#913 What she said no. 6

I have been talking to baby girl about her birthday.

I have been talking to her about MY birthday.

And it comes as one, as I have been telling her about OUR birthday.

Our birthdays are on the same day.

I don’t think she really understood it when she turned 4 last year. I think she kind of figured “hey, it’s my birthday!” and then “hey, it’s your birthday!” and then assumed “hey, it’s everyone’s birthday, woo hoo!”

This year though, only a week or so ago, I sat her down properly and said that I actually shared a birthday, with her. I further explained that many years ago, on my birthday, she had jumped out of my tummy (no need for specifics just yet) and gone “Surprise! I’m here!” and it was the best birthday present I could have EVER asked for.

She later went on to tell me that her birthday was still first. Well actually darling, no because I was born in the morning and you were in the afternoon, and also, I have 30 years on you my little Lion.

But then, she started to get it. And she has been so mature about it, including me in her birthday celebration countdown. I said to her today something about it being her birthday tomorrow, and she replied

“And your birthday Mama.”

Tug at my heart right there. Kids are selfish let’s be honest. So for her to keep including me like this every time there was a mention of our birthdays today, well it just melted my heart sooo much.

She is happy to share it with me.

“Yay, Mama tomorrow my birthday AND your birthday!”

:):):)

And then this convo, while tucking her in tonight…

“Good night my 4 year-old.”

“Me not 4 me 5!”

“No, tomorrow you’ll be 5, you’re still 4 tonight.”

Pause. “Me turning 5 tomorrow, and you turning 64!”

And then we LOLd and LOLd. :):):)

 

#902 My heaven sent Angel

Today, while not feeling too happy, baby girl rested on the edge of the table, trying to get a peek at my face, downcast and heavy.

“Mama, what’s wrong?”

I sniffed. “Mama’s sad.”

“Why?”

I sighed. The sigh we adults make when we can’t explain. When it is too heavy for 4 year-old naïve and happy ears. When we want to explain, but can’t find the words.

“I’ll tell you about it one day. It’s ok honey.”

I continued my despondent stare, as she followed with “Ohhhhh.”

Then suddenly, she ran off.

She brought back her toy ukulele from her play area, stood right in front of me, and proceeded to play.

“Mama, me make you feel better.”

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Words can’t describe the rush of love, gratitude, passion and deep acknowledgment I felt when she said that and started playing her instrument. They were just strums on a toy, but it was the most sincere, heart-felt and beautiful music I have ever heard.

How could my heart not burst with joy? How could this loving action not override my sadness?

Then later, when I was on the couch still looking sullen, she went “I know I know!”

And she jumped in front of me, pulling funny faces at centimetre distance.

I couldn’t help it. I cracked up. My tears of sorrow turned into tears of laughter as she changed her faces to silly and crazy and funny again. I laughed again and again, marvelling at the beautiful and meaningful intention of baby girl to be so eager to see me smile again.

There are things I get down about. But today, being the recipient of my baby girl’s love and care, loyalty and devotion, well I felt so special. So important. I realised that although there are things getting to me, I was given an angel a long while ago, an angel to look after me and pick me up, make me smile and keep me going when times get tough…

And that angel is my beautiful baby girl. At only 4, she has more of a caring and sincere nature than many people my age. She is an extraordinary soul. And although there are things, like any human, that get me down…

I need not fear. I need not worry. I need not cry. Because my angel is there beside me, playing her ukulele and pulling funny faces ’til I get through… ♥♥♥♥

#887 The things that she says…

… Makes me feel like we are doing an alright job with her.

Or maybe I give myself, ourselves, too much credit. Maybe it is ALL her. Maybe it is the stage she is at; maybe it’s the understanding that comes with growth; maybe even it’s all her class activities from kinder and swimming that have her responding and speaking with such care, eloquence, and love.

Some examples:

1. “Mama… can me please have teddy bear biscuit?”

When I respond yes, she asks quietly

“Is that good manners?”

Oh darling. Yes yes and MORE yes.

 

2. When we are heading into the shops quickly.

“Now honey, we are only going in and out, THAT’S IT.”

“Ok Mummy, me listen to you all day, I promise.”

 

3. When I am mad and frustrated, she grabs a hold of me.

“Mummy… look at me. Calm down, ok? Everything be alright.”

Oh, it is laughable and oh-so-cute.

 

4. I am driving.

“Oh, that person is driving like a f*&king idiot!”

“Mama don’t say that word. That very bad word!”

 

:):):) Peeps, she is only 4… and she already knows better than me!

 

 

#863 Shark Tank

sharktank

I’m surprised its taken me this long to pay a grateful homage to the above TV show. I have only been watching it from the very beginning, season 1 ep 1, and this latest season you will find me reliably sitting on my couch every Tuesday night from 8:45 to 9:45pm, arguing with baby girl that Mama needs her ‘me time,’ and that she can go do whatever the hell she wants.

Parenting at its finest.

But honestly. All I ask is for one uninterrupted hour. I don’t even get that.

Tell her to go to bed you say.

You obviously DON’T have a 4 year-old child.

I do my best anyway, with what I get. And what I get, I L♥VE. I sit on the couch with my tea, all comfy in my pjs, recently-converted Shark Tank watchee Hubbie beside me, in my nicely heated and cosy abode.

Ahhh.

What is it about this show that I love sooo much? Hubbie has asked me this question several times, and I have thought long and hard about the answer, curious myself.

Quite simply, it is fascinating. Watching some of our countries most successful and wealthiest businesspeople, assess the every day person’s entrepreneurial dreams, and determine if they are worthy and valid enough to be given a cash investment… that is exciting stuff.

