#1621 Day 123 of getting there: finding the roar in my words

It wasn’t a surprise to me this morning, when a friend reminded me it was now officially, the season of the lion.

The Leo horoscope, was upon us.

Only it wasn’t really a reminder to me. I wait for the changeover to this feline month, and the last month of Winter, not just because I love cats and hate the cold, but mainly for the fact that it’s my birthday month, and a celebration month for A LOT of my family.

But, things are a bit different this year. It’s guaranteed there will be none of the usual birthday hoo-ha’s this August, and so for the last little while, I’ve turned my attention elsewhere.

Well, it IS always there… I’m just really engaging all of my energies into it.

Photo by Negative Space on Pexels.com

It’s a scary place to be. Putting yourself out there, exposing your passions and insecurities right there on paper/word doc/social media…

Allowing people into your mind, your heart, your soul. But it’s what I love, and so a part of me must be masochistic, because I keep doing what terrifies me most, inching forward increment by increment, hoping to God that everything stays smooth.

Everything keeps sailing.

I took a bit of a leap recently. I joined a local writer’s group. It’s no basement-budget style catch up either – it’s a proper, paid, yearly membership, where you immerse yourself with other like-minded, passionate writerly types as yourself.

Today I joined the closed facebook group for the club… and you know, it felt SO GOOD. I was kinda terrified of putting myself out there, as is normal since writing is uber-important to me, but I did what I’ve been doing all this year it seems… and pushed past the fear.

“What’s the big deal?”

“Why are you so scared?”

“Stop over dramatising!”

All very valid thoughts you might be thinking, I get it.

But imposter syndrome is a real thing, and trying to push past the self-doubts, the questions as to why you’re there, the fear of rejection or denial, of discovering you’re actually shit… all of those things are genuine fears that keep people from doing what they should be doing.

From pursuing their dreams.

But the thing to understand is, these self-doubts we all experience are completely normal, to some degree. We all have them, we all feel them at some point or another, and as long as they’re not physically or mentally debilitating to our psyche, if we learn to accept them and push past them anyway…

Guess what we’ve just done?

ROARED!

Photo by Frans Van Heerden on Pexels.com

I actually came across a lovely quote today, quite indicative of the step I took:

“Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.” – Brendan Francis Behan.

And how convenient, that we are talking about all of this courage, at this particular month…

During this particular season.

Try to channel the lion in you, and take a step closer to what you most love to do.

To the person that you most want to be.

Go on, do as I did. ROAR.

#1257 The month of the Roar

I honestly had forgotten. It had completely slipped my mind.

Until I saw it was my cousin’s birthday on social media… I hadn’t realised.

Hadn’t realised, the month of the Lion had begun.

ROAR!

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Photo by Jonatan Pie on Unsplash

And not only had I forgotten, but I had failed to remember for a couple of days already…

The sign of the lion started on the 23rd of July.

(Face palm).

How could I forget one of the most exciting times of the year???

I feel things heating up already… take that as you will 😉

#1229 Sign of the Crab

Do you know what just occurred to me?

It is June 27.

Yes yes, the day before the end of term 2, and as much as this makes me giddy with happiness to NO END, that isn’t what I am talking about here.

We are out of Gemini. We are now well and truly proper, in Cancer.

Do you know what that means?

In no time at all…

ROAR!

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Photo by Ivan Diaz on Unsplash

Baby girl and I, are counting down. 🙂 ♥

#913 What she said no. 6

I have been talking to baby girl about her birthday.

I have been talking to her about MY birthday.

And it comes as one, as I have been telling her about OUR birthday.

Our birthdays are on the same day.

I don’t think she really understood it when she turned 4 last year. I think she kind of figured “hey, it’s my birthday!” and then “hey, it’s your birthday!” and then assumed “hey, it’s everyone’s birthday, woo hoo!”

This year though, only a week or so ago, I sat her down properly and said that I actually shared a birthday, with her. I further explained that many years ago, on my birthday, she had jumped out of my tummy (no need for specifics just yet) and gone “Surprise! I’m here!” and it was the best birthday present I could have EVER asked for.

She later went on to tell me that her birthday was still first. Well actually darling, no because I was born in the morning and you were in the afternoon, and also, I have 30 years on you my little Lion.

But then, she started to get it. And she has been so mature about it, including me in her birthday celebration countdown. I said to her today something about it being her birthday tomorrow, and she replied

“And your birthday Mama.”

Tug at my heart right there. Kids are selfish let’s be honest. So for her to keep including me like this every time there was a mention of our birthdays today, well it just melted my heart sooo much.

She is happy to share it with me.

“Yay, Mama tomorrow my birthday AND your birthday!”

:):):)

And then this convo, while tucking her in tonight…

“Good night my 4 year-old.”

“Me not 4 me 5!”

“No, tomorrow you’ll be 5, you’re still 4 tonight.”

Pause. “Me turning 5 tomorrow, and you turning 64!”

And then we LOLd and LOLd. :):):)

 

#390 Baby girl’s naps no.2 – catch-up

This post has very little to do with baby girl, and all to do with what I do when she is NOT around.

I’m lucky that at the age of 3 and a half, she still naps. About, an hour to 90 minutes a day, sometimes even 2 hours if we’ve been to the beach, or she’s been to kinder or run around heaps. And even then I start to make a lot of noise at the 90 minute mark, as I know that putting her to bed that night might be a tad difficult after a long nap.

