#464 A new way to Write

I had it REAL good when baby girl was in fact, a baby.

I mean, aside from the not-knowing what the hell I was doing, second-guessing every decision, crying a fair bit, being sleepless and fatigued most of the time, and just wondering when this confusing and struggling never-ending stage would pass.

But then, came the naps. That’s how I had it good.

During her day naps, baby girl would sleep for hours. Sometimes her day naps combined, would equal about 5 hours of sleep time for her, and non-baby time for me, a day.

This was really good. At first it was all catch up on this, maybe I should meal prep for dinner, pay an online bill, make that important phone call I’ve been putting off for 3 months, and wash that pile of soiled baby clothes that will re-fill by the day’s end.

But then, she settled a bit…. while the naps remained.

And as she settled, so did I. I relaxed into Motherhood, and so began journalling again.

I really wanted to capture as much of parenthood and her early months and milestones as much as I could, and so recommenced a fave past-time of mine that I hadn’t done for quite a while, a past-time that I both love and loathe simultaneously. I feel like I HAVE to do it, and that is exactly WHY I loathe it. Because I feel it needs to be done.

And I can’t stop.

And then, I relaxed MORE into Motherhood. And I began to do some food reviews, here and there, read some books, start notes on them that would eventually become my book reviews… and hell, I even started my parent blog, SmikG.

And years later, that followed with this one.

Now as the years have passed, her nap durations, as her naps, have significantly reduced to just one a day. It’s still allowed me some great ‘me’ time, to do whatever I need to do, and yet I always try to do what I feel I need to: write in some capacity, however I can.

However recently, I’ve come to a realisation. With baby girl getting cheekier and cheekier at bed time, her hyper-activity shooting through the roof, I decided I had to do the only thing that made sense.

Drop the nap altogether.

It was doing me good, because it meant she was more tired (or so we hoped) at bedtime, since she hadn’t napped at all during the day, and would be ‘out’ quicker. Well yes. She is ‘out’ a bit faster, a bit less reluctant to drink 15 sips or water, go to the loo 7 times, jump on the bed 10 times, and then ask for a tummy, hand, arm, leg, foot and back massage, following her 3 books read to her by lamplight.

Yeah, a bit less.

But anyway, bedtime routines are somewhat better. She does go to bed slightly earlier now. But it means my writing time during the day, IS GONE.

R.I.P precious writing time.

Or so I thought.

She’s 3 and a half, I thought today. Often, she is quite happy to play on her own, build some blocks, or watch some Paw Petrol.

Surely she would let me do some writing. She’s not 2 and climbing over me to grab at the laptop as I pay a bill or buy the one concert ticket I’ll be going to that year.

A year and a half, makes a difference.

And so, today, I tried. We had had our coffee/babycino/cake break, she was fuelled, she had Nickelodeon shows on in the background, a whole family room full of toys including her new Sofia the First mini figurines, and I sat in the same room as her, and began to do what I started all those years ago, so tentatively, while she was out cold in another room –  I began to write.

Journalling in fact. And there were times I stopped, and she called my name, repeatedly, and I looked back over my shoulder. Repeatedly. And she left the room and came back, and even walked on over and yelled “O” multiple times after looking at the keypad. But after about 90 minutes, I had written 3 pages long.

3 pages! I was a bit surprised, yet pleasantly so. Had I just learnt a new way to write? Multi-tasking, with child in room, interrupting me every so often?

And I did it?

I did it. Yes it wasn’t smooth sailing, but it was done. My quiet writing time may be over, but that’s not to say, I can’t write if I don’t want to.

Where there’s a will there’s a way.

No excuses people. That’s what I take from this. No excuses. And I’m pretty chuffed with that 🙂

 

#374 Reclaiming the past with Besties

Tonight, Bestie and her Hubbex came over to visit us in our new ‘hood.

It was a pretty rad night.

We have a pretty awesome history, us 4. I often wonder if the looks we get from other ‘friends’ are that of jealousy: I mean, bestie and I are of course, LONG-TIME besties, and when we get together, our Hubbies become equally as tight and crazy as us.

