#1896 Moving me and moving her

I’ve happily settled into a regular exercise routine.

It’s something I’ve been trying to do for a while, and yet things have kept popping up, life stuff, health stuff, that have made me put a big brake on it all.

I decided a couple of weeks ago that I couldn’t wait anymore. I wouldn’t let anything stop me. I was going to keep going, keep moving, and in doing so, move myself physically.

It doesn’t really matter what the motivation is behind my new routine. I’m not only feeling better physically, but mentally, it is really doing WONDERS.

I used to question how people could do exercise at the start of the day… didn’t it leave them spent? Tired? Unable to do anything else for the rest of the day?

But I get it now. Once you get past the initial huff and puff of the workout, the energy coursing through you becomes contagious. Addictive.

All that blood, flowing.

It awakens your senses.

You’re not even that cold – it’s like it sets you up for the day, because you’ve worked your muscles, and now you’re reaping the benefits of strength, of warmth.

There is a spring in your step.

You become motivated to get stuff done.

You motivate others, to get stuff done.

The other day when I was doing a really hard rep in my home workout, that involved a plank-type position where I had to lower my arms, and then lift myself up again… well I managed to do like 4-5, barely, before I pretty much collapsed on the yoga mat.

I took a deep breath and pushed myself up, trying to do as much as I could in the time allocated.

I had looked up, and through the window saw baby girl. She was outside, watching me. She had watched me fall.

I nodded, disgruntled, in her direction, and before I looked away to keep going, she smiled and gave me a thumbs up.

No. I was wrong. She hadn’t watched me fall.

She had watched me get back up.

And it really hit home when days later, she searched for my exercise routine on youtube.

I said “honey, those exercises are for adults! You run enough at school, don’t hurt yourself.”

And she said –

“But Mummy, I want to be strong like you.”

Oh. My heart. 💖💖💖💖

I’ve held those words so close to me. They have given me strength, hope, and courage to keep going, no matter what life throws at me.

Children model their parents’ words, their parents’ actions… their whole way of being.

It’s amazing that as I choose to do something really good for myself, I also choose it for my beautiful daughter.

My baby girl. 😍😍

Photo by Ketut Subiyanto on Pexels.com

#1885 Keep that snail pace

All I can say is, don’t give up.

Things aren’t perfect, and they can always get better. But I find myself at a point where I feel like despite everything, there is nothing else to do BUT keep going.

Keep moving.

Keep yourself distracted with passions, personal pursuits. If some things aren’t working out, well then find what IS, and run after that at full-speed.

But also, don’t be hard on yourself. I found myself the other night nearly crying with despair to Hubbie.

“And I want to do this, and do this, and I’m trying to do this, and then I’ve got my book! Then I want to do this, AND this…”

The list goes on and on and on.

We put sooo much pressure on ourselves.

We want to create this perfect family life. But we have to also work, and make money. Maintain the house. Cook wholesome food. Clean. Wash clothes every second of every day (or so it seems). Feed people.

But also chase your dreams! Be fit, exercise. Eat mindfully. Take time out, but don’t waste a second!

Play with your kids. Give yourself me time. Take walks. Sleep in. Keep in regular contact with family, friends.

What the actual fuck am I to do with all that?

Something has GOTTA give.

I’ve been giving so, so much lately. I can only do things, and move forward in incremental steps, and it’s these tiny baby steps I’ve been taking that are making me feel like things are actually moving.

Snail place, but still moving forward.

And that leads me back to, don’t give up.

It’s so tiresome and banal, telling people to not give up. I’ve felt like telling people over the last shit year who’ve passed out that quote, to piss off and shut up.

But I find it to be true, too true. Even in super-crawl slow-mo pace, I find it to be the most factual of all things.

Keep your head up. Look at what positives you can… even if it’s the blanket on you right now. A hot drink. Sun peeking through the clouds. Someone sending you a nice message. A cute cat.

I am skilled in the art of looking for things in the smallest of spaces. I should know. It’s awfully difficult, but it can be done.

