Yesterday I had the day off.
It was requested by me, being the day after my birthday. I thought it would be nice to, you know, chill, and not do too much, and just have an extra day with baby girl to do nothing… on top of all of our other nothings.
But I discovered something yesterday.
Sure, it was meant to be a chill day…
Only, I didn’t really chill.
I was helping baby girl with home schooling. She has been needing my attention too, big time. I think this extended isolation is starting to take effect on her.
I gave her all I could.
But I needed me time, you know? And in amidst this trying to chill, but then being busy with baby girl, I started thinking of all the things I could and should be doing, but couldn’t.
Sure, I was home. But getting stuff done and ticking things off your list, is so much easier when KIDS ARE AT SCHOOL.
I wanted to chill… but baby girl wanted me… then I wanted to do my own thing…
Wasn’t I just meant to chill?
And instead I was in this weird limbo-land where I wasn’t doing what I wanted to do, and instead I was aimlessly floating from task to task.
And I realised… work is good.
Work is my saviour.
As much as I keep complaining that I don’t have time to do the things I want to do more of, like write, sort all my photos from the last 5 years, and declutter most cupboards in the house, I find when I do find the time I don’t end up doing it anyway.
It’s like working, gives me more motivation to do these things.
Even though I don’t have the time.
Confused yet? Me too.
Today when I was working again, madly trying to convert some documents before my end shift time, I realised…
I was happy. I had purpose. And like that song
“Don’t you want somebody to love,
Don’t you need somebody to love”
Well I want someplace to work. I need someplace to work.
I work better all around, when I work. I don’t have the time for anything else, but that’s another story…
At the moment, work is saving me.