#1556 Day 58 of getting there: night lights

When was the last time you stopped and actually looked around at the world?

I did it tonight.

I really love the night. I’ve always been one to sleep in in the morning, but stay up late at night. The later the better. Always to my detriment the next day…

But it’s like at night, I come alive.

I went into our bedroom tonight, when there was only a strip of light across the sky, a remnant from the sunset. I stood in the darkened room, watching the lights dance outside.

Cars driving past.

Streetlights.

And beyond that, lights on the water.

The longer I stood there, the more I discovered things. Like the flashes in the bay.

There were 4 spots of light from my left, to my right. All yellow. And though they varied slightly in size, and strength, and distance… they all flashed 4 times.

When I noticed the first one, I looked to the other lights, and started counting repeatedly.

Checking, checking. Just to be sure.

‘One, two, three, four.’

‘One, two, three, four.’

It was fascinating. I noticed another light, whiter and brighter, that held its flash for a full second, before disappearing and coming back 5 seconds later.

I watched all these lights silently, slowly moving across the black water, sometimes disappearing behind large trees, but always reappearing, to flash four times.

Why four? What did it mean? All of these moving lights on the bay?

What were these boats doing? Where were they going?

Maybe one day I would find out. Or maybe I was never going to.

I just stood in peaceful beauty in the darkened room, looking out at the twinkling lights and wondering about it all.

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Photo by Mack Kamp on Pexels.com

 

 

 

#1520 Day 22 of getting there: Saluting the Sun

I felt so much better today. Part of it was due to the pressure of the BIG day being gone.

Knowing it wasn’t a day like Easter day, where I would usually see my family, well it made it easier. There was no pressure on what the day should have been, no expectations.

And also, the SUN was out.

We took a walk, because being at home is something we are all growing so tiresome of.

We had to.

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It was so gorgeous. The walk along the Esplanade showed us dozens upon dozens of other walkers alongside bicyclists, and we were all getting out for some much-needed vitamin D.

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I am so aware of the impact on mental health this isolation is causing us. So, so aware. And after the day that was yesterday, I know I need to look after myself more, give myself more time outside, taking walks, spending time in the sun, because the days ahead are only gonna get shorter, darker, and colder.

So once home, MORE sun. I took a book my cousin leant to me, and read it out on the balcony.

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The Light Between Oceans. I’m still at an early part of the novel, but it’s getting to that addictive point where the characters are infiltrating my thoughts. I love them already and am already future crying for what’s to happen next.

Baby girl, and then Hubbie soon joined me. All we needed was the cat, and the bird. 😉

And then I snapped this up on the balcony. Clear, blue, crisp views.

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As a contrast, this later tonight.

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I felt it quite telling, metaphoric even. The clouds crossing the sky. Half clear, half murky.

And it made me think…

I think we might be half way there. Through hardship comes clarity.

Or just, the sky was part-cloudy?

You be the judge.

#1464 Mills Beach Love no. 4

Baby girl runs over to me after the bell rings. Kids descend upon the gates and parents come to meet them half way.

“Baby girl…”

“Yeah?”

“We’re going somewhere.”

“Library?”

(She is so my child).

“Ha ha, no.”

She’s thinking.

“Look at what I’m wearing. Look closely.”

“Hmmm.” The sun is shining down on her as she looks up and I can see she has missed the small detail.

“Look at my neck.”

Her eyes move over. She jolts.

The halter neck strap from my bikini is poking around my top.

“King Swim? I mean the beach?”

SHE KNOWS.

“Yes!”

“Yeah!” she yells, running over to the lollypop man to share with him the good news.

We were there in minutes. I changed her from school gear to swim wear in the car park, slip slop slapped, and off we went, to jump and play and be one with the Bay.

It was sublime. ♥

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#1447 Me Time no. 1

I can just as easily have named this a ‘reasons why I love living by the beach’ post with the water being a theme and all once again, but the true intentions of my writing and where I am coming from are so different this time.

Sure, it was hot.

Sure, I wanted to make the most of Summer.

Sure, I wasn’t passing up a hot day offer from Melbourne even if it meant I was alone.

Especially because I was alone. 😉

But I’ve been in a funny space lately. Neither here nor there. Thinking about life, wondering what to do, in this odd middle-ground of nothingness, where nothing is the only thing that actually happens…

Just a whole lot of thinking instead.

I’ve been coming to grips with this weird phase, reminding myself that we all go through it at certain times of life and it’s part of the whole cocoon process in becoming a new person.

To become a butterfly we must shed our shell. But we must hide out and hibernate first to do so.

