#2530 That’s my (singing) girl

Today was a big day, more so for baby girl. She had a friends birthday, and then we all went to a wedding in the afternoon.

The day was beautiful in every way. But there was a particular moment in the night that had me grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Towards the end of the night the band left their musical posts to have a break, and some people, being a little loose and happy and brave, ventured up to the mics to talk, sing and entertain the crowd.

Baby girl got excited, and joined in.

At first I was like ‘stop,’ because she was kinda yelling at the beginning. Like, if you’re gonna talk in a mic, don’t yell, it’s loud as it is… but as she watched the other people comment in the mic and sing along to the backing songs, she started to do the same.

I let it go. I watched her “ooh, ooh” along, make comments, get embarrassed every time in between, BUT… come back for more.

I was fascinated. I was fascinated because she has expressed an interest in singing and dancing for a little bit now, but I think the thought of performing also makes her very nervous.

And here she was, in front of a room full of people, singing along to Paul Simon’s “Call me Al.” πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ€£

It was beautiful to watch. I think she thought I was going to tell her to stop again, but instead I took out my camera and took as many snaps as I could.

It might just be a kid thing, wanting to hear her voice amplified, sure… but you know, with a lot of these things, you just never know.

I will always be there, encouraging and cheerleading for her, just in case.

And her dancing, my God I was impressed. The times she was on the dancefloor tonight was the biggest joy to watch. Even though my extra weight was bearing down on my heels, so many times I got up just so I could dance with her.

My girl. My singing girl. My dancing girl. My growing up girl who I love watching every, single, time, and every, single, day.

😍😍

#2525 Ahhh

This is the sound I make now that I’m getting a break.

Ahhh.

Last week was very intense. The weeks leading up to it were too, but then last week I was working 4 days, planning a shin-dig, while looking after home restorations and tradies WHILE working from home, then in the immediate lead-up to the shin-dig had my work Christmas party, a kids birthday, and an engagement party.

All while organising said shin-dig! πŸ˜†πŸ˜†

Now that it’s over, I am exhausted. My body has gone NUP. NUP NUP NUP.

Been tired all day. Baby has resumed kicking… I think baby was worried about my stress levels and concerningly was keeping mum for a while, but all is good again… the kicks are decent, noticeable, and big. Yes my insides are getting a beating and I’m happy about it, thank you very much.

I have spent so much time go-go-going, that as I sit here tonight I’m like…

Ahhh.

This feels good. I might just stay here a while… πŸ™πŸ’–

#2523 Hectic days

These are hectic days.

All December days usually are, ESPECIALLY weekends.

We already have Christmas get-togethers and Christmas parties in this most festive of months (for me last night at the work Christmas party).

Then there are the people born in December who wanna celebrate their birthday (baby girl’s friend, today at a rock climbing centre).

There are also people who just decide to throw a function at this time of year, because it isn’t busy enough (Hubbie’s work mate who had an engagement tonight).

And then there’s ME, who’s also decided to do a little catch-up tomorrow, because life isn’t busy enough. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸ˜†

But, I remind myself, they are all good things. Sure I can’t catch my breath, but all these festivities are about celebrating, and isn’t that what life is about? Getting together, spending time with loved ones and making beautiful memories.

Yes, that’s what it’s all about. πŸ™πŸ’–

#2522 Seeing work peeps

Tonight I funnily got to spend time with people that I see and chat to on a regular basis, but that I haven’t seen in person for years… some of them, NEVER.

Clearly this concept is not so novel to anyone, because we’ve all been working from home or in the dreaded lockdown at some point over these past couple of years.

Tonight was the first time I was amongst real-life work people at a real-life work function since March 2020 when covid hit… it was the work Christmas party!

Considering I’ll be going on leave very soon, I really wanted to make the effort to go and see these people in person, these people that I spend so much of my time with, but which I haven’t seen for a long time, or others, at all.

I have to say, I probably sound really boring, but I do love working from home. It’s super flexible for me around dropping off and picking up baby girl from school, and the commute in would be horrendous for me… also, during pregnancy it’s been a Godsend.

But I can’t lie. I miss the social aspects. Bumping into someone in the kitchen, having a chat, doing a coffee walk… man I miss the coffee walk.

