#2620 Pram and car love

I love the pram and my car.

Because they easily put baby boy to sleep where I clearly can’t.

Unless he is at my boob, it’s proving extremely difficult to get him to sleep, resulting in some super trying moments during the day.

Enter the vehicles. His and mine. πŸ˜‰

Just this morning after trying unsuccessfully for hours to keep him asleep, I quickly packed my bag and some things into the car, and lo and behold his frustrated crying was soon replaced by…

Hold on. No wait… what is that sound?

That’s right, the sound of silence. Of a newborn child at peace. πŸ™

And he kept sleeping as I transferred him to the pram, and all was well with the world. ❀πŸ₯°

And just because, here’s tonight’s sunset:

Beautiful and bright, hopefully like the future. πŸ™β€

#2568 Focusing on the good

Today I am 36 weeks.

And that should be the only focus of my day, but it’s not, and there was a whole other part to the day that had me truly traumatised, and not in a pregnant/baby/anxious kinda way.

I had a huntsman spider crawl on the outside of my car, right outside baby girl’s window, leading to her SCREAMING repeatedly in a kind of trance, and then when I tried to pull over (tried!) she practically jumped out of the car.

The huntsman was in the groove of the open door she left behind… then it wasn’t.

And therein lies my stress and dilemma.

But it’s just occurred to me, this is kind of like what you must do in preparation for labour and childbirth. There is something unknown and scary waiting for you, it might pop out, it might not, but you need to get through it nonetheless.

You need to breathe, focus, ignore the screams, and just stay calm.

But the spider… oh man, any other metaphor. I could have done without the spider today.

36 weeks, 36 weeks, 36 weeks…


#2515 KK ’22

After a truly crazy week, I had something great to look forward to tonight.

KK with my bestest girly pals.

I took this photo before I left. I literally was wrapping and writing cards up until I left this afternoon, and had been organising presents from as recent as yesterday.

It’s been a mad week. Sick, no car, working, and appointments, all on top of each other fighting for my attention, while me with my baby brain went from room to room, feeling lost, needing a constant reminder of things, 55 tabs open in my head and wondering why it is I walked into that room?

But it was all good. It all led to something sweet in the end. πŸ’– We had a beautiful night, enjoyed a yummy meal, exchanged presents, and it’s true what one of my friends said, it’s never enough time when we are together. πŸ₯°

Just as well one of the gifts tonight was a calendar where we can pencil in monthly catch-ups together… now that’s a great idea! πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸŽ„πŸ§‘β€πŸŽ„

#2514 The ‘other’ anniversary

It only occurred to me earlier in the week. My nephew was scheduled to have a procedure today, and as I thought about the date, the familiarity of November 24th started to sink in.

Of course. It was my ‘other’ anniversary.

2 years ago, I had a procedure. Well two actually, I can reveal that, more now. I shared this info with my sister the other day, saying that it was a day of rebirth for me, and hopefully it would be a day of rebirth for him too. He and I now shared a big thing in common.

November 24.

When I step back from the day, nothing physically changed for me, not that I was aware of anyway. Nothing was found to be ‘wrong’ with me. I went home the same day. And to some extent (SOME) I went about the rest of my days as I had before.

The procedures had found nothing out, leaving me as clueless as I was when I went into it.

But mentally, emotionally, something huge had shifted. It had shifted in me. I was stronger. I felt more confident. I also felt like I could tackle a lot more than what I previously thought. I realised I was courageous, when before I had felt like a coward.

2 years on, and I can’t believe where I am now.

It was always part of my wildest dreams, but to be on the other side of that dream is something else.

A few important things punctuated this day.

Firstly, I sent positive energy my nephew’s way, and soon heard back that he was doing well, recovering and at home. Thank goodness. πŸ™

Thirdly (yes I’m jumping) I finally got my car back! Enough said, freedom is back.

But in the middle lay the sweet stuff. I had a hospital check-up… for my pregnancy. 🀰πŸ₯° I wonder what the November 2020 version of SmikG would have thought about the insight that in Nov of ’22 I would be talking about iron reserves, sugar, my fundus being checked (and being spot on in the middle!) being happy about gaining 6 kilos, and hearing baby’s heartbeat, while also getting a distinct kick for the midwife (because baby kicks all the time).

