#1373 What side of the sunset do they see?

You know, I still call them my work colleagues.

I realised it some weeks ago while out with friends. In conversation I went “oh yeah, my work friend so and so…”

And it was here that it occurred to me what I’d said.

‘Work’ – present tense… ‘Friend’ – present tense.

Perhaps it feels like that because it’s still all so new.

Perhaps it feels like that because I haven’t actually moved on to another form of paid work yet.

Perhaps it feels like that, because they will always be my friends.

Either way, this time of year has had me thinking about the crew a whole lot.

Because I knew, one of them would have started Christmas shopping already.

One of them would have a couple of holidays/getaways planned for the Summer .

One was going to visit the parents and pot around the garden.

A couple were going to spend time with the kids and do a whole lot of beachside activities.

And even a few more were looking forward to an extended holiday break to sleep in and watch the cricket.

I knew this, because I know them so well.

But yet, I was still not content. It’s been 3 months now, so long between catch ups, between drinks, between coffee walks.

So I messaged them ALL.

Well let’s be serious, not all of them. I messaged those who I had a connection with. Those I missed the most. Those who when I said, “let’s catch up soon” back in September, I had meant it.

Because I only say it if I mean it.

So during baby girl’s swim lesson this afternoon I took out my phone and started sending out messages.

In the hours that followed everyone responded. I returned text after text as baby girl and I got home, as she showered, as I prepared dinner and then as I cleaned up… I was grinning from ear to ear and going “awwww!”

Hubbie was smiling at me, crouched over the kitchen island, saying “that’s good.”

It was good.

I went to shower, but then got another message, so sat on my bed to respond. And it was here that I looked outside and saw the view.

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Such a beautiful sky, dotted with those rippled clouds.

How did the sky look to my work friends? How did it look to them all? We were certainly scattered all over the city, that there was no doubt of, from coastal towns to country regions, and every where in between…

Did they see the same colours? The same sky? Were the clouds peppered in their view as it was in mine?

I thought about this for a moment and how we were now, as I always said we would be… strewn all over the place, far from each other, and away from our former place of work.

But we were still bound. We still are. By the memories. ♥

#1284 Lucky 7

As I drove into work on the dreaded Monash this morning, the car slowed, painfully so… for the longest time.

There was an accident. I shook my head. I was going to be late.

As I walked into work the drizzle intensified, cascading down over my face. I couldn’t help my amused smile. Thanks for the lovely send off Docklands.

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And then as I started up my computer, two programs weren’t working… I had to call IT.

Face palm.

All on my very last day of work.

It was finally HERE.

It was the weirdest sensation. I felt anxious and intensely nervous through most of the day. Things were emphasised to me at every turn… when I went up a lift “this will be my last time travelling to level 3.” When I scraped my bowl of its weetbix residue… “this will be my last dish from this kitchen.”

When I locked my locker for the last time.

When I logged off my computer for the last time.

Even going upstairs for a break with my colleagues got me over-sentimental. I in fact stopped going up for tea years ago, back when I started my morning coffee walks instead, and then there was the whole writing-at-the-desk-during-any-break thing…

I had to force myself to breathe. Pause. Reflect.

Many things made me feel better.

Firstly, this was not I, and I alone leaving. It was all of us. Our entire department and so many more. I was the second last of our team to leave, and so many had already walked my steps, felt my dis-ease, the discomfort and the bittersweet emotions at leaving.

It had happened to ALL my colleagues. My friends.

Secondly.… well change. It is inevitable. If this hadn’t happened now, we would have all been content in just going through the motions, the routine of work that we know like the back of our hand, becoming complacent in our roles and not expanding our mind and life journey with new learnings, adventures and places to see, people to meet.

There is so much to see. So many people to meet.

Memories flooded back to me as I looked around. The people I had seen come, and go. The places where secrets were shared. The darting looks and cheeky glances. The meltdowns. The showdowns. The ups, and downs.

Almost 12 years of my life.

I got my last coffee with a colleague… and today it was necessary to get dessert. Sure I had leftover cake from the weekend at home…

But it was my LAST DAY EVER. Screw that.

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It was sublime.

As I sent off a billion emails to my personal email, going through folders and deleting files here, there and everywhere, the feeling of anxiety grew.

I was deleting, and removing any remnants of me, from my locker… my desk… my entire email account. 1000s upon 1000s made their way into the graphic rubbish can on screen.

And my anxiety grew.

I was forgetting something. I met with HR. Got my papers. Went through more emails. Checked my lists… again. Went through my empty locker… again.

I had done everything I had to… and yet there was the strongest urge that I had forgotten something.

And just like that, at the acknowledgment of my lost feeling, I realised.

