#347 How we make up

I thoroughly enjoy the dynamic relationship I share with Hubbie. I thrive on it. It excites me, and keeps me on my toes. We are different, but essentially, at our core, the same.

We are exceptionally loyal to one another. We are passionate in our diverse and pursued interests, and encourage each other to strive for greater heights.

We love spending time together. Time, never seems to be enough. We can be with each other for days on end, and still find ourselves walking through the house, looking for the other when they’ve been absent for 15 minutes.

Also, we are especially honest with each other. Often, brutally so.

We can argue, REALLY well.

Like most couples I guess. On the surface we seem really easy going and happy. And, that is true. One of our closest friends think that we must never fight.

Oh dear. How wrong, wrong, wrong they are.

We pull each other up when the other is misbehaving – constantly.

We tell each other off when we feel disappointed by the other.

We freely tell the other to ‘snap out of it’ ‘move on’ and ‘don’t be so sensitive’ when there’s too much whining going on.

Most of the time we get on with one another, really well. But sometimes, occasionally, infrequently but still big enough to make a momentous dent on our memory bank, we have a decent fight.

Like last night.

After being cranky and shitty with each other most of the night, butting heads and just being in completely different zones to the other, I headed upstairs to bed, after I put baby girl to bed and wrote my gratitude post (yes I am bipolar and can be in an appreciative yet simultaneously horrid state of mind) with one thing in mind:

TO LET HIM HAVE IT.

I woke him up, and even that was enough to make him shitty. Rightly so. For the next hour we proceeded to aggressively, emotionally and yet somehow almost rationally break down why we were upset with each other, who had done what wrong, and what could be done to fix it.

Well, nothing could. It was 2am by the time we were done. And like I said, we were in two different states of mind. I am always the one needing to discuss it NOW, whereas he always needs to sleep on it. That in itself creates a mountain of problems, making any arguments we have at the end of the day that much worse. We had talked it out, but still lay down facing away from each other. I closed my eyes, my cheeks wet.

What I also love about us, is our constant and everlasting willingness to make up. To see it through, talk it out, and make amends to move on, happy again.

I woke up cranky and flat. He had gotten up earlier and gone for a long walk along the beach to clear his head. He came back, bright and chirpy. I was still –

Grrr, argh.

When I’d finished the usual morning routine with baby girl, he pulled me up and said “Let’s sit down, say what we have to say, and move on so we can enjoy the rest of our day.”

Ahhh. Exhale. I love this part.

And so we did. We talked, and talked, and by the end of it, were both relieved.

Why?

Because we do ‘content’ much more easily and willingly and happily, than we do angry.

All is good again in the world. 🙂

Having a partner that is as willing as you are to compromise, find resolve, and get back to that happy state, is about as important as any other thing in a relationship I think.

I think that’s definitely the advice I would give baby girl when she is older.

“Find someone, who would rather have peace, than be right.”

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