She would have lost her mind. She would have been unbelievably happy. But that version of me had to go through what she did, to get to this place.

To get to me.

I am grateful to that version of me, for her bravery, her strength. Mostly I’m grateful that she held on, and never gave up.

I will make sure to keep the tradition going. πŸ’ͺ

It may have done not much at the time, but I swear, I will never forget this date.

November 24 changed my life. πŸ™

#2512 Give yourself permission to be totally wrong

Yesterday and today, I haven’t taken baby girl to school.

Or picked her up. My car is at the mechanic’s and it may be there a couple more days.

Hubbie instead, has left work both mornings to run home and drop her off.

Yesterday I asked baby girl’s friend’s mum to pick her up for me.

She more than happily obliged.

Even though she told me that she was able to pick her up again today… I was hesitant.

You see, I kinda realised something about myself.

I find it REALLY hard to ask for help.

It’s something I’m so used to doing, being, ever since we moved down here and made our sea change. We knew we had no one in this area to rely on, to help us out with child-minding duties, random help here and there, and although we were prepared, we weren’t really prepared.

But we have accepted it, it’s what we wanted, and it is the way it is.

Because we rely on ourselves so solely, I think this is part of the problem.

My problem.

Not only do I find it hard to ask for help… I hate to put people out. I felt sooo bad to ask the mum again if she could help out this afternoon, I was on the verge of tears. But my Mum had told me on the phone yesterday to ask again, to not feel bad about it, and Hubbie was much the same, saying one day, you’ll help her kids out too!

But there’s a little more to this story than meets the eye.

I was reluctant to ask for help, because this mum I’ve been feeling up and down about for a while now.

Without getting into the full history, we started off really good. Since prep. Lots of playdates, the girls had fun, and we always bump into each other at the same beach.

Sometime in the last year, I found out she had a playdate with another friend of theirs. Not just someone, but a girl from baby girl’s small friendship group. Essentially, out of the three girls, baby girl was left out.

This kinda enraged me, I will not lie. I never exclude her close friends from playdates, I include them all so no one is left out.

I didn’t know why baby girl was excluded.

I withdrew. Avoided her at the pick-up gate. Gave her a bit of the silent treatment.

Then to make matters worse, that friend of hers actually said some really mean things to baby girl. I got involved, told the teacher, there was intervention, etc, etc.

Things have been returning to some kind of prior normal, but I’m an elephant. I don’t forget.

I thought I had this mum all figured out. At first, she seemed to be the super friendly, easy-going, happy-go-lucky type, but clearly there was no loyalty. Clearly she wasn’t too involved in her daughter’s life, or else she would have stepped in to tell her not to say such hurtful things to a so-called friend.

I thought she had been my type, but I had clearly been way off the mark. I was keen for baby girl to move on, and being the end of the year I knew there was a chance they would be split up next year.

But then, a birthday party happened a couple of weeks ago. At that birthday party the mum told me that she was available if I needed her to watch baby girl, at any time now, leading up to baby’s arrival, what with all the increased appointments I have during the end months now, etc.

I was shocked, moved even. It was the furthest thing I was expecting after the year that had passed.

Which is why I had been so tentative yesterday to ask her to pick her up.

Which is why I was tearful today when I had to ask her again.

I felt guilty. Very, very guilty.

Clearly, I had gotten it all wrong. I had gotten her ALL WRONG.

Yeah, she was happy-go-lucky. She was casual. She probably didn’t look into things as much as I did. I’m a classic overthinker. She probably set her daughter up on play dates, not to exclude baby girl, but just to keep her daughter happy (now that I think, there have been plenty of times only her daughter and mine have caught up too).

She didn’t know about her daughter’s mean words, probably…? Which child tells their parent everything though? It’s a really tricky area, because her daughter is actually nice, but I think she is used to getting her own way, a bit like baby girl. So they clash. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ I often wonder what baby girl perhaps said or how she contributed to words being spoken between them. However, I see that their teacher did a wonderful job of helping to repair that friendship, because nothing has happened since.

I had gone grrr. All mama bear. Ultimate protector of my child. I went into defense mode, got judgmental, and decided that I didn’t want her in my life anymore. Hi, bye, that was fine.

