My head matched my surroundings when I woke this morning: cloudy, dreary, flat.
It was so grey. And today, I couldn’t just do what I’ve been doing every other day… I just couldn’t. Every other day I come back home from school drop off, sit down in front of the computer, and I BLEED FROM MY FINGERTIPS.
Okay, clearly I am making that up. Rather, I pour all of my head out onto the screen before me, consequently judging it, questioning it, and believing after all that it is ALL CRAP.
So, same same.
I do this rain, hail, or shine. All three things we’ve had in the last week, so I’m not even being melodramatic over that one either.
But, I was spent. Done. After sending off my second submission for my online course last night, I needed a break.
I needed to walk.
But first… (what else but? – )
I walked down the street to a great local cafe. I grabbed the paper and a mag as I waited for my coffee fix, surprised that everyone was sitting inside and not outside like me!
Sure it wasn’t the brightest of days… but I needed the air. The freshness. The stillness and the birds landing on the nearby chair to see if I had left them any crumbs.
I sat there for a while without a care in the world, sipping my cap which was well past lukewarm, and turning page after page.
Ahh. I really needed this.
But I wasn’t done. Not by a long shot. I kept walking straight and hit another vision… the water.
I paused at one lookout before randomly deciding to walk down a bushy path amongst the trees, with a lookout of the water to the left of me.
I walked down that path… and then I decided to head down a narrower, bushier, steeper path.
THE WHOLE TIME I was making sure I wasn’t going to walk into a massive spider web, or there wasn’t a snake about to slither by my feet. Alongside those two very natural, very Aussie fears was the realisation I was truly off the beaten track, and there was no one else around.
It was both terrifying, and thrilling. Anything could happen, and no one would know…
I ended up at one lookout.
I kept winding and switching paths, trying to keep my orientation clear in case I got lost and had to go back… but I managed to make it back out onto the main street, ALIVE.
And that walk through the wilderness had made me feel alive. My head was no longer heavy, or cloudy, or messed up.
I soon got back home, changed into my trakkies… and sat at my computer.
Ready to bleed again. 🙂