#476 The Joy of Jumping

Today was a fabulous day. And the most of it was spent at home.

My wish of having a real low-key, family-fuelled and catch-up weekend at home was fulfilled these last two days. Last night was super-chilled, and likewise it was all about us three even before the blinds were opened on this lazy Sunday morning.

Cuddling in bed, even taking silly selfies! Laying about ’til 10am.

Then doing not only a fun but family-oriented task, but ticking off a huge, massive, GINORMOUS to-do that has been staring at us in the face since we packed the 3 large boxes into the garage about 3 months ago.

We finally put together baby girl’s trampoline.

It’s not that we didn’t want to – as always, it was lack of time and opportunity. Always busy, always working. You need two people to construct it, and finding a spare 2 hours to do it, when we didn’t already have plans or there was something more pressing, especially in light of daylight savings ending (pardon the pun), was proving really, really hard.

But today… we did it. 3 hours worth of constructing, some light snacks in between, baby girl stealing springs from us, and then nearly screwing up the poles in the final installation… but we did it baby.

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This girl, is going to jump to the sky in that thing. It’s not just the fact that I’m so grateful this big job is finally complete, but that huge yellow thing in our backyard, is tangible proof that today was enjoyed by all.

It was actually, the BEST day.

#199 Saturday Night In no.1

Sometimes you just need to put on keep the trakkies on, put your hair up in a clip and call the local pizza joint.

Following the abdomen-aching and nauseating day that was Friday, today was still very slow. Slow, SLOW. I spent all day at home with baby girl, building up the feeling of cabin fever amidst the grey day, and then at night…

We still decided to stay home.

You see, we think we might still be virally contagious in some way. Only very slightly, but still. In light of this, and the fact that Spring has taken a step backwards and reminded us of how Winter was, we were like:

“screw it, we’ll order pizza and stay home.”

Which is what we did. Yeah we’re going stir crazy over sitting on the couch. Yeah we’re over these walls. Yeah we need to get out. But still, somehow, sitting on said couch, amongst said walls, in our little company of 3 chomping on pizza, it was awesome. Singing songs with baby girl, cuddling under blankets, jumping on the bed… it was brilliant, and I felt that a real bond was had on this night.

I love these nights. I love when we go out too, but these nights are not just good for the quiet time or rejuvenation required to lead a busy life – the meaningful moments shared and the beautiful memories created in these routine periods of time, are just gold.

As Sia sings in the Hilltop Hoods song: “I love it, I love it.”

#184 Nappings and nothings

I’ve been waiting for this moment all my life, just like Phil Collins. Only really I’ve just been waiting all day, but waiting all day with a child that has a runny nose, and you are feeling particularly crap, well it may as well feel like ‘all my life.’

She is napping, which makes it easier for me to continue doing what I was doing all day today – nothing. I should be grateful really, and I am, hence the title of this post… but baby girl has allowed me to be pretty slack today. I am indebted. I’m just feeling sickly, low, and it’s pretty much a write-off kinda day.

Only thing is, it isn’t. These days of little done, should be celebrated as much as the days where we feel highly successful with what we’ve accomplished. Alright, we won’t celebrate the sickly parts, but the not-doing parts… if it weren’t for these down days, I would actually, NEVER stop. Like never. Feeling a bit down is necessary for my mental and physical and emotional wellbeing, because quite frankly, I am always on the go. Always thinking doing planning something.

I have this laptop on my lap, mobile besides me, and even mags that I’ve been wanting to browse through just peeking at me from my right field of vision… but even these relaxing to-dos, just ain’t gonna cut it. They’re here ‘in case’ I get a burst of motivation, and I suddenly feel like doing.

But today is a nothing day. Doing opposes nothing. I can’t oppose, especially when I feel down. It’s against the rules of nothing.

Today is only a napping and nothing day. And I won’t be stirring baby girl from her nap anytime soon.

#173 Stillness

I have things to do. So many things that things will slip off my growing to-do list in forgetfulness, and remain a thing in another realm until I remember, and add that thing to my list, while more things pile up.

I am rambling. I am tired. I am exhausted. I am spent. I have agents, lenders on my recent calls list. Bags of birthday goodies and party favours for baby girl’s friends have been shoved under my bed. I’m thinking of my oven, and how no one will most likely see it this weekend, yet nonetheless I must clean it thoroughly inside out, just because.

This week will be madness. Cleaning, sorting, organising, last-minute buys. Repeat. Lists. More lists. Repeat.

And yet I sit here. I’ve just scanned a document for our Sea change house, sent it on, and I sit at this desk in our study at an odd 45 degree angle, pushing the boundaries of proper desk ergonomics. And I can’t move. I sit here, awkwardly placed but still in peace, still quiet, still still. I am grateful for this moment of stillness, because I know what is coming.

I think I’ll sit still here a little more.

 

#110 Solitary window shopping

For a person who loves socialising and being amongst it all, I sure do like my alone time.

It comes with the territory. The territory of being a parent. As much as Mumhood is a complete joy, rewarding and precious and heart-wrenching and all-consuming in all the best possible (and sometimes worst possible) ways, I still like being on my own. I need to be on my own. To regroup. To unwind. To chill. To just be. To be me.

