Month: February 2023

#2610 What she said no. 16

I sat on the couch this evening with a sigh. In the background hubbie carried baby boy as he cried, “shh, shh, shushing” away.

It was his turn, edition 2,367 of the ‘why is baby boy crying?’ project.

Baby girl saw my dismay and exhaustion and immediately sprung to action. She sat right beside me and put her arm around my shoulders, giving me a sweet, compassionate smile.

“Don’t be sad Mum. You’re doing a great job.”

I smiled appreciatively back at her, about to reply, but she added…

“It’s just that baby boy won’t listen to you.”

🤦‍♀️😆

Lol. And she would know all about that, right?

So well put darling. Thank you. 😁💞

#2609 Stronger than that

I’ve been dreading this day for a while now. The day Hubbie left my supportive side and went back to work.

18 days. That’s how long I had him with me. And it was only a few days into his parental leave that I had looked forward and realised ‘oh crap, how will I survive without you when you go back to work?’

But I did. We did. He went back to work. I once again only had about 3.5 hours of sleep before dropping off baby girl at school, and that was off the back of a pretty horrendous night with baby boy. Off the back of 18 nights of minimal sleep.

I thought I would struggle. I thought I would crumble. But I’m stronger than that.

Sure these days are hard, so, so hard. But I try to remind myself, I’ve gone through worse and have come out the other side.

💪💪

#2607 Nappy changes

The baby blues are a very real thing, and I’m trying my hardest to combat them.

I’m using all my years of practise with this gratitude blog to apply to these difficult days and quite frankly, depressing nights. Cluster feeding, minimal sleep, a crying newborn… no matter how much we wanted a child, the above is a concoction to make any person question themselves while going mad, especially when the above happens night after night.

But, little things, as usual. I noticed something last night during a nappy change, and it happened today too. Baby boy usually SCREAMS THE HOUSE DOWN during these, turning red, holding his breath, breaking the normal decibel levels… you know, the usual.

But at these two occasions, and it was a dirty nappy too both times, I might add… he was not screaming! He was looking around, taking it all in, totally peaceful, just chill, relax… so much less stressful for me! Just amazing. 2, out of 250 nappy changes so far, but still, it’s something.

Little things, for a little boy. 💙

#2604 Worth the weight

Well all those sleepless nights and cluster feeds are actually amounting to something.

Today we had baby boy’s 2 week check-up with the maternal child health nurse. They really keep a close eye in the early days and like to make sure that babies are taking in breastmilk/formula and putting on weight.

He has grown a few centimetres.

In only 5 days, baby boy has put on 220 grams!

And if we look at his lowest birth weight since being born (which naturally happens days after birth) he has put on 410 grams since.

Wow! I had noticed his face was looking a bit fuller, but I certainly didn’t expect that.

The nurse was happy. We were happy! Baby boy MUST be happy too (with all those feeds).

As for me getting up at night? It’s a bit easier now knowing that it’s helping him.

We might just leave it at that. It is a gratitude blog after all…

#2603 Time for TV

Because baby boy is still so young, he and I aren’t heading out much.

At all.

And coupled with breastfeeding, you can be sure I’m spending a lot of time on the couch, in front of the TV.

I’ve caught up on my backlog of recorded Bold and Beautiful eps.

We rewatched Coming to America on Netflix over several days.

Also, this Amy Winehouse doco I recorded in ’21… smashed that out.

There was an Insight episode on ‘holding a grudge’ that I taped sometime last year – I’ve started that too.

I’ve heard a lot about The White Lotus TV show… so I’ve given that a go and started ep 1.

And for my mental health, we recommenced some comedy viewing tonight… some Sebastian Maniscalco stand-up.

I may be lacking in the sleep department, but I’ll be up-to-date with what’s on the digital box. 🤷‍♀️

#2602 Family company

I need my sleep, but I also need my family. 💞❤🙏🙏

I was lucky to get both today, when my parents and sister came by for a visit. The days are unpredictable and lonely, not to mention the long, hard, difficult nights…

But to have them visit was the special sunshine in what was already a warm summer’s day. 🌞

And the icing on the cake? They brought so much food! Soup, sarma, meatballs, pasta, cheese pastries, rum balls and doughnuts! We have food to last days and days.

And the visit alone was already so sweet. 🙏❤🍲🍩

#2601 My ‘stronger’ list

Almost a week ago I knew I had to do something different.

Something to help me get by.

Being my second pregnancy, I felt more confident and assured when it came to certain things.

The problem with knowing what lies ahead though, is just that – you know what lies ahead.

I knew labour would be hard – and it was.

I knew childbirth would be hard – and it was.

And just as some parts of recovery have been easier, including adapting to our sweet baby boy…

I know about the sleepless nights. I know how unpredictable it all is in the beginning. I know about the fatigue.

And so it was.

And so it IS.

I was mentally struggling with all of this knowledge in my haze of fatigue and roller-coaster of post-partum hormones, when I realised I had to make things better somehow.

First, I needed to mix things up at home.

Second, I needed little things to look forward to, no matter how small.

Third, I needed to train my brain to the positive, and look at more gratitude, not lack of, in the position I was in.

Fourth – I had to somehow keep score.

So, I made a ‘stronger’ list.

Tonight is night 5. Or so it will be after the night is over. In the morning when I get up, I add the date I just survived onto my list, plus a tick ✅ and then the shortest notation on how the night went. Something like “hard ’til 3am. I got through” or “slept between feeds, first time!”

My goal is to get stronger with this list. As it grows and I add to it every night, I’ll be able to see that no only have I gotten through another night, but see that things do get better, easier, and they pass.

And when there is a harder night, I’ll be able to deal with it better, knowing I’ve dealt with it before.

It’s still early days, but the concept is working. I’m going into the nights a little mentally stronger, and honestly, at this stage, it means so much for my well-being.

💪💪💪💪💪