#1627 Day 129 of getting there: Here comes the sun

Over this last month of winter, every time we’ve had a sunny day, a still day, or a day worthy of breathing “ahh” despite the cold, I’ve had the same lyric waft through my head.

“Here comes the sun…”

Lately, it’s getting stronger.

It’s from Madonna’s song, ‘Rain.’ It’s one of my many favourites of hers. Not just because she sings it, but rain itself is a dominant, spiritual, natural theme in my life that I draw on time and time again.

It’s cyclic emergence, and subsequent meaning, is so important to me.

And although she sings about rain, with the downpour of it being a release of emotions, she then goes on to sing about the sun.

“Here comes the sun,

Here comes the sun,

And I say,

Never go away.”

Here comes the sun

It’s a little like my yin and yang post from the other day. We need a balance don’t we? Life can’t exist with just sunshine, with just rain…

But at the same time, we’ve had so much rain in our life lately.

Rain in the form of winter.

Rain in the form of crap raining down on us.

Rain in the fact that life is a lot harder for us than it used to be.

Rain in that it is absolutely guaranteed that we are collectively struggling in one form or another.

It’s metaphoric connotation is HUGE.

Today, I didn’t wear my jacket as I headed off to do the groceries. Sure it was a little fresh, but generally, I was okay.

The sun was out.

I felt the difference. It happens sometimes in late July. There will be a couple of sunshine-y days, and you can just tell, that slight shift to crisp, bright, Spring days, is just around the corner.

You can almost smell it.

I am soooo grateful. I can feel it.

“Here comes the sun…”

#1621 Day 123 of getting there: finding the roar in my words

It wasn’t a surprise to me this morning, when a friend reminded me it was now officially, the season of the lion.

The Leo horoscope, was upon us.

Only it wasn’t really a reminder to me. I wait for the changeover to this feline month, and the last month of Winter, not just because I love cats and hate the cold, but mainly for the fact that it’s my birthday month, and a celebration month for A LOT of my family.

But, things are a bit different this year. It’s guaranteed there will be none of the usual birthday hoo-ha’s this August, and so for the last little while, I’ve turned my attention elsewhere.

Well, it IS always there… I’m just really engaging all of my energies into it.

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

It’s a scary place to be. Putting yourself out there, exposing your passions and insecurities right there on paper/word doc/social media…

Allowing people into your mind, your heart, your soul. But it’s what I love, and so a part of me must be masochistic, because I keep doing what terrifies me most, inching forward increment by increment, hoping to God that everything stays smooth.

Everything keeps sailing.

I took a bit of a leap recently. I joined a local writer’s group. It’s no basement-budget style catch up either – it’s a proper, paid, yearly membership, where you immerse yourself with other like-minded, passionate writerly types as yourself.

Today I joined the closed facebook group for the club… and you know, it felt SO GOOD. I was kinda terrified of putting myself out there, as is normal since writing is uber-important to me, but I did what I’ve been doing all this year it seems… and pushed past the fear.

“What’s the big deal?”

“Why are you so scared?”

“Stop over dramatising!”

All very valid thoughts you might be thinking, I get it.

But imposter syndrome is a real thing, and trying to push past the self-doubts, the questions as to why you’re there, the fear of rejection or denial, of discovering you’re actually shit… all of those things are genuine fears that keep people from doing what they should be doing.

From pursuing their dreams.

But the thing to understand is, these self-doubts we all experience are completely normal, to some degree. We all have them, we all feel them at some point or another, and as long as they’re not physically or mentally debilitating to our psyche, if we learn to accept them and push past them anyway…

Guess what we’ve just done?

ROARED!

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com

I actually came across a lovely quote today, quite indicative of the step I took:

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” – Brendan Francis Behan.

And how convenient, that we are talking about all of this courage, at this particular month…

During this particular season.

Try to channel the lion in you, and take a step closer to what you most love to do.

To the person that you most want to be.

Go on, do as I did. ROAR.

#1619 Day 121 of getting there: When winter springs forth

It’s getting to the part of the winter piece, where I start to get excited.

Even on grey days like we had today.

Even during these cold cold cold mornings.

