#2025 Alive again

Once upon a time there was a little girl.

She wasn’t a baby, but she wasn’t yet grown either, far from it.

She was in that beautiful in-between stage, of growth, of wonder. An abundance of delicate naivety followed her wherever she went.

She was a friendly, happy girl. She talked it up without hesitation amongst adults, and yet played up a storm with her peers, creating magical worlds, chasing each other around the yard, and racing through the playgrounds, side by side.

She was all light, all magic. She had a deep drive for adventure, with an innate desire of curiosity shining from her eyes.

Then one day, a virus came.

It came seemingly out of nowhere and spread through the world.

Lockdown, after lockdown, after lockdown.

After the 6th one, it started to catch up.

It started to catch up to the girl.

The things she used to love, she did no more. She didn’t want to go out. Home, home, home and that’s where she wanted to stay.

She used to beg to accompany her parents on the grocery shop trip – she no longer cared.

When her neighbour called her to come out… she said she was busy.

She was tired, flat. She wasn’t herself.

Her Mum noticed. She mentioned it to a health professional, who concurred –

“She seems sad. She’s withdrawing.”

The course of action? Getting out of the house more. What she always used to do.

Her mum suggested a beach walk.

But the girl rejected it.

This former lover of sand and sea, said she didn’t want to put on sunscreen.

But… she came around.

And they went to the beach.

And the girl… became alive again.

The sea air, woke her up. The cold snap of the ocean shook something within her soul. She was scavenging for rocks and shells, dipping her body in the water, and laughing like she hadn’t in a long time.

She had found happiness again.

They went home, and her Mum told her Dad… and her Mum cried. She cried because she saw how close her girl had gotten to getting sadder, and sadder, and sadder.

That Mum is me. That girl, is my girl.

My baby girl.

This virus is taking lives, as well as our wellbeing.

But let’s not forget the other virus. The silent one.

The one that infiltrates our thoughts. The one that removes all sense of joy, of purpose, and of passion.

That is the dangerous one we must look out for. We must keep our children’s wellbeing in full view, and keep a close eye on them.

Sure, stay safe from the virus. But we need to keep them safe from dark thoughts. 🙏💖

#2005 The brave one

For baby girl’s home-school writing task today, she had to write about herself, using similes.

Some came to her mind so easily… “I’m as loud as a lion!”

(I can attest to that!)

Others she thought of for a bit longer.

“I’m as slow as a pigeon!”

(Sorry, I can’t tell you why she chose that one!)

But when she spoke out her idea for ‘brave,’ I gasped.

I’m as brave as Mum.

Oh. 😭💖

Here is the completed piece:

I was super touched that she put me down for that attribute. It was a special moment, and as I sat working at the desk, it seriously brought a tear to my eye. Sure I have gone through things, things that she definitely would stop and think about, things that would even scare her… and as much as I was proud that she’d thought of me when thinking of bravery… to be absolutely honest, I thought of me.

When she had first gotten to ‘brave,’ a thought had crossed through my head: ‘What if she picks me?’

And I guess thinking that, on instinct, means I believe I am too.

I wouldn’t have said so years ago. But I truly believe it now.

And it’s a nice place to be. 💖

#1978 Corn chips and pistachios

Something that makes me happy, time and time again on a Friday night, with or without lockdown, is this.

CORN CHIPS and PISTACHIOS.

They make me sooo happy.

This is how it goes:

Everyone goes to bed. Hubbie because he works Saturdays. Baby girl because, well she’s 7.

I creep into the kitchen. Take out a bowl and pour CCs into it.

(Now I need to pour, because God help me if I eat from the bag, it will ALL be gone).

Then I take my little Tupperware container of pistachios, and after I’ve finished the corn chips, slowly (savouring every bite I might add, while I do things like write and watch Netflix) I use the empty bowl to put all my empty pistachio shells in.

And I am in absolute heaven.

This is Mum time. This is ME time. It makes me so happy, and this little routine act really cements that it’s the end of the working week, and the beginning of free days ahead.

Ahhh.

I have a little joke with Hubbie. He laughs when he opens the bin early the next morning to find all these pistachio shells just sitting there. 😂😬

Oh well. 🤷‍♀️

#1910 Mother’s Beach Day

How was today made special for me?

