#1810 Weird but beautiful gloom

I found joy in a really simple thing today.

I had just made myself a tea. It was raining outside, no wind. So it was the type of rain that I liked… already a plus. 😊

The steam from the tea rose up past my monitor as I sat back down at my work desk.

I lit a candle, and watched the area around me, GLOW.

And with it, so did my heart.

Suddenly I was happy.

I was grateful for this feeling. I had been counting all the things I wasn’t happy about, for weeks now… so this simple act and subsequent feeling came as a pleasant and heartwarming surprise.

All from steam rising.

A candle wick glowing.

Rain falling.

So so gloomy… yet I felt anything but.

Allow yourself to be surprised by the little things.

#1761 Images of Christmas

Elf on the Shelf this morning… playing Go Fish with his Christmas/fantasy friends.

Re-discovering my Christmas mug again… yes, it IS the most wonderful time of the year.

And then hanging up our big Christmas baubles out the front… and discovering that 2 hours of solar light, was enough for them to shine, for even just a bit.

πŸŽ…πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸŽ„

#1755 Ice cream and elves

It’s been a long week/month/year/covid hasn’t it?

🀣🀣

Baby girl has pulled the “I don’t wanna go to school routine” on a regular occasion for the last two weeks.

She ONLY has two weeks left.

So today when she finished school, on this bright, still and sunny Friday, where I had also finished work, I picked her up and said “I have a surprise for you…”

And nothing says surprise better than ice cream.

She was rapt. I grabbed a coffee, she her rainbow cup of joy, and we wandered up and down the Main street, transformed into a pedestrian-only zone over summer so to give businesses the best chance ever at reclaiming back all that they’ve lost during covid, with extended outdoor seating space… on the road.

We wandered here, we wandered there. Everything and everywhere at whim. Things are easy when you’re slurping ice cream/sipping coffee.

So, guess what we are now the proud owners of?

OMG, I can’t… I just can’t believe it.

This guy.

Yep. We got a bloody elf on the shelf.

I never thought I’d get one of these. When I first heard of him, it felt like an anti-Christmas sentiment. Being naughty? Playing tricks? What kind of good role model was that for the kids? Weren’t they meant to be nice? How did he tie into the giving and charity of Christmas?

Then I spoke to a friend who said they didn’t have to be ALL naughty. And baby girl came home repeatedly saying she wanted one, because of course half her class has one.

And then I went stuff it.

He looks like a dipshit, sure. Something about his grin just bugs me, rubs me up the wrong way.

But we already know, he is a good elf. Sure, he is a bit cray cray at times (much like the youngest member of our family!) but generally, means well.

Baby girl thinks he’s gonna draw on our faces tonight. I told her hell no, he’s going in the bin if that happens!

I think tonight, I mean I just have an inkling… I think he might end up in the Christmas tree… just you know, climbing and stuff.

Simple like that, adventuring.

LOL. I think I can have A LOT of fun with this actually.

πŸ€£πŸ’–πŸŽ„πŸ˜œ

#1733 Day 235 of getting there: Getting out of HERE!

Today, instead of dropping off baby girl at school, then turning the car around to drive back home to sit at my desk and WORK…

I took the car, to the freeway!

Woo hoo! I was free!

Today was the first day I went outside of the 25kms since the restrictions eased. And it seemed to be one of those days, where things seemed to flow, as busy busy busy as they were.

I made my first stop at bestie’s to drop off a birthday present, because surprise surprise, it was her birthday!

I told you, FLOW.

It was so lovely to catch up, even if so briefly, and to put a smile on her face… behind the mask of course. πŸ˜‰

And although the rest of the day involved stuff like car services and appointments, I got to see my family… yes! My parents, and my sister, who I haven’t seen for so long. πŸ’–

Our minds were elsewhere, and there was much to discuss, and not even the surface of the surface was scratched, that’s how much we still have to catch up on… But to be around loved, familiar, happy faces, to feel that support and be a part of that all, was the sweetest thing ever.

So happy to be getting ‘here’ again. 😍

#1693 Day 195 of getting there: Two surprises

After a shit week, I was lucky to get a few things today, that were even better than my tulips blooming.