Even while the heater blasts all day, every day.

I get excited, because there are signs everywhere.

I don’t know if it’s earlier, or weirder this year…

But –

I have roses. This is one of two, and it is July. Mid-winter.

This isn’t supposed to happen.

But… IT DOES.

Check out my Birds of Paradise.

All out there and ‘look at me,’ poking it’s orange beak out, waiting for it’s mate to join in on the journey.

And finally, the piece de resistance…

Ahhh. My orchids. These ones were actually hidden amongst other greenery, leaning against the outside window, and I didn’t realise they were there until someone pointed out, that they very much were.

All these blooms and pictures of growth, are signs that beneath the surface, things brew.

We might be in hibernation mode, where the tree branches lay bare, colours don’t tend to be bountiful in the garden, and growth is at a standstill.

But just because we can’t see things happening, it doesn’t mean they AREN’T happening.

And I love my little reminders around the house.

Reminders. Signs of hope. Use these words as you may, whichever way serves you best.

#1606 Day 108 of getting there: The Last Cuppa

Ok, so for 6 weeks.

Not forever, clearly.

But today we headed out to grab our last, in-store, sit-down, cafe experience…

Along with the rest of the town.

I mean, really July. What trickery are you fooling us into? How gorgeous was today? And it’s meant to continue for 2 more days… only for the sunshine-y days to return again next week!

Ahh, Winter. You’ve made me kinda like you again.

You know, I have to say… it is A BIT annoying. And I think I am allowed to say this, because last I heard, our shire had NO current cases of coronavirus.

NONE.

And yet we are suddenly part of ‘metropolitan Melbourne’ (only when they want us) and yet our neighbours across the Port Phillip Bay in Geelong have 2 CURRENT CASES, and are exempt from this lockdown.

Kilometres wise, they are further from the city than we are.

It does not make sense.

I’m not gonna focus on it too much though. We have to do what we have to do. And if too many shires are given reprieves (ahem, Geelong) well then no one is going to listen, and they won’t be happy, right?

I’ll suck it up.

Baby girl took my cue from the other night, and had stuck this note on our bedroom door last night:

I mean, we couldn’t say no to a 6 year-old, right?

Everyone was out and having their last lunches, last drinks, last cuppas…

They were all still social distancing. Counting numbers inside and outside the cafe. Sanitiser was within reach. It was very much across the board.

And the coffee was GREAT. But, it all felt a bit surreal. I mean, you could tell people were getting in their last whatever’s before midnight tonight. I could hear the cafe owner telling loyal customers they would be open for takeaway every day.

We enjoyed it. And then we left. Walked down the main street…

And to the PARK.

Poor baby girl. Poor all kids. They have to go through this shitty time again. Look I get it, we have to do this. Baby girl is actually amazing and totally understanding of what we have to sacrifice again.

But, I wanted to let her run. I wanted her to play.

And she did.

I’ll see you all on the other side… but stay for the gratitude journey, of course, as always. 🙂

#1295 Sunday surprises

It’s a lot nicer when you don’t expect anything, and then the opposite occurs.

Something. We were happily bound to our home for the day, Sunday, the first day of Spring (yippee!) and also, Father’s Day.

Baby girl had happily helped her Dad open up his presents after our late morning breakfast, still on a high from the night before yet feeling the lack of sleep, when I got word, that our quiet day might be different.

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I had seen my Dad at my bro-in-law’s birthday the night before after all… I had seen my whole family. 

But then I heard my Mum and Dad were going to my sister’s place for a quick visit, and so then we might as well pop on by…

And what started as a very non-expectant day, had us around a table talking, laughing, and then watching the rain pour down later when the clouds decided to merge overhead.

It didn’t affect the sunset though. Just as I had been longing for Winter to be over, just as quickly it came to an end… and this seems to happen every year. June, July and the start of August feel so long, then mine and baby girl’s birthday passes and it no time – BANG!

Spring. Sunshine. Sunsets like this:

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And so the message really is… don’t expect anything. Things are that much sweeter when you think of not much at all…

#1257 The month of the Roar

I honestly had forgotten. It had completely slipped my mind.

