#2633 In the eye of the storm

We’re in the middle of a storm (and no, it’s not the literal one that surprised us all in Melbourne yesterday).

The feels are the same though: hanging, ominous, end-of-the-world dark clouds; helplessness and frustration over the current conditions; and a bleak outlook for the future.

The storm I speak of is the newborn storm, particularly the 6 week stage.

Now I don’t wanna speak only badly about this phase. There is a certain beauty, innocence and wonder about these first weeks of your child’s life as you get a front-row seat to watching them work it all out, growing from newborn to infant before your very eyes, while reminding you of the miracle of life and how precious it really is.

But anyone who has been through this phase would also know just how testing, tiring and traumatising the newborn stage can be. The stage WE find ourselves in.

But it is only the case, ‘right now.’ I heard those words today from a social media influencer, saying if you add the words ‘right now’ to a stressful situation you are going through, it reframes the situation and helps you to see that this is temporary and will pass.

I am getting no sleep right now.
My child is extra fussy right now.
I find myself struggling big time right now.

The rephrasing provides hope, consolation and brighter days to look forward to. And like the snap storm we had roll over our skies this morning, we’ll find that the other side of it will be waiting for us as today was too – with bright blue skies, a sunny outlook, and the feeling like ‘did it ever even happen?’… πŸ™

Photo by Roberto Nickson on Pexels.com

#2536 I feel it, it’s coming

That above line is from one of my fave songs, Madonna’s Rain, but it’s definitely NOT rain I feel coming.

It’s summer. It’s good times. It’s Christmas fun and festivity, NOT rush and madness.

Today was the first time in a long time that I took step back, and started to really enjoy the space I’m in.

I love Christmas, but it’s been a crazy couple of months, and things have been busier than usual. But I’m in a space, a place, where I think I have a handle on things, and I was just sitting at the table this evening, sure doing some crafty stuff (literally), but when I thought ahead to the next few days, and then week… I felt good.

HAPPY!

FESTIVE!

IN A STATE OF JOY!

So, it is coming. Many things are. In fact, I think many of them are already here. πŸ™πŸ’–

Photo by Valeria Vinnik on Pexels.com

#2510 Grateful for the good and the bad

Today was an interesting day, to say the least.

We went to a shopping centre to do some Christmas shopping. πŸŽ…πŸŽ„πŸ›οΈπŸ›οΈ

Then on the way home, our car broke down. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈπŸš˜

So, here are my gratitudes for the day.

I’m grateful that we had a successful day of Christmas shopping.

I’m grateful I spent the day with my family.

I’m grateful that Hubbie was driving the car when the temp gauge went up… I am nowhere near as aware of it as he is.

I’m grateful that the RACV guy came within 30 minutes (not 40, or 70!)

I’m grateful that there were toilet blocks we could walk to as we waited.

I’m grateful the rain didn’t let loose as we were heading back to our car (but the wind hurt my cold, sick head, really it did).

I’m grateful we were sheltered in our warm car as we waited for the tow truck.

I’m grateful the tow truck came in an hour 20 minutes, not 4 hours!

I’m grateful the uber came to take us home within minutes of the tow truck arriving.

I’m overall so grateful that the car broke down today… Hubbie and I were talking later, and let’s be honest, it is NEVER a good time for your car to break down.

But we were together.

It was a Sunday – no work, no school.

We were on our way home, not headed out.

We had roadside services available to us that came well before the time suggested, to which we are utterly grateful.

We got home, and had a roof over our head, a heater that started to warm the house, and food that we could start preparing for (a very late) dinner.

All while the wind and rain howled outside.

And I just know there are some unfortunate people who don’t have shelter tonight.

So from the bottom of my heart, I am so deeply grateful for how things played out today… as inconvenient as it was, it could have been so much worse.

Sometimes I really do feel, like today, that there are people pulling strings from above… making sure inevitable things happen at appropriate times. πŸ™πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ’–

#2504 Whiplash but no floods

Our house got whiplash last night.

Whiplash in its truest form. Only whiplash feels like a bit of an understatement… this was like a ferocious beating, not just from the wind, but the rain. The intensity was so great, it awoke us after 4am and kept us up for well over an hour. We even headed downstairs to check if our bird who sleeps outside, was in fact, still there (and still alive!)

But, we got through it. And hearing about all the damage and flooded properties today around our area and other parts of the state, I can say one thing with utter gratitude…

I am sooo glad our house is elevated.