So tonight was wonderful. Getting out on a mild Summer’s night. Yes, the weather actually matched the season this evening! Realising how tall some people were, seeing their choice of drink, talking about stuff NOT work related… it was super refreshing, and I realised that I am enjoying myself there a fair bit, and I really do like these people.

Both good things to contemplate as you reflect on the year that was.

Merry Christmas Parties folks. πŸ§‘β€πŸŽ„πŸŽ…πŸŽ„πŸŽ„

#2512 Give yourself permission to be totally wrong

Yesterday and today, I haven’t taken baby girl to school.

Or picked her up. My car is at the mechanic’s and it may be there a couple more days.

Hubbie instead, has left work both mornings to run home and drop her off.

Yesterday I asked baby girl’s friend’s mum to pick her up for me.

She more than happily obliged.

Even though she told me that she was able to pick her up again today… I was hesitant.

You see, I kinda realised something about myself.

I find it REALLY hard to ask for help.

It’s something I’m so used to doing, being, ever since we moved down here and made our sea change. We knew we had no one in this area to rely on, to help us out with child-minding duties, random help here and there, and although we were prepared, we weren’t really prepared.

But we have accepted it, it’s what we wanted, and it is the way it is.

Because we rely on ourselves so solely, I think this is part of the problem.

My problem.

Not only do I find it hard to ask for help… I hate to put people out. I felt sooo bad to ask the mum again if she could help out this afternoon, I was on the verge of tears. But my Mum had told me on the phone yesterday to ask again, to not feel bad about it, and Hubbie was much the same, saying one day, you’ll help her kids out too!

But there’s a little more to this story than meets the eye.

I was reluctant to ask for help, because this mum I’ve been feeling up and down about for a while now.

Without getting into the full history, we started off really good. Since prep. Lots of playdates, the girls had fun, and we always bump into each other at the same beach.

Sometime in the last year, I found out she had a playdate with another friend of theirs. Not just someone, but a girl from baby girl’s small friendship group. Essentially, out of the three girls, baby girl was left out.

This kinda enraged me, I will not lie. I never exclude her close friends from playdates, I include them all so no one is left out.

I didn’t know why baby girl was excluded.

I withdrew. Avoided her at the pick-up gate. Gave her a bit of the silent treatment.

Then to make matters worse, that friend of hers actually said some really mean things to baby girl. I got involved, told the teacher, there was intervention, etc, etc.

Things have been returning to some kind of prior normal, but I’m an elephant. I don’t forget.

I thought I had this mum all figured out. At first, she seemed to be the super friendly, easy-going, happy-go-lucky type, but clearly there was no loyalty. Clearly she wasn’t too involved in her daughter’s life, or else she would have stepped in to tell her not to say such hurtful things to a so-called friend.

I thought she had been my type, but I had clearly been way off the mark. I was keen for baby girl to move on, and being the end of the year I knew there was a chance they would be split up next year.

But then, a birthday party happened a couple of weeks ago. At that birthday party the mum told me that she was available if I needed her to watch baby girl, at any time now, leading up to baby’s arrival, what with all the increased appointments I have during the end months now, etc.

I was shocked, moved even. It was the furthest thing I was expecting after the year that had passed.

Which is why I had been so tentative yesterday to ask her to pick her up.

Which is why I was tearful today when I had to ask her again.

I felt guilty. Very, very guilty.

Clearly, I had gotten it all wrong. I had gotten her ALL WRONG.

Yeah, she was happy-go-lucky. She was casual. She probably didn’t look into things as much as I did. I’m a classic overthinker. She probably set her daughter up on play dates, not to exclude baby girl, but just to keep her daughter happy (now that I think, there have been plenty of times only her daughter and mine have caught up too).

She didn’t know about her daughter’s mean words, probably…? Which child tells their parent everything though? It’s a really tricky area, because her daughter is actually nice, but I think she is used to getting her own way, a bit like baby girl. So they clash. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ I often wonder what baby girl perhaps said or how she contributed to words being spoken between them. However, I see that their teacher did a wonderful job of helping to repair that friendship, because nothing has happened since.

I had gone grrr. All mama bear. Ultimate protector of my child. I went into defense mode, got judgmental, and decided that I didn’t want her in my life anymore. Hi, bye, that was fine.

But nothing else.

So when she offered help, and then again kept saying to me yesterday “just tell me if you need me to pick her up” insisting she was there for me…

I was quite honestly at a loss to explain her actions.

