#2623 Indian Summer

I lay on the couch, eyes closed, with the faint sounds of Oscar nominees being called out from the nearby TV.

I was trying to do the good thing and sleep, because baby boy was asleep. Trying to switch off from the outside world, when every bone in my body argued it didn’t want to, I’m not a day sleeper.

But at this stage of my life, I HAVE to.

And then the winner for Best Actress… “Michelle Yeoh.”

I nodded to myself, pretending I wasn’t listening, knowing full well she was a big contender leading into the awards. I know this because when you sit on the couch and breastfeed for so long and so often, you hear a lot of various news, both factual, worldly and celebrity.

I felt the beginnings of light sleep start to tickle my senses, but so too did the winner’s words, as they crept into my sleep space.

“…And ladies, don’t let anyone tell you that you are past your prime.”

To loud cheering applause, and a sleepy SmikG who had to smile in appreciation and agreeableness.

If anyone knows about the Indian Summer, it’s me. 🙌❤

#2621 The first visitors

Today we had the first of our baby boy visitors roll in.

(The first visitors after our immediate family of course).

And while many of our fam and friends will wait another week or two before coming over, I was super happy to welcome two of my closest friends over today.

The kids played together, both young, and a bit older… the adults caught up, had d&ms, discussed the past, present, and the all-important future…

And it was a really good space to be in, for me personally. A couple of weeks ago I would have said “I need space” while simultaneously proclaiming “I need to see people!”

But today it was a definite, I need to see loved ones. 🙏❤ It filled my soul and provided me with much-needed clarity and hope for the future, and now all I need is one more thing, that everyone who saw me today will attest to…

SLEEP. 🥱😴🤣🤣

#2620 Pram and car love

I love the pram and my car.

Because they easily put baby boy to sleep where I clearly can’t.

Unless he is at my boob, it’s proving extremely difficult to get him to sleep, resulting in some super trying moments during the day.

Enter the vehicles. His and mine. 😉

Just this morning after trying unsuccessfully for hours to keep him asleep, I quickly packed my bag and some things into the car, and lo and behold his frustrated crying was soon replaced by…

Hold on. No wait… what is that sound?

That’s right, the sound of silence. Of a newborn child at peace. 🙏

And he kept sleeping as I transferred him to the pram, and all was well with the world. ❤🥰

And just because, here’s tonight’s sunset:

Beautiful and bright, hopefully like the future. 🙏❤

#2616 Heaven sent

Or just family-sent, but in my case it feels same-same.

I had a really rough night the night before. 2 hours sleep type rough night. Chuck overall newborn sleep deprivation, confusion, hormones, conflicting advice, too much information and overwhelm into the mix, and you end up with a very sad and spent new newborn mama.

My parents and sister came over on the perfect day, the day which was actually the worst day, today.

They provided love, comfort, advice, positive words and validation, support, food and sleep (I napped while they watched baby boy).

I’m now going into the nights with cautious hope, some semblance of confidence, and the knowledge that bad days are part and parcel of this stage… but I am getting there slowly, just as all newborn mamas have gotten there before me.

Moment by moment. Hour by hour. Day by day.

Thank God for people like this. So grateful to my family. 🙏❤😘😘

#2487 End of work/school/Friday

Come 4pm and baby girl and I being at home, FINALLY, and I was relieved.

It had been a trying day. The wind whipped us, literally, as I dropped her off, rain assaulted us on an angle, and I’m surprised that our umbrellas didn’t break as I walked her to her classroom this morning.

Then work was busy, and on top of that, I had a surprise training session that went for… hours. 🤦‍♀️

(Training sessions on a Friday should not be allowed.)

Another quick run to the shops before pick-up, Winter weather to be battled yet again, and once we closed the front door on our jobs and the day, man was I happy!

I hate to wish days away, or be glad they are over… but today had a real cranky, shitty vibe.

I’m hoping we’ve gotten it out of the way so that the weekend is UBER-awesome. 😁😁🙏🙏

#2415 The big reveal

Exactly 10 weeks ago, something huge happened.

It was momentous. Unbelievable. It felt like a miracle.

It was a miracle.

An online dictionary states the meaning of miracle as: “an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”

Well, maybe some parts were explicable, but if you knew the whole story, you yourself would call it a kind of miracle.

A kind of magic, as my friend Freddie Mercury says.

On this miraculous day forwards, I started to let people know in a series of codes that something was up with me, in my life, but by not actually telling them that something was up. 🤔

On the day in question, I called both my Mum and my sister. I wanted to talk to them, to hear their voice, for them to hear my voice. I had planned this, I had planned this all again… if I couldn’t see them on this momentous day, then I would at least talk to them over the phone, and tell them in my own hidden code way, speaking happily and easily, that things had finally turned.

Then I turned on my friends. I deliberately started picking words for my wordle night centred around a certain ‘theme.’ This was also a pre-planned event, something I had thought about for months before it actually happened. This went on for 9 weeks, and only in the last few days have they all found out the news, and my little wordle plan, tee hee hee.