I felt like I was forgetting something, because a piece of me was going to remain there, even after I walked out the doors.

You can’t just flick a switch. Walk out without turning back. Expect to not have a memory lingering. Some laughter floating through the halls.

You can’t do it. Not after so long. Not after having created some of the best memories with the best people you could ask for.

You couldn’t, just, forget.

With that in mind, knowing I was going to have to leave a piece of me behind…. I walked out.

And instead of the grey morning and drizzle I had walking in with, now there was sunshine.

There was a new adventure waiting for me.

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And it’s a bit hard for me to believe now, so early… but I think it will be even better than this one.

And that’s because of my lucky number. Numbers. Because I have lots. And it’s not just 7.

😉

 

 

 

#1277 Hidden work emails

The end, is nigh.

At my work. I don’t even want to say anything too soon for fear of things getting dragged out further, but let’s just say my time at my current place of employment… well it won’t be so current anymore.

I am ready to move on.

A couple of months ago, perhaps not so much. I was feeling very bittersweet about the whole thing, wondering what I would do after it all (uh, write more?!) I was questioning my future, and was thinking about the people mostly, those I had made memories with for the past 11 and a half years.

But as the weeks have gone by, and many colleagues have already left, along with the fact that we are still here 4 months after we were meant to have left, a total of 18 months AFTER being told about our redundancy… well I am ready.

I really truly, think I…  AM… READY.

There is barely nothing to do. We are hanging around at work waiting for problems to arise so we can fix them, before the official migration interstate happens. And as we wait, we… do what we like.

Today I was getting ready and sorting my things by going through emails. Not those work-related, tips on how to write a resume and grab the attentions of your preferred employer emails…

Rather the emails I’ve been sending and receiving for over a decade, between me and my work friends.

What a time warp. So many things have transpired and gone down and exploded and sailed, all with a lot of cat photos, food porn and plenty of coffee walks in between. 😉

So I have collated a few of those cheeky work emails for you to read and hopefully enjoy, even if you have no idea what or WHO they are about…

work emails that happened when we were supposed to be working,

when we were supposed to be not listening, and

when we were supposed to be not talking.

And before any potential work friends of mine meltdown when they see this… RELAX. I am only repeating on here MY WORDS. Only.

Still, they paint a little story. Read on. 🙂 (Photos included were actual photos included in original emails)

 

“I think I need to try all their pastries… just to makes sure they’re up to scratch, u know”

“He WAS chirpy today! OMG you’re killing me!”

R things progressing?

How the hell will I wait ’til thursday to find out?

Oh oh! I’m parked at remand, maybe u can move ur car when I leave 5:10???”

“Yes!

What would you say if I told you I brought you in a donutella? Would you like it now or after? ;)”

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“OMG yes just in time for as this audio assault arrives beside me”

“Please don’t feel pressured… I understand.. if u wanna say something im totally here (!), but if u feel uncomfortable I get that too.

But I am here if u get the urge to say something. Hey u could also say something really vague and let me interpret. Lol

Joking joking. Or am I ?;)”

“No problems! Even if u wanna wait until the day to confirm, up to u 🙂 when it comes to coffee and catch ups I say yes very easily and quickly lol”

“I don’t watch the Voice but I saw bits of it on Sunday and everyone was raving about how amazing Ricky is, if I was on that show and he turned around for me, I would throw myself on him!”

“How’s your coffee today? Mine is really good!”

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“I think I dreamt about u again! But u know when u feel like someone featured in ur dream but u cant remember any detail? Like that”

“Ok…. Well think of it as a cry out for help, where you can help a poor Mum who has had very very little sleep get some sense of normality back in her day with some caffeinated goodness.

And, if that fails, here is Ricky Martin: (this is not the same photo, but meh)

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In not knowing who to post for you, I’ve just thought to go with who to post for ME, lol!”

“Let’s be honest, all you’ve been eating is herbs today, so you can totally have more sweets”

“By the way i’m nice and warm now after my big cap!”

i want coffee cat

(And I end with my favourite exchange…)

“I can’t remember what we used to call the greasy ogler, so I’ll just go with greaseball.

He walked past me this morning (past Xs desk) and I looked up with a normal smile because I SERIOUSLY DIDN’T KNOW HE WAS WALKING BY! And he did that flick of his head where it was as if he was gonna look away but then quickly turned back because he saw I smiled. I was so bloody disgusted and upset that I let him think I was FRIENDS with him.

Then he just walked by again, totally looking the whole time as if waiting for a smile. Because I’m actually sitting here doing work rather than ogling people in the office (like, honestly) I didn’t notice him ‘til the very end, but thank God I only looked up with a fairly serious look.