But nothing else.

So when she offered help, and then again kept saying to me yesterday “just tell me if you need me to pick her up” insisting she was there for me…

I was quite honestly at a loss to explain her actions.

I was only left with one conclusion.

I had been completely wrong.

Or really, my first thoughts were correct. It was when things went askew that led me to have these other thoughts, and I guess, I’m human right? I should have trusted those first positive instincts, and if anything this experience has taught me a lot about myself, how I look at others, and that sometimes, I can be completely wrong.

It’s very easy to let your experiences and biases cloud your judgment. It happens on a daily basis for everyone! I want to try and not be so quick to assume, to judge, and only hope if I make a mistake somewhere, others give me the same benefit.

Her real person came through these last couple of days when we had no one else to help. She threw us a massive lifeline, and I know now who she is, where she stands, and what kind of person she really is.

There is enormous power in allowing yourself to be completely wrong, owning it, and then changing your thoughts, your ways. We have so much to learn in life, and by stubbornly holding onto views or opinions that serve us no more, we limit ourselves to a close-minded view of life where growth never happens, and learning is non-existent.

Allow yourself to be wrong. I was talking about this with Hubbie today, and there was something incredibly refreshing and liberating about saying to him, wow, I was sooo wrong.

(Even he admits, he was a little wrong too 🀭)

I won’t forget this. Remember, I’m an elephant. 🐘

#2511 1 hour

I’m now properly sick.

Of course I am. EVERYTHING has caught up to me.

Cold air. Hot air. Cold air. Hot air.

Cold air. Walking in gusts of wind after the car broke down yesterday. My nasal passages and head searing and pulsating in pain.

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold.

Jobs in, jobs out.

To-dos, to-dos, to-dos.

Money in, money OUT.

Responsibilities IN… responsibilities IN.

More to-dos.

Hot. Cold. Hot. Cold.

Stress in, stress in!

Also, pregnant, and needing a f*&#ing break.

This afternoon, my body had enough. My head was going to explode. After all today I woke feeling worse than any other day. Still had to go into the cold to see baby girl off for school (Hubbie took her) then later on went outside to see the tow truck take away our car, but of course this was EXACTLY when blistering arctic winds came and decided to pelt down around me.

Right at that moment.

So of course I’m sick. I reached a point of no return this afternoon, and I lay on the couch.

One hour. First pain, then relaxation. Hubbie came home early. Started dinner. I lay there. The house warm. The wind still whipping and howling the bricks outside.

I lay there for about an hour.

Even in pain, you can sometimes find bliss. πŸ™

#2510 Grateful for the good and the bad

Today was an interesting day, to say the least.

We went to a shopping centre to do some Christmas shopping. πŸŽ…πŸŽ„πŸ›οΈπŸ›οΈ

Then on the way home, our car broke down. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸš˜

So, here are my gratitudes for the day.

I’m grateful that we had a successful day of Christmas shopping.

I’m grateful I spent the day with my family.

I’m grateful that Hubbie was driving the car when the temp gauge went up… I am nowhere near as aware of it as he is.

I’m grateful that the RACV guy came within 30 minutes (not 40, or 70!)

I’m grateful that there were toilet blocks we could walk to as we waited.

I’m grateful the rain didn’t let loose as we were heading back to our car (but the wind hurt my cold, sick head, really it did).

I’m grateful we were sheltered in our warm car as we waited for the tow truck.

I’m grateful the tow truck came in an hour 20 minutes, not 4 hours!

I’m grateful the uber came to take us home within minutes of the tow truck arriving.

I’m overall so grateful that the car broke down today… Hubbie and I were talking later, and let’s be honest, it is NEVER a good time for your car to break down.

But we were together.

It was a Sunday – no work, no school.

We were on our way home, not headed out.

We had roadside services available to us that came well before the time suggested, to which we are utterly grateful.

We got home, and had a roof over our head, a heater that started to warm the house, and food that we could start preparing for (a very late) dinner.

All while the wind and rain howled outside.

And I just know there are some unfortunate people who don’t have shelter tonight.

So from the bottom of my heart, I am so deeply grateful for how things played out today… as inconvenient as it was, it could have been so much worse.

