#1200 5 years

1200 posts of gratitude, a crap load on my parent blog SmikG, and it all started when… ?

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YAY! This blogging journey on WordPress started 5 years ago, and all after I read a book…

How wonderful these pages bound together in a unified spine can be 🙂

#1176 Sunday Our Day

All week we were looking forward to today.

Even more so was today a day to get excited about, as it came off the back of celebrating our anniversary over dinner last night… and you know, I think we were still somewhat more excited about today, than Saturday night.

What happened today?

Not much.

Firstly there was a sleep in. Not massive, but hell, MUCH needed. Sunday is the only day I get to sleep more than usual, and as I average 5 and 7am wake-ups ALL week, and being under the weather and fighting some seasonal transition as it was, I was keen for Sunday to come around pronto, so I could sleep.

Amidst all our boring jobs at home which made us feel super-productive, we headed out for a coffee after lunch. Via Boffe on the Main street is getting better and better in their food and coffee taste and presentation, the pro display evident in baby girl’s babycino.

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And then… she got some new shoes. Man I wish I had gotten freaking pink shoes like that when I was 5… but alas, times were different then, and they are MUCH different now. She got some new runners as her last ones had the bottoms literally peeling off, and she was bouncing around the shop (and at home) with her new purchase.

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Just a family, quiet Sunday… no pressure… no where to be… no rushing around… no one waiting for us…

Just US. Doing our easy Sunday thing. ♥

#1119 The Smiggles bag of happiness

We show love for others in our actions.

In our little gestures. The things that we say when we aren’t thinking. The way that our faces light up at the mention of their name.

Today one such thing happened with baby girl. It was the sweetest thing, and although it was told to me second hand by Hubble, it was still the best.

He told me over the phone while I was at work, that when he came home for lunch, baby girl showed him the bag she had packed at the front door.

”Tato… please don’t move my bag,” she had asked solemnly.

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In there? Swimwear, pjs, a book, and an extra dress. She showed him all the things she was bringing with her as we had planned to go to my sister and bro-in-law’s place that evening, and then proceeded to excitedly tell him, and her grandma, that friends of theirs were also going to be there, who she clearly loves.

It was so heartwarming to hear. The words, the excitement, the expression, the action… none of it can lie.

You can’t hide that.

A 5 year-old especially, can’t hide that. ❤️❤️❤️

#1080 The day before prep

I didn’t think I would be too bad. We even bought school shoes this morning and everything, and yet no overwhelming emotion struck me at what the next day held…

I thought, ‘I am going to be ok.’

It didn’t hit me, until I was at the Coles check out.

Baby girl started to squirm and bounce around a little, and before I verbalised the feared signs I knew so well, she told me she needed the loo.

I had just unloaded all our shopping onto the conveyor belt. There was a lady being served in front of me, but she was with her elderly mother who was in a wheelchair, and had groceries of her own she was paying for, and was then divvying up her mother’s groceries, so that it was taking some time for the check out guy to work it all out.

I hesitated. For a moment, I questioned…

‘Should I let her go to the toilets alone?’

It was a mini shopping centre we frequented weekly, if not more often. Baby girl knew where they were. She wouldn’t get lost, surely.

But there were so many people that day. It was packed, being the last day of holidays for so many… Mums and Dads and kids and grannies and grandads, all milling around like chains and locks were going to be wrapped around the shopping centre’s entrance the next day.

I pondered it, for a few moments. I even asked baby girl how she felt about going on her own.

But then I realised, strongly. HELL NO. She was 5. Regardless of that… I could not let her go.

I explained to the check out guy I had to take baby girl to the toilets, and amazingly we were back in time as the two ladies finished up and he started setting up my reusable bags.

But the grocery shopping, or the toilets, wasn’t EVEN the point.

I was suddenly filled with anxiety, dread, fear and paranoia, all at once.

I could not let her go… but I had to.

I saw that the contemplation of letting her go a couple hundred metres on her own, had filled me with such unease, but it was a situation that was completely unavoidable.