Well, I got little school gifts purchased from the Mother’s Day stall last week.

I didn’t have to do the grocery shopping (praise the Lord!)

AND… I relaxed by the bay.

😍😍

We did everything by the water today. We ate near it, bringing ourselves some food and bubbly…

We went to the park.

We got coffees and drank them on the sand.

And we just lay there, doing NOTHING as baby girl made sandcastles nearby.

NOTHING. Ahhh.

And we were at, get ready for it… Mother’s Beach.

Talk about appropriate. 💖💖

Happy Mothers Day for ALL the Mums today.

For the old Mums, and the young Mums.

For the angel Mums with wings.

For the Mums with angel babies.

For the ‘should-be’ Mums.

For the adoptive Mums.

For the step-Mums.

For the fur baby Mums.

For the trying Mums.

For the solo Mums.

I see you. I hear you. I feel you. 💖💖

#1884 My little helper

I am so simple lately.

(You might even say boring, but meh 🤷‍♀️)

I hit a wall after lunchtime, I was freezing cold, and then BANG!

Sleep overwhelmed me.

Well I couldn’t sleep, duh I have a child. But I did lay down on the couch, and baby girl brought me her musical merry-go-round figurine to lull me to sleep, and my water bottle and my phone, all within reach.

Awww.

But balance… she oh-so-quietly complained I had to get up and make my coffee, as well as her BABYCINO.

No rest for the tired here. Just as well we have caffeine. 💪☕

#1880 Bunny movie time

I took baby girl to a movie today.

It’s been a REALLY long time. It was made all the more fun because

a) it was a voucher given to her some time ago, and

2) we thought it may have expired, because well, IT HAD EXPIRED.

But, in true post-covid world fashion, the use of the voucher had been extended, affording us the ability to use it and have the best time today!

We went to watch Peter Rabbit 2 at the Vjunior cinemas. It was brilliant. I zoned in and out for most of the time, (let’s be honest, I was with child after all) and when the kids went bezerk at the ‘pause’ mark to run up to the mega slide, I slid my legs out across the tiny aisle from my beanbag seat and went –

“Ahhh.”

But it actually was a really sweet and thrilling movie, and I took great pleasure watching baby girl’s smiling face, happily devouring her kids pizza, snacking on seemingly endless popcorn, and giving me a heartfelt ‘thank you’ when I got her a surprise chocolate milkshake.

F%$K it. It’s school holidays, give them all they want.

It fills my heart. 💖

#1869 The student leader

Baby girl has been hanging to be student leader since day 1.

What does the student leader do? Well they work in pairs. One girl, one boy. One pair, per week.

Then it changes.

You know, buggered if I know what they do. She mentioned emptying the compost, getting the lunch orders, I think they organise chairs, and stuff like that in class… 🤔

You know, it doesn’t REALLY sound like fun, but the fact is it gives them responsibility, and makes them feel special.

I’m surprised she didn’t remember ’til like 2 hours after school finished today, but she came to me wide-eyed, all smiley, and said –

“Mama, you might jump out of your chair.”

I held my breath, wondering if HER dreams had come true.

“You know how the student leaders are one girl, and one boy…”

“Are you the student leader?” I burst out. I was soooo happy for her. She was sad every time she mentioned missing out on the prestigious cleaning-up-after-everyone gong, and so I really wanted her to get it, just so she didn’t feel left out.

Just so she would be happy. 😄

I just want her happy.

I still don’t get what makes it so cool, but if it makes her happy, I am happy that she is happy.

And she is HAPPY. 😁😁

#1863 Wiping my tear

The rain started, right before the end of school bell rang.

I was already there with my umbrella, and baby girl’s. God forbid I forgot the purple unicorn umbrella with ears, oh oh oh.

I watched the rain come in fast, like sheets on an angle, getting in and behind people running through it, and even reaching people like me who thought they were safe with a nylon canopy covering their heads.

Baby girl, and the rest of the school kids emerged from their classes, bolting, and SCREAMING. They weren’t worried about the rain. They just wanted to have a good time and let everyone know it too.

