#1082 Evening bike ride

A cool night.

It is still.

Memories of a day at school, with thoughts of what is to come tomorrow.

In between – the bike ride.

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In the evening. Of the fading light. As the night settles in soon, so too will our weary bodies and busy heads.

But never our hopes and ambitions. They will flare and ignite and burn, more so in our heads as we lay ourselves to sleep, dancing around in our dreams as if it is really possible.

IT IS really possible.

Only to awaken the next day, wondering what just happened.

What will happen?

Que Sera, Sera…

#1081 The first day

Oh man. What a day.

Such anticipation.

Such excitement.

Such hesitation.

Such nerves.

Such anxiety.

Such BIG FAT TEARS.

And it was ALL me.

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Why does our mind play tricks on us? Play silly games, and make us want to sob even harder when all I am trying to do is pull a very-watery poker face?

Watching her walk into the classroom with the other students, it asks me “look how she has grown. She used to be sooo small.”

Sob.

Walking away from the school. Regret. “It went too fast… you didn’t get to take a photo with her there.”

Sob.

Drowning my bittersweet sorrows with Hubbie over strong coffee. Our eyes are glistening. I verbalise my thoughts.

“Remember when she was born, and how she entered the world all curious, looking around the room?”

I then looked up to the bright blue sky, and proceeded to –

SOB SOB SOB.

It has been a day of the pendulum swinging one way, and thenveryquickly swinging back again.

And I have to say, with this emotional roller coaster, I am so glad the first day jitters are over.

For both of us.

When we picked her up, she saw us and ran forward excitedly.

And in that moment I realised that my silly fears were unjustified. Sure she would grow. Sure she would learn and develop, change, as every person on this planet continues to as we go through life.

But she will always be our beautiful, caring, happy, loving girl.

She will forever be, our baby girl. ♥♥♥

#1080 The day before prep

I didn’t think I would be too bad. We even bought school shoes this morning and everything, and yet no overwhelming emotion struck me at what the next day held…

I thought, ‘I am going to be ok.’

It didn’t hit me, until I was at the Coles check out.

Baby girl started to squirm and bounce around a little, and before I verbalised the feared signs I knew so well, she told me she needed the loo.

I had just unloaded all our shopping onto the conveyor belt. There was a lady being served in front of me, but she was with her elderly mother who was in a wheelchair, and had groceries of her own she was paying for, and was then divvying up her mother’s groceries, so that it was taking some time for the check out guy to work it all out.

I hesitated. For a moment, I questioned…

‘Should I let her go to the toilets alone?’

It was a mini shopping centre we frequented weekly, if not more often. Baby girl knew where they were. She wouldn’t get lost, surely.

But there were so many people that day. It was packed, being the last day of holidays for so many… Mums and Dads and kids and grannies and grandads, all milling around like chains and locks were going to be wrapped around the shopping centre’s entrance the next day.

I pondered it, for a few moments. I even asked baby girl how she felt about going on her own.

But then I realised, strongly. HELL NO. She was 5. Regardless of that… I could not let her go.

I explained to the check out guy I had to take baby girl to the toilets, and amazingly we were back in time as the two ladies finished up and he started setting up my reusable bags.

But the grocery shopping, or the toilets, wasn’t EVEN the point.

I was suddenly filled with anxiety, dread, fear and paranoia, all at once.

I could not let her go… but I had to.

I saw that the contemplation of letting her go a couple hundred metres on her own, had filled me with such unease, but it was a situation that was completely unavoidable.

Because at one stage or another, I had to let her go. And suddenly, my time was up.

Because tomorrow is the start of prep.

Most of the day has been spent preparing for it. In between ironing on labels to her school clothes, I’ve spent the other moments just staring at her with a frozen smile, willing her face at that time into my memory forever.

Setting up her lunchbox and bag, and then playing with her, letting her drag it out for another minute, then another minute…

Telling her how proud we are of her…

And then bursting into tears the next minute.

Get a grip! I told myself. You are picking her up at 12:30! After the half-days, you will still be together from 3:30!

But I can’t kid myself. It’s not just the time. It’s the beautiful moments shared. The slow wake-ups together, the kisses and cuddles in bed… her asking me what the plans are for the day, and me surprising her with promises of babycino café visits or the beach.