And I guess, it’s nice to be passing out this advice, instead of looking for it.

Progress.

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com

#1682 Day 184 of getting there: Right quote, right now

Every so often my daily calendar tells me exactly how I’m feeling.

I turned the page over later in the day… so when it told me what I was feeling, after I was already feeling it… I thought it was more than coincidental.

100%. I couldn’t agree more. And I did find something tangible to be grateful for.

This picture baby girl drew. Of a mouse. I was not my usual self, and when she showed me this picture, the last thing on my mind was observing and admiring a picture of a so-called mouse… as she called it, “a different mouse.”

But the colours and intention and creativity got me, and it made my lips curve upwards.

But sometimes it’s not the tangible things that grab our heart. I was also thinking of quotes that didn’t jump out at me today, and this one came into my mind:

“A problem shared is a problem halved.”

And that is the biggest truth for me today. Sometimes we don’t need a quote to come along and literally stare us in the face… sometimes that quote is inside of us, telling us that truth, ALL ALONG.

The second part of this proverb? It’s the part I love the most:

“A joy shared is a joy doubled.”

That part I’m looking forward to the most.

#1681 Day 183 of getting there: Moving again

Today was weird.

Today, I felt like something was missing.

The day was fine. I felt fine. There wasn’t necessarily any major pressures.

The one thing actually missing was the homeschooling, but I wasn’t actually missing it in ANY shape of form.

But I think the start of the school holidays may have played some part in my weird feelings.

I still don’t know for sure what it is, that made me feel unsettled, off, incomplete…

But I have a few ideas.

It’s school holiday time. Usually I take time off and have a full schedule as we galivant around the state, going to attractions, meeting up with family and friends, and just generally having fun.

None of that is happening at the moment… I am working from home, and even if I wasn’t doing that, we aren’t allowed anywhere anyway.

None of the usual places are open. Almost nothing is allowed.

Today was a warm-ish kinda day. Knowing the week ahead falls in temp again, and we didn’t make use of today by going out for a walk, or to the park… Well it sucks.

So I had to do something. I had to change it up.

I started to move again.

Back when covid started, I was becoming more active, taking more walks around the block with baby girl, hell, sometimes running after her as she careened on her bike over rises in asphalt, as I tried frantically to catch up.

Still, I was running.

I was moving.

Winter fell, and the days grew colder. The lockdown and subsequent isolation, grew in length. The walks and runs around the block became more infrequent, and instead I turned to yoga. A regular practice began, and even though I wasn’t huffing and puffing, I was still doing something…

I was still moving.

But then a month ago, an infection struck. And due to the nature of it, I stopped everything.

BANG. Nothing.

I felt shit. Knowing I had been doing something good for me, mind, body and soul, and then I had to stop it abruptly, was actually quite painful emotionally. It was really difficult to grasp, but I realised my body needed some kind of break, so I gave it what I thought it needed…

Today though, I realised it was time to start again.

I did the yoga. I didn’t realise how much I missed it until I finished, and I felt…

Happy. Lighter.

My mood had improved.

But I decided to take it a step further tonight. Hubbie has been on a major health/workout kick since covid began, and he has very clear goals for where he wants to be when we get out of it… he has structured nights for different types of training, and work outs, and tonight was his push-ups and sit-ups night.

And I joined him.

But, baby steps, baby steps. When you know yourself well, and how you work, you have already won. I know that I don’t deal well when faced with a major challenge. When a task feels so huge that I don’t know how I will do it, I tend to give up easily.

I know I have to give myself little goals. Little itty bitty teeny weeny goals. It’s how I approach writing. And it’s how I’m going to approach this movement thing.

Not exercise. Movement.

So I did it! If someone had been a fly on the wall tonight, they would have seen me, Hubbie AND baby girl (because she thought it looked like fun!) on our hands and knees, huffing and puffing and doing sit-ups and push-ups.

When I start small, I am more likely to achieve.

