“What?” I whispered furiously into the phone. “I’m going to talk to her teacher tomorrow.”
“Relax,” replied Hubbie. “It’s a part of being a kid, it’s a part of learning. She has to learn how to deal with stuff like this.”
SIGH. One day it was awards, the next day it was ‘playground intimidation.’
Dum da dum dum.
As it is with kids, adults, hell everyone in ALL of life… things go up. And things go –
It was nothing major. But when I called Hubbie from work to see how the school drop-off went, he informed me that some girls had blocked her from accessing the monkey bars. They had rudely informed her she could NOT go through.
“How did she act?”
“She was just staring… she was standing up on those bars so she was actually higher than them, looking down.”
“Good, so she was higher than them… then what?”
“Well they all stared at each other and then the girls walked off, and baby girl went on the monkey bars. I was glad she stood her ground.”
Huh. Well that was ok, I guess. Still, I got frustrated again when he told me about their line-up before entering the classroom.
“… and then she asked one girl to be her partner, but that girl was mucking about and said no, she had another partner, so baby girl then had no partner.”
“And I said ‘I’ll be your partner baby girl!’ But then they started walking and that same girl who had been mucking about had no one so they ended up partners…”
Phew. Kind of. I continued my tirade of not wanting baby girl to be a stepping stone, the picking point, the one who is made to cop the brunt of crap from shitty little kids who don’t know how to raise others and instead try to diminish them, and Hubbie interrupted.
“You are escalating this to something it isn’t. She’s fine.”
“Was she sad?” My eyes nearly welled up.
“Yeah, a bit. But this is school. She has to work it out. This is normal. She’s gonna come across annoying people her whole life.”
True. We ended the phone conversation and the word ‘resilience’ kept rotating in my head. I had read up on it recently, how it was an important skill to nurture in our children. Not necessarily rejecting or unfeeling towards negativity or bad things that might come our way. Rather, to process it and build upon it, grow stronger, wiser, better.
Damn. I mean, he was right. He always was, MOST of the time anyway (shhh). I knew of annoying people in my life… and sure, it’s true. You need to learn how to deal with certain people. Overcome difficult characteristics and points of view. Things that shit you right up the wall. Avoiding it was impossible. It was something that had to be learned and dealt with.
I thought of how sorry I felt for her, and then how Hubbie was ok about it all. Well not ‘OKAY’ okay, but you know, he was realistic.
I thought of my ‘Mama bear’ reaction. My growling tendency to swoop her up under my paw and snarl at anyone who dared look at her the wrong way. My protective nature, my innate maternal instincts to help her and be there for her, no matter what, weather or whereabouts. It was always, intrinsically, THERE.
I thought of Hubbie. His calm and relaxed nature to the way things are. His easy going approach. Sure he would have “grrr”ed had there been reason to… but he held back from the pack and observed with a keen eye, rather than marching straight over to the first available teacher.
And just like that, despite everything in me screaming for baby girl to be OKAY… I let it go.
I accepted things as they were, and accepted that Hubbie was right.
He was a positive influence on me, in not just this situation but many others, where I tended to get over-emotional and dramatise… and I was so grateful for his calming, light and positive way of being, to counter my brooding, protective and negative survival-like response.
The yang, to my yin.
When I got home from work, baby girl would not stop talking. About this, about that, the scrape on her elbow, who she played with at school, the different girl with the pink shoes who went on the monkey bars with her… Hubbie had to ask “baby girl, did you have a coffee?”
And I realised then.
Relax Mama bear.
RESILIENCE. She already has it. I don’t give her enough credit. ♥♥♥
Photo by Alex on Unsplash