#2589 9 months between views

This morning I came back to sit on this bench.

I had sat here last time 9 months ago, either recently pregnant, or on the verge of becoming pregnant.

I was thinking death. I was thinking life. I was thinking a lot of things.

Today, I was thinking LIFE.

Strength, serenity. The power of Mother Nature and all that she goes through to return to a state of peace, such as what I saw today.

Beauty. Grace. Poise.

I thought of what lay ahead for me. What I had to channel. And how through the most difficult of storms, equilibrium is returned.

The Bay is shining again.

I thought of all of this and took it in.

Breathe in… breathe out.

Trust in the Universe. Trust in Life. Trust in Mother Nature.

Be reminded of her ancient wisdom. Everything will be alright. 🙏💞

#2583 Back for a bit

It was so good to be back here today!

I have been missing our regular Wednesday brunch spot during the holidays, so it felt really good to be back with Hubbie today, doing what we do best… drinking coffee, eating good food, and talking life. 😁💖

And to think… today may have been the last Wednesday we are there as a duo… next time, there might be an extra one under our wings! 🤰🙏🥰💞

#2539 So many reasons

Today was a great day.

A few nice things made me super grateful.

Firstly, baby girl’s swim lessons. She’s decided, with our approval, to stop swimming. She’s been doing lessons for 4 and a half years. She probably lost about a year due to two years of covid and lockdowns, but so did everyone else.

She knows how to swim. Stay afloat. Protect herself. All the water safety. At this stage, she’s not planning on becoming a professional, or joining the Olympic team.

She’s done enough.

She wants a break, and I totally agree. Today was her last lesson of the year, maybe forever, and all I could think of was that small kinder girl who first started all those years ago, a bit tentative, unsure, only wanting girl teachers not boys, who swam up the shallowest end of the pool.

Now she swims up the deep end.

So, I had some feels. I’m pregnant, so they hit me often. 🥰

I also had my family’s saint day, Sveti Nikola which they/we celebrate. I’ve spoken about this saint day before, a tradition that has been passed down from my grandad – my Mum’s dad – and probably many generations before that.

It was short and sweet, being a weeknight. But the sentiment was there, and I didn’t realise it until I was speaking it out loud, saying it’s nice to see each other, get together, even if for a bit. Yes, people are still working, still going to school (one more day for baby girl!) and it’s a busy time of year.

But to stop, get together, catch up, spend some time having one-on-ones with family, it was precious. Showing baby girl what family is, tradition is… it was priceless.

And then, just now. WordPress does this thing lately where it gives you a prompt to write a post. I do daily gratitude, so I don’t need a prompt… 🤣 BUT, today’s one got me, and I wrote a little bit and took a pic before deleting and writing all of this instead.

The prompt is the first line. My reply follows:

And so, I am just happy, for so many reasons. Growing up, family, looking forward to amazing things. I am claiming this as my time. I have done my due. I’ve gone through shit. I know with life being what it is, I will go through it again.

But I will claim this now, because I deserve it. 🙏💖

#2502 My climber

Baby girl had a birthday party to go to today, and it was a really lovely day since it was a very intimate group of her friends from school.

Also, she was in her element, climbing all over the place at the play centre…

Here, here and here:

Along with a bunch of other places too! She wasn’t afraid to go right to the top, her attitude was no-fear, go-get-them, and I think that’s about the perfect attitude to have, not just for climbing, but for all of life. 🤩🥰💖😍

#2455 Family support

It’s been a bit of a tricky day for me.

But I take comfort and find calm in the support around me, from many members of my family.

Their reassuring, realistic and steadfast words help me to believe, I can do this.

Baby girl’s sweet hugs.

Hubbie’s encouraging words.

My Mum’s flippant remarks (those work too, I assure you!)

My sister’s deep care and experience making me feel assured.

My cousin’s wealth of information, helping me to feel less alone, ‘I’m not the only one.’

It’s crazy to think, I have what I want, but I’m still getting there.

Life isn’t perfect. If anyone knows this, it’s me. And yet despite the challenges I’ve faced along the way, I still have the deepest gratitude for the life I live, and feel profoundly lucky to have what I have.

Which is love. Family support. Those that are there for me during hard times.

Thank you. 🙏💖

#2444 The sunset that wouldn’t give up

I have a lot to be grateful for.

But even so, the clouds were heavy today, and they seemed to weigh on me so much that I just wanted the day to be over.

It was gloomy, it was weird. I was crying out for sunlight.

But then something happened.

I snapped this photo in the evening.

And it reminded me of something I really shouldn’t have forgotten, because I should know better.

Can you see the sun’s rays breaking through the clouds, creating pools of light on the water below?

