#2578 The stage she is at, 9.5

Life is going to change very quickly for us all soon, and it occurred to me that it was imperative to capture a very important stage of life, about a very important person.

Baby girl. 🥰💞

My sunshine, my light, my angel. The one who without I wouldn’t have made it as well through so, so many days. I am convinced that God gave her to us, knowing the hardships that would lie ahead, knowing that she would be my guiding light in those very tough times. 🙏

She has grown physically and emotionally over the past couple of months. She is tall. Everyone asks how tall her Dad is if they don’t know him, and I tell them that I too was tall at her age… the tallest in my class! She is tall and thin and does gymnastics, and her hand stands and cartwheels are actually very good. I never was good at any of that, so I marvel at her physicality. 🥰

She has my facial features, my height from that age, but she has Hubbie’s physique. She is strong, she is cheeky, and she is STUBBORN. But then again, so are Hubbie and I, so we have a good few battles around the house, let me tell you.

She knows EVERYTHING. 🤦‍♀️ She knows stuff that I’ve known for decades, and yet she has learnt in the last day or two about it and knows more… she was trying to teach me about tennis, until I had to point out she was wrong, and then she went “oh.” 🤦‍♀️

She is a fighter. I hope she fights for what is right, and fights for her opinion, as much as she fights me on issues she doesn’t know much about. 😂

She has the kindest heart. She will do things for you, help you, run to your aid. She has been amazing during my pregnancy. She helps me with grocery shopping and picks out the cucumbers, sweet potatoes, broccoli, even pushed the trolley.

When I’m upset, her mothering, already big-sister nurturing kicks in. She tells me it will be ok, in a soothing, calm voice. Whether I’m upset at the trivial, losing for the 5th time straight in Nintendo Mario Kart, or upset about something more serious in life, she is there to hug me, tell me “there there” and say it will be alright. 💞

She uses “mate” a lot lately, “mate, you gotta see how…” and “bruh.” I used to tease her, but now I just let it go. I find it cute, a part of her personality she is testing out, seeing how it feels.

She loves school. But she loves sleep. Let’s see how Monday goes. 😂 But I honestly do think she needs to be busy, do things, and have a purpose, so in school she thrives.

She has a reading program. Several times a day she will go in her room, close the door, and read a book out loud to her toys. After asking me for a new chapter book, I managed to fish out of an old box my Sweet Valley Twins books. She’s started reading one, and likes it! WOW. From one generation to the next.

She has the best laugh. When she cracks up, I can’t help but join in.

She is a thinker. She questions everything.

She has inherited our quality of being hard on ourselves, which I hate. I try to be easy, tell her it’s ok to make mistakes… I want to try to stop that self-bashing that we do so often, so unnecessarily.

She is the most loving big sister already. So gentle, so soft. She comes up to me and pats my belly, says “hi baby,” and looks up at me adoringly. OH MY GOD. 😍

She is 9, going on 19. Our current discussions are usually about:

“What are we doing today?”

“I want a Ford Ranger when I’m older so I can put my dogs in the back and take them with me everywhere.” (Awwww! 🥰)

“I want a YouTube account by 10, an iPhone by 12, and a TikTok account by 12.”

“Nature is my passion.”

She is the sweetest, funniest, most entertaining girl, and I hope she keeps nurturing her passions and herself, growing into the amazing young woman I know she will become. 🙏💞🥰😍

#2537 The long overdue catch-up

I feel the above title is a bit redundant… aren’t all catch-ups long overdue nowadays? What with covid scares, general sickness because summer is posing as winter, and all manner of crap keeping us on edge, anxious and away from loved ones?


But it happened anyway. We caught up with bestie, her hubbie and gorgeous son, and it was the best night. I sometimes get sad after nights like this, because it would be great to live closer to each other… then I remember how insanely busy we all are, and we’d still probably catch up the same amount of times as we do now. 🤷‍♀️

I think my highlights of the night were connecting over music, as we get highly passionate about that (and what a beautiful thing to connect over, don’t you think?) and seeing bestie’s little boy wave goodnight to us as he went off to bed! OMG! That was the most unexpected and beautiful thing, I loved it.

Totally made my night. In fact, the night, made my night. 🥰😍😁💖

#2486 Fan-girling Sally

I went through some mental thought processes tonight, that I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN ALL MOTHERS have gone through at one stage or another, when preparing to go out on their own.

