#1366 Moving on when shit gets hard

Ohhhhh.

It’s been one of those days.

I have been to the vet more in these past 6 weeks for our cat Mister F, then I ever have been for the 11 and a half years I had my childhood cat.

We’ve had Mister F for only 7 months now.

Lately, it feels like shit just keeps getting thrown my way.

Smile. Nod. No, things are getting better…

Shit.

Breathe in. Deep sigh. Step forward…

Shit storm.

Hold my head high. Shake the shit off…

MORE shit.

So there comes a time when you just go ‘enough is enough.’

I am going to whinge, and I am going to be cranky.

I am ALLOWED to be.

It’s been one of those days.

But then again, I laugh to myself (sarcastically of course)…

It feels like it’s been one of those weeks.

Months.

Shock horror… years even.

NOT JOKING.

Despite my hissy fits and bitch-fests about life today, I actually realised something.

I wasn’t throwing in the towel… because doing so would be so easy, right?

You stop trying. You stop hoping. You stop trying to make things better for yourself.

You just give up and… WAIL.

But I wasn’t there today. And I think despite all the crap flung my way, I felt a bit like “huh… okay.”

I wasn’t trying to pep myself out of it. I wasn’t trying to deny myself the negative feelings either. That would have been a disservice to myself, and been a bad move in the long run.

Withheld feelings are never a good thing.

But I just dealt with it. I am still, dealing with it. I think what I have come to realise is that this gratitude game takes a lot of work… even for a glass half-full gal like myself.

You can’t control everything. You can’t control life.

But you can control yourself. And sure I was no Mary Poppins today…

But also, that wouldn’t have helped me.

I guess what I am trying to say, is I am happy with my healthy reaction.

Pissed off. Cranky pants. Shit happens.

Shit happens again. And again. And again.

And so bloody what?Β 

Let’s move on now.

YES. Let’s move on… NOW.

 

#1336 Dress up, to not get down

Fake it ’til you make it.

That was my motto, my mantra today.

On a day where I both wanted to shy away from social interactions, yet didn’t want to be alone, I found myself in an annoying predicament…

Do I go, or do I stay?

I knew getting out was inevitable, and also that it would help my mood drastically. I knew that from the innermost depths of my soul.

It was still a tricky emotional state to manoeuvre.

So how did I overcome it?

I faked it.

I dressed up. I thought at the very least, if I looked good, I would start to feel good. There’s nothing like putting on a new outfit, and seeing yourself in the mirror as a completely well-adjusted, satisfied and sparkling person, to make you question any previous flailing thoughts about you, your life or current situation.

Because new clothes are real good at hiding your thoughts.

And, it worked. I had a great time, faking it, until I believed it.

And just in case I needed another pick me up?

Well, there is always coffee. πŸ€©β˜•

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#1334 The write quote

I was leafing through a writing book while at the library with baby girl today.

We’d had our obligatory coffee/babycino hit, and she had gone off to, I later found out, find up to 10 dvds to borrow, while I just kept on leafing.

I was looking at something to grab my attention, and then something DID.

A quote at the top of the page. Regarding rejection:

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“As the inventor Thomas Edison said, ‘Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.’ So, don’t give up too early. In fact, don’t give up at all. You may just be about to succeed.”

At a time when I’m deeply evaluating and questioning so much, in regards to writingΒ  and other parts of my life, this quote literally jumped out at me, from the most random yet perfect of pages.

So I closed it. And then I took it home. β€βœπŸ“–

#1294 The party keeps going at 50

Pink beads and accessories, over llama-corn pyjamas?

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Why, it must be the end of another party night. πŸŽπŸŽ‰πŸŽ‚

Another 50th, another amazing night. I say that like we have 50th birthday parties ALL THE TIME.

But it just so happens we’ve had some of our closest people turn 50 lately… and tonight it was my bro-in-laws turn.

And what a night. Bohemian Rhapsody singalongs, reminiscing with I Will Survive (many memories there) and a 2am wake up with Baby I’m a Star! ✨

And we’re still going.

Good night to you… not for us… πŸ‘ πŸŽŠπŸŽΆ

 

#1272 A Wintry and literary time out

You can understand the great ahh moment that came for me during the below photo I captured this afternoon, not just because, hey everyone loves a break, but the fact that…

In the morning the wind broke my Mary Poppins umbrella that I’ve had for over 10 years!

I got rained on MANY times

towels were shoved around various windows in the house due to the insane weather and water seeping in through the ferociousness of it all

it had rained both at school drop-off AND pick-up (of course, the Murphy’s Law school fairies strike again)

and I had this intermittent headache that was just dragging me down, symptomatic of my flu NOT wanting to let up.

Sigh.

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Which is why I sat on baby girl’s bean bag with my herbal tea this afternoon, looked at all my very inviting books all set up lovingly on my new/old bookcase, just whispering “read me, read me,” and decided to just peruse through, a few…

And what a wonderful way to chill out on a cold Friday afternoon… whether or not I got soaked that morning, it was still very much appreciated. β™₯ ( I did).

#1269 Sick Sunset

I am sick.

With a capital S-I-C-K.Β 

The one particular thing good about being struck down with flu symptoms this week is that it’s not… next week.

Birthday week.

Grasping at straws I know. Glass half-full syndrome, I know.

But this sunset. I caught a glimpse of it, and seeing the clouds getting pushed aside by those magnificent and vibrant orange-yellow colours… the 16 year-old in me went – “sick.”

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And judging by my definitions in an earlier post, I thought it was quite funny.

I also thought, “I want to be that orange, that yellow.”

“I want to push through the clouds.”

 

#1166 Of Course, it’s working

I sit at my laptop, day after day.

Night after night.

I squeeze in moments at work.

I think about it most of my spare time.

I think about it most of my ‘doing stuff’ time.

I lie in bed and count what I need to write.

I sit on the couch, and remind myself of what I am yet to catch up on my blog.

And I am writing even more now with this online course I am doing.

And simply, I am grateful to report, that the online writing course is working.

It is making me think. Reassess EVERYTHING. See things in a structured light, with themes and 3 acts and narrative questions and high stakes…

I love it. But it has made me realise one massive thing…

I have A LOT of work to do!

But it is my passion, therefore I will happily do it. β™₯