2 in a row.
I am settling her for bed.
“Mama, one more blanket.”
Our heater has died. Bad enough when it was working, the Winter chill would creep in immediately as soon as the warm air had stopped flowing, but now, there was no warm air at all to blow and warm the house at an even level, bar the little portable heaters that have been placed in a few strategic corners around the place, bringing warm pockets to generally icy cool areas.
I take another thin blanket that I keep beside her bed. There is actually a stack of about 8, of varying thickness that reside here on a permanent basis, but with the onslaught of Winter, this pile has now dropped to 4, with the heap on her bed rising instead.
Dropped to 3.
I lay it across her, making sure all the blankets are evenly spread across her, and there are no open areas to bring cold air into her bed.
“Thank you Mama.”
Oh, clutch my heart.
“No worries Princess. I love you baby girl.”
Big hugs and kisses ensue from both of us as I bend down for more affection.
She holds me in a firm bear hug.
Eventually we part, and I go to take post at the end of her bed, until she falls asleep.
She waves to me.
“Goodnight honey, I love you princess.”
“Goodnight Mama, I love you.”
Kill me now and I’ll die happy.
Oh that girl pulls at the heart strings.
Today was a day, that could have gone either way.
I had a long moment of frustration this morning. There is an aspect of my life that I’m struggling with, that I’m unable to talk about at the moment – hopefully I’ll be able too, sometime in the future.
I walked into the bathroom about midday, and had to breathe. I didn’t physically cry, but there were tears in my eyes, I had tension all about me, and all I wanted to do was give up. Give up, give in, and let the sorrow wash over me like the crashing waves in the horizon.
But then something happened. A little voice, tiny tiny, made a noise in my head. And it was enough to snap me out of my disillusioned haze to ask “how is your day going to be?”
And in that moment, I decided my sadness was NOT going to rule. It was NOT going to be the defining moment, feeling or event, of the day.
Still, it was a bit of a Let It Go day. Elsa sings it about letting go of her powers that she’s been holding in and hiding from everyone for so long. But I was using the term to not care. To just be. To not think too much, to allow myself to over-indulge, be free, merry and stress-free.
After baby girl and I surprised Hubbie with a little visit at his work, we headed on down to Bayside for some retail therapy. I am mindful that I shouldn’t be purging the account in light of important renos that need to be made to the house soon, but still, a little focused spending was necessary.
I Let It Go when we had Maccas for lunch (I had a chicken salad, but still ‘helped out’ with her Happy Meal)
I Let It Go when she got yet another toy, a doll that she was so happy to hold and hug (wait for it…)
and finally, I Let It Go when we sat down for coffee and a babycino, and instead of just coffee, I also got cake mofos:
Yep, that’s her new doll, Rapunzel. By the way, I forgot to mention that I Let Her Go, and leave the house in costume, Rapunzel-style herself. Because when else in life do you get to leave the house as a princess? I totally would have done Wonder Woman today if it were at all acceptable.
So yes. A bit of food, a bit of drink, a bit of toys, a lot of costume… and IT DID make me feel better.
But that was my attitude too. Deciding ‘we’re going to move on from this. We are.’
And WE did. For now…
Straight up, that was my coffee experience today.
It was special because my parents have been staying with us for a little bit, and so today while out and about, showing them our ‘hood,’ we stopped for a café latte break.
Parents, baby girl, me… and Cinderella.
Because that’s how the coffee breaks are nowadays. And it’s important that I capture them as they are, now. Because these days of mini figurines, kinder surprises, play-doh creations and smiley-face biscuits, will not last forever. Baby girl will grow out of it, and soon will be way too cool for any of that kiddy ‘stuff.’
The stuff that now makes her clap her hands with unrestrained glee, a wild smile spreading across her face in the moment that she comes face to face with a little packet-ed princess wearing a blue gown.
So, it was a cool little coffee date we had. I share these moments with baby girl, but my parents being there as witness to it all, is extra, extra, cool.
That’s a coolness, I won’t ever grow out of.
I received the most golden of gold greetings today, and it came from none other than my shining light, my guiding star…
I was slowing down as I approached the house, being on the tail end of an hour long drive from work to home. As I started to turn into the driveway, I saw baby girl, jumping and scrambling up onto the brick pillar that contains the mailbox up front, trying to stand up – and then in pause, spotting my red car.
She stopped, her face serious, peering in. As I came closer I smiled at her, and her face went into a shocked frenzy, before breaking out into a full, whole face, smile. 🙂
“Ma! Ma!” she yelled with excited agitation, turning around to also call her Dad who was now walking up to her from the house.
As I brought the car to a stop, she jumped off the pillar and came around to my driver’s side, running into the door with a deliberate thud. I looked through the window to see her beaming at me.
Oh, my girl. All that, for me? She was that excited, to see me?
Hubbie then added moments later, after repeated hugs and kisses and lots of laughter, that she had been calling out my name, and singing it out all day…
My sweet princess. My heart sings for you, too.
Distance could have become an issue. I didn’t really believe it would, but then again, nothing is certain in life, is it?
However I did learn for sure today, that it definitely was NOT an issue. Baby girl and I don’t see my parents as much as we used to, only because we are a mere one hour 20 drive from them now…
After 1pm today, as I approached the freeway exit, baby girl and I had some kind of interaction that had me going ‘she is God-damn so bloody adorable.’ I leant behind me at the red light I was waiting at, to pat her leg.
“I love you princess.”
She indicated she loved me too, pointing to herself and then to me, as if her love was going out to me.
“Awww, thanks! You love me too?”
She then pointed to either side of her, like she does when she we are at the dinner table and she says she loves both her Dad and I – she sits in-between us. She also started repeating his name.
“Daddy will be happy to hear that!” Then a thought occurred to me.
“Do you love Baka and Deda?”
“Yeah.” With a wide, shy smile, no hesitation. No pondering required. I smiled widely back, and minutes later after pulling into their driveway, she showed her grandparents just how much she loved them, by giving them warm hugs and gentle kisses.
And as I watched the love exchange between the 3 of them, my heart just grew and grew.
Nothing could be better. No sunset, no perfectly-executed coffee, no sleep-in, no shopping spree, and no page-turning book, could compare to what was unfolding there at my parents’ front door today.
Nothing compares. Not when it’s from my very own daughter. And not when it’s from my very own parents.
So I’m at work, and I call Hubbie.
Light chit chat. She slept this much. They’ve done this. It’s so windy here. Why don’t you cook like that when I’m home.
Then, there’s some noises, disruption and shuffling, and I realise, baby girl has taken the phone off of her Dad.
“Hi Princess! Did you have a good sleep?”
“Are you having a good time?”
“Are you playing with your blocks?”
“Up up up!”
“Ohhh, you’re building them up! That’s good! Are you watching Frozen?”
“Let it go, let it go!”
“We’re going to see them on ice in 5 months! Are you excited?”
“Yes, we’re going to see the Wiggles, too, but in 2 months.”
Maybe a bunch of nonsense and incomprehensible words for some, but for me, it was the first telephone convo I’ve had with baby girl where not only have I held her attention long enough to pass words between us, but we’ve BOTH understood each other and been able to respond to one another.
It was GOLD.
Aww this girl. She has a big chunk of my heart. 🙂
(Just for fun, can anyone guess what tomorrow’s post might be dedicated to? Just look above, and think… 😉 )