For some back story, I booked tickets to see the author Sally Hepworth weeks and weeks ago, when I found out she was literally coming to town to promote her new book, The Soulmate.

Only this week did I check my diary and dates again, and realised it was a Thursday… one of the busiest times of the week because of baby girl’s gymnastics.

So I went through the mental processes. YOU know the ones.

‘Should I just cancel?’

‘Am I going to enjoy it?’

‘Really, I haven’t even finished one of her books.’

‘Maybe I’ll go to another one of her events.’

‘It’s a busy week.’

‘I’m gonna have to move things around A LOT of I decide to go…’

‘STUFF IT, I’ll go.’

Yes, I haven’t finished one of her books, but I am in the last 100 pages of The Family Next Door right now, and let me tell you it is some good stuff. I’ve followed her on social media for a while, and just think her brand of authorship and humour is refreshing and welcome, as well as particularly entertaining.

But, for a moment there, I totally second-guessed myself… because it was too hard.

Too hard for me, or too hard for others around me? Or both?

So I dropped off baby girl at gymnastics.

I ran errands.

I then started dinner.

Left notes for Hubbie about dinner all over the place.

Brought Mister F in.

Gave Mister F food (notice I didn’t say ‘fed Mister F’ because that would require him actually eating the damn food 🙄)

Got ready.

Quickly scoffed some food down.

And then left the house!


This is normal as a woman, and yet I know, I just know it happens everywhere, ALL THE TIME. We do something for ourselves, but in doing so we are either guilted into, or we guilt ourselves into, doing everything possible for every member of the family so that we can feel more “better” about going and having some ‘me time.’

We’re truly f*&ked in the head.

My reasons were to make Hubbie and baby girl’s lives easier. They get home after 6:30 from gymnastics, and then if he had to cook from scratch, they wouldn’t eat ’til like, 7:30pm.

Which is why I was running around like a headless chook this afternoon.

But… this story has a happy ending.

I loved the Sally talk at the local bookstore. 😍

She was entertaining, funny, insightful, generous with her time, and extremely friendly too, evidenced personally by me when I met her for the book signing!

I realised, that we don’t need to second guess ourselves so much. When we are doing something that is a passion, or spending time with people that will ultimately make us feel great, we don’t need to feel bad, or guilty, or give ourselves 1,000 jobs to balance out the ‘me time’ we end up having.

We are allowed to go out, have fun, make memories and live for ourselves and live our passion.

Next time you question yourself if you should, whether it’s worth it, whether the fam will be ok without you…

Nudge that all aside and say “f*&k it, I’m going.”

Because honestly… they WILL be.

You can thank me later.

#2465 Marvelling at where we’re at

It’s been a quiet week work-wise.

I’ve been using the spare time to do EVERYTHING else.

I make appointments. I go to appointments. I catch up on washing, cleaning, writing.

I think of my passions. I try to fit them in where I can. I write to-do lists, things that need to be done soon, things that need to be done before baby comes.

Baby. I massage my belly with creams. I look at the new baby clothes I have. I step into the nursery and just look around, marvelling at it and where we are and all of life at the moment.

I’ve felt life’s lows, and now I’m feeling life’s highs. 🙏

Baby girl has had a good week too. It’s amazing what a missing person in the friendship group can do. It shakes things up. She’s been playing with heaps of new friends, and I’ve used the opportunity to show here that she has many friends, she doesn’t just have to stick to what or who she knows, especially if respect fails to show up.

I buy presents. For others, for us. I plan outings for the future. I message, and call and email.

I get excited.

It is Spring after all. Now IS the time to get excited. 😁😁

#2403 Black and white like her mumma

Here are some phrases that baby girl uttered while watching the Pies take on the Demons in Friday night footy earlier this evening.

“Tackle him!”

“Don’t let them BREATHE on the ball!”

“Get the ball, get it, get it Collingwood!”

