#843 Beneath blue skies…

Blue skies peeking from beneath the leaves of trees:

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The pristine expanse of water, stretching out around boats and travelling up the horizon of skyscrapers, for as far as the eye can see:

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And then a bridge in lights – the glow representative of the stunning day that was, or IS.

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Noble, worthy, and wonderful things to focus on and remember about today, especially as only hours after that last photo, I went home early from work because there was a golf ball stuck in my throat.

I’m not well. 😦

I am reminded of my Mum’s words. Whenever I have expressed to her deep frustration or complaints about life, she has responded with this:

“You have to grow thick skin, and be hard, like a rock. So hard, so nothing can get you.”

This soft girl needs some thick skin then. I need it so that the ball in my throat pales in comparison, and I need it so I can focus on those blue skies with more appreciation…

 

#834 Hubbie’s good vibes

You know that really lovely and positive saying… the one about how you can’t depend on others to lift you up? You can’t rely on loved ones – family, friends, colleagues – to make you happy?

“You are responsible for your own happiness. If you expect others to make you happy, you will always be disappointed.” – Unknown.

So, yeah. Both yeah…

And Nah.

Sure, it is important that you rely on yourself to lift yourself up. Depending on others for your well-being and self-worth is a dangerous game – when you rely solely on what others give you, say to you or how they make you feel, you are giving them all the power and leaving yourself none. What happens when they aren’t around? What will you do when you are alone? How will you cope in your own head when things take a downward turn?

You are meant to be Master of your Universe – and that includes your head too. The thoughts, emotions and actions that came from it.

But I am going to turn all of this on its head and go… sometimes, nah.

NAH.

I was feeling off for a few reasons today, one of them being sleep-deprived and the other being flatter-than-a-pancake vibes. I was feeling lowly and down, and then Hubbie came home for lunch…

He was smiley. Encouraging. Happy. Upbeat. Just having him around made me feel better. I whinged about what was bugging me, got it off my chest, he said some words to make me feel better…

And just like that… better. Because of him. And it reminded me of another quote. One that said that the important thing about relationships, was that when one was down, the other could swoop in and lift them up. It is called balance.

Balance. Lifting each other up. Making each other better people.

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#823 An afternoon with Dead Poets

It was the perfect day…

It was cold.

It was dreary.

I was under the weather.

I had a sore throat.

I was tired.

I was uninspired.

And all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball…

Yes, it WAS the perfect day…

To stay in and watch a movie.

The combination of wintery conditions, and a tired mind and body meant it was ideal weather to just curl up on the couch with a tea and watch something for a couple of hours while baby girl was at kinder.

The only problem was, I couldn’t quite curl up on the couch, as the DVD player in that room has started playing up. I couldn’t put in a DVD loaned to me by a work colleague, with the risk that it wouldn’t come out, much like the current scenario and baby girl’s Moana being lost in there?

So I improvised.

I went into her play room… grabbed her bean bag… brought her small art-y table close by to me, and plopped into the player Dead Poets Society.

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I think it’s been in my hands for at least 6 months. Maybe even close to a year. I seriously can’t remember. I know he didn’t expect me to return it immediately, but at the same time he doesn’t talk to me much anymore so maybe he thinks he’s lost it for good.

Oh LOLS. If there’s one thing I am, it’s an elephant. I don’t forget. I don’t keep people’s things.

I needed some thoughts of inspiration and meaning. I sat with my tea and a cherry Danish on the table beside me (alongside baby girl’s own tea set)…

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And proceeded to get lost in a fine work of art by one of my favourite actors, Robin Williams, for the next two hours.

It was certainly an interesting film. It made me want to read more poetry. It made me want to go and live life to the fullest even more than I already try to do.

Robin Williams’ teacher character tells his students that they are little more than worms to feed the earth in future years, leading to his main statement:

Carpe Diem.

Seize the day. Make the most of what time you have. Live your passion. Don’t follow the path well travelled – forge your own. Love and the Arts are notable pursuits.

And one of my many fave quotes of his from the film:

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

It was a sweet, funny and passionate movie, but one also starkly true and grim about life’s pressures, taking a sad and horrific turn right near the end, leaving me going “No!” I didn’t just spend the last two hours of slowly-building inspiration for this?

But then there was the promise of something learnt, of not all lost… of Hope… and that reminded me of my own book, where I pretty much do the exact same thing.

It was a lovely afternoon which I spent not doing much at all. In a week where I have felt bombarded and overwhelmed in all avenues of my life, with just too much going on all at once, I needed a moment, an hour or two, to not tend to any of those things… and just take some time out, to do my own thing.

To find inspiration and the meaning of life again.

To remember where I am.

And to remind myself of where I am going.

 

 

 

#807 A day of handling Anxiety

Many separate and non-uniform events coincided today in an effort to reduce the stress and pressure on my mind.