Bestie sent me a belated birthday present, a gorgeous mug.

It’s now my new favourite mug. And the message it gives is what I need more than ever right now. I need to feel powerful, not helpless.

My second surprise came when Hubbie got home from work. He bought me a beautiful bouquet.

I cried. Not because they were beautiful. But because of what he said.

“You’ve had a rough week.”

OMG yes. I just want to be free of fear. Healthy again. To have these scarring memories of health gone wrong, other fears, life not going how you expect… I want all of this to go away.

I need to remember, that life can be good again. I can be healthy. I can laugh, without troubling thoughts invading from my periphery of thought. I can feel EMPOWERED.

Those little mementos, from those I love, have helped me immensely today.

Their support feeds my healing. It feeds my growth. And it reminds me, I have people to lean on. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

#1684 Day 186 of getting there: icing and sprinkles to lighten the day

The really sad thing about this lockdown is the unavoidable mental stress and anguish many people will experience in some form, without even knowing it.

I know, I’ve had a lot on my mind. But I didn’t realise how much, until I stepped out of my box today.

My box, being the house.

I had some errands to run, and the last of them was grabbing some things at the local safeway on our way home.

But I had a surprise up my sleeve.

I’d seen online that Ferguson Plarre had some decorate your own cookie kits for kids, where you got 6 shortbread biscuits with jam, lollies, sprinkles, smarties and icing, for you to decorate and dress them up as you like…

Dress them up for your belly!

It wasn’t just a last-minute surprise I wanted to spring on baby girl. I wasn’t sure if they would have any of these kits left… but sure enough, I was lucky.

Baby girl literally squealed and jumped up and down on the spot as I bought it.

And then…

She decorated her heart out.

We sat together as she used three types of icing, placed lollies on the cookie, placed lollies in her mouth, ate a couple smarties, put some on the cookie, then ate a whole lot more.

Then she tipped over the sprinkles on the floor, but, eh.

(Note to parents, never leave an open sprinkles container on the edge of a table).

But she was happy. I was happy. Was it the do-it-yourself cookies? The takeaway coffee, with caffeine suddenly coursing through my veins?

It was a bit of both. But I had placed it already.

Baby girl and I had been out. We had been normal. I’d had a change of scenery, and without realising it at the time, it had meant the world to me.

I hope you’re all doing okay out there. And it’s okay if you’re not.

Just do what you can. Day by day. We’re all getting through this.

You may feel alone, but know that we are all alone, together.

This sucks for us ALL.

And if the opportunity presents… try to throw as many sprinkles into your life as you can.

We all need that shit as much as possible right now.

#1646 Day 148 of getting there: extending the birthday sweetness

What is the only good reason to be woken by someone knocking the door in the morning?

Why, if it’s a surprise birthday package for you!

And what can be better, than enjoying a coffee break up on your balcony?

Well, enjoying the treats you got from your morning wake up call!

πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰

I was so surprised this morning to find a package at the front door. I guess you kind of expect a little bit of festivities and surprise on your birthday, even leading up to it… but today, I was like, what, more?

How fun!

I mean, I do tell baby girl repeatedly that our birthday doesn’t just fall on one day… we can celebrate the week leading up to, the week after, and hell, while we’re there let’s just take the whole month and claim it as our own shall we?

My beautiful cousin helped us spread that much-needed iso birthday happiness a bit longer, by sending us an absolutely stunning bouquet of flowers, and array of sweet treats to match…

From one of my fave local cafes!

Like, how did she know?

Baby girl and I picked a couple of treats and took them up on the balcony today, trying to take in as much Winter sun as we could while we sipped our coffee/babycino…

And they were sooo good. Baby girl got this huge sugar rush afterwards, she just couldn’t stop laughing.

Laugh honey, laugh. There will be plenty more to laugh about and be happy for when this passes.

I’m so grateful for kind-hearted people that remember you, and try to lift you up.

Thank you beautiful cuz. πŸ’–πŸ₯°

#1645 Day 147 of getting there: The Iso birthdays

I was really surprised to reach the end of today, and find that I felt…

Sad. Bittersweet.

The exact same way I feel after we have one of our big birthday parties.

Only this year was different, right?