I remembered that the most beautiful things often come out of the most darkest times.

Those rays of sunlight would not be as beautiful if they hadn’t fought their way through the clouds to break free.

And when the clouds cleared even more, further beauty was waiting.

Even nature knows, not to give up. 🙏💖

#2434 We’re in the lap of the Gods

A photo memory on my phone made me twig at something today.

A quick Google search confirmed what I suspected to be true.

Freddie Mercury’s birthday.

5th September, 1946.

I made a point to put on one of Queen’s albums as I prepared dinner this evening. Sheer Heart Attack, it’s the one before their legendary A Night at the Opera, but it has great songs in its own right.

I find myself putting on these obscure not-as-popular CDs much more than I do their known ones. Queen, Queen II, Sheer Heart Attack. Not only has the sound not been killed on radio, but I actually really like their early sound of glam and hard rock/gospel/heavy metal.

One of my fave songs on Sheer Heart Attack is ‘In The Lap of the Gods… Revisited.’ Obviously they knew this was a good song as the album ends spectacularly on this song, as a kind of pinnacle of their collaborative album effort.

I think Freddie was in the lap of the Gods. The thing is, I think we all are to some degree. Much of my life has felt difficult the past few years, but despite my effort, trying, will, need to overcome, much of it did not fall into place, as if it wasn’t meant to, until the time was right…

I do believe we have power over our lives, but then I also believe that there are other things we can’t control. That is, in the hand of the Gods. I’ve shared my love for this song a couple times before, but I’ll link to an early live performance in 1974 (as opposed to the Wembley one in the 80s that I’ve shared here that’s sung a bit differently) and share some lyrics for you.

It’s a slow song, but oh so beautiful, and the chorus is anthem-like, a very addictive sing-a-long type song that will get stuck in your head. You have been warned.

Happy birthday Freddie, you legend you. 👑💪

“It’s so easy, but I can’t do it

So risky, but I gotta chance it

So funny, there’s nothing to laugh about

My money, that’s all you want to talk about

I can see what you want me to be

But I’m no fool

It’s in the lap of the Gods.”

#2425 Sunset musings

The sky looked pretty and bright this evening.

I reflected a lot during the day and then at night.

I spoke out loud, my hopes, my fears. Sometimes I can’t believe where I’m at. It hit me today, a few times.

“If I am sleeping let me never wake up.”

For the most part I am one with reality, it has sunk in. But then I buy another baby outfit with baby girl, some maternity wear… she laughs at me when I look at yet another onesie, but then she too coos over a cute neutral number that boy or girl can wear.

So we buy it.

We aren’t finding out the gender. I love people guessing. I love guessing. We can make a game of it. People get awfully heated too about their opinions of how you carry, while I just laugh and laugh.

I love it.

When I was pregnant with baby girl I had one friend tell me there was no doubt I was carrying a boy – everything about my tummy pointed to that. And yet when baby girl came out, they put their hands up in defense – “you’re proof the old wives tale is wrong!”

At this rate I’m collecting more clothes than baby will wear. I’m excited. I’ve earnt the right to feel this way too.

I am still craving juice. Juice juice juice. Boost juices have replaced my coffees, and I honestly don’t even miss that caffeine.

I’m not looking just bloated anymore. There is a definite bump. My tummy is stretching constantly, moving and shifting and giving me feels I have never felt before. It makes me feel like this is the first time, though my precious baby girl who kisses my belly nearly every day is proof that it isn’t.

I look out at the waters before me. They sparkle. Spring is coming. Will baby get to step into those waters next Summer, or will they be just a tad too small?

Maybe we can hope for an Indian Summer.

It makes sense. I’m having one in my own life right now. 😉🙏🏖️🩴

#2410 Plans and parties

I should have grown used to hiccups by now. After all of these years of delays and roadblocks, really, I shouldn’t be surprised.

And there was a damn full moon today too. 🤔

But we are nearly there. Sure there were times today I felt quite down about things not going to plan… but I won’t focus on those, because they are not part of the gratitude ‘quota.’

Instead I will pat myself and Hubbie on the back for all of our hard work done! All the tasks we achieved. The fun that is going to erupt. The playlists we tested out.

The awesome day that is going to be had. 😁

There is a lot of life that you can’t control. But what we can control is our attitude, and we will go in tomorrow smiling, music pumping, drinks flowing, food in abundance, and with games galore to keep old-er and young, happy. 💖🥰

#2401 Sunset time

You know what time it is…

Sunset time. 🤣

The sky was all yellow/orange tonight. It made me think of the many people that will pass through our house very soon, and the beautiful view we can share with them… not just of the sky, but of life. 🙏😍