Because at one stage or another, I had to let her go. And suddenly, my time was up.

Because tomorrow is the start of prep.

Most of the day has been spent preparing for it. In between ironing on labels to her school clothes, I’ve spent the other moments just staring at her with a frozen smile, willing her face at that time into my memory forever.

Setting up her lunchbox and bag, and then playing with her, letting her drag it out for another minute, then another minute…

Telling her how proud we are of her…

And then bursting into tears the next minute.

Get a grip! I told myself. You are picking her up at 12:30! After the half-days, you will still be together from 3:30!

But I can’t kid myself. It’s not just the time. It’s the beautiful moments shared. The slow wake-ups together, the kisses and cuddles in bed… her asking me what the plans are for the day, and me surprising her with promises of babycino café visits or the beach.

It’s all the little moments. It’s not even anything momentous or eventful. It’s the everyday occurrences, which will be replaced by routine, and order, and responsibility…

And she will be exposed to people, environments, and things that I can not control.

It scares me.

I am excited by what is to come for her, for us… really I am.

But I am so afraid, that the innocence in her that I have loved, and nurtured, and seen thrive… will be lost.

Will she change? Will she be the same?

What will this new life stage bring?

So much happiness has come before us, and I am terrified it will end.

Friendships might change her.

Harsh truths will be learnt.

Tears will be shed.

And I am freaking out about it all.

I don’t even know how this is a gratitude post, other than to say this day before prep, was a beautiful one. Telling each other how much we love one another… and now the tears won’t stop rolling, so I think it’s time I go.

Wish me her luck.

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#1076 The (ice cream) shop before school starts

I wasn’t only preoccupied with thoughts of navy navy navy.

Navy polo shirts.

Navy hair ties.

Navy socks.

Freaking navy skorts.

I had something else on my mind as we bought a whole lot of stuff for baby girl’s imminent primary school start next week.

I was thinking, ‘this is it.’

The shopping outings during the week, hand in hand.

Baby girl encouraging me to ‘buy that dress’ (I love this girl ♥ )

Deciding whether it is rice, or a happy meal that day?

Coffee breaks.

Talking about just “one more really small toy” that she would like to get.

And, cold and soothing ice cream breaks.

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I told her I had a surprise for her as I took her to Twisted Sista. She screamed out loud, no hesitation as she saw the extravagantly twisted ice creams with lavish and brightly coloured toppings through the glass display.

I love how she was sooo excited. Her happiness completely unrestrained.

Baby girl, take your time growing up. There is plenty of time for everything.

I am happy for her to act so childlike, because she is after all, a child. My child, growing up, and heading off into school in 5 days time.

I savoured the moment as we sat at the table, slurping our ice creams, and saying “it’s good.”

It was good in every way. ♥

 

#1013 Setting up the Tree – 5 year old Baby Girl edition

On the 23rd day of November, my true love sent to me…

A tree filled with baubles…

Lights bright and sparkly…

Reindeers and Santas…

Christmas miscellanea…

Yep, you heard right.

We started our Christmas decorating today.

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You say it’s too early?

BAH HUMBUG.

No way Jose. Have you been to the shopping centres? Have you seen the Christmas decorations in department stores, up since, oh I don’t know, early October?

Can’t you hear the Christmas carols crooning over the speakers???

Oh, I have. And I LOVE IT.

To be fair, I realised only early this week that I wouldn’t have much of a stretch of time next week to do all the Christmas tree and house decorating that baby girl and I revel SO MUCH in. So seeing as today we had nothing on, and of course, there was that other reason to stay indoors, being SHIT MELBOURNE WEATHER (Winter again anyone?) it honestly was the perfect indoor day to get totally festive.

We put the Christmas carols on loud and got to it.

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Baby girl enjoyed helping me set up our main tree.