I will now reveal that I also told you. ALL OF YOU. Exactly 10 weeks ago on this day, I started to say something.

Let me take you back there.

I penned a post, titled “Time for a poem.” Now this post wasn’t just marked under my “Gratitude” category, like every other post, it was also marked as “Special Edition” for a reason.

I have dabbled in poetry in the past, that is true. However this was a poem, a plan I had for a long time before this beautiful day came along. I always knew I was going to tell you, you, and you in code, and so I sat down, my mind reeling, my life changed for the better, hesitant and unsure and excited and cautious and scared and every emotion, but also HOPEFUL.

So freaking darn hopeful as I always have been.

And I wrote.

You need to look closely at the poem… I will screenshot it for you now.

If you take the first letter of each sentence (not line, sentence), you will see it spells something…


I might just be…

And on the following night, I finished my current poetry slam as I called it. Here are the screenshots again:



And I was.

I had done the home test the first night, and by the second day where I did my part 2 poetry slam, it had been confirmed via blood test. I was pregnant.

Words and emotions cannot even begin to describe how I felt. I’d been so cautious and nervous and tentative in those early days and weeks, and I think because of this my emotions now spill over, crying from happiness easily, at the drop of a bib, a baby mention, a thought about the beautiful future… all my happiness and love and gratitude is now spilling over.

When I began my gratitude journey all those years ago, I had no idea then that one of my biggest tests was to be this one: falling pregnant. I had no idea what lay in store, and perhaps it’s better I didn’t. I’ve gone down paths I never thought I would, seen people I’d never imagined, felt the depth of human emotion, and wished and hoped and prayed like I never had before.

After that day I kept dropping hints to you all, though these were teeny-tiny! Here are some of them:

In #2363 I wrote about looking forwards and how things were dragging. They were. I was desperate to get to at least 8 weeks (my self-determined first safe spot) and I also wrote about being tired, which I was then… very, very tired. Early pregnancy symptoms.

In #2364 I wrote of symmetry. The entire post is relevant, but my final line I love most: “As if there was ever any doubt.”

In #2365 I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie down. I never lie down during the day unless I am sick… or pregnant. 😉

In #2366 that ‘miracle’ word pops up when I talk about mother nature and sunsets. The metaphor is there.

In #2367 I was at my parents and enjoyed some home-made Sarma, known to non-Balkans as meat stuffed cabbage rolls, and oh my God me and baby loved it. I am loving salty foods from way back then, and the Sarma was just so agreeable to me! OMG!

In #2371 I was counting down, not just to the end of winter, but to telling my family and friends, and to getting to the end of the first trimester. A clue appears at the end of this post: “baby steps.” 😁

In #2375 I saw a heap of rainbows that day. They are a definite sign for me, and seeing the amount of them that I have since finding out I’m pregnant, has confirmed for me how true that is.

In #2378 I wrote “Her surprises.” The presents I spoke of that we bought for baby girl, were actually big sister items, and we told her that night that she was going to be a big sister.

She’s been loving and kissing my belly since, and I already know how lucky this baby will be to have her. 💖💖

In #2380 we saw 4 rainbows…. 4! More beautiful signs that things were progressing nicely. “That HAS to mean that better times are ahead.”

In #2388 I wrote of nicer things that were to come. My last line “At least things are still shining.”

In #2389 I wrote of my love for the Madonna song ‘Rain.’ There’s this quote, well there are many quotes that have actually saved me during this journey, but one that I am able to truly feel now is the quote

“Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.”

I’ve cried through so many songs, and this song of release, with the metaphor of rain and storms, hit me in a different way.

“The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.”

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.’


In #2396 I wrote about watching the Elvis movie with two of my friends. I mentioned needing super-comfy pants, and I couldn’t have felt this more. After a filling dinner, and being 11 weeks pregnant, I needed my trakkies so bad, but obviously still was wearing and able to fit into my jeans (barely), so in the dark of the cinema actually unzipped my jeans and popped my button so I could breathe and not be in pain for 2 and a half hours! I don’t think my friends saw a thing. 😬😆

In #2397 I wrote about “Family abundance.” This is the night we told my parents and sister’s fam that we were expecting. Happy screams, shock and wonder filled the air!

In #2398 I wrote “We are so close!” It was the last day of July, and I was excited about August and ALL that it would bring.

Spring begins to spring forth.

I for one, am sooo ready for this next stage.


In #2399 I spoke of my love for August.

“Everything in abundance. Happy times, happiness, everything growing in happiness.” (Including my belly!)

In #2400 I said “Just because.” An important blood test came back good, and I was crying from happiness, just sobbing. All the tension and unknowningness and uncertainty that had been plaguing me just went away. I was so unbelievably light and happy.

“I had a really good day. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, for me, for my family, and just living in and appreciating, relishing this every moment, makes me so happy, makes my heart full.”

In #2402 I talked about the cakes that I ordered for mine and baby girl’s birthdays… only thing is, mine was a baby reveal cake! We were going to announce our pregnancy during cake time for our birthday.