Until I saw it was my cousin’s birthday on social media… I hadn’t realised.

Hadn’t realised, the month of the Lion had begun.

ROAR!

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Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash

And not only had I forgotten, but I had failed to remember for a couple of days already…

The sign of the lion started on the 23rd of July.

(Face palm).

How could I forget one of the most exciting times of the year???

I feel things heating up already… take that as you will 😉

#1245 A reason for the ddrraaaagggggg

This end-of-work transition is taking FFOOORRREEEEVVVVEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRR.

I ttthhiinnkk I nneeeeddddd ttttooooo ssstttaaarrrrtttt wwwrrriiittiiinngg lliikkee tthhiiss ttoo ffullllyyyyyy eexxppllaaiiinnn ttttooo yyyooouuu jjuusssstttt hhhhoooowwww mmuuucccchhh oofff aaaaa dddrrrrraaaaggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg iitttt fffeeeellllsss lliiikkkkeeee.

Is that annoying? Frustrating maybe?

My sentiments EXACTLY.

You know I stopped collecting coffee cards from my Saturday café a good 2 months ago. I did it because I was sure (ha!) that we would be finishing about June ‘time,’ as initially indicated… that is of course, after the first few dates were ‘indicated,’ and then delayed, to the June date.

It is now July.

🤨

If I had kept collecting cards and stamps for my Saturday work shifts, I would have gotten a free coffee by now.

I tell myself, there must be a reason for this. This long, dddrrraaaawwwwnnnnn out process.

So often in life we look back at an event that made NO SENSE WHATSOEVER at the time, and yet in retrospect we gain an enormous amount of clarity, insight, growth, and a bigger look at how all the little and intricate (and sometimes annoying) pieces have fit together perfectly.

I am still at that stage where I am gathering the outer edges of my 10,000 piece puzzle, and in the middle is just this whole smudge of red colour and I have no idea out of the hundreds of the same pieces, where to start.

Something like that. 😏

But, there is an end… or is there?

Mid-August now they say.

Let’s see what happens.

This morning I exited the café with my new coffee loyalty card in wallet, now stamped for one. The warmth of the cup in my hand was little consolation for the cold that abruptly smacked my face as I exited the protection of the shop. Like little pebbles of ice pelting upon my face, nose, exposed hands, the lower parts of my ears peeking out from under my beanie…

A bit longer. Keep on going.

There is a reason, isn’t it? The reason isn’t just delayed relief and release, right?

For now I can just say…

‘Onwards.’ 😉

From 4 weeks away, to maybe indefinitely.

IMAG9797

#1244 10am slow start

The grass is always greener.

We are always looking for that which we don’t have, looking behind us to what has happened, or looking too far in front of us to even appreciaite what is happening… TO US.

I was waking up in bed post 9:40am this morning. Unlike other mornings, there was no peep from baby girl in her room. She has been sick, and having been so tired from it all, has not been coming up to my bed in the mornings.

I tossed. I turned. I tried to wake up.

Come on wake up!

It was hard. I had grown accustomed to 1am bedtimes. The house goes to sleep, and I stay awake, doing stuff, writing, catching up on things that fill me with purpose and enrich my soul.

And then I wake late the next day.

Wake up! You need to get used to term 3 starting next week.

Ahh, the dreaded back-to-school start. I pondered. I thought. I wondered if the cat was meowing in the laundry yet. And then I moved my mind back to my place in bed.

It occurred to me… isn’t this what I dream of when baby girl IS at school? These sleep-ins, from late nights, leading to slow mornings and cruisy days? Wasn’t this what I longed for for weeks on end, and now I was feeling guilty, almost rushed because of it?

So what if the kids went back to school next week! This was my last Friday, alone in bed,, with the winds raging outside and the temps at an all-time low…

If there was any day I was allowed to stay in bed, it was then. NOW.

On a cold and wintery July’s day on the school holidays.

5-10 minutes passed, and I still got up. I made the bed and wandered on down to put on the heater.

But my perspective had changed. I wasn’t worried anymore. I wasn’t getting guilt what I should be doing.

Because I was just doing ME, and making myself happy.

Take it in.

Enjoy.

Things change.