I find this time walking into work. I find it AT work. I find it on solitary drives. I find it doing the dishes. I find it in the shower. I find it furiously tapping away at my laptop. And today, as baby girl and Hubbie were both day-napping at home, I found it just gently perusing through a couple of shops.

I went into a bookstore where I didn’t even buy anything. I spent the time reading blurbs and info on writers that I was definitely going to read and look into in the very near future. Plath, Hemingway, Poe. I went from fiction to The Boy with the Striped Pyjamas, to Buddha to Pregnancy (no, I’m not) to anxiety, to cookbooks and then Dora sticker-books.

And ALL at my own pace. There was no chasing after baby girl, begging her to let me have a minute, or repeatedly telling her to (not) do that.

And so I went to the music store. Madonna, Prince, Buble, Williams. Drake. Oooh, cheap DVD bin. Oooh, cheap music bin. Check Avatar. No Thomas the Tank Engine? Ok next time.

I went home without a book or entertainment disc on me, instead hoarding milk and nappies, but I didn’t mind. It was the time that mattered, not the material. I had needed the time alone, and the time alone was precious enough on its own.

I am so grateful I had it.

#102 10 minutes of Sauna time

Today we ended up at the resort pool. My sister, being the awesome sister that she is – not just for the fact that she is, quite simply, the best in the world, but also this fact made more so by the supporting evidence of her forthcoming words – said to me “why don’t you go into the sauna for a bit, I’ll have fun with baby girl in the pool. I want you to really relax.”

Ahem.

“I want you to really relax.”

I don’t think anyone has ever said that to me. I mean, yes Hubbie has, when I’ve been in a state of anxiety, or panic, or anger, emotions spilling out of me in a crazy unbridled manner. The doctor has told me that, only for an uncomfortable situation to follow which made me definitely NOT relax. I reckon my parents have said it too, when I’ve been upset by something. And most definitely in a yoga class, or when I’ve been lucky enough to have a massage, I’ve been told to ease up.

But for someone to care so much about me relaxing, that they would have to babysit baby girl for me while I snuck away?

(Like I said, best sister ever).

I went into the sauna, and sat so I could still see everything just in case I was needed. Baby girl was in the water – she couldn’t care less if I was there or not, as long as her Aunty was there to spin her around and sing and splash with her.

First I sat down on the lower bench, observing the wooden planks all around me. Then I decided I wanted a greater view, and went up on the upper bench, now watching the pool outside from a fly-on-the-wall’s perspective. My sister mentioned something to Hubbie who had wandered by, and he poked his head in to say “your sister says to lie down, it’s better.”

Well fuck me then. I will lie down. I won’t argue either.

As I lay there on the warm wood, breathing in the heat, water dripping from my swimwear, watching the world outside the sauna from a diagonal perspective, I felt my head getting heavy. It was bearable, but there was definite pressure building. At the same time I could feel my body sinking…

my eyes dazing off…

my breath slowing…

and my thoughts drifting…

Isn’t it always the sauna where some maniac will lock the doors on the unsuspecting person inside, cranking the heat up?

No, that’s the steam room, I assured myself.

Yet it was enough to stir me from my impending slumber. Damn over-dramatic writer’s head.

However those 10 minutes or so, I was super-grateful for. They were enough. I really did relax in that short a time, and even though I could’ve easily fallen asleep in there, I didn’t want to take advantage of my sisters generosity.

She had given me a long piece of string… I didn’t want to grab the rope it came from as well, along with the wheel it was wrapped around. I was happy. And I come to the conclusion that not only do I want a pool in our next house, but a sauna is completely necessary too. Just with no outdoor locking mechanisms.

#83 Cold morning work walk

I’ve actually been enjoying my morning walk as of late. It’s 7am, it’s cold, there’s barely a breeze, and there is almost no one in sight in the dark, slowly approaching light.

But, I’m liking it. Really liking it.

It reminds me of my morning walks to work before maternity leave, in particular on those brisk and very fresh Spring mornings, and how despite the startling weather, I even used to enjoy those.

What do they have in common? Silence, and water.

I have great views where I work. On the outskirts of the inner-city, it’s a quieter place than where the main ho-hum operates, but still crazy-busy when the sun comes out and all the work people come out to play during their breaks.

I’m exceptionally lucky to be in the midst of it all, but kind of NOT in the midst of it all too. And who would rather be anywhere else? There are cafes galore, and still enough to see and do around the area to keep you occupied when bored… okay I’m clutching at straws there. But the water, makes up for it.

I’ve become really grateful for my morning walks. It’s cold but not yet that freezing cold that really hits as the sun comes up, and it’s so quiet and peaceful… and then I’ll look out onto the quiet, still water, silently rippling in places here, and there, and take a breath… then exhale.

Whoosh.

It’s beautiful.

It’s my own private space that I’m occasionally sharing with early-morning commuters to work. Tradies. Business people. Local yuppies. But they don’t see me. We’re all sharing the same space, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s all mine.