It can get boring and monotonous and tiring, doing what I do.
But I remind myself of all of the beautiful things from my corner of the world.
Like tonight’s sunset.
Even if I can’t be out there right now… I can admire it from in here. 🙏🥲🌅❤
Or just family-sent, but in my case it feels same-same.
I had a really rough night the night before. 2 hours sleep type rough night. Chuck overall newborn sleep deprivation, confusion, hormones, conflicting advice, too much information and overwhelm into the mix, and you end up with a very sad and spent new newborn mama.
My parents and sister came over on the perfect day, the day which was actually the worst day, today.
They provided love, comfort, advice, positive words and validation, support, food and sleep (I napped while they watched baby boy).
I’m now going into the nights with cautious hope, some semblance of confidence, and the knowledge that bad days are part and parcel of this stage… but I am getting there slowly, just as all newborn mamas have gotten there before me.
Moment by moment. Hour by hour. Day by day.
Thank God for people like this. So grateful to my family. 🙏❤😘😘
I’ve happily said this before, but I speak so much from the heart I honestly am lost as to which one means more.
I have two things to be grateful for:
Baby boy gave me a 3 hour block of sleep last night! And if I slept that long, that means HE slept that long overnight. It’s the first time I’ve had over 2 hours sleep since having baby boy over 3 weeks ago, so that is great.
The second one is… I headed out.
With Hubbie’s urging that I get out of the house for my sanity, I went to a local cafe with baby girl AND now baby boy… my first solo parenting gig with both kids! I was probably more excited than nervous, and my positive vibes were for good reason as baby boy slept the whole time we were out – at cafe and the adjacent park!
And although I don’t have the photo evidence of my 3 hours sleep as I do breaking out of the house, rest assured that the prospect of future prolonged sleep spells mean as much to me as uninterrupted coffee time. And if you know my love for coffee, you know that is A LOT. 🙏❤☕😴
I’m grateful for two big things.
To think he arrived into the world early Feb, and now we are in March. Most days, and all nights have been long, but the fact that the month has ticked over and he is close to being a month old, gives me hope that some days now will go quicker, pass easier, and bring more smiles than cries from him.
Despite the hardships, I AM trying to enjoy the little moments… him falling asleep on my chest. The way he smiles/laughs in his sleep.
We’re getting there. 🙏🥰
All my days are filled with appointments.
Or that’s what it feels like.
Lately it’s most of my Wednesdays. Because it’s one of my only days off, I tend to overfill it so that my work days remain just for work.
After 4 things last Wednesday, read 4... I had nothing today.
Nothing at all! Still busy, but nothing to rush off to. 🙏
I did have part two of my online childbirth class… and can I say, it was mighty meaty in its content. 😲😬
It left me in a bit of a state… a case of TMI, too much information.
Even for a Mum who’s already been there, done that.
I guess that online class made up for the lack of elsewhere… 🤣🤦♀️
One of the nicest things you get to experience as a Mum, is when you are still privy to your child’s conversations.
Let me explain.
I picked up baby girl along with her friend from school today… definitely a well overdue raincheck for all the times her Mum helped me when my car was broken down weeks ago.
And I loved it.
I could hear their lingo. Hear them talking about friends, stuff they do, what they like… catchphrases, like ‘Ya,’ (but a dragged out “yaaaa”) and the infamous one most parents would know by now, ‘Bruh.’
🤦♀️🤣
Then after a bit of a play at home, I took them back to school to engage in this Kaboom Sports activity thing for the whole school, where kids ran around, and parents sat on picnic blankets and comfy fold-up chairs and had a chinwag amongst each other.
The girls had gotten changed at home. Put on pretty skirts, tops both tucked in, and then pulled out, just that little bit.
I think they wanted the engagement, to be amongst friends, rather than wanting to play in any sports… but they did both.
It was nice getting a window into their world today, as they talked, joked, and mucked about.
While I am allowed to hear it. I am blessed. 🙏💖
In amongst our many jobs today, we managed to head down to the main street to vote early at a local voting centre before Saturday’s state election.
It was really close to baby girl’s school, so seeing as it was the afternoon already, we decided to park in our normal pick-up spot, walk to the main street, do the voting, plus tend to other random things before getting her a couple hours later.
We only realised as we parked that it was lunch time at her school! Of course. I was like “let’s walk along the school gate in case we see baby girl playing outside.” Now the school is big, it’s not like the only play area is the street we were on. My hopes weren’t high, especially as we first went by the canteen and basketball court with so many kids with senior school tops on (not baby girl’s year for a couple more years).
We kept on walking, keeping an eye out, and then suddenly Hubbie went –
“Look, there’s baby girl!”
Sure enough, there she was! Running! School hat on, shrieking, clearly playing some kind of chasey game, the red pipe cleaner and red string she’s attached to her school hat hanging behind her. Hubbie called out her name and she looked over and saw us as she ran, and kept running! 🤣
5 seconds later, and she’d lost whoever she needed to and run to greet us at the fence. A beaming smile, her eyes wide, cheeks flushed. She grabbed my hand, and we told her where we were going and what we were doing. Her old friend was there, friends since kinder days, chomping on a vegemite scroll, and we said hi to her while another newer friend asked, “is that your parents?”
Soon, the game began again and she shrieked once more, all the girls dispersed and ran off, chasey commencing again.