We were an integral part of their bridal party when they got married, which was right before I got pregnant with baby girl. It was an amazing day, and so special to be sharing it with them both, in such a close and intimate way.

But that was not the beginning, and it sure as hell won’t be the end. No. Our times together have many prior years and years on their wedding day… from after our high school years and through all of our twenties, birthdays and events, days out, dinner, catch-ups and plenty of laughter here, there and EVERYWHERE. I’m talking Hubbie and Hubbex jumping out of our semi-moving car after midnight singing “How Bizarre” at the top of their lungs on a Saturday night. I’m talking funny dress-ups, and stupid faces to the point that when we look back on them now, we laugh ourselves so silly that we do unintentional ab crunches from our laughter, our breath soundless and eyes all screwed up from the mad laughter that we are expressing.

I’m talking wine, I’m talking shots, and I’m talking plenty of D&Ms in-between. When I think of our long-standing history together, and think back through all of those years, I then realise how varied, vast and deep our friendship and experiences with one another are.

And generally speaking, I am proud of the maturity I’ve developed in response to the friendships and relationships in my life. Nothing remains static, stagnant. Things are ever-changing, and so too do many friendships take on a temporary ‘on hold’ spell, while life takes over, other things become more of a priority, and you move in different directions.

I love that quote, that says something like you know you have a true friend when you don’t always see each other, but when you get together it’s like no time has passed. Nothing is truer for this awesome-foursome.

Although all our lives are extremely busy, and we all have differing passions and interests and jobs that keep us entertained and out of trouble, we still make the time for each other, when we can. And tonight, while eating and drinking, listening to a whole variety of musicians and getting extremely excited over them, talking the deep philosophy of Beyoncé’s image, pruning roses, allowing baby girl to do multiple renditions of Let it Go, turning our staircase into ‘ice’ as she stamped down on the landing, and shooing off cats, we had a smashing time.

We have matured, we are older, and we have more responsibility present in our lives… but it is still us. And US, has still got IT.

Take care of your true friends, because it takes a long time to gain an ‘old friend.’ They are precious and much sought after.

After tonight, I think our future together looks just as happy/funny/silly/meaningful/profound/bright, as ever 🙂

 

#347 How we make up

I thoroughly enjoy the dynamic relationship I share with Hubbie. I thrive on it. It excites me, and keeps me on my toes. We are different, but essentially, at our core, the same.

We are exceptionally loyal to one another. We are passionate in our diverse and pursued interests, and encourage each other to strive for greater heights.

We love spending time together. Time, never seems to be enough. We can be with each other for days on end, and still find ourselves walking through the house, looking for the other when they’ve been absent for 15 minutes.

Also, we are especially honest with each other. Often, brutally so.

We can argue, REALLY well.

Like most couples I guess. On the surface we seem really easy going and happy. And, that is true. One of our closest friends think that we must never fight.

Oh dear. How wrong, wrong, wrong they are.

We pull each other up when the other is misbehaving – constantly.

We tell each other off when we feel disappointed by the other.

We freely tell the other to ‘snap out of it’ ‘move on’ and ‘don’t be so sensitive’ when there’s too much whining going on.

Most of the time we get on with one another, really well. But sometimes, occasionally, infrequently but still big enough to make a momentous dent on our memory bank, we have a decent fight.

Like last night.

After being cranky and shitty with each other most of the night, butting heads and just being in completely different zones to the other, I headed upstairs to bed, after I put baby girl to bed and wrote my gratitude post (yes I am bipolar and can be in an appreciative yet simultaneously horrid state of mind) with one thing in mind:

TO LET HIM HAVE IT.

I woke him up, and even that was enough to make him shitty. Rightly so. For the next hour we proceeded to aggressively, emotionally and yet somehow almost rationally break down why we were upset with each other, who had done what wrong, and what could be done to fix it.