Sometimes I really do feel, like today, that there are people pulling strings from above… making sure inevitable things happen at appropriate times. πŸ™πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ’–

#2324 With the MIL at Max’s

Today Hubbie and I had our morning coffee date… on the other side of town… with a special guest.

His Mum. πŸ’–

We were doing ‘car jobs’ and she was ever so kind to pick us up from the mechanic…

So we said, let’s go get coffee.

This was kinda a late Mother’s Day catch-up. We had planned a family get-together, but then other family members got sick, and in this world of COVID, everyone stayed away from one another for a while until those sick ones got the all-clear.

I get the greatest satisfaction out of making and seeing other people happy… and multiple times I heard my MIL say “this is very good!” about her pancakes and coffee.

But really, I know that is just secondary. I know she was actually really happy about the company. And so were we. πŸ’žπŸ’ž

#2316 Front seat girls

I have a secret.

Don’t tell baby girl.

Some time ago we removed the car seat from my car. She is getting older, and besides that, she’s a very tall girl, so it was becoming redundant anyway. From what I’ve read, the ‘loose’ law is that children must be 145cm before they can travel without a child seat in a car. I say loose, because I believe in Victoria anyway, it’s not enforceable, it’s just recommended.

She is 140cm.

She is sooo close. Still we don’t mind, and we know plenty other kids (one of her friends is over a head shorter than her!) who are already travelling without a child seat. 😏

She is so excited to be out of it, but more often than not she wants to sit up the front, next to me. Now, I tell her firmly, until she is 145cm, or until her next birthday, she has to sit in the back because it’s safer for her full stop… that is my rule.

And yet she still somehow gets her way.

She’s suggested that on Fridays she can travel up the front with me, and I’ve agreed. And then there are days like today after school, where she asked if she can jump next to me on the way home from school…

And how could I say no?

So here is my secret… that I can never tell her…

I actually really love having her up there next to me. πŸ’–πŸ˜

It’s so much fun, me and my buddy, my mini me, sitting side by side. She changes all of the stations, because she can, and always needs to put the window down too, in cold weather and all.

I can’t tell her though, or else she will never sit in the back seat again!

Today she turned it to my ipod, and we were just cruising there along the Esplanade on the way home, and some perfect pumping tunes came on so we turned it up.

Me, my princess, the water, the sun and the music. It was bliss. πŸ™πŸ’ž

#2210 A year in planning

Just over a year ago in early Jan, we were in San Remo. And during our trip there, we happened across an amazing surf beach called Smiths Beach on the way to Phillip Island. We only dipped our toes (and legs!) in at the time, but vowed we would be back days later.

True to our plan, we headed off on day 3. We even bought a boogie board on the way over, and wandered past a really nice cafe… and then minutes later our car overheated, we pulled over, and were suddenly in the midst of a 3 hour wait for car emergency assist in 30 degree heat. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

When we got the car somewhat moving, we were close enough to walk to the aforementioned cafe, where the owner there was absolutely amazing enough to drive Hubbie back to our car with water to help cool it down, as well as give us a contact number for a mechanic in town. We were able to get back to the resort, get the mechanic’s help, and a couple of days later head home with a newly fixed car!

But, we never got to swim at Smiths with that island boogie board.

Today… finally! It happened.

We went back to the cafe with a little bottle of something to say thank you again, and had a delicious meal there. The name is The Haven Wave Cafe in Newhaven, and if you are ever passing there, know that you will be in extremely safe, friendly and hospitable hands, with actually really yummy food! We now know that for sure.

Once we had filled our bellies, we headed 10 minutes down the road to Smiths Beach.


I mean, I live near the beach, and I was IN LOVE with this beach. It has great waves, really good for beginners with boogie boards, but also great for those wanting to go a little deeper and catch a wave with their surfboard.

We had the best time, the best day, and as we were all taking turns using the boogie board, getting swept up in the ocean, laughing out loud and screaming like kids, I had an idea.πŸ’‘

I think we have borne a new tradition.

Drive up to Phillip Island early in the day. Stop at Haven Wave Cafe for a late brunch to fuel up, then go down the road to jump and swim for hours on end at Smiths Beach.

Sounds like a bloody perfect day if you ask me. 😍