#1269 Sick Sunset

I am sick.

With a capital S-I-C-K. 

The one particular thing good about being struck down with flu symptoms this week is that it’s not… next week.

Birthday week.

Grasping at straws I know. Glass half-full syndrome, I know.

But this sunset. I caught a glimpse of it, and seeing the clouds getting pushed aside by those magnificent and vibrant orange-yellow colours… the 16 year-old in me went – “sick.”

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And judging by my definitions in an earlier post, I thought it was quite funny.

I also thought, “I want to be that orange, that yellow.”

“I want to push through the clouds.”

 

#1252 Sawing away at negativity

Today I took out the saw. Both in the literal and metaphorical sense.

The first time it was intentional. I literally went to the garage, got out Hubbie’s saw, and took to the task of pruning old branches from my rose bushes with focus and determination. I knew what I had to do. I had been planning to do it for months. I took joy in the process.

Sawing. Cleansing. Removing the old to make way for the new. A new stage was emerging. Soon the dry leafless branches would be filled with green foliage and ravishing ruby red roses. 🌹

Tonight… again the same.

But instead I took out the saw… metaphorically.

This one wasn’t planned.

I didn’t go into it with purpose. It was something I had been kind of putting off.

But yet like the rose bushes, it was something that needed to happen.

I paused. Hesitated. Sure I knew what HAD to be done… I had known for years. I didn’t accept it though. Recently, this year I knew I had to take out the largest tool in my figurative shed, and rid myself of the negativity, the anger, the frustrations and deep-seeded hurts that had planted and manifested themselves in my body.

You would think letting go of such harmful things would be easy, favoured, wanted even… but often we hold onto our hurts, because they are so familiar. They are all we know. Sure moving on is most beneficial, but it requires starting again… and then there is forgiveness.

The thing that has struck me most about forgiveness is this: you don’t forgive for those that have hurt you… you forgive to lighten your heart, soul, mind and body, and give yourself the freedom to live your life unweighted by unnecessary hurts.

I always knew this… do you think it was easy to implement, in spite of the sadness?

No. This glass half-full gratitude girl has been struggling for YEARS.

But tonight, a change. I took little steps… and maybe the fruits of my labour won’t show themselves for a little while… they won’t sprout green leaves and red roses like my cherished flowers as soon… but there is sign of life.

Seedlings have been planted, and my saw has taken to the old ways with understanding and gentleness.

Yes, you can be gentle with a saw.

Really, there is to be no more.

Remember… do it for yourself. You are the one that matters. The saw is in your hands.

 

 

#1217 Parenting under a disco ball

You know it’s hard having kids.

And a lot of parents nowadays shit me with their attitude about having them.

Because, they don’t get it, but… they want it ALL.

They wanna have kids, but they also want to have the exact same life they used to have before kids. They want mini versions of themselves, but they don’t want to do the work needed to actually raise them and be responsible about it all. They think having little people will be fun, but they want everything to be constant cupcakes, lollipops and games.

Guess what? Suck it up.

As my Mum always says… something has to give. You honestly cannot have it all. And I am a glass half-full gal talking here. And if you think you are managing to have it all…. guess what?

You are not ‘giving’ where it is important. Sorry not sorry.

What I am talking about has nothing to do with giving things up in your life. Sure, you can still do the things you enjoy… to an extent. You see, it is about a whole lot of compromise and sacrifice. Like, shitloads of it.

Things I was thinking of tonight as I was out with my family.

Because it was a family function you see, and we have no babysitters to look after baby girl for anything like this, like EVER… but also, baby girl being at the stage and age she is at, we actually want her to come with us.

So let’s say, our intentions lie somewhere there in the middle.

But boy, it is still HARD.

Especially when they find themselves pissed off for no apparent reason.

It was a roller coaster ride I swear.

It was frustrating, and tiring, and long, and honestly I was pulling my hair out at times, wanting to bash my head against the toilet cubicle wall, so shitty I became with some events of the night.

With the words ‘sacrifice’ going through my head.

So we did. In the name of looming beds, and family, and a happier child, we went home… we sacrificed. But not before baby girl pulled me onto the dance floor.

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And you see… as shit as times like this can sometimes be… that mirror ball and that girl, still make it all worth it.

All the sacrifice.

#1050 Where I’ve come – 35.4 stage

On this day, the 30th of December, I can’t help but reflecting on the year that has passed…

I have grown. I have changed.

I have felt extreme lows that have physically rocked me.

I have felt dizzying highs that have surrounded my head in iridescent clouds.

Combined this has led me to a balance of in-between. Of remaining hopelessly optimistic as I travel through life, yet also being anxiously cautious of any shocks that may spring up unannounced.

With the cyclical nature of life, I am still happy. I am grateful for what I have, today. Every time that I observe something good, I am so happy for it, because I know that like everything, nothing lasts forever.

This stark truth keeps me paranoid, but the glass half-full gal in me ignores it until the very last moment.

I have what I need. Sure there are things that I want… but I remind myself of the important things. Of Hubbie and Baby Girl. Their love, their health. There are challenging days, and sometimes even tears, but I think the laughter we share as a family trumps that all.

Next year has a lot in store. So many changes. So much uncertainty and confusion, yet there is excitement in the unknown.