But I don’t think I’m that unique. I think we’re all like that, right?

Anyway… I’m filling the void in a positive way, and looking forward to making little progress.

Day by day. Getting there… slowly.

Photo by Valeria Ushakova on Pexels.com

#1548 Day 50 of getting there: a speck of light

What?

Do my ears deceive me?

Is this trickery?

Playful figures dancing around in the corner of my vision, jumping away into the shadows when I look their way?

After tomorrow, we get to have 5 visitors in our house?

5 people who aren’t from our home, get to come to our house… or we get to visit, and be part of the fiver group…

I was so happy when I heard the news today, I got teary.

I’ve grown so accustomed to me, hubbie, baby girl, Mister F and Orange-cheeks, that I kind of didn’t expect to be in the company of other loved ones for a long time yet.

But it seems, we are getting our reprieve.

Finally. Nothing can happen immediately with us all working and schooling, at home and away…

But the speck of light is beckoning…

Waving to us. 🖐❤

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Morgan Sessions on Unsplash

#1516 Day 18 of getting there: the Autumn walk

Walking has become such a necessity in recent weeks.

Such a real, true, essential part of our living.

Which is why it comes as no surprise really, that exercise, i.e. walking, is part of the four reasons we are allowed to head outside of the house.

Essential item. Saving our sanity while we lock ourselves up from the world?

Yep. That’s about as essential as you can get.

I was in front of the computer for so long, and it was gorgeous out. After I finished my work shift, baby girl and I headed outside, around the block.

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I am still amazed at the power of fresh air. The mental benefits that a walk down a neighbouring street can bring. How passing other people out on the footpath, walking their kids, or pets, can bring such a sense of community, when we are all meant to be staying away from each other.

More than the atmosphere, I loved the conversation. Baby girl and I were yammering away about Mister F’s latest antics, what we were gonna do after this whole CV was over, and how the Easter Bunny was gonna make his way over to our side of town during the weekend.

Smiling, skipping. Like there wasn’t a pandemic happening right now.

That’s the way it should be.

Because although we should be vigilant with our health and physical boundaries right now, we should also MOVE ON. ♥

#1498 Coronavirus pep talk

At a time when there is so much uncertainty and confusion, sadness and despair, withdrawal and isolation…

There is also so, so, so, SO much to be grateful for.

I am grateful for freedom. I have the freedom and right to pull my daughter out of school, at my discretion, and have my wishes respected by the school community.

I am grateful that I can still work from home at this time of crisis.

I am grateful that my daughter will be within our home, our care, and within our sight, during this stage.

I am grateful to have a fridge, a pantry, and items that will help us get through this isolation period.

I am grateful that I have so much to keep me busy – books, music, podcasts, movies.

I am grateful to have a roof over my head – a comfortable bed, a heater, clean clothes, running water, a toilet.

I am grateful that I can pick up the phone, and be in touch with anyone in my life.

I am grateful that I can stay up-to-date on the latest updates, world happenings, and have my favourite musos sing/perform to us from the other side of the globe and keep us all happy and connected during this pandemic.

Your gratitude list may be similar or vary wildly. Either way, you can’t deny the facts…

There is so much accessible to us in this day and age. A hundred years ago and something like this could have felt truly isolating. But going through all of this, now?

We may be separated in our homes, but we have an abundance of freedom in how we choose to move within those walls.

How we choose to connect.

What we choose to see.

How much we want to know.

We have it all literally, at our fingertips.

And although sure, life is going to be disrupted, FOR US ALL…

We are all going through the upheaval, together.

And just think… can you just imagine, how it’ll be like when this is all over?

We will hug, kiss, hold hands and dance.

We will go outdoors, rain hail or shine… we will see our family and friends, hold them close, laugh together, get our hair done, get massages, do girls’ day outs, watch movies, love harder, stronger, deeper, and most importantly…

REALLY LIVE LIFE.

I can’t wait for that day. It is going to be incredible.