Oh, my heart. 💖
It was the best thing to witness, because I am asking her every day who she plays with, what she does, and her answers are cagey and vague in their lack of descriptions. 🤦♀️ Kids, right? Also, I’m always encouraging her to cast her net and play with different people, not just the same 2 girls. I saw about 4 girls there, and even 2 boys, which I think is great! I think it’s great to break that gender gap and have girls and boys playing together from young, knowing they can be friends with each other as much as girls and girls, and boys and boys can be.
I know she is my daughter, and she is always beautiful to me… but she looked so beautiful in that moment. Eyes sparkling. Laughing. Rosy cheeks.
She looked beautiful, because of all of that, but mostly because she was so happy. 😍😍
And there is no better feeling in the world than seeing your child happy. It made my day. 🥰🥰
I went through some mental thought processes tonight, that I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN ALL MOTHERS have gone through at one stage or another, when preparing to go out on their own.
For some back story, I booked tickets to see the author Sally Hepworth weeks and weeks ago, when I found out she was literally coming to town to promote her new book, The Soulmate.
Only this week did I check my diary and dates again, and realised it was a Thursday… one of the busiest times of the week because of baby girl’s gymnastics.
So I went through the mental processes. YOU know the ones.
‘Should I just cancel?’
‘Am I going to enjoy it?’
‘Really, I haven’t even finished one of her books.’
‘Maybe I’ll go to another one of her events.’
‘It’s a busy week.’
‘I’m gonna have to move things around A LOT of I decide to go…’
‘STUFF IT, I’ll go.’
Yes, I haven’t finished one of her books, but I am in the last 100 pages of The Family Next Door right now, and let me tell you it is some good stuff. I’ve followed her on social media for a while, and just think her brand of authorship and humour is refreshing and welcome, as well as particularly entertaining.
But, for a moment there, I totally second-guessed myself… because it was too hard.
Too hard for me, or too hard for others around me? Or both?
So I dropped off baby girl at gymnastics.
I ran errands.
I then started dinner.
Left notes for Hubbie about dinner all over the place.
Brought Mister F in.
Gave Mister F food (notice I didn’t say ‘fed Mister F’ because that would require him actually eating the damn food 🙄)
Got ready.
Quickly scoffed some food down.
And then left the house!
OMG.
This is normal as a woman, and yet I know, I just know it happens everywhere, ALL THE TIME. We do something for ourselves, but in doing so we are either guilted into, or we guilt ourselves into, doing everything possible for every member of the family so that we can feel more “better” about going and having some ‘me time.’
We’re truly f*&ked in the head.
My reasons were to make Hubbie and baby girl’s lives easier. They get home after 6:30 from gymnastics, and then if he had to cook from scratch, they wouldn’t eat ’til like, 7:30pm.
Which is why I was running around like a headless chook this afternoon.
But… this story has a happy ending.
I loved the Sally talk at the local bookstore. 😍
She was entertaining, funny, insightful, generous with her time, and extremely friendly too, evidenced personally by me when I met her for the book signing!
I realised, that we don’t need to second guess ourselves so much. When we are doing something that is a passion, or spending time with people that will ultimately make us feel great, we don’t need to feel bad, or guilty, or give ourselves 1,000 jobs to balance out the ‘me time’ we end up having.
We are allowed to go out, have fun, make memories and live for ourselves and live our passion.
Next time you question yourself if you should, whether it’s worth it, whether the fam will be ok without you…
Nudge that all aside and say “f*&k it, I’m going.”
Because honestly… they WILL be.
You can thank me later.
Today was mine and baby girl’s birthdays.
First great thing – Hubbie got up instead of me to make her lunch for school.
Simple things = GODSEND.
Instead of me waking her up, he did, and so of course she charged up the stairs once awake, jumping into bed with me. 🥰
We only wished each other a happy birthday, like a million times today.
Referred to each other as birthday girls constantly.
I love sharing my special day with my special girl. 💖💖
Of course it wasn’t only roses and sunshine, it never is with kids… the late evening brought yelling and tears, you know, just to liven up the day. 🤣🙄
But it WAS mostly roses and sunshine.
Hubbie and I went to enjoy some coffee time, shopping, and then Gold Class to watch Elvis (again for me!) and yet amazingly I enjoyed it more, the tears just spilling down my cheeks uncontrollably in the last 5 minutes (emotional much? 🤔😉😆)
And we had dinner out tonight too, after all that prior-mentioned yelling and crying.
And there were lots of special wishes, which made it all the more beautiful.
Although we tried our best to make the last two years special despite covid-life and lockdowns, those birthdays honestly pale in comparison to this year.
This year we are back, this year is special, this year there is a fluttering in the air, a quickening of events…
Things are happening, and those things are good. 💖💖
Stay tuned for a possible reveal tomorrow, where a lot of my suggestive comments may be unveiled!
I was grateful for my thoughtful gifts this morning, as baby girl and Hubbie surprised me and made me all emotional with things that spoke to my soul. Simple, and so, so sweet.
I was grateful to spend time with my family, including some of the most important Mums in my life, my own Mum, and my sister. We got takeaway, no one cooked, we all chilled, and chatted, and just relaxed around the fire. It was bliss.
But mostly, I am most grateful to baby girl. She made me a Mum, and made this day the sweetest it can be.💞💞
We lay next to each other in her bed at the end of the night, holding hands, and she was whispering about games and school and stuff, while I watched her attentively with the biggest smile.
That’s what it’s all about. 🙏
carcrashgratitude 