#1563 Day 65 of getting there: the gourmet chocolate

If you read my other post you will know I had A SHIT DAY.

But we’ll try keep that drama away from this page, being all appreciation-central and all.

Trying to keep my chin up this afternoon after my work shift, I did that thing we try not to do, when we’re being all sensible and wanting to use things up in order as we open them…

I opened up a gourmet chocolate block… but we already had chocolate open.

I had to. Like I said already, SHIT day, and there was this chocolate block I had been eyeing for a couple of weeks in the pantry.

I opened it… and it was delicious.

If you see this in your local supermarket, do yourself a favour and get one! It had a dark chocolate tinge to it, and with its luxuriantly silky chocolatey-ness, and the flakes of coconut, I had to have 3 squares.

It was that kind of day.

But, the squares are super thin, and those 3 squares probably equate to like, 1 and a half Cadbury squares, so really I should have had 4…

Next time.

Then, to work off my anger add to my happiness, baby girl and I ran around the block, and I took photos of the only rose in our front yard… the sunset… shit like that, to lift my mood.

That sole rose. I get it. I totally get it.

#1558 Day 60 of getting there: the kite

You see, we kind of think we know everything as parents.

Sure, we kinda do. We are the older ones, experienced ones, mature ones, and the responsible ones.

But it doesn’t necessarily mean we know what’s best, ALL the time.

This afternoon baby girl wanted to fly her kite. That is all. In 14 degree, wind-less weather, she wanted to run outside, in the biting cold, and run around.

I said NO.

She was still coughing. Albeit not as much as me, but it was still there. She still had snots, occasionally coming out of her nose.

With school’s return so close around the corner, I wasn’t having it.

She kicked up a fuss and stormed off into her room. I let her cool off for a bit before I went in, starting to second-guess myself.

“Hey… what about 5 minutes only?”

She RAN.

And I watched her. I watched her run up and down the yard, the speed forcing the kite in the otherwise still air to rise up.

Up and down, up and down, up and down.

She was puffing after her 16th attempt. And I realised in that moment…

We don’t always know it all. Sure we have reasons why we do, and say, what we do, and say…

But sometimes it’s as simple as…

She KNOWS. She knows what she needs.

And the girl, needed to run.

#1554 Day 56 of getting there: missing out on shit

Sometimes, hard times get harder.

And that sucks.

Like when isolation restrictions lessen, but you still have to remain isolated.

A few choice expletives are more than necessary, but this is a gratitude blog, so we’ll all use our imaginations for that.

But when you can’t be in the company of loved ones, and you know you are missing out, that the rest of the world is catching up…

I had to do the only thing I could today.

Take a walk.

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Clear the head. Breathe in the co2. Stretch the limbs, feel the sunshine on my face, and then run after Hubbie and baby girl as they suddenly got further and further away from me down the street…

And I felt good. I was pushing past my natural limit, I was making those legs ache, I was gearing myself to get the heart pumping more, the lungs taking in more air.

I was feeling lighter.

And then as I passed a large gum tree, with dozens of chattering birds ahead… the unthinkable happened.

Well, not so unthinkable. Definitely thinkable after today.

I felt wetness on my hands. I stopped. Looked at the drops.

Turned down to observe my top…

And realised, I had been marked.

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Bloody $!*% birds.

How eternally optimistic is our culture, when it tells us that something good, can come out of something bad…

Like that good luck comes from something as crap (pun intended) as when a bird unloads its bowels on you?

How hopeful is that?

Hubbie told me how he got bird shit on him as a kid in primary school. All his friends told him he would get good luck that day…

He went home and he waited… and waited… and waited.

And nothing came.

What a load of SHIT.

I like him, am still waiting….

But at least I got my walk. And at the end of the day, this sunset.

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Now that, gives me hope.

#1549 Day 51 of getting there: a horizontal sunset

Today was a long day.

I worked from home.

But I was aching.

When I finished, I skipped the schoolwork I so diligently helped baby girl with each and every day.

I lay on the couch.

She piled blankets and cushions upon me.

And I lay there through countless bold and the beautiful eps.

My back cramped. My arms and legs were achy from the odd position.

My feet just wouldn’t warm up.

So I went upstairs.

Jumped under the doona…

and fixed my gaze outwards.

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Now this wasn’t my exact view tonight, because I was too damn unwell to get my phone and take a snap, obviously.

But it was the same balcony. The same chairs outside.

The same window.

The sky wasn’t so pink… it was more golden.

Fading into the night.

The clouds were spotty and rugged, like a carpet across the sky…

slowly… slowly… moving.

You wouldn’t have thought it, not unless you were watching them. But sure enough, minute by minute, the sky changed. It grew dimmer. The clouds shifted.

The cycle of nature that we know too well, was acting in accordance.