I was only left with one conclusion.

I had been completely wrong.

Or really, my first thoughts were correct. It was when things went askew that led me to have these other thoughts, and I guess, I’m human right? I should have trusted those first positive instincts, and if anything this experience has taught me a lot about myself, how I look at others, and that sometimes, I can be completely wrong.

It’s very easy to let your experiences and biases cloud your judgment. It happens on a daily basis for everyone! I want to try and not be so quick to assume, to judge, and only hope if I make a mistake somewhere, others give me the same benefit.

Her real person came through these last couple of days when we had no one else to help. She threw us a massive lifeline, and I know now who she is, where she stands, and what kind of person she really is.

There is enormous power in allowing yourself to be completely wrong, owning it, and then changing your thoughts, your ways. We have so much to learn in life, and by stubbornly holding onto views or opinions that serve us no more, we limit ourselves to a close-minded view of life where growth never happens, and learning is non-existent.

Allow yourself to be wrong. I was talking about this with Hubbie today, and there was something incredibly refreshing and liberating about saying to him, wow, I was sooo wrong.

(Even he admits, he was a little wrong too 🀭)

I won’t forget this. Remember, I’m an elephant. 🐘

#2502 My climber

Baby girl had a birthday party to go to today, and it was a really lovely day since it was a very intimate group of her friends from school.

Also, she was in her element, climbing all over the place at the play centre…

Here, here and here:

Along with a bunch of other places too! She wasn’t afraid to go right to the top, her attitude was no-fear, go-get-them, and I think that’s about the perfect attitude to have, not just for climbing, but for all of life. 🀩πŸ₯°πŸ’–πŸ˜

#2488 Abundant birthday vibes

Tonight was a big, fun, birthday night.

And yet I have very little photos to show for it. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ (That’s OK, I have my sister the photographer πŸ˜‰)

We had some fam and friends over for Hubbie’s birthday, and it was fun! It feels like this year we’ve been having heaps of people over to make up for the last couple isolating, non-sociable years.

Having people fill up our house has been great, laughter and voices and music filling the air… and it’s all a good kind of busy, a good kind of noisy, but soon there’ll be another good kind of noisy, that of an additional family member in the house!

I know the way we are now will be absolutely different to how we’ll be in 4 months time, but I embrace it all. I love it now, and I’ll love it then for whole other reasons.

It’s about appreciating, and living in the present moment.

And all of these reflections, from a birthday party. πŸ™β€

More great, happy, fulfilling times are ahead.

Abundance. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

#2426 Waiting for the sun

Today was one of those days that we had been looking forward to for so long.

And it wasn’t just about the company, the family, or the friends. Though they were GOLD.

It was the sunshine. 🌞

It’s been a long Winter. And when say Winter, I don’t mean it purely in a seasonal sense. Yes this season of Winter has brought with it many hiccups and hard moments, but just as much as it’s brought difficulty, it’s brought unbelievable highs and happinesses and things we never could’ve dreamed of.

The Winter I’m speaking of, is the Winter season of our life. I don’t think many people really even understand how long of a metaphorical Winter we’ve been dragged through. Not just days, weeks or months.

YEARS.

One of my friends once divulged to me that she too had gone through a difficult period years ago, and it too had lasted years… no one knew at the time, and when you’re going through it, all you can do is put one foot in front of the other.

Her words, though sombre, had given me hope, that our Winter was yes indeed, A LONG ONE, but that like all lows, it would end too, and the sun would come out.

And the sun has come out.

We spent the day celebrating my brother-in-law for his birthday. After many weeks of high-voltage, maximum people parties, it was super amazing to spend it with just a few others, catching up and chatting and having some good quality conversation.

And of course, it was t-shirt weather. 😁 Well, I did wear a jean jacket on top, but the t-shirt was there. πŸ˜‚

The sunshine part of our life has arrived. I sometimes doubted whether it ever would. And there are so many parties and get-togethers coming up, it seriously makes my heart sing.

So many things to celebrate, so many things to be grateful for.

The sunshine has arrived. πŸ™πŸ™Œ

#2418 The Stayers

From relaxing getaway, straight into a 2am nighter.

It’s been a chilled albeit full on day/night!

And as we were one of about the last 6 left at my sister’s place for her sons 20th tonight, for what was a super awesome, heartfelt, sweet, fun and crazy night, I had one of my realisations.