Well, nothing could. It was 2am by the time we were done. And like I said, we were in two different states of mind. I am always the one needing to discuss it NOW, whereas he always needs to sleep on it. That in itself creates a mountain of problems, making any arguments we have at the end of the day that much worse. We had talked it out, but still lay down facing away from each other. I closed my eyes, my cheeks wet.

What I also love about us, is our constant and everlasting willingness to make up. To see it through, talk it out, and make amends to move on, happy again.

I woke up cranky and flat. He had gotten up earlier and gone for a long walk along the beach to clear his head. He came back, bright and chirpy. I was still –

Grrr, argh.

When I’d finished the usual morning routine with baby girl, he pulled me up and said “Let’s sit down, say what we have to say, and move on so we can enjoy the rest of our day.”

Ahhh. Exhale. I love this part.

And so we did. We talked, and talked, and by the end of it, were both relieved.

Why?

Because we do ‘content’ much more easily and willingly and happily, than we do angry.

All is good again in the world. 🙂

Having a partner that is as willing as you are to compromise, find resolve, and get back to that happy state, is about as important as any other thing in a relationship I think.

I think that’s definitely the advice I would give baby girl when she is older.

“Find someone, who would rather have peace, than be right.”

#315 Holiday time

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I saw the above poster on holiday in Phillip Island many years ago, and photographed it, loving the sentiment and everything it encapsulated.

That short trip has been with me for many years now, and now that we’re somewhat closer to the area, I can’t wait to go back. It’s the place where my creative juices were flowing prior to the commencement of my first book, where I sat and read at the beach, pondered life, and started to create a small universe inside of my head.

Maybe that’s why the quote remains with me; or maybe it’s because it beautifully captures real life, while on holiday.

My personal definition of the quote is to live without routine, take things slowly, and live completely in the moment.

It’s what I said to Hubbie yesterday, but in our own personal terms: “Relax, you’re on holiday time now.”

If you’re not on an actual island, well holiday time will have to do. Same same. And today I’ve taken even more of a backseat as I sink deeper into holiday-mode.

All general stuff, nothing specific. Which makes it more of a holiday time, as everything has been inhabited by the holiday vibe, rather than one thing. You need to throw yourself into holiday time, you know, and really live it, not just apply it to one thing. I think I’ve done well today, by:

*Aimlessly shopping on whim

*Running through the cactus sprinkler with baby girl

*Coffee times two

*Ice cream, not because I wanted it, but because ‘why not?’

*Sipping on cider on the front porch as I stared at the water at 8pm, thinking I really should start preparing some food to eat

*Easy leftovers for lunch and dinner

*Putting my feet up after dinner, because, I never actually do it, AND

*Generally inhabiting a bit of a lazy tone.

Because I can. I’m on holidays, this is holiday time, and I will milk it for all its worth.

 

 

#304 Relaxing on Christmas Eve

It came in many forms today:

*Watching baby girl play at the park today in the beautiful summer sunshine

*Making a cheesecake for Christmas Day tomorrow

*Watching baby girl splash about with her outdoor activity table in our yard

*Having a leisurely coffee with Hubbie and baby girl in our yard as well, at the laid back time of 6pm

But my most favourite relaxing moment was when we were eating ice cream on the couch together at the end of the night, watching Carols by Candlelight on the TV.

We were all awake (many times Hubbie has been asleep on the couch for Christmas Eve, from the mammoth butcher week that had passed), we were all together, and most importantly, that made us all blessed.

It’s the little things people. They ARE the biggest and best things.

It’s officially past midnight for my 24 Dec post, so I can now say Merry Christmas to ALL! Hope your day is filled with sunshine, love, laughter, and beautiful people.

Make the most of your day. Eat and drink EVERYTHING. Be Merry.

And enjoy life. Make the most of this festive day, no matter what that may be. Do what makes you happy.

As Hubbie says “we’re live!”

:):):)

 

A disclaimer between #229 and #230…

Because, moving process, I currently don’t have internet. This means that some lengthy posts I had planned to post this week will be accumulating and sitting in a folder on my laptop, being unread.