It’s in an elevated part of the street, and I think in horrible weather spells like this, it means the world. Sure, we still get the ‘Bay Beating,’ and it comes right for our bedroom window which faces the street, and the Bay. We hear it all, and it wakes us up every single time there’s a frightening storm like last night’s one.

But fortunately, where we cop the weather extremities, we are spared the water lodgment. Flooding, intense water rushes, they bypass us, and head down, somewhere else…

It may seem like little things, but also in the house scheme of things, it’s kinda big too. πŸ πŸ™

#2497 Heat and Rain

And then summer came.

Last week, heater. Even, colds, or something was lingering in our household.

Today, HEAT. It was glorious, but it’s come on quickly so there has been some very sudden adjustments.

But there was a moment of symmetry today, that really made me think…

Because it was sunny, ALL DAY. I do a little walk near the school before pick-up, so as I approached the lolly-pop man crossing, a strong clap of thunder threatened from above.

What? Thunder? Sure there were clouds up there, ominous too, but it was sooo warm!

Surely there wouldn’t be any rain on such a gorgeous day. Not here anyway.

We got to the car and all was good. Mondays we go straight to swimming from school, because baby girl has a class at 4pm.

We were in the car and suddenly, I could hear spots on the car. Some massive drops appeared near the open window, and we quickly closed it.

OK, sure. There was some light rain passing. That’s all it was.

But these drops, they were BIG! They were thick, they made an impact when they crashed down.

Within minutes, the sky was dark and it was pouring. We were driving and marvelling how we had been so hot and bothered only minutes earlier, and now we were driving to swimming and we were literally swimming in it ourselves! We had to do a dash inside, getting splattered with heavy raindrops all over, and we just kept shaking our head at the craziness of Melbourne weather.

But… later, it made me think.

Earlier today, I had sent my manuscript off to someone… and this manuscript that I have slaved and stressed over for weeks now, well it has a scene in it where the rain comes down hard and heavy out of nowhere…

And I went huh? What are the odds?

I don’t know, but it felt awfully coincidental, symmetrical, super weird, that we were kinda acting out a scene from my book, on the day it went out to… someone.

What are the odds?

Rain is release. Letting go. Things getting unveiled, brought to the surface.

Replenishing. Renewal. Rejuvenation.

Let’s hope it’s also means Reward. πŸ™

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

#2491 The cold public holiday

Hubbie and I may have worked today, but come mid-afternoon when we clocked off, we made sure to act like we had been on holiday indeed.

Coffee and cake. 😬

We played Monopoly, which baby girl was OVER the moon about!

He then napped, while baby girl and I read. I actually finished a book!

And then we got really excited watching one of the traitors get banished tonight from the show of the same name… it’s getting to the pointy end!

It was cold. It was rainy. It was windy. I really didn’t care that I had to work today. But yet, doing those slow, relaxing things in the afternoon and then at night with my family…

Having a coffee break. Playing a game. Reading… it was bliss.

It slowed the afternoon right down, and reminded me that we don’t always have to be go-go-going.

We can just sit, relax, and be, be, be in the moment. πŸ™πŸ’–

#2487 End of work/school/Friday

Come 4pm and baby girl and I being at home, FINALLY, and I was relieved.

It had been a trying day. The wind whipped us, literally, as I dropped her off, rain assaulted us on an angle, and I’m surprised that our umbrellas didn’t break as I walked her to her classroom this morning.

Then work was busy, and on top of that, I had a surprise training session that went for… hours. πŸ€¦β€β™€οΈ

(Training sessions on a Friday should not be allowed.)

Another quick run to the shops before pick-up, Winter weather to be battled yet again, and once we closed the front door on our jobs and the day, man was I happy!

I hate to wish days away, or be glad they are over… but today had a real cranky, shitty vibe.

I’m hoping we’ve gotten it out of the way so that the weekend is UBER-awesome. πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ™πŸ™

#2472 Back to (creamy) black

It’s been approximately… 3 months since I stopped drinking coffee.

It had become more than just a habit, it was like a routine I was scared to break because of those ill-fated caffeine headaches if I dared missed a cup.

Yes, I enjoyed it. But there were days I could go without, but never used to, just because, routine.

But I was pregnant too. I was getting increasingly ‘off’ so many things, food, drinks… yes, even coffee.

The almond milk I was used to drinking, subtituting for regular milk, was actually disgusting me.

So I moved to just black. Straight blacks.

But that’s when I caught covid, in week 10 of pregnancy. And one day while lying on the couch, ravaged by weakness, I decided I wanted to stop it all.

I haven’t had a sip since. ‘Til today!