This was all hilarious for me to hear, because I had been saying those exact things earlier too. 🤦‍♀️🤣

She is a mini me, down to the footy team that we barrack for. For some reason though, she is actually a lover too, saying that she likes ALL footy teams, except for one… I will keep that to myself so as not to offend anyone out there. 😁🤣

But she is black and white, like her mumma. Evident in her shouts tonight, her screams. I can’t even tell her to quieten down. I was screaming just like that weeks ago, and went into such a frenzied state barracking for them to win, which they did, that I developed a headache that night from all the yelling. 🤦‍♀️

I think it’s sweet, and so, so cute, because it’s become a little like family tradition. I watched my Mum get heated over the footy over the years, yelling and swearing at the TV, or radio, and now I too am getting heated, and baby girl is taking it all in… whoops. 😬

Passion. It’s all passion. And watching the last quarter with her, whispering our hoorays because Hubbie was already in bed for work tomorrow, shaking our fists in the air and grinning at each other, was such a special moment, I was so glad to share it with her. 💖

My little Pie, my mini me. 🥰🥰⚫🤍⚫🤍

#2389 Feeling the Rain

When you’re sick you don’t really have the desire to do the things that usually make you happy, because you lack all motivation for it. So when I put on a favourite CD tonight as I prepared dinner, I knew I was on the up again.

Madonna, Something to Remember. I love these slow, melodic, romantic and woeful songs, especially when times are slow and dark and cold such as this. They really allow me to be present with my thoughts, feel the songs properly, and appreciate them for the beautiful melodies and lyrics within.

I paused the album as we ate dinner, then hit play again as I went to wash up. A very familiar song started up, and I like, froze. I had to listen to it properly, no interruptions, and I said as such to Hubbie as he moved around the kitchen, telling him I was trying to appreciate the song.

It’s one I’ve shared here before in depth, and I will do it again for the strength of emotion it brought forth in me tonight. It’s not only one of my favourite Madonna songs, but one of my favourite songs of all time.


There’s just something about rain for me. I can’t explain it. There is great symbology present for me, and it isn’t just that it’s connected to my novel in a big way. It’s been my fascination, a sense of curiosity, wonder, for as long as I can remember. I wrote about it before, and I feel the same, if not so much more about this ethereal element of Mother Nature.

I listened to this song, and I was feeling it. Every single word. I was quiet, my face distorting because seriously I was going to cry. Call it this past week, my body having gone through a wide range of physical and mental things, but I was seriously emotional.

The song finished, and I couldn’t help it, I had a cry. The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.

But rain is beautiful. The song is beautiful. And I think if we learn to embrace all of life’s changes, good and bad, just like a well-known quote, we will be able to dance, no matter what.

“Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.”

I’ll share the video again, just because it makes me so happy. 🥲🌧️💖🎶

#2363 Stuff to look towards

Things are so quiet at the moment. Usually the days fly by.

But lately, they are just dragging.

I’m feeling Winter more. I’m more tired. Some days I lack all motivation and just wanna curl up on the couch, but then baby girl comes along and makes sure it’s her Netflix shows we’re watching and not mine. 😆

But I am looking forwards. We have some great fun times ahead. You know when you hear of one thing, then another, then another… then you go hey, we have a birthday to plan soon! And on and on.

Slowly our social calendar is getting filled, very slowly, weeks, to many months in advance.

I can’t wait. It gives us something wonderful to look forward to. It gives us happiness and hope at the prospect of future social happiness and good times.

And looking forward to something is truly the passion, the petrol that fuels us. It is vital to life.

Thank God to looking forwards. 🙏

#2307 Query for a passion

Another day, another successful session at the KidLitVic conference.

In one way, although I wasn’t asked to submit my manuscript, with the only option being to send a query letter, I felt more rejuvenated about today than yesterday when I was asked (after much ‘constructive’ criticism!) to submit some chapters of my manuscript.

It’s what happens when you find someone who thinks like you.

Who likes things the way you do.

Who may have the same background as you, or reads the same things you also did as a child.

When they start to speak out loud the things you’ve always wondered, quashing all of those doubts, you go “WOAH! Where have you been all my life?”

I walked away inspired, buzzing, and so invigorated. I was absolutely popping at my desk as I wrote up a query letter immediately, pouring my entire heart and soul out onto the screen.

Stuff professionalism… to some extent. I gave it my all. You only have one chance to make a first impression. I said everything, was probably quite pathetic and daggy at times, but I don’t care. I expressed my truth, spoke from my soul, shared my passion, and then I hit send.

Then I exhaled.

And now, I wait.

Photo by furkanfdemir on Pexels.com

#2259 Life and death at the beach

I want to share with you a story. It’s a story about life and its opposite, and though its set at the beach, I assure you this story is vitally important.

Stay with me.