When it comes to her parties, we are the stayers. The last ones standing.

You might be the stayers for a group or person in your life. You might be the stayers for several people in your life, or, for none at all!

But what’s super fun is when the people you are stayers for, are the stayers at your parties. That’s a special type of relationship. ❀❀

I thought all this post-midnight sipping my tea in front of the fire, as we all had turns picking songs up on the screen. It was a brilliant night as it always is at their parties, and I realised that together, no matter what, our catch-ups will always be meaningful and fun.

Because we are the last one’s standing to appreciate it all. πŸ™πŸ₯°πŸŽ‰πŸ’₯

#2415 The big reveal

Exactly 10 weeks ago, something huge happened.

It was momentous. Unbelievable. It felt like a miracle.

It was a miracle.

An online dictionary states the meaning of miracle as: “an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”

Well, maybe some parts were explicable, but if you knew the whole story, you yourself would call it a kind of miracle.

A kind of magic, as my friend Freddie Mercury says.

On this miraculous day forwards, I started to let people know in a series of codes that something was up with me, in my life, but by not actually telling them that something was up. πŸ€”

On the day in question, I called both my Mum and my sister. I wanted to talk to them, to hear their voice, for them to hear my voice. I had planned this, I had planned this all again… if I couldn’t see them on this momentous day, then I would at least talk to them over the phone, and tell them in my own hidden code way, speaking happily and easily, that things had finally turned.

Then I turned on my friends. I deliberately started picking words for my wordle night centred around a certain ‘theme.’ This was also a pre-planned event, something I had thought about for months before it actually happened. This went on for 9 weeks, and only in the last few days have they all found out the news, and my little wordle plan, tee hee hee.

I will now reveal that I also told you. ALL OF YOU. Exactly 10 weeks ago on this day, I started to say something.

Let me take you back there.

I penned a post, titled “Time for a poem.” Now this post wasn’t just marked under my “Gratitude” category, like every other post, it was also marked as “Special Edition” for a reason.

I have dabbled in poetry in the past, that is true. However this was a poem, a plan I had for a long time before this beautiful day came along. I always knew I was going to tell you, you, and you in code, and so I sat down, my mind reeling, my life changed for the better, hesitant and unsure and excited and cautious and scared and every emotion, but also HOPEFUL.

So freaking darn hopeful as I always have been.

And I wrote.

You need to look closely at the poem… I will screenshot it for you now.

If you take the first letter of each sentence (not line, sentence), you will see it spells something…

IMIGHTJUSTBE…

I might just be…

And on the following night, I finished my current poetry slam as I called it. Here are the screenshots again:

PREGNANT.

I MIGHT JUST BE… PREGNANT.

And I was.

I had done the home test the first night, and by the second day where I did my part 2 poetry slam, it had been confirmed via blood test. I was pregnant.

Words and emotions cannot even begin to describe how I felt. I’d been so cautious and nervous and tentative in those early days and weeks, and I think because of this my emotions now spill over, crying from happiness easily, at the drop of a bib, a baby mention, a thought about the beautiful future… all my happiness and love and gratitude is now spilling over.

When I began my gratitude journey all those years ago, I had no idea then that one of my biggest tests was to be this one: falling pregnant. I had no idea what lay in store, and perhaps it’s better I didn’t. I’ve gone down paths I never thought I would, seen people I’d never imagined, felt the depth of human emotion, and wished and hoped and prayed like I never had before.

After that day I kept dropping hints to you all, though these were teeny-tiny! Here are some of them:

In #2363 I wrote about looking forwards and how things were dragging. They were. I was desperate to get to at least 8 weeks (my self-determined first safe spot) and I also wrote about being tired, which I was then… very, very tired. Early pregnancy symptoms.

In #2364 I wrote of symmetry. The entire post is relevant, but my final line I love most: “As if there was ever any doubt.”

In #2365 I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie down. I never lie down during the day unless I am sick… or pregnant. πŸ˜‰

In #2366 that ‘miracle’ word pops up when I talk about mother nature and sunsets. The metaphor is there.

In #2367 I was at my parents and enjoyed some home-made Sarma, known to non-Balkans as meat stuffed cabbage rolls, and oh my God me and baby loved it. I am loving salty foods from way back then, and the Sarma was just so agreeable to me! OMG!