It’s all the little moments. It’s not even anything momentous or eventful. It’s the everyday occurrences, which will be replaced by routine, and order, and responsibility…

And she will be exposed to people, environments, and things that I can not control.

It scares me.

I am excited by what is to come for her, for us… really I am.

But I am so afraid, that the innocence in her that I have loved, and nurtured, and seen thrive… will be lost.

Will she change? Will she be the same?

What will this new life stage bring?

So much happiness has come before us, and I am terrified it will end.

Friendships might change her.

Harsh truths will be learnt.

Tears will be shed.

And I am freaking out about it all.

I don’t even know how this is a gratitude post, other than to say this day before prep, was a beautiful one. Telling each other how much we love one another… and now the tears won’t stop rolling, so I think it’s time I go.

Wish me her luck.

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#1079 January family bonding

Let’s squeeze one more family day trip in before the holidays end, shall we?

That was the thought as we headed down to the luxurious RACV Cape Schanck Resort to meet my parents and sister and fam, 2 days before baby girl is set to start prep.

PREP.

(Eeeek!)

It was a magical day. Did we need a reason for it? Other than Summer, holidays and family love? Nah. Well we had it though. An after-present from my Mum’s 70th late last year, and a timely silver anniversary celebration for my sister and bro-in-law.

We spent the day, doing what we do BEST.

Eating.

Drinking.

Bonding.

Making memories. 🙂

Oh, and of course swimming.

We enjoyed the stunning views, and vowed, like all the times, that we WILL be back again…

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♥♥♥♥

It was a perfect day. 🙂

#1078 Best way to end the night

What do you do with your kids at the end of the night?

At the end of a long day?

At the end of a long night?

At the end of a long day and night where you have had friends come over with their kids?

At the end of a long day and night where you have had friends come over with their kids and have left at 11pm?

Why, I personally… make coffee.

And a babycino 😉 ♥

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You see, I don’t have much else to showcase the wonderful day and night that it was. Catching up with old friends who we don’t see nowhere near often enough, yet somehow the conversation never ends, is plenty reason to be grateful.

And then our kids, who have seen each other only once their whole lives… well they all gelled together, really, really well.

And you know what I always say…

Happy kids… HAPPY PARENTS.

:):):)

I didn’t grab a photo of the 4 of them playing, but I did snap the babycino shot, because it is so representative of the fun had today.

And it’s still school holidays, so why the hell not???

#1077 A Sia start

What could have possibly made me feel better, 5:30 on a Saturday morning, barely any cars out, driving to work, after about 5 hours sleep, on a public holiday, no less?

Why… A Song.

Insert a very famous Aussie, highly appropriate for today’s proceedings don’t you think ? 😉

♥SIA♥

This song is AWESOME. You need to pump it up in your car, loud, and then sing your lungs out.

“Your body’s poetry

Speak to me

Won’t you let me be your rhythm tonight?”

You know, on days where you are failing at reasons to find gratitude, and start your day right, remember, there is always a way.

And one of those ways is with great artists.

Aussie Aussie Aussie! (Oy oy oy!)

#1076 The (ice cream) shop before school starts

I wasn’t only preoccupied with thoughts of navy navy navy.

Navy polo shirts.

Navy hair ties.

Navy socks.

Freaking navy skorts.

I had something else on my mind as we bought a whole lot of stuff for baby girl’s imminent primary school start next week.

I was thinking, ‘this is it.’

The shopping outings during the week, hand in hand.

Baby girl encouraging me to ‘buy that dress’ (I love this girl ♥ )

Deciding whether it is rice, or a happy meal that day?

Coffee breaks.

Talking about just “one more really small toy” that she would like to get.

And, cold and soothing ice cream breaks.

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I told her I had a surprise for her as I took her to Twisted Sista. She screamed out loud, no hesitation as she saw the extravagantly twisted ice creams with lavish and brightly coloured toppings through the glass display.

I love how she was sooo excited. Her happiness completely unrestrained.

Baby girl, take your time growing up. There is plenty of time for everything.

I am happy for her to act so childlike, because she is after all, a child. My child, growing up, and heading off into school in 5 days time.

I savoured the moment as we sat at the table, slurping our ice creams, and saying “it’s good.”

It was good in every way. ♥