Did they try, or in my mind, did I seek them out in an effort to distract myself?

The distraction is for removing myself and my troublesome thoughts from something I do not want to do… yet I have to.

All these distractions, were also instances of momentary gratitude, where I tried so hard to see the bigger picture.

This quote.

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It set me up for the day, and reminded me that without troubles and fear, I was not going to grow. I know this, and yet the fear remains, hanging in the shadows.

A rose, cut from the garden.

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A fresh batch, sprung up again. This rose tree continues to amaze me with its constant renewal and rebirth. I prune and cut for my own personal satisfaction, and still they spring up, fragrant and pretty and pink. They do not fade, they do not tire. They keep on, going on, despite the scissors that come to them, often.

The park visit.

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Have you ever done a U-turn on the spur of the moment, and changed the afternoon’s plans? Baby girl was begging for the park, and I went “what the hell.” I needed the fresh air. And the laughter. And the frivolity. And the trees. There’s nothing like being surrounded by children screaming at the park, to remind you of the humble and naïve beginnings they, and we all started from. It’s important to remind ourselves of that fact, from time to time.

And finally, the sunset.

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Pink, and blue. A colourful display as always, Autumn. Watching the colours fade into the horizon, and be overshadowed by night, to know that tomorrow light will appear again and the world will go on, happy and sad, good or bad…

Whether you show up or not.

All of these images present a metaphor for me and the things plaguing my mind, and all I know for sure is that combined, they speak of one thing, the thing I hold dearest to me:

Hope.

Hope can beat fear, Hope can push us forwards, and Hope can put my mind into a safer place than it is, with Anxiety.

I can’t wait ’til tomorrow is over.

 

 

#792 Happy about kinder’s return

Absence makes the heart grow… distant. So is the case, proving the popular quote wrong, when it comes to kids.

Kids don’t react to things the way us adults too. The quote tells us that the love and joy we have experienced for something, only grows more when we are absent of it, and proves to us that we did indeed, in moments of blasé attitude and take-for-granted trials, LOVE it.

Not so for the little peeps. They will love something, and love something, and tell you they love it, and it’s the bomb, and the bees knees, and yet after a short absence from it…

What is this horror? What? I never loved this… and I hate you too!

That was my fear going into these school holidays. I accepted the break gratefully, happy about not having to get up so early and not having to rush around so much with baby girl 3 days out of the school week.

But there was this thought at the back of my mind. I had spent so much time building my little BIG girl up, from tentatively entering the classroom, to pretty much strolling in unfazed and excitedly starting her first task of the day, every session – by painting me a picture.

Would all that effort and energy undo itself and take us back to square one? Would I be with a tight smile on the outside, and yet frustrated as hell internally?

I discovered today, that my thoughts were just that – thoughts. They didn’t materialise, and baby girl walked in happily, putting on a smock as if she had just done it the day before, and looked around for her friends, spotting them in the play areas of the room.

She was happy about the return to kinder, and therefore, so was I. I was able to go about my time today, catching up on jobs that had been on my to-do list for months, looking after myself by getting back into working out, and eating more meaningfully and mindfully, and last but not least, I did some writing, which ALWAYS makes me feel happy.

It was a win-win for ALL.

 

#639 Pool Days no.2

Pool days number 2, and yet it was the first pool day of the Summer season.

And it ain’t Summer yet!

And it was evening!

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Blue water for days. And days and days. A balmy night, splashing, laughter, music, baby girl showing off by blowing bubbles and retrieving rings, and very good company… in fact, the best. 

Yep you guessed it. My sister and bro-in-law’s place.

It was meant to be a ‘quick visit’ because it is a weeknight.

It is NEVER a quick visit.

Hours later, baby girl is requesting mini marshmallow(s) upon mini marshmallow(s), then peanut butter on bread, then tim tams… all the while we are discussing Prince, Madonna, as well as a heady dose of ‘the true meaning of life,’ and then of course the guys take a photo before our nephew exceeds us all and takes lead in the height division.

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Baby girl is not shy. She is a prankster.

Then it is 11pm, and I am looking forward to a measly 4 hours sleep before my work shift tomorrow.

But sometimes, for some people, losing sleep is so worth it.

You know that line Olaf says to Anna in Frozen? She tells the funny and lovable snowman to get away from stoking the fire for her. And he responds

“some people are worth melting for.”

Yep. 🙂

#622 Yo Hubbie, it’s your birthday…

This dude.

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His Par-Tay tonight.

Only slightly drunk. ALLLL good. Writing while under the influence in the bestest fun.

So let’s quickly wrap this up before I regret it.

Let me just add, you know it is love when you want to kill the person earlier on in the night, and then later you are totally loving them again.

As Tony Montana says somewhat somehow in Scarface “she gonna love me again.”

Only, I’m gonna love him again.

Music, memories, and a bunch of 8 making it sound like 80 odd in the house… that’s my kind of a great night 😉