#1252 Sawing away at negativity

Today I took out the saw. Both in the literal and metaphorical sense.

The first time it was intentional. I literally went to the garage, got out Hubbie’s saw, and took to the task of pruning old branches from my rose bushes with focus and determination. I knew what I had to do. I had been planning to do it for months. I took joy in the process.

Sawing. Cleansing. Removing the old to make way for the new. A new stage was emerging. Soon the dry leafless branches would be filled with green foliage and ravishing ruby red roses. 🌹

Tonight… again the same.

But instead I took out the saw… metaphorically.

This one wasn’t planned.

I didn’t go into it with purpose. It was something I had been kind of putting off.

But yet like the rose bushes, it was something that needed to happen.

I paused. Hesitated. Sure I knew what HAD to be done… I had known for years. I didn’t accept it though. Recently, this year I knew I had to take out the largest tool in my figurative shed, and rid myself of the negativity, the anger, the frustrations and deep-seeded hurts that had planted and manifested themselves in my body.

You would think letting go of such harmful things would be easy, favoured, wanted even… but often we hold onto our hurts, because they are so familiar. They are all we know. Sure moving on is most beneficial, but it requires starting again… and then there is forgiveness.

The thing that has struck me most about forgiveness is this: you don’t forgive for those that have hurt you… you forgive to lighten your heart, soul, mind and body, and give yourself the freedom to live your life unweighted by unnecessary hurts.

I always knew this… do you think it was easy to implement, in spite of the sadness?

No. This glass half-full gratitude girl has been struggling for YEARS.

But tonight, a change. I took little steps… and maybe the fruits of my labour won’t show themselves for a little while… they won’t sprout green leaves and red roses like my cherished flowers as soon… but there is sign of life.

Seedlings have been planted, and my saw has taken to the old ways with understanding and gentleness.

Yes, you can be gentle with a saw.

Really, there is to be no more.

Remember… do it for yourself. You are the one that matters. The saw is in your hands.

 

 

#900 Winter pruning

So, check out that number ↑↑↑

Pretty cool milestone. And so it is quite metaphorical then that on a day of reaching heights, I spent a portion of this afternoon scaling things back, chopping away what was unnecessary, stepping back, re-evaluating, and re-examining what was surrounding me.

I am talking, Winter pruning.

I have been wanting to get stuck into my rose bushes since Winter descended her icy grip around us, but alas two things kept me at arms length from the pruning shears.

  1. Freezing cold temperature, and
  2. recently, the sudden emergence of a very few small roses.

What? Roses? In Winter? This was mine and baby girl’s reaction as we discovered this very fact many weeks ago.

How did we have roses sprouting forth in Winter? I mean, as mentioned in point number 1, we certainly have had cold weather, as there was no mistakable sunshine until very recently.

I couldn’t bring myself to cut off the few roses that were there. They had come forward despite all odds, fighting fit and proving themselves the exceptional few.

I just couldn’t.

Today, a different story.

It was finally a warm day where I had time. I went outside with gloves and shears, and after a while of snipping here, and snipping there, I realised the shears were not enough.

I brought out the big gun. THE SAW.

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I was sawing like crazy at old and thick branches that were just dried out and brittle. I sawed and sawed and sawed, I must have looked like a character out of a horror movie, walking around with my yellow gloves and throwing myself into the rose bushes. Even baby girl decided it would be fun to pick up the saw when I had put it down and approach me with it, and I was all like “noooo, put it down!” trying to be as casual as I could, because let’s face it, a relaxed parent is boring, but one that is freaking out about a saw coming closer is a hell of a lot more fun and equals =

MORE SAW.

Fortunately there were no gruesome endings, other than for those brittle rose branches. It was truly a gratifying and satisfying day, I felt incredible out in the fresh air and sunshine, yet completely wrecked from it all when I finished off and walked back inside the house.

The cutest part for me though, was when it came time for me to prune off a small branch with one of those fighter roses that had sprung forth recently. Although it had shown its strength by re-appearing when it seasonally shouldn’t, it was small and starting to wither and drop it’s petals, and for the sake of pruning properly, I knew it had to go.

I had to ask baby girl though. She had explicitly stated before I started, that I was not to touch that rose.

So I explained. I said it was getting old, and the petals were falling off, and that if I chopped this one off, we could then expect lots of little baby roses to come from its path.

She thought. “Ok mama. Me not be upset.”

Awww. I cut the rose off and gave it to her, telling her she could place it somewhere, as a kind of ceremonial goodbye. She had another idea though. She looked up and down, left and right, around and around the yard, until she found an appropriate spot to –

Plant it.

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I think that is just heart-warming. The things that we think are lost and forgotten, our children think are special and worth keeping.

That is beautiful. ♥