#604 Shopping with my girl no.6

Yes, material things were bought today. But none that stand out, even close, amongst the heart-warming, funny and charming moments I had with my baby girl.

She held my hand without question and skipped with me through the car park as we headed into the centre, pointing out all the different coloured cars around us.

As we had a bite to eat, she sat on my lap so I could help her with her food, turning to me and kissing and hugging me tenderly as I did so.

As we left the food court, she saw some ice creams with lollies advertised in a Wendy’s: she turned to me, and did her whole routine – “Mama, Mama, Mama, stop, stop, stop. No babycino, coffee, Mama have ice cream, me have ice cream!”

I actually died laughing, walking off and assuring her that yes, coffee would most definitely be had, and we would come back with her Dad and have ice cream all together another time.

And then later as we were having said coffee with sweets, and I pulled out my phone to take some snapshots of my darling girl enjoying her babycino, she pulled one of her adorable

I-am-so-cute-but-cheeky-too-and-I-know-you-still-love-me faces:

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Argh, this girl. She makes me so happy. She is at a stage where outings with her like this have become easier, and even, are enjoyable. We never stopped going out at any phase of her ‘toddler growth,’ but I have to say, being the stage and age she is at, she just gets things more. She listens more. She needs less coaxing and prodding, there are less arguments and tantrums, and much more happy faces while sucking on chocolate-y spoons like the above.

It’s a beautiful stage, and the precious moments from today I will hold with me dearly forever.

I still have my frustrating, want-to-bang-my-head-against-the-wall moments at night when she won’t go to bed, but as in Life, always, BALANCE.

Glass half-full gal tries to focus on the positives. And there are A LOT of them.

You should too 😉

 

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#596 Motherly Moments no. 3

I am tucking her into bed. Both her, and her stuffed toy version of Lah Lah.

“Good night Mama, best friend in the WHOLE world.”

Bang. Grabs my heart. Wins the daily gratitude game with just 9 words.

As are you baby girl. Always and forever. ♥♥♥

#593 Stupid time-wasters…

I feel soooo guilty.

I actually don’t have all that much time to spend doing what I wanna do. I am constantly in a state of ‘must-write,’ and yet having a little girl and a part-time job, a fussy (yet so lovable) Hubbie, and constant 24 hour responsibilities OF LIFE, mean I don’t get to write as much as, or when, I’d like to.

I don’t even get to watch the TV shows I love. My Foxtel planner is currently full of 50+ unwatched Bold and the Beautiful eps, and the only reason I get to watch the current season of The Bachelorette is because I practically demand it.

I haven’t even watched any NEW movies, for about 5 years now, let alone an old fave, in soooo long. I am hanging.

Which is why, to do a totally useless thing, a completely time-wasting activity, feels so horrible, and yet at the same time, so so good…

sodapop

Hangs head in shame.

I know. I am sooo late to the party. I think this was huge 5 years ago, and yet for some reason still unknown to me, when I saw the link on my computer as I was adding up sums on my laptop calculator for ‘boring as bat-shit’ bills, I thought “is this a freebie?”

I didn’t expect it to be a full-blown game. I thought it would be ‘meh,’ and not only ‘meh,’ but it would immediately lead me to a section where I would have to go online to pay before I could gain full access to the game.

But it didn’t.

And so for nights now, after doing my obligatory writing projects (gratitude post, personal journal) I have been moving up stages in Candy Crush Soda Saga.

God Help Me. I am up to Stage 17. And even earlier today, as I had 20 minutes or so to wait until my cauliflower soup had simmered to a ready stage, instead of doing something useful online, say, like ANY writing…

I moved up 3 stages. Damn.

I am getting really addicted. I feel bad to be doing something so trivial, so useless, and so inconsequential to the progression of LIFE, but I think at the same time that is what is so appealing about it all …

Because as Women, Wives and Mothers, our lives are full to the brim with responsibility and jobs and routine and drop-offs and lunches and cooking and cleaning and bills and paperwork and work work work work work of ALL KINDS.

So although there are so many things that need constant doing…

Sometimes, not doing anything important at all, feels like the most freeing, and therefore important thing to do.

Yes, this post is about my gratitude to Candy Crush. Yes, I know. I never ever ever EVER thought…

soda pop 2

 

#583 Zumba and my Mini-Me

I think it’s the onset of Spring, and the increase of milder weather, that has seen our family getting more active as of late.

And to all of you Mother’s out there: I know. I feel ya. Totally. I only started trying to get into some kind of exercise routine once baby girl started once-a-week kinder sessions this year, so I know, it’s hard. Even more so when you want to get fit again, don’t have the luxury of uninterrupted kid-free time, and you just don’t know how you’ll fit it all in.

But I say one thing to you: try.

Just try.

The first time I decided to do my Zumba workout with baby girl in the room, she did not let me have it! Whinging, complaining, crying for my attention, grabbing my leg, standing right next to me so I had to stop what I was trying to do, in fear of knocking her out in the process.

I felt horrible, deflated, and guilty. All normal feelings as a Mother, I know. But I just felt shit.

