I’m really enjoying watching baby girl grow and develop into a young girl. It gets me all misty-eyed MANY times, but what I am enjoying most of all, is also our relationship growing and developing.
I’m finding lately we are really laughing together more. I become her equal in those moments, and she mine, and we end up cacking over something totally hilarious or totally trivial, doubled over in laughter…
It can be us playing dolls and Mister F will walk past, and I act out the dolls – “Argh! A black and white monster!”
Or she’ll be sooking about something silly and I pull a weird/funny face, and she can’t help but laugh and pull one back, and then I do it again, and etc until we are totally losing it.
Or like tonight. She does this thing every so often at bedtime, and it is part a delay mechanism, part because she is so affectionate. But she will grab me as I am kissing her goodnight, her arms firmly around my neck holding me close, as she counts –
“1!” and then plants a kiss on my cheek.
And then yells out “10!” before blowing a massive rapsberry on my cheek.
I always brace for impact, but let her do it anyway… she has a ball. Tonight however, she got up to 10… and kept going.
Each time she pulled back to count further I pulled a confused, exaggerated expression. Her counts became incoherent as she burst into laughter, so that at 17 I was like “what number are you even up to?”
She kept kissing me in hysterics as she counted something in a muddle, and I fell onto her laughing and trying hard to breathe normally.
Ahhh. It’s in these moments I let go of everything.
I let go of trying to make everything right.
I let go of being the parent.
I let go of rules.
I let go of routine and order.
I let go of worries.
I let go of the past.
I let go of what ‘should be.’
I let go of all those knots within me, and in the tremors of laughter vibrating off me, they untie and go loose, and waves of happiness and love pour out.
It is magical.
She counted up to 25, somehow… my cheek was wet… and then she yelled “10!”
And I got my raspberry. Though my insides were fuzzy too, not just my cheek. 🙂 ♥