Honestly, I have been enjoying the scent of coffee as it wafts over to me from whoever is drinking it, for a week or two now. Realising I was out of those horrible nauseous months, I decided I wanted to try it again.

But also, realising that I didn’t have to have something just because it was 3pm, realising I didn’t have to get my body dependent as it once was on it… I have the control now.

I had a day off today. I made myself some brunch, a coffee, and proceeded to write and edit my novel on this very rainy Melbourne day.

Guess what? I didn’t get affected by the coffee, even in the 3 month absence of it.

In fact, it was like I never stopped drinking it at all.

That’s unsettling. 😬🀣

#2421 A full rainbow

I’ve been seeing so many rainbows lately.

Today baby girl noticed it and called me from the other side of the house to witness it. When I saw it, I knew I had to take a photo.

It was a full rainbow.

You don’t see these often. I don’t see these often. I even went outside in the falling rain to catch this shot.

I know, I know. Of course there are rainbows about, look at all the rain we’ve been having.

But that fave quote of mine goes…

“No rain, no rainbows.”

More good things are coming. πŸ’–πŸŒˆ

#2415 The big reveal

Exactly 10 weeks ago, something huge happened.

It was momentous. Unbelievable. It felt like a miracle.

It was a miracle.

An online dictionary states the meaning of miracle as: “an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”

Well, maybe some parts were explicable, but if you knew the whole story, you yourself would call it a kind of miracle.

A kind of magic, as my friend Freddie Mercury says.

On this miraculous day forwards, I started to let people know in a series of codes that something was up with me, in my life, but by not actually telling them that something was up. πŸ€”

On the day in question, I called both my Mum and my sister. I wanted to talk to them, to hear their voice, for them to hear my voice. I had planned this, I had planned this all again… if I couldn’t see them on this momentous day, then I would at least talk to them over the phone, and tell them in my own hidden code way, speaking happily and easily, that things had finally turned.

Then I turned on my friends. I deliberately started picking words for my wordle night centred around a certain ‘theme.’ This was also a pre-planned event, something I had thought about for months before it actually happened. This went on for 9 weeks, and only in the last few days have they all found out the news, and my little wordle plan, tee hee hee.

I will now reveal that I also told you. ALL OF YOU. Exactly 10 weeks ago on this day, I started to say something.

Let me take you back there.

I penned a post, titled “Time for a poem.” Now this post wasn’t just marked under my “Gratitude” category, like every other post, it was also marked as “Special Edition” for a reason.

I have dabbled in poetry in the past, that is true. However this was a poem, a plan I had for a long time before this beautiful day came along. I always knew I was going to tell you, you, and you in code, and so I sat down, my mind reeling, my life changed for the better, hesitant and unsure and excited and cautious and scared and every emotion, but also HOPEFUL.

So freaking darn hopeful as I always have been.

And I wrote.

You need to look closely at the poem… I will screenshot it for you now.

If you take the first letter of each sentence (not line, sentence), you will see it spells something…

IMIGHTJUSTBE…

I might just be…

And on the following night, I finished my current poetry slam as I called it. Here are the screenshots again:

PREGNANT.

I MIGHT JUST BE… PREGNANT.

And I was.

I had done the home test the first night, and by the second day where I did my part 2 poetry slam, it had been confirmed via blood test. I was pregnant.

Words and emotions cannot even begin to describe how I felt. I’d been so cautious and nervous and tentative in those early days and weeks, and I think because of this my emotions now spill over, crying from happiness easily, at the drop of a bib, a baby mention, a thought about the beautiful future… all my happiness and love and gratitude is now spilling over.

When I began my gratitude journey all those years ago, I had no idea then that one of my biggest tests was to be this one: falling pregnant. I had no idea what lay in store, and perhaps it’s better I didn’t. I’ve gone down paths I never thought I would, seen people I’d never imagined, felt the depth of human emotion, and wished and hoped and prayed like I never had before.

After that day I kept dropping hints to you all, though these were teeny-tiny! Here are some of them:

In #2363 I wrote about looking forwards and how things were dragging. They were. I was desperate to get to at least 8 weeks (my self-determined first safe spot) and I also wrote about being tired, which I was then… very, very tired. Early pregnancy symptoms.

In #2364 I wrote of symmetry. The entire post is relevant, but my final line I love most: “As if there was ever any doubt.”

In #2365 I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie down. I never lie down during the day unless I am sick… or pregnant. πŸ˜‰

In #2366 that ‘miracle’ word pops up when I talk about mother nature and sunsets. The metaphor is there.