It is explorative. You see things from a ‘Shark’s’ viewpoint. You will think an idea will surely get the team fighting for a bite of the money pie, but then slowly, all 5 of them turn it down for various reasons, and their individual reasons offer you a window into their very experienced and business-minded world.

I enjoy the journeys presented, I love the banter between the Sharks themselves… but most of all I gain some courage, some inspiration, some insight into both those people coming into the ‘tank’ and laying their ideas and hearts on the line, and also from the Sharks who offer invaluable feedback and insight for each individual.

Maybe I too, see myself in the entrepreneurs.

And maybe I also see myself in future, like a Shark 🙂

 

#845 Words and Action

First, it was the words.

They came from baby girl, as she stood beside me where I was blowing my nose for what seemed like the 17th time in the last 10 minutes. I sighed, my eyes heavy, my nostrils scraping like concrete against the 2ply.

“Mama you OK?”

“No honey, Mama feels crappy.”

“Don’t worry Mama, you’ll feel better tomorrow. It’s ok, you’ll be ok!”

BIG SMILES.

Just how does a 4 year old hold the empathy, support and consideration to console an adult 30 years her senior? Where does this heartfelt sensitivity come from? Despite my nasally conditions I still managed to give her a warm hug as thanks.

The action.

An hour later and Hubbie came home.

As he walked around the corner to find me lying on the couch, so too came baby girl, holding a bunch of flowers.

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I smiled tearfully. My loves were LIFTING me.

And then I realised… well, she has to get it from somewhere, someone, right? 🙂

#837 Kitchen moments

I don’t know what YOU think, and what the general consensus, if any, out there is of me… but this gratitude thing doesn’t always come super-easy.

Sure, I am able to find happiness in smaller things, and that I attribute to being so self-aware. I am aware that outside of our square worlds, there are lost lives; damaged lives; sad lives; sick lives – and so the littlest things, the smallest joy, the slightest thing to put a smile on my face – well that makes me happy.

It isn’t always so easy to find new and novel things though. Come the colder months. The day to day. It all rolls from one to the next – in fact, is there anything discerning from one 24 hours, to the other? Unless you make a concerted effort to find an event to focus on, that’s all your days will amount to… one long 168 hour week.

Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday. There’s appointments. Classes. Kinder. Buy groceries. Make lunches. Wash dishes (repeat by a trillion).

The monotony has my mind asking me several times a day… “what will I write about today?”

Think of what to make for dinner.

That’s it.

Dinner time prep.

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I started on dinner tonight. And I found gratitude for a moment of it. A moment that truly represented where I am in my life right now.

Chopping vegies. Baby girl was nearby colouring in, her textas and pencils and crayons spreading out to the greenery that was going to go in the steamer soon.

I had Ricky Martin’s self-titled album on. One of my faves, and yet I haven’t listened to it in yonks. And then, you know that moment, when a song you love, and yet have forgotten about, comes on, and just BLOWS YOUR MIND?

Be Careful (Cuidado Con Mi Corazon) – Ricky Martin and Madonna.

It was never released as a single, but the music and lyrics of this amazing medley by two of my most favourite-st of artists, is just… magical. It’s haunting, romantic and dark, a truly unique collaboration. I started to sing along as I cut my cucumbers, with baby girl in the background telling me about the plot in Beauty and The Beast.

“If I could reach out to you…”

“Mama! Old lady comes to Beast’s house…”

“Yes sweetheart… take your head, in my hands – “

“Me not scared of old lady. Me fine! Old lady make prince into beast!”

“Yes honey… kiss your eyes, sing you to sleep – “

“Why Gaston want to kill Beast?”

Sigh. “Because Gaston is upset that Belle loves the Beast. But Gaston wants to marry Belle. It’s not nice that Gaston wants to hurt the beast… Here’s my heart to keep- “

“Yes, very cheeky.”

“Please be careful…”

I actually found it funny rather than frustrating. And it’s all about perspective and gratitude.

 

 

#835 4 year-old kinder progress

There were a lot of notes I made in my head today. All while watching baby girl.

Firstly, I love it the most when she doesn’t know I am watching her – this is for anything. Whether it’s playing with her toys at home, or playing at kinder, I gain so much by watching her nature and character unfold when she doesn’t know I’m there.

Today I watched her interact with others. As I walked towards the kinder gates, I watched her learn in the yard as she dug in the garden. I watched her run around and bolt from kid to kid, even more excitedly so since there was a visiting choir from a nearby primary school come to show off their talents, and let’s face it, try to gain more enrolments from our kinder kids in the process.

I watched amused, as she put up her hand with few others to volunteer and play some instruments – this is a room of primarily grade 1 to grade 3s – I was impressed. My girl, not intimidated? Wanting to go up there and give it a go?

I watched as she later found a friend, and they wrapped their legs around each other in a hug so that they were swaying back and forth on the swing together. I hung back, smiling, as it reminded me of my own neighbours and I at that age, swinging at our local park.

I watched with OCD-pride, as she found a toy in the sandpit, and promptly took it to its correct location at the dollhouse table.

And then as I was leaving with her for the day, I threw in a casual line to one of the teachers: “How is she going?” We were alone in the foyer. There was no one to distract her from answering.

“She’s excellent.”

Phew. Sure, she paints more than she cuts up bits of paper she said… but that’s a fun thing I’m sure we can work on together 🙂

A day where I was made grateful for my daughter’s  progress. In confidence, in learning, in playing… and in Life.

(This post comes a day late due to technical difficulties posting it from home 😉 )