stared at each other like that for a good while, and my eyes welled with tears at the adoration I saw. I saw it, in her; I saw it, reflected off of her. I whispered “I love you so much.”

I looked at her in the eyes and willed myself to burn that image in my head until the end of time.

Sadly, photos and images and even memories can fade, but that is exactly the reason why I write. It’s the reason why I document my life so much. Even if I forget, somewhere out there in the world this encounter exists, and that puts me in a state of calm. It’s recorded. Therefore it happened.

But oh, that look. The look of love. No matter the image, that feeling remains in my heart forever.

I am grateful for that moment late this evening, because until then, I had no idea what I would ‘be grateful’ about today.. and still I ended up writing about the most beautiful of things there is…

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