Mother Nature. Our natural certainty. No matter what else is going on, we can depend on her to bring us light, allow darkness to fall when the world needs rest, and show us her moods through the sunshine that beams down on our faces, to the rain that patters gently on the rooftops, and the wind that can howl and take down trees.

She is definitive.

And I lay there, watching the sunset come down upon me on this angle, reminded once again that there is so much world…

And so little, US.

Perspective. ♥

#1528 Day 30 of getting there: 90 minutes

Since all this CV started, my life has been about a few things, and these things SOLELY.

Work.

Homeschool.

Play with dolls in baby girl’s my free time.

That’s it.

Oh no, I lie. There is the cooking, the cleaning, the never-ending washing…

Yeah. Plenty of time for me in those chores. Sigh.

Sure there are benefits to working at home. No traffic. Save money on travel. Eat and drink at home.

Roll out of your bed and wear your trakkies to the desk in the morning.

But just as I am working from home, so too is baby girl schooling from home.

That means that any normal free time I might have had for my writing and personal development during non-work time when she would usually be at school, well it’s now GONE.

Any time I’ve had free… wash the dishes.

“Mum, can you play with my dolls?”

Washing.

What to cook.

“Did you finish that task?”

It’s never-ending.

So today, after finishing work, and then doing the homeschooling thing, a few more odd jobs, and YES, playing with the bloody barbie dolls…

I said to baby girl “now it’s Mummy’s time.”

Now this doesn’t always work. But I try anyway. So many times I’ve proclaimed it’s me time, only to be whinged at, nagged, prodded and pushed, and that’s not even from baby girl. 😉

So to be able to sit on the couch with laptop in the fading sunlight, and write, write and write away… for 90 minutes.

90 MINUTES!

Yep.

Well, it felt incredible.

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I was working on a future post… stay tuned for that.

But I felt so light, so free afterwards. So amazing. And I realised, this is the feeling.

This is how you feel, when you know you are doing what you are meant to do.

When you know you are doing your soul’s work.

#1520 Day 22 of getting there: Saluting the Sun

I felt so much better today. Part of it was due to the pressure of the BIG day being gone.

Knowing it wasn’t a day like Easter day, where I would usually see my family, well it made it easier. There was no pressure on what the day should have been, no expectations.

And also, the SUN was out.

We took a walk, because being at home is something we are all growing so tiresome of.

We had to.

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It was so gorgeous. The walk along the Esplanade showed us dozens upon dozens of other walkers alongside bicyclists, and we were all getting out for some much-needed vitamin D.

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I am so aware of the impact on mental health this isolation is causing us. So, so aware. And after the day that was yesterday, I know I need to look after myself more, give myself more time outside, taking walks, spending time in the sun, because the days ahead are only gonna get shorter, darker, and colder.

So once home, MORE sun. I took a book my cousin leant to me, and read it out on the balcony.

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The Light Between Oceans. I’m still at an early part of the novel, but it’s getting to that addictive point where the characters are infiltrating my thoughts. I love them already and am already future crying for what’s to happen next.

Baby girl, and then Hubbie soon joined me. All we needed was the cat, and the bird. 😉

And then I snapped this up on the balcony. Clear, blue, crisp views.

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As a contrast, this later tonight.

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I felt it quite telling, metaphoric even. The clouds crossing the sky. Half clear, half murky.

And it made me think…

I think we might be half way there. Through hardship comes clarity.

Or just, the sky was part-cloudy?

You be the judge.

#1488 The porch evening break

It has been go-go-go lately.

So after the constant cooking-cleaning-tidying-preparing for the next day was STILL not done, I saw Hubbie sitting on the bench outside and decided…

F*&% it.

I would join him.

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And as tired/cranky/frustrated/achy and EVERYTHING that I was, there was something soothing about seeing a girl in a Unicorn dress, prance across the yard to the fading sunset…

#1487 As the sun sets on Summer…

I was so cranky this afternoon.

I felt like I was about to explode.

Mostly, I had the SHITS, majorly, about this whole stupid toilet paper situation.

(Yes, deliberate pun).

Almost everyone has gone insane.

It’s like a dog eat dog world… already people are fighting over toilet paper (why this particular sanitary item I have no idea) so can you imagine what would happen if there was an immediate and very real threat to our health… can you imagine then what would happen?

I don’t want to.

I got home from training, and HAD to turn my head around from all the mumbo-jumbo.

I had to make it better.

The weather was meeting me half-way there… so I had to make the rest of the trip.

To the beach.

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Within minutes I felt all my crazy melting away into the, what was initially very mild waters, to suddenly ICE COLD ones.

It was a short trip, but it got me away from the routine if only for a bit, and for that I am thankful.

Was this the end of our beach trips for this Summer season? I have no idea. It’s always a sad realisation, wondering if this will be the last visit, thinking the next one may be a good 7-8 months away…

SO LONG AWAY.

But, I will always have sunsets. And those are pretty damn amazing, all year round.

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