We can do it. Because we are all in this together. ♥

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#1496 Chocolate to get through

Day 2 for me of this corona-getting-isolated business.

But the virus had nothing to do with why I was reaching for the sweet stuff this afternoon.

My neck and back was killing me – I don’t yet have a proper desk chair for work.

I had my final assessment at work – oh my God, tension and stress eat your heart out.

And then, I didn’t get to squeeze in a coffee either – too damn busy.

I know. SHOCK HORROR.

After I picked up baby girl I promptly set about making a coffee for me, a babycino for her…

And you know, I have been good for SO LONG. I don’t really reach for anything processed or sweet anymore, really I don’t.

Rarely. That includes chocolate.

But today, I fished out a huge block of personalised Cadbury chocolate that was gifted to me long ago by a friend’s daughter… I guess it’s one of those things where it’s so damn big you put it away in the pantry, but then because it’s so big it gets slid to the side, and well…

kind of overlooked and forgotten.

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Oooh, but I found it. All this corona business had me reevaluating our pantry and fridge the other day, checking what we had, and then I saw this beauty.

I was pleasantly surprised to find that the big block had two individually wrapped medium blocks within it… to retain the freshness longer.

Yummy.

I had 6 blocks of chocolate! 6! They were delicious!

AND I HAD NO GUILT WHATSOEVER.

After this week, I deserved it.

And I am here to say, SO DO YOU.

Just do it.

Make sure you’re doing what you have to, to get through this… whatever ‘this’ is to you.

Including, eating chocolate. 😉

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#1486 Train hard, work hard

I had such a good day on Friday. Training assessment and ALL.

I was even feeling full of energy on the last day of the week, after days of tension and nerves over starting at my new job…

But that all ended spectacularly today.

I was so stressed beyond belief this morning, at the onslaught of information coming at me, that it felt like my head was about to explode.

I was so frustrated, so anxious, I even felt like crying.

You see, I was getting A, J, M, X and even 4 to the power of 11 thrown at me, but I didn’t know how to link A to B C D E F G H I and then finally J, was struggling to find the connection between J K L M, and then to find a path between M and X?

Don’t even GO THERE.

(I’m still confused about 4 to the power of 11).

But, somehow, lunch came.

All hail.

And I did what came most naturally to me. I did what helped release tension from my body, and I spoke the words that would make me feel better, regardless of the response.

“I don’t know about you, but I was really struggling this morning.”

To my relief, it wasn’t only me. Others felt my pain. I was so glad I had spoken up, while also berating myself for being so hard on myself…

I have never done this before! Hell, it was guaranteed I’d be ripping my hair out.

Words were shared amongst colleagues, and my load was lessened. And at the end of it all, I got through.

I got through the day.

And that is as good a reason as any, to be grateful. ♥

 

#1458 The power in us

Often in life we can fall victim to negative thinking.

It’s all too easy to do.

Something bad or unpleasant happens to us…

Something we have no control over…

And we cry “BOO HOO.”

We complain about things that are seemingly out of our control, things we never desired in the first place, and things that just don’t seem fair.

There will be countless times in life when things don’t feel fair.

But we can do something about it.

And I’m not talking about changing the circumstance that came to us, or even employing ways to avoid negativity altogether…

I mean, using the power of our minds to stay in control.

Because NO MATTER WHAT happens in our lives, we have the power over how we will respond.

Every single time.

You may be sad…

You have the power.

You may be angry…

You have the power.

You may feel frustrated…

You have the power.

Life is the biggest test there is, both of a physical and mental kind. We don’t know what lies ahead, but we can be assured that we will cry as much as we will laugh.

But we need to flex our muscles… our mind muscles. We need to show life who is boss, take charge of our destinies, and take on the view that challenges only make us stronger.

We can still be upset for a while, if that makes things easier… but then we can choose to move on, and choose to be the master of our stories.

A Madonna lyric asks:

“Who is the Master, and who is the Slave?”

Well, who is it?

A lesson learnt today.