#1373 What side of the sunset do they see?

You know, I still call them my work colleagues.

I realised it some weeks ago while out with friends. In conversation I went “oh yeah, my work friend so and so…”

And it was here that it occurred to me what I’d said.

‘Work’ – present tense… ‘Friend’ – present tense.

Perhaps it feels like that because it’s still all so new.

Perhaps it feels like that because I haven’t actually moved on to another form of paid work yet.

Perhaps it feels like that, because they will always be my friends.

Either way, this time of year has had me thinking about the crew a whole lot.

Because I knew, one of them would have started Christmas shopping already.

One of them would have a couple of holidays/getaways planned for the Summer .

One was going to visit the parents and pot around the garden.

A couple were going to spend time with the kids and do a whole lot of beachside activities.

And even a few more were looking forward to an extended holiday break to sleep in and watch the cricket.

I knew this, because I know them so well.

But yet, I was still not content. It’s been 3 months now, so long between catch ups, between drinks, between coffee walks.

So I messaged them ALL.

Well let’s be serious, not all of them. I messaged those who I had a connection with. Those I missed the most. Those who when I said, “let’s catch up soon” back in September, I had meant it.

Because I only say it if I mean it.

So during baby girl’s swim lesson this afternoon I took out my phone and started sending out messages.

In the hours that followed everyone responded. I returned text after text as baby girl and I got home, as she showered, as I prepared dinner and then as I cleaned up… I was grinning from ear to ear and going “awwww!”

Hubbie was smiling at me, crouched over the kitchen island, saying “that’s good.”

It was good.

I went to shower, but then got another message, so sat on my bed to respond. And it was here that I looked outside and saw the view.

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Such a beautiful sky, dotted with those rippled clouds.

How did the sky look to my work friends? How did it look to them all? We were certainly scattered all over the city, that there was no doubt of, from coastal towns to country regions, and every where in between…

Did they see the same colours? The same sky? Were the clouds peppered in their view as it was in mine?

I thought about this for a moment and how we were now, as I always said we would be… strewn all over the place, far from each other, and away from our former place of work.

But we were still bound. We still are. By the memories. ♥

#1345 A cloudy walk to clarity

My head matched my surroundings when I woke this morning: cloudy, dreary, flat.

It was so grey. And today, I couldn’t just do what I’ve been doing every other day… I just couldn’t. Every other day I come back home from school drop off, sit down in front of the computer, and I BLEED FROM MY FINGERTIPS.

Okay, clearly I am making that up. Rather, I pour all of my head out onto the screen before me, consequently judging it, questioning it, and believing after all that it is ALL CRAP.

So, same same.

I do this rain, hail, or shine. All three things we’ve had in the last week, so I’m not even being melodramatic over that one either.

But, I was spent. Done. After sending off my second submission for my online course last night, I needed a break.

I needed to walk.

But first… (what else but? – )

Coffee.

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I walked down the street to a great local cafe. I grabbed the paper and a mag as I waited for my coffee fix, surprised that everyone was sitting inside and not outside like me!

Sure it wasn’t the brightest of days… but I needed the air. The freshness. The stillness and the birds landing on the nearby chair to see if I had left them any crumbs.

I sat there for a while without a care in the world, sipping my cap which was well past lukewarm, and turning page after page.

Ahh. I really needed this.

But I wasn’t done. Not by a long shot. I kept walking straight and hit another vision… the water.

I paused at one lookout before randomly deciding to walk down a bushy path amongst the trees, with a lookout of the water to the left of me.

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I walked down that path… and then I decided to head down a narrower, bushier, steeper path.

THE WHOLE TIME I was making sure I wasn’t going to walk into a massive spider web, or there wasn’t a snake about to slither by my feet. Alongside those two very natural, very Aussie fears was the realisation I was truly off the beaten track, and there was no one else around.

NO ONE.

It was both terrifying, and thrilling. Anything could happen, and no one would know…

I ended up at one lookout.

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Then another.

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And another.

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I kept winding and switching paths, trying to keep my orientation clear in case I got lost and had to go back… but I managed to make it back out onto the main street, ALIVE.

And that walk through the wilderness had made me feel alive. My head was no longer heavy, or cloudy, or messed up.

I soon got back home, changed into my trakkies… and sat at my computer.

Ready to bleed again. 🙂

 

#1269 Sick Sunset

I am sick.

With a capital S-I-C-K. 

The one particular thing good about being struck down with flu symptoms this week is that it’s not… next week.

Birthday week.

Grasping at straws I know. Glass half-full syndrome, I know.

But this sunset. I caught a glimpse of it, and seeing the clouds getting pushed aside by those magnificent and vibrant orange-yellow colours… the 16 year-old in me went – “sick.”

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And judging by my definitions in an earlier post, I thought it was quite funny.

I also thought, “I want to be that orange, that yellow.”

“I want to push through the clouds.”

 

#1223 A different love

What am I meant to do when no one else is home except for my furry friend Mister F, and I will be spending the next hour or so whipping up a lasagna?

Why, put on music of course. LOUD music.

It’s the only way to really listen to any kind of music, especially when you are alone… whether it is upbeat and rocking, or mellow and wispy.

It is the latter type of category that had me turning up the stereo several times today. I had Queen’s “Night at the Opera” on, and decided to finally give a whirl to that special bonus cd, you know the ones all record companies love to flog when they re-release a classic album?

Well I put it on. 6 songs, most of them portions of songs from their Opera album, acapella… then one I had never heard, and 2 live versions…

The very last live song, was their 1979 live South American recording of Love of My Life.

Oh wow. Just, WOW. I felt like they were singing in my very own backyard, crowd included, so close up and personal it felt and sounded as Queens adoring fans sang the words back to them.

It is a heart-breakingly beautiful song. Devastating, yet stunning.

And during that listen, as I sang along to Freddie while stirring my béchamel sauce, I fell in love with it all over again.

I had never fallen out of love though. ♥

Have a listen (poor video but that doesn’t affect the audio)… it needs to be LOUD. Enjoy 🙂

#1173 Love for May

Even though it heralds one more month until the coldest time of year, I still find myself loving the last month of Autumn in a special way.

May holds beautiful things for me. Wedding memories, sunshine-y days, last hurrah bursts of warmth… parents anniversary, Dad’s birthday… Mother’s Day… May is a month that holds a lot of celebrations, a lot of get togethers, and a lot of reflecting on moments and how far we have come.

The Autumn leaves are falling… there is still occasional mildness in the air… the sunsets, are sweet…

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Who am I kidding? They are on fire.

The sky, was on fire tonight.

Even just consider the word, ‘May.’ It suggests an allowance of things to come, a natural ebb and flow of events, a gentleness, a receptiveness that makes everything so easy.

A season that lets things happen if you want them to.

May. May your May, be good to you.