Baby girl ran over to me at the low fence, throwing her bag over and doing the tricky manoeuvre she does so well and so often, as she swung her legs over it, cheating the kids who were passing normally through the school gate 50 metres away…

But only this time, she didn’t do it so well.

As she came down on the other side, she hit the unseen part of her chin against the fence.

“Ow!”

I could tell it was a decent hit, not by looking at it, but simply by the look in her eye.

But, it was raining. We were walking fast to the car with our umbrellas, and only when we were almost there did I ask her to tilt her head up so I could see the damage.

Ouch. Blood. And a good mark.

But, I shouldn’t have told her that. 🤦‍♀️

There were tears. She was wiping at the cut constantly, blood always blotting onto the paper. At home I told her she must put Dettol on it… it was a wire fence after all… and she screamed, and cried, and screamed, and cried.

And I screamed, and pleaded, and screamed, and pleaded.

She touched it with her bare hands, all grotty still from school.

“No! Don’t do that! Use the Dettol!”

This went on for so long. My ears were ringing from our feverish cries. I was desperate for her to listen to me, so I could help her, while still trying to calm her nerves and assure her all would be well…

But then all of a sudden, I just broke.

I broke. I started to sob, and these felt like actual gasps of sadness escaping from my heavy heart, so terribly upset and desperate, so so desperate I was to help her, but she wouldn’t accept my help.

My heart cried, and the tears fell.

And it got her attention. Her breathing slowed, and her tears stopped falling for a moment as she looked at me, telling me it was alright.

And then she wiped a tear from the corner of my eye.

And just like that, the roles were reversed.

I don’t know why that moment has stayed with me today. To be honest the rest of the day I’ve been pretty flat and cranky.

Even though she let me dab the sore two times quickly with Dettol…

Even though I begged her to put on a band-aid, and she reluctantly agreed…

Even though it seems to be healing, and she’s now sleeping sans band-aid…

I’ve still felt heavily low and flat, and I think it has to do with my emotional outburst. Our screaming match actually traumatised me, and only a good sleep will be able to reset me, us, fully.

But that tear moment… something about it.

It almost brings another tear to my eye. 💖😪

#1841 Mummy-daughter dinner date

It was Monday evening, therefore Hubbie was off to his basketball game.

It left baby girl and me alone. I had made her fave… who am I kidding, OUR fave, spaghetti bolognaise.

We sat across from each other and ate, slurped, and talked.

The dynamic was completely different. And by no means do I mean it’s because Hubbie was gone. Rather, because it was 2.

Us two.

I have no doubt the same would have occurred had I been out, and Hubbie had been home with her.

But we really talked. I asked her about school.

“What’s your favourite part of school?”

“Snack time and lunch.”

🤣🤣

Well OF COURSE. It was always going to be play time. But I prodded some more. Learnt some things about their class. Their teachers. Her friends. And when I asked her to pick her favourite classes, she replied ‘art’ and ‘French.’

Awww. She’s already a young creative. I love it. 😍😍

I told Hubbie about it when he got home. I hope you too, can take something away from this.

Because it’s all well and good when you’re a family unit, together… but something changes when it’s just you and them. Maybe they feel more heard? Maybe they feel they can open up more? Whatever it is, I strongly encourage you to have a little dinner date, whenever it may be… with your littlie. 💖💖

#1830 Me time, beach time

At least once a year, I try to do a beach visit ON MY LONESOME.

You might think that is soooo easy living by the beach and all… but let me explain.

I am a Mum, so I have Mum duties. Baby girl has to be at school.

I am a wife, so I have wife duties. Hubbie has to be at work.

I do everything else around the house, so like, it has to be a chore ‘light’ day…

I work, so it needs to be a work free day.

We live in Melbourne, so we need to have good weather…

😮😮🤣🤣

AND if all of THAT wasn’t enough, we are living in the time of corona, so we need Dan to let us go to the beach!

Phew. That’s a long list.

Can you see why I only aim for once a year?

Maybe in due time, more solo visits will be possible. Maybe yes, maybe no.

All I know is, I chilled for an hour or two…

read a book…

dipped my toes into the warm water…

let the sun beat down on me…

and closed my eyes to the swirl of waves, wind and little kids squealing around me.

The sound was so full. But my mind was so peaceful. 💖🏖