Part of my quest this year, the year of balance as I’m calling it, the ‘2020’ year, is to find more time to make me happy.

You might think that is SO easy given I don’t have a job. I have plenty of time, right?

Time doesn’t necessarily equate to heart and purpose though. And it’s awfully hard to find motivation when the car that is your life stalls and has to change new tyres, and you suddenly don’t know where the tyres are coming from. And then someone tells you to not stress, and relax.

You try relax while waiting for a tyre change.

So in the meantime, I really have to do things for me.

Things that fill my soul with purpose.

Things that make me smile.

Things that I miss doing.

Things that I always put on the backburner because I need to cook/clean/make phone calls/do washing/a billion other things on my to-do list.

Going to the beach on my lonesome is just one of those wonderful ‘me’ things.

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(the seagull had to photobomb my solitary beach photo!)

Firstly, when alone at the beach, I have no one in tow, and no one to answer to. I decide when I come and go. I sit on the sand for as long as I like, and I sit in the water for as long as I like.

And today, while sitting in the water and having waves crash over me… well it truly reset my car battery. 😉

I’ve written a little story about it on Instagram, about waves and life and letting go, so I do hope you check it out… you can find me under smikgwriter so give me a yell if you’re on there too. ♥

 

 

#1393 Evening balcony views

I’m compelled to post a photo of tonight’s fleeting sunset:

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I stepped onto the balcony this evening, on the cusp of a 36 degree day…

I was somewhere in the middle… with today having such spring-like sunny and still weather, and tomorrow, being the true epitome of summer with a red-hot scorcher.

#1382 Brunch and Beach

This Wednesday after dropping off baby girl at school, Hubbie and I first brunched at this amazing hipster-vegan-beachy cafe on the best end of Main Street (ah, the water end of course ;))…

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And it was delicious and filling and sweet but HEALTHY. And we sipped coffee and read the paper and it was bliss. 🙂

Then I took him on an adventure.

A while ago I wandered a different path out of curiosity. It was close to home and I turned here, there and everywhere, ending up at three different lookouts to the Port Phillip Bay.

It was amazing. I did it alone and it was somewhat terrifying since I didn’t know where I was going, but it was thrilling at the same time.

I took him there after brunch.

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Some of my fave quotes of his:

“You walked here, BY YOURSELF???”

“Just stop for a moment… stand here… breathe in. Can you smell the sea salt?”

“Another lookout?”

It was a really lovely mini adventure we had, and I was happy to show him something I had discovered… on my own. And now, it is ours.

 

#1373 What side of the sunset do they see?

You know, I still call them my work colleagues.

I realised it some weeks ago while out with friends. In conversation I went “oh yeah, my work friend so and so…”

And it was here that it occurred to me what I’d said.

‘Work’ – present tense… ‘Friend’ – present tense.

Perhaps it feels like that because it’s still all so new.

Perhaps it feels like that because I haven’t actually moved on to another form of paid work yet.

Perhaps it feels like that, because they will always be my friends.

Either way, this time of year has had me thinking about the crew a whole lot.

Because I knew, one of them would have started Christmas shopping already.

One of them would have a couple of holidays/getaways planned for the Summer .

One was going to visit the parents and pot around the garden.

A couple were going to spend time with the kids and do a whole lot of beachside activities.

And even a few more were looking forward to an extended holiday break to sleep in and watch the cricket.

I knew this, because I know them so well.

But yet, I was still not content. It’s been 3 months now, so long between catch ups, between drinks, between coffee walks.

So I messaged them ALL.

Well let’s be serious, not all of them. I messaged those who I had a connection with. Those I missed the most. Those who when I said, “let’s catch up soon” back in September, I had meant it.

Because I only say it if I mean it.

So during baby girl’s swim lesson this afternoon I took out my phone and started sending out messages.

In the hours that followed everyone responded. I returned text after text as baby girl and I got home, as she showered, as I prepared dinner and then as I cleaned up… I was grinning from ear to ear and going “awwww!”

Hubbie was smiling at me, crouched over the kitchen island, saying “that’s good.”

It was good.

I went to shower, but then got another message, so sat on my bed to respond. And it was here that I looked outside and saw the view.

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Such a beautiful sky, dotted with those rippled clouds.

How did the sky look to my work friends? How did it look to them all? We were certainly scattered all over the city, that there was no doubt of, from coastal towns to country regions, and every where in between…

Did they see the same colours? The same sky? Were the clouds peppered in their view as it was in mine?

I thought about this for a moment and how we were now, as I always said we would be… strewn all over the place, far from each other, and away from our former place of work.

But we were still bound. We still are. By the memories. ♥