In #2367 I was at my parents and enjoyed some home-made Sarma, known to non-Balkans as meat stuffed cabbage rolls, and oh my God me and baby loved it. I am loving salty foods from way back then, and the Sarma was just so agreeable to me! OMG!

In #2371 I was counting down, not just to the end of winter, but to telling my family and friends, and to getting to the end of the first trimester. A clue appears at the end of this post: “baby steps.” 😁

In #2375 I saw a heap of rainbows that day. They are a definite sign for me, and seeing the amount of them that I have since finding out I’m pregnant, has confirmed for me how true that is.

In #2378 I wrote “Her surprises.” The presents I spoke of that we bought for baby girl, were actually big sister items, and we told her that night that she was going to be a big sister.

She’s been loving and kissing my belly since, and I already know how lucky this baby will be to have her. πŸ’–πŸ’–

In #2380 we saw 4 rainbows…. 4! More beautiful signs that things were progressing nicely. “That HAS to mean that better times are ahead.”

In #2388 I wrote of nicer things that were to come. My last line “At least things are still shining.”

In #2389 I wrote of my love for the Madonna song ‘Rain.’ There’s this quote, well there are many quotes that have actually saved me during this journey, but one that I am able to truly feel now is the quote

“Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.”

I’ve cried through so many songs, and this song of release, with the metaphor of rain and storms, hit me in a different way.

“The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.”

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.’

πŸ™

In #2396 I wrote about watching the Elvis movie with two of my friends. I mentioned needing super-comfy pants, and I couldn’t have felt this more. After a filling dinner, and being 11 weeks pregnant, I needed my trakkies so bad, but obviously still was wearing and able to fit into my jeans (barely), so in the dark of the cinema actually unzipped my jeans and popped my button so I could breathe and not be in pain for 2 and a half hours! I don’t think my friends saw a thing. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜†

In #2397 I wrote about “Family abundance.” This is the night we told my parents and sister’s fam that we were expecting. Happy screams, shock and wonder filled the air!

In #2398 I wrote “We are so close!” It was the last day of July, and I was excited about August and ALL that it would bring.

Spring begins to spring forth.

I for one, amΒ soooΒ ready for this next stage.

BRING IT ON!”

In #2399 I spoke of my love for August.

“Everything in abundance. Happy times, happiness, everything growing in happiness.”Β (Including my belly!)

In #2400 I said “Just because.” An important blood test came back good, and I was crying from happiness, just sobbing. All the tension and unknowningness and uncertainty that had been plaguing me just went away. I was so unbelievably light and happy.

“I had aΒ reallyΒ good day. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, for me, for my family, and just living in and appreciating, relishing this every moment, makes me so happy, makes my heart full.”

In #2402 I talked about the cakes that I ordered for mine and baby girl’s birthdays… only thing is, mine was a baby reveal cake! We were going to announce our pregnancy during cake time for our birthday.

“My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about.”

How true that was! πŸ˜†πŸ˜

In #2405 I wrote “Better here than there.” Better to be busy and running around for something great, than to be like we were the last two years, sad and in lockdown.

“This year isΒ soooΒ different, and despite the busy-ness and the craziness of it, I am so grateful for it also.”

Well, now you know why it’s so different, and it’s not just because lockdowns are over!

In #2406 I said decorations were off my to-do list, and said “We got some really special, nice ones.”

Along with the baby reveal cake, we got balloons that said ‘Oh baby,’ ‘Baby’ and one that had a young girl and read ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’

!!!!

#2411 was our HUGE day. Our close family and friends finally found out. And at the end of my post, after writing about hope, not losing it, and hanging on, I said it “was a big, and very special day.”

The day after in #2412 we told more people via phone who hadn’t been able to be there, dear family and friends. Therefore, “Spreading good news.” πŸ’–πŸ’–

And that leads us to here! This moment, this reveal, this announcement. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I am beyond happy. I also have a lot to share, and I’m still working out how to say it. Whether I say it via this blogging forum, or whether I write about it in another format, be sure that this is a subject I’ve learnt a lot about, having first-hand experience of all the trials and tribulations, and therefore have a lot of very strong opinions as well as hard facts from my own life.

I will end on this. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be rude.

Be kind. Be a friend. Be there for them. That is the best thing you can possibly do. If you do that and they need you, trust me, they will reach out.

I have of tonne of thank yous to make. Many of you reading this will get them in the coming months.

But first of all, for joining me on this incredibly hard but very rewarding journey… a big thank you.

We’ve only just begun. πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ€°πŸ€°