She’s just like her Mum. She loves her sleep, and I’m fortunate to say, she always has.

Today she went for an hour 40 minutes. During this time, I plop myself in front of the laptop, and begin all kinds of writing tasks/passions.

Today it was personal journal writing; food review writing; and book review writing.

I’ve been behind in my food and book reviews for so long. Soooo long. You know when you are so behind in something, you start to consider giving it up?

‘It’s too hard. I can’t keep up.’

‘My life is too busy right now.’

‘This is getting out of hand.’

‘Maybe I’ll try this in 5 years time.’

I wasn’t sure, whether any of it was worth it. The reviews. The blog. Even the gratitude. I question myself on some days, when things are hard, when time is pressed, and I don’t think I’m going anywhere.

But, I am grateful for the stubborn Lion that I am.

Because I just can’t freaking give up so easy. It’s not in my DNA.

You shouldn’t either.

As hard as it has been in the last months/years/life since parenthood (!) I have still persevered. I have moved EVER SO SLOWLY. And I fortunately, have not given up. These moments I get when baby girl is napping, and then when she is sleeping late at night, I am able to move on, to try and catch up, to keep things going with my blogs, my personal writings, my passionate pursuits, as much as I can.

They are slow, ever so slow, baby steps. A snails pace. And there are days when I have to do other things. ‘Responsible’ things. I can’t write every day, and those days feel so wasted on me. But when I can, I try my damn best.

But today, after doing some more writing, and then taking a kind of step back to go ‘hmm, my food reviews are almost catching up,’ and ‘hmm, I’m heading through my current book review at a decent pace’ (with 3 more looming in the background but that’s not the point!) I felt, good. I felt like, I was getting somewhere. And I started to feel like, I might actually be catching up.

That was such a good feeling. And I am so grateful, I had it. More so, I’m grateful that baby girl’s reliable naps, gave me the opportunity for it 🙂

#383 Somerville Family Day

We hadn’t yet been to Somerville, a 15-20 minute drive from our house back into bushland, so the Family Day being advertised during the Long Weekend there, seemed the perfect excuse to check it out.

There was something for ALL, which made it a great few hours spent. Cars were on show for Hubbie, the first point of call. Live music came from musicians playing up on the big stage in the centre of the grounds, with rides of all sorts scattered around it, for both the little and big kids. Food stalls were on the outskirts on one side, while craft and a whole other range of stalls bordered the other side.

There were a good number of jumping castles, pony rides took kids around for a walk, and again, FACE PAINTING.

Today she chose to be a “Roar!” Lion.

We grabbed some food – the twisty potatoes that I can’t deny myself, ever

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and wandered around ’til the brilliant sun made us oh-so-tired and ready for some cool surroundings, and home.

All in all, a great Autumn’s day. Definitely a Family Day winner 🙂

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#171 I outbid them

It’s become a bit of the norm now, me posting post-midnight on a Saturday night/early Sunday morning.

Things are done, events happen, circumstances change, enlightening moments are had. D&Ms, partying hard, routine completely out-of-whack, no time to rest – these are all the elements of what constitute me usually posting so late on a Saturday. Usually one, or many elements join together to make it a memorable and jam-packed day.

But what if all of the above happened in one day?

Today, my blogging friends, was a big day.

You know that speech Jerry Maguire gives towards the end of the film when he walks in on Dorothy during her sister’s group for ex-wives/disgruntled women/desperate-and-dateless-whatevers, he says something along the lines of their company having had a huge night, a very big night.

I am Jerry Maguire, saying that today was mammoth. Because today I learnt for real, that dreams can come true. They do.

Today I bid at my first auction, and won our Sea change house. I still can’t freaking believe it. It happened. It really happened. It’s still happening, and I need to seriously pinch myself.

I was freaking out. I had to do it without Hubbie. He couldn’t get out of work for the auction, so I had a large support team with me: my Mum, sister, bro-in-law, and of course my good luck charm, baby girl.

And boy was she good luck.

Having never raised a hand at any auction before, today, I brought it home. Amidst intense competition. I was scared and shaking and dizzy, and somehow I pulled a poker face and planted some sunnies on to shield my eyes Jerry Maguire style, and I brought the mother fucker home.

We will now be moving to our beach-side lifestyle, our Sea change dream, our destination of destinations, in a matter of months.

I am not only so grateful we got it – WE GOT IT! – but I am so happy that I managed to hold it together and find that fire within me, that force that is to be reckoned with, that Lion that announces itself with a “ROAR.”

I realised that that feline in me has been stifled for quite some time. Call it life’s pressures, insecurities, doubts. Whatever. But I was reminded of what I have in the depths of my soul, and at the end of the day, I had to rise to the challenge, because… who else would do it? Not my neighbour. Not my colleagues. I wanted the house, Hubbie was unable to come, and I came to the party. Which I’ll be throwing for quite a while now let me assure you.

The main message out of all of this?

Dreams can come true. They do. You just need to find the fire within you.

Stay passionate and unrelenting.

Keep positive vibes flowing around you. Don’t let any toxicity or toxic people into your sphere of dreams.

Keep your vision clear, and bright in your mind, and feel the joy that comes with it.

I sound like The Secret I know, but seriously, this shit is real. I learnt that myself today.

And then came the applause… the auctioneer yelled “SOLD!” and I laughed as everyone in the yard started clapping for me, in shocked disbelief about their genuine happiness, baby girl chiming in and laughing at them all, unaware that her whole life was about to change…