I was tired and a bit cranky when we went to our local beach yet again today. We went later since Hubbie had worked half the day, then we had to do a grocery shop, and so we got there to a muggy and overcast scene about 4pm.

There weren’t many people around. It seemed the long weekenders had missed this part of the coastline, or at the very least left to go home already. I was feeling rushed, like I had to do everything, chase everyone, get it all done, and so I proclaimed to Hubbie once I had hastily put sunscreen on baby girl, that I was just going to SIT THERE on the beach chair for about 10 minutes.

Not doing anything.

They headed off into the water, and I was so happy to be at peace. I took a few breaths, took out my phone, and took some snaps.

Then I clicked on facebook out of habit.

What I saw staring back at me was shocking. A tribute to a lady, a woman who I followed. It was posted from her social media page which was a self-publishing business for authors, and here her husband was telling me, us, the world, that she had suddenly passed in front of his eyes yesterday.

Shocked isn’t even a word to begin to describe my feelings. Shock, sadness, extreme disbelief. It was a shaking to the core. I felt numb. I read his tribute, staring at the growing hundreds of shocked and sad comments and condolences coming through, and looked up, blinking to the scenery in front of me.

When Hubbie came back moments later, my sunnies hid my emotions. But as I spoke my voice began to waver, and I couldn’t help it… I started to cry.

I had only met her once, so I can’t say I knew her personally. But she had come to town to host a writing workshop, it was about the various avenues of publishing available to authors… and I had followed her self-publishing business since way back then. She was a prominent force on facebook, her posts about writing and all it encompassed frequent, and I enjoyed reading the nuggets of gold she dispersed on the writing-editing-publishing process.

I had even recently been wondering if any of their services would be of use to me in my own editing process, and so to have had them, her, so often in my mind, to then hear of this…

Hazy, shocked, and so, so sad for this person I barely knew, I questioned, what was so upsetting about this passing? People sadly pass all the time, and there have been other prominent figures who have recently passed in the public eye… I was sad to hear of it, but I had nowhere near the reaction I had when I heard of her.

I walked about to the shallow water with my family. My eyes going over everything anew. The beach. The coastline.

Hubbie suggested we walk all the way down the beach, and it immediately agreed with my soul. We started to walk, and tears fell down my cheeks so easily, they could have easily passed for sea spray from baby girl’s splashing about.

Was it the shock? Yes, it was a SHOCK. A huge one. She had been there, posting on social media about writing one day, and then the next… her husband was posting about her.

It had happened so suddenly. She was living her dream. Writing, self-publishing, she had created this company that could help grow and develop writers and turn their author dreams to reality.

And there it was. Not just the shock, but that there. She was living the dream.

I hadn’t even started.

Still, her life was cut so short. She probably had so many stories left to tell. And yet so quickly, before anyone knew what was happening…

I nearly sobbed. I said to Hubbie that suddenly, I didn’t want for anything. I was deeply, deeply grateful for everything in my life – my health, my family, where I was, what I did… everything. And never would I ask for a thing ever again.

I cried.

Then, with the sadness washing through me, I took some photos.

Of life, really. My family. My love. My happy place. I take these to remember the beautiful parts of our life, the moments that are cherished and that matter. I take these to remember, even when I am no longer around. I take these for others to remember, and to feel too.

As we walked back, I now had another thought.

No… I will ask for things. AND be grateful at the same time. I will be so deeply grateful, more so than anything, and I will count my lucky stars each and every day.

But life is not guaranteed to anybody, and so I want to squeeze the most out of it that I’ve been given. I will be thankful and appreciative, but I will always keep trying, will always keep doing, will always try to live my passions… because living your life to the fullest and living the life of your dreams, THAT is most important.

R.I.P. BVH. 🙏

#2233 The end is the beginning… again

Today I finished editing my novel.

This isn’t the first time I’ve finished editing it.

Since I started writing the book, oh, over 10 years ago, I have since edited it…

About 3,168 times?

Ok, so I am exaggerating, but only a bit.

I felt really good going through it this time, and now, what’s next?

Start from the beginning all over again, chapter one.

Edit it AGAIN.

It’s not that I want to torture myself repeatedly… It’s more that I need to check a couple of bits here and there, apply some learnings…

Hopefully this is the year I make some major progress. 🤞✍️📖💖

Photo by Tirachard Kumtanom on Pexels.com