In #2371 I was counting down, not just to the end of winter, but to telling my family and friends, and to getting to the end of the first trimester. A clue appears at the end of this post: “baby steps.” 😁

In #2375 I saw a heap of rainbows that day. They are a definite sign for me, and seeing the amount of them that I have since finding out I’m pregnant, has confirmed for me how true that is.

In #2378 I wrote “Her surprises.” The presents I spoke of that we bought for baby girl, were actually big sister items, and we told her that night that she was going to be a big sister.

She’s been loving and kissing my belly since, and I already know how lucky this baby will be to have her. πŸ’–πŸ’–

In #2380 we saw 4 rainbows…. 4! More beautiful signs that things were progressing nicely. “That HAS to mean that better times are ahead.”

In #2388 I wrote of nicer things that were to come. My last line “At least things are still shining.”

In #2389 I wrote of my love for the Madonna song ‘Rain.’ There’s this quote, well there are many quotes that have actually saved me during this journey, but one that I am able to truly feel now is the quote

“Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.”

I’ve cried through so many songs, and this song of release, with the metaphor of rain and storms, hit me in a different way.

“The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.”

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.’

πŸ™

In #2396 I wrote about watching the Elvis movie with two of my friends. I mentioned needing super-comfy pants, and I couldn’t have felt this more. After a filling dinner, and being 11 weeks pregnant, I needed my trakkies so bad, but obviously still was wearing and able to fit into my jeans (barely), so in the dark of the cinema actually unzipped my jeans and popped my button so I could breathe and not be in pain for 2 and a half hours! I don’t think my friends saw a thing. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜†

In #2397 I wrote about “Family abundance.” This is the night we told my parents and sister’s fam that we were expecting. Happy screams, shock and wonder filled the air!

In #2398 I wrote “We are so close!” It was the last day of July, and I was excited about August and ALL that it would bring.

Spring begins to spring forth.

I for one, amΒ soooΒ ready for this next stage.

BRING IT ON!”

In #2399 I spoke of my love for August.

“Everything in abundance. Happy times, happiness, everything growing in happiness.”Β (Including my belly!)

In #2400 I said “Just because.” An important blood test came back good, and I was crying from happiness, just sobbing. All the tension and unknowningness and uncertainty that had been plaguing me just went away. I was so unbelievably light and happy.

“I had aΒ reallyΒ good day. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, for me, for my family, and just living in and appreciating, relishing this every moment, makes me so happy, makes my heart full.”

In #2402 I talked about the cakes that I ordered for mine and baby girl’s birthdays… only thing is, mine was a baby reveal cake! We were going to announce our pregnancy during cake time for our birthday.

“My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about.”

How true that was! πŸ˜†πŸ˜

In #2405 I wrote “Better here than there.” Better to be busy and running around for something great, than to be like we were the last two years, sad and in lockdown.

“This year isΒ soooΒ different, and despite the busy-ness and the craziness of it, I am so grateful for it also.”

Well, now you know why it’s so different, and it’s not just because lockdowns are over!

In #2406 I said decorations were off my to-do list, and said “We got some really special, nice ones.”

Along with the baby reveal cake, we got balloons that said ‘Oh baby,’ ‘Baby’ and one that had a young girl and read ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’

!!!!

#2411 was our HUGE day. Our close family and friends finally found out. And at the end of my post, after writing about hope, not losing it, and hanging on, I said it “was a big, and very special day.”

The day after in #2412 we told more people via phone who hadn’t been able to be there, dear family and friends. Therefore, “Spreading good news.” πŸ’–πŸ’–

And that leads us to here! This moment, this reveal, this announcement. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I am beyond happy. I also have a lot to share, and I’m still working out how to say it. Whether I say it via this blogging forum, or whether I write about it in another format, be sure that this is a subject I’ve learnt a lot about, having first-hand experience of all the trials and tribulations, and therefore have a lot of very strong opinions as well as hard facts from my own life.

I will end on this. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be rude.

Be kind. Be a friend. Be there for them. That is the best thing you can possibly do. If you do that and they need you, trust me, they will reach out.

I have of tonne of thank yous to make. Many of you reading this will get them in the coming months.

But first of all, for joining me on this incredibly hard but very rewarding journey… a big thank you.

We’ve only just begun. πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ€°πŸ€°