All the possibilities… what will eventuate? What will proceed? I am not alone in my life upheavals, with Baby Girl and Hubbie going through changes of their own… growing up, moving on, and discovering life.

We never stop discovering life.

So I am content. I am content in this not-knowing. It keeps me on edge and primed for action.

I am grateful with what I have now. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes not having the things that you want is because there is a greater plan for you.

We aren’t meant to know it all. Just, let it go.

In this moment, life is good. And for that, on this second last day of 2018, I am supremely grateful.

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Unsplash credit: Paola Chaaya

#1004 Couch time with the family no. 2

Uh oh. It’s becoming a thing now. Having the word ‘couch’ in a post heading with a number following it, makes me feel a bit lazy and guilty that I should be so happy about sitting on the couch.

But I need to put things in perspective.

Yesterday I was ill while on the couch. Because of that I spent the whole day doing ‘nothing.’ I was tired, hot, felt deflated, and actually couldn’t wait for the day to be over with. I wanted to fast forward to night-time and go to sleep already. That from a glass half-full gal.

The only way to move past it was to say goodbye to it.

But today? Today I was more than happy to sit on the couch… healthy… with my family… after I had been away at work.

With a glass of red.

Some ice cream.

Baby girl’s head resting on my lap.

As we watched The Bachelorette 😉

And it was the nicest moment ever. Things generally are amazing though, when you are feeling better again…

#1000 Reasons to be grateful

Read that – 1000.

1000!

1000 days of gratitude!

That in itself is something to be immensely grateful for.

1000 days in a row I have found something to be grateful for.

Whether it was super easy.

Whether it was super hard.

Whether I cried from happiness that day.

Whether I cried from sadness that day.

Where I looked up to the heavens and thanked those above for what I had.

Where I threw my hands up in the air and questioned if any of this being grateful crap was worth it.

Because as much as I am a self-proclaimed glass half-full gal, practicing new gratitude every day can be an enormous task, when faced with life’s challenges, disappointments, trials, and negativity.

But I have also learnt, there is so much of life to be thankful for.

I look in the simple. The everyday. The ordinary, and the natural.

And I find that some of the best moments are the ones that cost nothing at all, and are always available to me.

That is what I believe to be a rich life… away from any monetary value at all.

And despite all my gratitude towards this important milestone, how coincidental (and you know I don’t believe in coincidences!) that my 1000th post falls on another huge day.

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Finally! It was my Mum’s big birthday party today. And I don’t know how, what and why this has coincided the way it has – as like all of life’s mysteries – but I think it is something truly special that her 70th birthday, and my 1000th post, were on the same day.

Not two days apart, tomorrow, or yesterday… but the same day.

I haven’t quite worked out the significance of this at this post midnight hour, but I really don’t mind.

All I know, is just to be grateful.

And I will continue to try doing that for as long as I can. 🙂🙏

#770 Making memories and finding comfort in a topsy-turvy day

I’m not going to lie.

I’m not going to sit here, and tell you my day was great, my day was fantastic, when there were many parts of it, that weren’t.

I can’t just pretend all went well, when all didn’t.

I can’t just focus on the good, because I feel like that would be lying, and I think you would appreciate me telling you the frustrating, shitty parts too. The ‘Life’ parts. The pros, as well as, the cons.

Even with this being a gratitude blog and all.

So in short, let me tell you this:

Today we got to catch up with some of our closest friends for a birthday. It was well overdue (pro).

We drove over 3 hours there and back, and after this weekend, we are OVER driving (con).

We had fun (pro), and we made memories (pro). We danced (pro), the kids played (pro), and baby girl got her leg stuck in the hole of a portable basketball base (con, but a funny one).

I got this cappuccino made for me by our friend (pro)… he is a former café owner and works for a coffee company…

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PRO PRO PRO.

And this day would have truly been perfect, even with all the little cons up to this point, if the highlight of the day were just this: good coffee amidst polaroids of my girl dressed as a cowboy.

But it went on, as days do.

Driving home, Hubbie developed some kind of gastrointestinal infection (CON).

We stopped twice. (CON).

When we got home eventually, the windy weather appeared and started lashing us as we ran for the front door… but we got inside quickly, and I reckon somehow the Universe held it off slightly until we were indoors, only because we had such a sucky ride home (pro).

I ordered pizza because (insert Hubbie incapacitated on couch), and I was so grateful for the convenience of it all… pro – but it took an hour to arrive (maybe because of the wild weather – con).

Before and after said pizza, I sat on the couch with baby girl, me actually watching Bachelor in Paradise in peace, and she watching YouTube videos of dolls playing with toys, as the Wicked Witch of the West flew around on her broomstick outside in this cyclonic wind (pro).

Everyone is in bed now, and Hubbie is feeling better (massive PRO).

I know I am a glass half-full gal, but I wanted to show you both sides of the coin, to prove a point.

We can be aware of both good and bad, happy and sad, positive and negative, pros and cons… because it is all in the greater picture. Seeing the greater picture balances us out, makes us humble, and helps us to appreciate the pros more.

Because if all we had were pros, well the above would have been a very boring (albeit hugely satisfying for me) story.

And every story needs a villain, doesn’t it?

Today’s villain? Driving time, stomach viruses and wind from hell.

Today’s hero? Friends, couch time, and…

COFFEE 🙂