“My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about.”

How true that was! 😆😁

In #2405 I wrote “Better here than there.” Better to be busy and running around for something great, than to be like we were the last two years, sad and in lockdown.

“This year is sooo different, and despite the busy-ness and the craziness of it, I am so grateful for it also.”

Well, now you know why it’s so different, and it’s not just because lockdowns are over!

In #2406 I said decorations were off my to-do list, and said “We got some really special, nice ones.”

Along with the baby reveal cake, we got balloons that said ‘Oh baby,’ ‘Baby’ and one that had a young girl and read ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’


#2411 was our HUGE day. Our close family and friends finally found out. And at the end of my post, after writing about hope, not losing it, and hanging on, I said it “was a big, and very special day.”

The day after in #2412 we told more people via phone who hadn’t been able to be there, dear family and friends. Therefore, “Spreading good news.” 💖💖

And that leads us to here! This moment, this reveal, this announcement. 🥰🥰

I am beyond happy. I also have a lot to share, and I’m still working out how to say it. Whether I say it via this blogging forum, or whether I write about it in another format, be sure that this is a subject I’ve learnt a lot about, having first-hand experience of all the trials and tribulations, and therefore have a lot of very strong opinions as well as hard facts from my own life.

I will end on this. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be rude.

Be kind. Be a friend. Be there for them. That is the best thing you can possibly do. If you do that and they need you, trust me, they will reach out.

I have of tonne of thank yous to make. Many of you reading this will get them in the coming months.

But first of all, for joining me on this incredibly hard but very rewarding journey… a big thank you.

We’ve only just begun. 🙏💖🤰🤰

#2411 Our huge day

Yesterday wasn’t just a big day, it was huge.

So huge that even after planning what I would write about I totally forgot and went to sleep. 🤦‍♀️🤣

(But I still haven’t technically gotten up out of bed yet so it counts as part of yesterday 🤷‍♀️😅)

It was baby girl’s birthday party, sure, even my birthday party, and it was odd how at polar opposites of the day I was crying.

I shouldn’t even say it’s odd, life is like that. I shouldn’t be surprised anymore. I was crying on the way to pick up the cakes in the morning over how many people had cancelled on us, but then in the evening…

In the evening I was crying completely happy, relieved and grateful tears.

I’m not sharing all, just yet… that time will come. Very soon. 😉😉

But I leave you with this photo. A unicorn and a puppy dog. Rainbows. Magic. Wonder and Happiness and Excitement.

Dreams can, and DO come true. I want you all to know that. I want you all to know from the bottom of my heart, to keep holding on, to keep digging in, being strong, fighting for what it is you’re after, even when it’s hard, even when you’re crying.

Don’t lose Hope. I know all about this. Hope can feel like a bastard, telling you you can do it when all you feel are dark clouds and gloomy skies.

But Hope knows more than you do. Listen to it. You have that Hope inside you for a reason. 🙏❤🌈🥰

Yesterday was a big, and very special day. 🥰🥰

#2381 Guiding light

You know those days, when you have ‘one of those days?’

And ‘one of those days’ turns into several days in a row, then a week?

I have been surviving, but holding onto that light at the end of the tunnel…

It’s guiding me. I’m thankful for it. 🙏

#2380 4 Rainbows

Yes, I saw four rainbows today.

The first two I saw from home in the morning at separate times, and the last one I saw during school pick-up.

My favourite one was the one I saw after school drop-off in the morning.

You know how when you see a rainbow, it is usually half a rainbow, or a small section of it… unless you live on farmland of course, where there are no buildings, trees and other major objects obstructing your view.

But also, depending on its positioning, where the rain is at, and where the sun is at, sometimes you do only get a fraction of a rainbow, just as I did today, 3 times.

But it was the 3rd rainbow of the day, after drop-off, where I was catching up to Hubbie charging down the Main Street, when I went “Look!”

A very clear, almost full rainbow! I took multiple photos, while Hubbie waited, knowing I wouldn’t move until I got the right shot.

A woman walked by as I exclaimed “and it’s a double rainbow!” You can see in the below photos, very faintly, a second fainter rainbow above the main one, if you look at the left side of the main rainbow.

The woman said to me “they just brighten up your day don’t they? Put a smile on your face.”

And I smiled and said, “they sure do!”

4 rainbows. That has to mean something. That HAS to mean that better times are ahead. 🌈🙏

#2375 Morning rainbow

With so much uncertainty around at the moment, it felt special to open the curtains this morning and find this looking back at me.

It felt special, blessed even. Rainbows are a sign, a message for me, and even with with other things not going right, I have to believe that this might be a sign of better days.

And then this afternoon as I rushed to get the washing in as it began to heavily drizzle, baby girl called out from the other side of the window “Look! Two rainbows!”

I didn’t snap it, but sure enough there it was. One more prominent one, and a lighter one by it’s side.

I gotta believe it all means something. We’re getting all the shit out of the way now to make way for the good stuff. I don’t know. I just hope. 🙏🌈