I notice only him on his own around lately, so I hope his horrible posse has dismembered.

Ugh.

Hope you have a nice greaseball-free day!”

Ahh, memories. 🙂 ♥♥♥♥

#1214 The cycle of work and life

In this last month or so at work, we wait with nervous anticipation at the sole mercy and direction of management, as to when it will be our last day.

EVER.

Our job responsibilities have started migrating interstate – people will be starting to do our job, over there, in a number of days.

The countdown is on.

And today a work colleague observed something. She commented how our workload was reducing slowly, and in no time it would be the very small workload we used to have back in the day, when we first walked through those doors, many years ago.

A small workload, minuscule, compared to our job today. Weirdly, we observed that as we are nearing the end of our work days, we are coming full circle.

It isn’t just the workload though. I realised that not only were we going back in time with how much (or should I say, how little) we were meant to be doing… but we were also going back about a decade, to the same group of people.

Because those who had come after me, were already gone. Going. They had taken early leave… found another job… or left conveniently right when all of this craziness began.

Leaving me, and the original crew.
Those who were there when I arrived. Those who came shortly after. Those who were in other departments, but ended up joining ours over time.

It was going back, to the good ol’ days.

And although I share some special friendships with those who have already left… there is something nostalgic about walking out of those doors for the last time, alongside those you walked in with.

I know, it will be hard.

I say that I can’t wait to turn my back on the Docklands Winter and never have to work within its windy grasp again… but on that last shift, I will pause, and look at the water shimmering amidst boats in the morning dawn, and reflect.

I know I can’t wait to never have to set my alarm again for the insane hour of 5am… but come Wednesdays, and I’ll be wondering where all my colleagues are.

And I know I can’t wait to move on, and go onto bigger and better things… because I know they are waiting for me…

But it’ll be terribly bittersweet. I have been there for over 11 years. About a third of my life. And the friendships I’ve made, the drunk stories from Christmas parties I can tell, the gossip I’ve been privy to, the big news items I broke, the laughter, emails, in-jokes, work lingo, industry speak, insider knowledge, hour long d&ms, and the 45,721 coffee runs I’ve walked…

I know I will cry. People might put on a show and act like they don’t care.
But I do. The people and the memories will be with me always.

And so, it makes sense that at the end of the production line, we are slowly heading back, to day 1.

And with all that said… I don’t mind if they drag this out, just a little longer.

I will stay. I will wait.

#1081 The first day

Oh man. What a day.

Such anticipation.

Such excitement.

Such hesitation.

Such nerves.

Such anxiety.

Such BIG FAT TEARS.

And it was ALL me.

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Why does our mind play tricks on us? Play silly games, and make us want to sob even harder when all I am trying to do is pull a very-watery poker face?

Watching her walk into the classroom with the other students, it asks me “look how she has grown. She used to be sooo small.”

Sob.

Walking away from the school. Regret. “It went too fast… you didn’t get to take a photo with her there.”

Sob.

Drowning my bittersweet sorrows with Hubbie over strong coffee. Our eyes are glistening. I verbalise my thoughts.

“Remember when she was born, and how she entered the world all curious, looking around the room?”

I then looked up to the bright blue sky, and proceeded to –

SOB SOB SOB.

It has been a day of the pendulum swinging one way, and thenveryquickly swinging back again.

And I have to say, with this emotional roller coaster, I am so glad the first day jitters are over.

For both of us.

When we picked her up, she saw us and ran forward excitedly.

And in that moment I realised that my silly fears were unjustified. Sure she would grow. Sure she would learn and develop, change, as every person on this planet continues to as we go through life.

But she will always be our beautiful, caring, happy, loving girl.

She will forever be, our baby girl. ♥♥♥

#1038 Reminiscing on kinder days.

Today wasn’t as bittersweet as I thought.

Because I focused on the sugar.

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I love all the colour. Her unicorn backpack. 🦄🎒 Soon it will be navy, with the rest of her standard uniform… gone the wear-what-you-like, heart leggings and butterfly top days.  ❤️🦋

I love the freedom. Walking into class, with 5 different activities and games happening in different corners. The kids choose as they please, but next year there will be structure, and the choice will be offered within strict parameters.

I love the size. 20 or so kids, and 20 or so parents…

when next year it is them, versus the SCHOOL. 🏫

I love the teachers. They have helped her grow and mature. When I wasn’t around to settle a sore finger or bruised knee, they sat with her as she cried. 😢💔

And the trees… how I adore them. 😍🌳🌳🌳

I say ‘I love,’ but now it is really, “I loved.”

Because the kinder days are officially over.🔚