What was different…

Firstly, no family, no friends, NO ONE. Just us.

No celebratory birthday outing.

Hmmm….

That’s about it.

What was the same though?

The food. We ate most of the day, and felt absolutely stuffed by it all!

The drinks. I went a little ‘woo!’ in my head.

The presents.

(Even Mister F was amazed there was a present hiding up there!)

The cakes. The candles.

The music. Freddie! Dancing.

The surprises… for both of us.

The love and well wishes that came from everywhere.

I have to say, my family and friends made sure we felt the love today.

During such a weird time in our lives, when we are going through celebrations and momentous life events without so much as a peep on the radar as to its significance, the people around me reminded us today that we are loved, we are remembered, and also…

That we WILL party really really really really HARD when this passes!

And so, it comes as no surprise that I would be feeling sad it was all over.

It was actually, still, a really lovely day. πŸ₯°

Everyone was far… but I felt the love.

We felt the love. πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–πŸ’–

#1641 Day 143 of getting there: early birthday surprise

I thought it was something entirely different when Hubbie announced today:

“Something’s at the door!”

I glared at him. Unfairly. Because a couple of days ago, I had told him that if any large-ish type parcel arrives, it is likely baby girl’s birthday present and we need to move it to a hiding spot pronto.

She gets excited about parcels, even if they aren’t for her… so it was of vital importance to hide it immediately.

After I finished glaring at his vocal announcement, I went to the parcel and saw…

My name, and baby girl’s name?

From my sister and fam?

Oh. Whoops. (Face palm).

Instead, it was an early birthday surprise.

It was so unexpected. It was early, but it came at the best time. I’d been feeling rather ‘blah’ about everything, so to sit down with baby girl (after apologising to Hubbie πŸ™ƒ) and start going through the packages, well it lifted us right up.

Baby girl got some really cute gifts, and was absolutely rapt with his big girl make up/beauty case she got… and I received some really lovely and ‘me time’ gifts… a moisturiser, beauty bag, jewellery stand…

But the best gift of all, hands down, were the words.

The words in my sister’s card got me, good. I read it silently, and soon found the tears just flowing down my face.

Then, I was sobbing.

It hit me. Hard. I’ve known and been well aware that August was gonna be different this year. Hell I even forecast it as far ago as June, before this second lockdown…

But I didn’t know how hard, and how further isolated, we would get.

I am a party person. We are party people. We throw birthdays. We have people over. We go out. We entertain. And the only other time that I have not had a party for my birthday, was when I turned 30…

Why not, for such a big birthday, you might ask?

Well, because baby girl was born on that day. πŸ™‚

Kinda a big reason.

This year, there is no good reason at all. I mean, corona is the reason… but it’s not a nice reason we’re missing out, is it?

Reading my sister’s sweet and heartfelt words, it just really hit me. I couldn’t contain the emotions anymore. The missing out.

The missing them.

The missing everyone.

The missing everything.

I am okay. I will be okay. And we will make up for this one way or another.

Today, I am so grateful for those words. Those words made me cry, but really, they lifted me today.

They reminded me that I can do it. I will do it.

We ALL will do it. Because there is so much happiness awaiting us on the other side…

It’ll be like magic when we get there. ✨✨✨

#1555 Day 57 of getting there: Bright Wiggly pyjamas

Another package arrived today.

That’s the thing about isolation. Deliveries are always exciting, but the anticipation of them goes up several notches when it’s what you’re relying on as your retail therapy.

Only it’s delayed.

There was one item I couldn’t wait to get, and it wasn’t even for me…

Bright yellow Emma wiggle pyjamas.

It wasn’t even a luxury… new pjs becameΒ  necessary last week when two holes appeared in two different sets of pyjamas of hers… two!

It’s as if as soon as I ordered them, the old ones willed themselves to tear.

Baby girl was so rapt when she saw her surprise… she put them on straight away to try.

At lunchtime. I had to force her out of them and back into normal clothes.

20200518_213445

I don’t know what it is about the colour yellow… it’s not just knowing baby girl loves her new set, but it’s the way the colour is reflective of her, and just lights up the room with happiness, cheer, love.

Even in the dark. 🌟