So in light of this fiasco of internet non-connection, I’ll still be posting my daily blog post title, followed by a very short summary of what it will be about… to be filled in with my actual post at some point, hopefully no later than next week…

I promise, I will not cheat. These posts will exist daily, albeit on an offline folder hidden from your view, ready to be seen and read… sometime soon. Hopefully.

Now I will go because tapping a screen on my new phone, no matter how fantastic it is, becomes tedious after a while…

And all this because when I said “organise disconnection for Friday,” the phone provider thought that to mean “commence immediately!”

Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.

#225 Falling into place – Kinder

I only put in the late application last night. It had been the first kinder we had visited at our Sea change destination, yet it had made an impact on us – the teachers were warm and friendly, the room was filled with kid-fuelled, inventive and funny nik-naks, and I immediately felt like baby girl would love it there.

However, I felt the need to research some more – surely the first kinder we visited wouldn’t be the right one straight off the bat, could it? I had to be sure.

A few drive-by inspections, and another kinder visit yesterday, told me that often you don’t need to do any further research. Sometimes you should just go with your gut, regardless of what else is out there. We spoke to a lovely lady from another kinder who said that spots were tough to come by at this stage of the game, so I took her kindly advice and applied for the first kinder we had seen.

A phone call this afternoon: baby girl was offered a spot. I happily accepted, then got off the phone to jump up and down with baby girl telling her she was going to be painting to her hearts content next year. Her cheeks were rosy and bright, from being outside all day – in my parents yard, and at the park I had frequented so much as a child. The thought of painting endlessly thrilled her.

Later during her nap, as I was being appreciative of how easy it had been in the kindergarten application process, a song came into my head. As I hung her clothes to dry on the inside clothes rack, I smiled as the words filtered through:

Que Sera, Sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que Sera, Sera

I used to find a strong affinity with the song as a child. Dreaming, imagining, wondering what my future would hold. I would hum the words to myself as I played in the park, thinking deep thoughts that I’m not sure a normal 9 year old would think.

Who would I marry?

What would I become?

How would my children be like?

What would I do?

Being a naturally inquisitive person, the questions posed in the song (will I be famous, will I be rich, here’s what she said to me) reflected my own curiosities and doubts, fears and wonders over life and what would come in the future. But in the end, no matter how much I wanted to know, anything, the words of the song rang truer still:

The future’s not ours to see.

Funny how things work out? Today as I remembered the lyrics:

Now I have children of my own,

They ask their mother, what will they be?

As we are on the verge of so many life-changes, with moving house, moving lifestyle, and now our baby girl going to start kindergarten next year, I wonder what her questions will be? What will I tell her? Will I be honest, or will I put on my rose-coloured glasses and paint the world a vibrant rainbow?

I’ve always swayed heavily between two lines of thinking, two ways that are directly opposite one another and yet BOTH that I believe to be true.

  1. There are things that are ‘meant to be’ in life
  2. We control our actions and our futures

They are highly contradictory thoughts, and yet some things in our life I believe we can’t escape, yet simultaneously I believe we can do what we want to do…

I’ve always imagined having a beach house, but it was always just a silly fantasy, wishful thinking. I never really put any kind of plan or action into it, ’til the start of this year. And in very little time, we made a purchase, and are now moving.

So did we make that happen, or was that meant to happen?

All my beach house, silly references throughout life… was that me attracting the beach house to ourselves the whole time?

Or was that meant to be, and the Universe was throwing me snippets of our future forecast before it happened?

I still don’t know, and I don’t know what I’ll be telling baby girl in years to come. I think I’ll be realistic, yet I’ll inject a good dose of romanticism and wishful thinking, because you know, as I say to her:

Reach high for the stars, and follow your dreams. You can achieve whatever you wish for.

I honestly don’t think that that line of thinking could harm anyone.

I am grateful that so far, things are going smoothly, and this kindergarten process has gotten off without a hitch… almost like it was meant to be.

But, ‘whatever will be, will be.’