 

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And she has her own mini tree in her room, which I let her decorate ALL ON HER OWN. Bless 🙂

The nicest moment for me, and something which I will hold dear to me every year now that she is in school? It’s the handmade Christmas decorations that she will be bringing home. I still have a reindeer I made from when I was 8, and you can even almost still read my name on the back of it’s legs, with my grade and room number – 2, and Room 16.

Awww 🙂

Well baby girl brought home a rustic Christmas tree made out of branches and pom poms from kinder this week.

I immediately LOVED IT.

So sweet it is to see the homemade collection growing, and it is something I know I will look forward to each and every Christmas… apart from the joy, apart from the memories made, and apart from the cheer felt at the pretty and beautiful sights around us.

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It may have been miserable outside, but it sure was warm in our house today. ♥

#987 The stage she is at, 5.2

We walked on over to the table we were meant to be sitting at. We were at a family friend’s daughter’s Christening, and my eyes scanned over the empty chairs, trying to work out where the lot of us were sitting.

I counted in my head. ‘1 for sis, 1 for me, 1 for Hubbie… there’s that spare spot over there, but that’s for the old lady coming back…’

Where would baby girl sit?

I headed back to the table list at the entrance, to see that her name was not listed anywhere on our table. In fact it appeared on number 7, several tables away…

ON THE KIDS TABLE.

Dum da dum dum.

Crap. She wouldn’t sit down there, no way. She had been strongly encouraged (and I’m being diplomatic) to come inside in the first place, as she didn’t know many adults or kids there, and sure, although she was currently getting reacquainted with the kids she had played with VERY few times before, I couldn’t foresee her sitting down at a table with them, away from us, so far from her parents.

The table was tightly spaced as it was. Could she sit on my lap?

And so I wondered if it was going to be a LOOONNGGG afternoon.

But then, something happened. I told her that there was a special table, just for the kids, just as one of the girls her age called her over there. I thanked my lucky stars for her kindness, and got baby girl to sit down amongst a table full of kids that she rarely ever sees.

I put bread on her plate. Chips and calamari. I cut it up, with the 3 other Mums fussing over their own brood. I poured her some water. She watched everyone on the table. She started eating her bread. She stayed still, and me, being the overly-watchful Mum, stayed on, reluctant to leave in case walking off would result in a dramatic display of ‘MUM DON’T GO!’ –

and then it would be sit on Mum’s lap time.

But… she stayed. I reassured her of where I was sitting, just a short distance away.

I walked off. I watched as she ate. She looked over at our table and waved, even blowing kisses to us all… and although she made a few visits at times to give us hugs and kisses… she still went back to the kids table to sit and eat.

No drama. No fuss. No objections. Total maturity and complete willingness.

And in shock and surprise and happiness, I realised I was stressing over nothing.

My girl was growing up. She had this all down pat. Like she didn’t eat with a large group of kids 3 times a week at some place that was called, kindergarten? LOL. I was concerned she would whinge, go shy and retreat into herself and not come out.

But she was used to this. She was used to order when I wasn’t around. I saw that again as the ‘Magic Man’ came out to entertain the kids. She sat obediently on the floor, cross-legged beside all the others. She put her hand up to participate, calling “me me me!” and was then chosen to sit on a chair and pat a dove, stroking it so gently and happily.

You see, I don’t see this. I don’t see how she is at kinder. I don’t see the progress she is making. But in these moments, these events away when in company that isn’t our everyday kind, I become witness to her happy ways… thanking the magic man for her flower balloon… asking the other kids if she can join in with playing chasey… going back to her table to eat, and not complaining that she isn’t with us.

She spent the entire day running around with her new friends and having a ball, and came to us a couple of times, almost like a check in 😉

I am loving this stage, because not only do I get to see her develop and become, truly a big girl… but as she becomes independent, so too does my role, as her Mum.

And it is pretty cool. Getting to be there with her, for the fun stuff.

I can say happily, that I am really enjoying this stage. Sure the bed time routine is still hell at times…. but like all in Parenthood – BALANCE!