#1372 Soulful Sundays no. 2

Today, the park.

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In the afternoon.

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I love how this local park is walking distance… and right near a cafe 😉

I love how the day was so fresh, yet got so sunny as soon as baby girl started climbing the rails underneath those blue skies.

I love how her 3 ponytails hung from her head, this monkey child of mine.

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I love how it felt so peaceful, and we found this quiet so close to home.

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#1367 Bathing it away

I’m actually kinda surprised. After getting rained on after school drop off, and having to witness my cat totally drugged out with pupils like saucers due to his new meds… I was almost laughing today.

You know when thing after thing goes wrong, and you literally look up to the sky and say “what now?”

But I amazed myself in my strength. I thought all this crap would have worn me down… but instead, like the main character in my book says “BRING IT ON.”

Maybe I’m somehow channeling her. Maybe I’m gaining inspiration through her fictional self. Either way, I moved on from the crap, and set myself up for…

A blissful bath.

There is always a reason why I shouldn’t have a bath. There are always 58 things I should be doing instead of lying in water, alone, breathing in to my thoughts.

But I’ve learnt by now that time like this isn’t a luxury… it’s a necessity.

So. Candle light. A steaming bath. The meditative sound of a slowly dripping tap, against the backdrop of howling winds outside the window.

Steam rises above me. The air is damp. I sink into the watery cocoon and let it swallow me whole, my body submerged by all that is peaceful, all that is good.

And with it my mind and soul slide into a place where my equilibrium is restored, and everything makes sense.

 

#1330 I’m okay for the change

What timing, for daylight savings to begin the day before kids go back to school.

I usually LOVE daylight savings time. Increased sunshine means warmer weather, getting out and about and having fun…

But the timing, sucks.

Right when we are wrapping up our end of week holidays. Right when we are having late nights.

THE DAY BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS AGAIN.

Who decided this?

Today, we woke late, but yet, it was even later. We had a kids birthday party to attend out of all things, and so ended our holiday tired, weary-eyed and sucked out of sleep as we watched baby girl expend energy we didn’t know she had, going nuts on a jumping castle.

Everything that is great, must come to an end.

And I’m okay with that.

Sure the timing is crap. It never is the right time to lose an hour of your day, is it? But having a week off with both baby girl and Hubbie, means I have had a lot of fun, SURE…

But I am soooo behind in everything else.

Which is why I am so relieved for things to go back to some kind of normal. Tomorrow I am keen to get on board with my writing course. I am terribly behind on that. I am keen to buy groceries and re-stock the fridge. Things that I can stop to grab that is just too hard with baby girl in tow, become terrifically convenient when she is at school and I can dash in and out of places.

I can water plants. I can make phone calls.

I can write in peace! PEACE!

I know that routine is good for me, and it is good for baby girl too. She was only telling me the other day, after days of fun and adventure, that she missed her friends, and staying at home was “boring.”

This from the girl who met Andy Day the dinosaur-in-time explorer during her holidays. But hey, she has high expectations, right? 😉

And then, after some routine, some writing and schooling and working, in no time at all it will be –

‘Jingle bells, jingle bells…’

Christmas folks! And that means MORE holidays.

I am okay with change. I am okay with routine. Because I know, as is life, I will come around to this happy and free holiday place, again… ♥♥♥♥

 

#1212 Coffee seclusion

We did nearly nothing today, on this long weekend Queen’s Birthday holiday. Zilch. Zero.

And we definitely needed it.

Ok so we did go to the supermarket. We needed food after all. And sure, I washed some clothes…

Sang happy birthday to my sister LOUDLY over the phone.

We ate.

But then, nada.

Nothing.

It was soon coffee time (3pm or thereabouts) and Hubbie was napping on the couch… doing, that’s right, NOTHING.

I made a coffee for myself and a babycino for baby girl. We were going to sit near Hubbie and have our drinks and some leftover birthday treats from Sis’ big birthday… but then I was like –

“nah.”

Instead, we went upstairs. To my bedroom. Some privacy for baby girl and me, and quiet for him.

‘Girl time,’ I called it. Even our cat Mister F was not allowed.

We sat on the floor looking outside. With nothing to distract us. No TV. No music. No noise. Just us. Baby girl proceeded to tell me what I should put in her lunchbox tomorrow. We talked about the party, and cake.

Then we lay on my bed, all cuddled up.

Doing absolutely nothing. And yet, my soul filled up, with EVERYTHING.

♥♥

#1169 Philosophy and the Drive Home

Another drive home from being out, and another philosophical D&M.

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Photo by Luigi Manga on Unsplash

The ingredients for this baked matter that seems to happen almost on a weekly basis now?

A dash of a day of drinking

A heavy sprinkle of a long drive home

And almost a necessity, 1 full cup of a sleeping baby girl in the back seat.

“Imagine Mister F.” Hubbie is giving me an example on his latest ‘thing.’