Shit for not succeeding.

Shit for making her cry.

Shit for trying to have a life for a short while other than that of a Mother.

I don’t even know why a week later, I tried it a second time. I think then I had decided I had to give her something, and my phone with kids playing with toys on youtube, was the perfect antidote.

It actually was.

She sat nearby, watching videos for 30 minutes, occasionally looking up at me and saying “good job Mama!” as I huffed and puffed.

Aww this girl. She melts my heart.

She also asked about 7 times during that period if I was finished – “not yet” I’d respond breathlessly. “5 minutes.”

Is what I said every 4 minutes.

Lately though, a further change. I tell her I’m doing some Zumba, and she goes and gets the DVD for me. Pops it in the player…

And then starts to workout, with me.

It’s something I never would have expected, especially back when she was practically crying for my attention. It’s such a hard place to be in, because of the horrible Mum guilt you feel when they want you, and yet you are trying so hard to reclaim that old, personal part of you, and move towards something that both helps, motivates, and inspires you to be a better person – and meanwhile they are still crying in the background.

It’s not like they want your attention once a day. OMG, that would be easy-peasy. No. It is a hundred times a minute, and it is constant, never-ending, and fatefully ongoing, every second of every hour of every day of every every every every DAY.

You are their greatest idol, and they your greatest cheerleader. You wouldn’t have it any other way. But it is still, hard.

So today. I am warming up, doing my moves. I take off my socks so that they don’t slide on the carpet. She too stops and takes off her socks. Then, I take off my hoodie because I am getting hot. She stops and gets my help in taking off her jumper, so she is only wearing her long-sleeve singlet.

And we are there side-by-side, me and my Mini-Me, reclaiming carpet space and dancing in Latino bursts.

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She only lasted about 5 minutes before growing bored and wandering off to play with Peppa Pig Lego and watch TV. But those 5 minutes were pure gold. I was chuffed.

And not only is it cool to have a little version of me prancing around to Zumba, but it is nice to know that our healthy habits are rubbing onto her, and setting good examples for her life ahead.

So she is now letting me exercise, doing it herself, and we are both happy?!

That is a whole lot of gratitude there ♥♥♥

#578 Mumhood moments

I was going to write about something completely different tonight, and even that it took ages to get inspired about.

Nothing particularly bad happened today, yet at the same time, there was nothing novel.

Nothing novel to write about (yes, deliberate pun).

And then I took my laptop to bed, opened it up, and found this

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and suddenly I had a new reason to be grateful.

Baby girl had given me the sticker earlier in the day, because I had been a “good good girl.”

When a 4 year-old gives you a sticker, that’s something spesh.

And I realised once again, that I am at a beautiful time of life, and though it be on my very important writing equipment, I will take all the stickers now, while I can.

#557 What she said

Sleep-coma was threatening to win me over at any moment.

I was so tired as I struggled to fight the fog, reading baby girl a book in the dark of her room, against her dim Skye lamp.

But soon it was done. She wanted some face tapping, which I promptly followed with, and then she was going to do it on me, so I closed my eyes and settled in for some random and non-parallel taps from her gentle fingers all over my face.

She ended by kissing me on the forehead, just as I always do for her.

I quickly tucked her in, getting comfortable sitting on the toy box beside her as I did every night, waiting for her to fall asleep. Then –

*lip-smacking sounds!*

She wanted another kiss. I leaned in quickly – do not fight the requests, it only delays everything that much more – and we gave each other kisses. To which she then said,

“Mama best friend.”

Awww.

“You’re my best friend too,” I whispered to her giving her another kiss.

“Yeah best friend, in whole world!”

Awww. I mean, that there. I’m done.

Tick tick tick. I’ll remember that moment, these memories, and this age, forever and ever and ever.

♥♥♥

#554 That I have a Mum, and doing ‘Mum’ things…

I was shocked, and then immediately saddened, to learn today that the Mother of one of my oldest and dearest friends, had passed away last night.

I knew she had been sick, but still I had had no indication that her condition was getting worse. I knew it might be a long road ahead, which is why I didn’t see this coming.

I called my friend, and told her if I were closer, I’d give her a big hug. We cried. I sent her my love and support.

Then I got off the phone, and sat, with some more tears, before baby girl found me and took me into her play area.

I was grateful. Grateful I could do these ‘Mum’ things, and even just as grateful, that I still had a Mum.

I called my Mum and told her the news. We spoke some more, and it was so nice that when I called, I could hear her voice.

Later on I made a cake with baby girl. I used some sponge cake that had passed its use by date, and also some cream that was weeks old, but had been unopened.

Both were perfectly fine.

I threw in some melted chocolate, and melted white chocolate, that I had used for recipes weeks and months ago, that had gone hard again in the fridge, and melted them again.

I whipped the cream. Added berries.

And the cake was pretty damn good.

How is this at all relevant? There’s a metaphor in there somewhere. About re-using what you think is no good, and holding it all together…

That I have a Mum, and doing ‘Mum’ things.