“Mister F is so scared when he hears our heavy footsteps around the house, or we close a door suddenly… imagine what he went through before coming to us to feel and act like that.”

He goes on. “Now imagine I hold that against him. I hold that weakness, that insecurity against him. I should be helping him! Reassuring him. It’s not his fault.”

I pause. “Yeah but Mister F is not attacking me is he? It’s a lot easier to help someone that is scared and isn’t out to get you… but take someone who is having a go at you, and how likely are you to want to help them out of love and care? How easy is it then?”

Clearly, we are not in Kansas anymore Toto, just as we clearly are not solely talking about our cat’s fear of our footsteps.

We are talking about something else entirely.

And in this scenario…. he is being the peacekeeper. The lover. The diffuser.

And meanwhile, I am being the fighter. Throwing Karma back in people’s faces. Going all “GRRR, ARGH!”

We are on polar opposites of this discussion.

As we drive, it literally feels like I am ripping my hair out. It drives me insane that we are on these opposite ends, and still, I understand where he is coming from, I see the peace inherent in adopting such an attitude…

I just can’t get there, myself, personally… YET.

Because I want to, just as much as I don’t want to, and this is where the battle lies. The battle with making people pay, making them hurt as much as they have hurt you… yeah sure, very ‘un-gratitude like’ for me, but some people just push my buttons, and unfortunately I can’t just press a special red button and expel them from the earth’s atmosphere. So yeah. That’s me in a really RAW nutshell.

But I listen to him. I imagine the scenarios. And though it shits me to no end, I still enjoy these talks. These debates. These to’s, and fro’s.

These talks that make us open our eyes, better ourselves, and want something more.

All when we are driving home in the car. Who said long drives were boring?

In an aside… what do YOU think?

Can you see yourself helping someone who has hindered you and hurt you? Who has failed to say sorry?

Can you move past that, forget it all, and treat them, well? With no recognition of the hurt that has passed?

Even if you feel the respect they owe to you, is all but gone?

Can you be the first to reach out and help them, when they were the first with the right-hand blow?

Could you???

 

 

#1158 Counting down the work days

You ever have those days, when you really don’t wanna go to work?

Ha! you say. EVERY TIME, DUH!

Seriously though… I don’t mind going to work. Sure getting up sooo early can be extremely difficult. The tip-toeing around the house, trying to leave without making any noise, driving for a minimum of an hour, only to then have to WALK 10-15 minutes from where I have parked, to my place of employment…

But after that, I get to breathe. Relax. Work at my own pace (to some extent). Have a coffee break with my colleagues. Catch up, on stuff.

Eat and drink in peace.

Have ADULT conversation.

Feel valuable and needed.

Feel confident in what I do…

Get my drift?

But still there are some days where I wake up and am all –

“UGH.”

“Ugh, I didn’t sleep enough.”

“Ugh I feel sick.”

“Ugh it was so hot last night.”

“Ugh I had a restless night.”

“Ugh baby girl is grinding her teeth again and I’ve just lost the last half hour of my night.”

Whether my reasons were one, two or 17 of the above, let’s just say I really struggled this morning when the alarm went off at 5am.

I lay in bed, thinking very hard, very seriously… wishing that I didn’t have to get up… looking over at Hubbie, and baby girl who had crept up between us only hours earlier…

Feeling a bit like this cat really.

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But then I got up.

The work countdown helped me get up. Because even though there is no official end date as yet, there is a rough, estimated date, and I can almost say with assurance that there is less than 2 months to go.

2 months. NOT EVEN.

So I lugged myself out of bed. Did the tip toeing. Did the quiet exit. Did the dark and long commute.

Walked through the warm Autumn air. Past the docked boats gently bobbing in the morning water…

And into the glaring red light.

The countdown is on. Soon I won’t be walking there, and I’ll be officially unemployed.

But I’ll be unemployed and sleeping in my warm bed at 5am, and as baby girl would say

“Na na na na boo boo.”

😉

#1133 Peace on a Saturday Night

Leading up to tonight, I thought I wanted a party.

Nup. My body told me, I needed peace.

Which is exactly what eventuated on this Saturday night.

Four Cs coincided in perfect unison for dinner, as we had Chicken, Chips and Cucumbers… while sitting on the Couch.

My night continued in this way as I went to have a hot shower.

But then downstairs, I got caught up in the sudden Crazy of it.

The nice background music turned loud, instrumental, like we were in a bar listening to a live band. INXS. Queen. 70s and 80s Aussie rock. It went up and up, and though I participated in the concert at first, my body soon repelled it.

It was as if the aches came as a result of the sound. I retreated to the other room with my tea. Sat on baby girl’s beanbag. And within minutes she found me in the Corner of the room.

She joined me quietly, and we sat, spoke softly, and rested naturally, in peace.

In Calm.

Ahhh 🙂