#1482 Happiness where I didn’t expect

I am really happy.

I’m in a good place, and if anyone told me working would make me happy, I would have laughed… in your face.

But working, really is making me happy.

I feel wanted. Useful. I am being productive in so many ways. I am doing something for myself, something for my family, and something for a workplace…

It’s the last thing I expected, yet at the same time it is exactly the thing I needed.

Huh. When life gives you what you need, without you even realising it… I do have to wonder at who is pulling the strings out there.

It cements to me even more, that everything happens for a reason… and everything happens, when it is MEANT to. ♥

#1397 The hair can wait, but the help can’t

Today I attended a Parent Helpers Morning Tea at baby girl’s school.

I wrote some time ago that I got the invite to the tea and happily accepted. To be honest, I was feeling a bit shit this morning and actually contemplated pulling out.

On top of my hesitation, I had called my hairdresser this morning to cancel my upcoming appointment with them, since it clashed with me helping out baby girl at swimming.

Why was I going?

I was busy already.

What was the point?

What made me say yes in the first place?

I had these questions circling through my mind, but at the same time the thought of not going didn’t sit right with me either.

So I went… and oh man am I glad I did.

Firstly, I had a really great time. I caught up with other parents and baby girl’s teacher, and it was lovely to be in a slightly different social setting without our kids screaming “Mum look at me!” from the playground at pick-up.

Oh, my THE SPREAD. It was this insanely long table with all kinds of sandwiches, rolls and wraps, fruit and snacks and chocolate and cake and sweets and crackers and everything in between… it was amazing. The coffee and tea window was set up and moving quickly despite the long line, and all in all it was a really well organised morning tea.

But then the principal spoke, and thanked us… she pointed out and spoke about an elderly gentleman, telling us that despite his flailing health, he had been volunteering and helping kids at the school with their reading for 11 years now. I looked at the sombre-looking frail man hanging his head, wishing he would hold it up high. Tears gathered in my eyes and I willed myself to not be a sook by taking a big sip of my tea.

What a man.

Then there were two students who had made up poems for all the helpers. They read them out, and though they were simple, they were so, so sweet, and totally pulled at my heart-strings. I was standing there thinking “damn it, I’m not supposed to cry.”

And then I realised. I realised that all of us in there, all of the helpers really did deserve this special morning. We deserved the thanks. I was reminded of how only that morning I had cancelled my hair appointment as I had forgotten over a month ago when I booked it, that it clashed with the last swimming session baby girl had through the school.

Baby girl wanted me there at swimming, and I couldn’t let her down. I cancelled my pre-Christmas hair appointment instead.

But secretly, someone was looking out for me. Because when I called to cancel, the hairdresser was able to fit me in next week with her… at a better and more convenient time than the original one would have been anyway.

So, winning.

I made the morning tea. I gratefully accepted the thanks amongst so many more.

I cancelled the hair appointment and made that tiny sacrifice for baby girl…

And I was thanked.

These sacrifices we make, big or small, are all eventually noticed… if not by friends, family or your child’s school… then by the Universe. ♥

#1380 Sister’s drop by

It came at the best time for my sister to call in on an impromptu visit.

She had spotted something on facebook marketplace, without even searching for it, and decided she needed a real-life inspection.

What do you know, it was in MY neighbourhood.

What do you know, when she got talking to the seller, they had A LOT in common.

What do you know… when the seller said something about the Universe bringing you what you need, sis was thinking the exact same thing.

What do you know.

But do you wanna know what is most freaky?

I was looking for a sign. A sign that someone up there gave a shit about me today. A sign that someone was listening. A sign that not all efforts were futile, a sign that some semblance of my life still mattered.

And what do you know… my sister dropped by.

Just like that.

I’ve been having some really crappy days in amongst this late-Spring random cold I’ve caught, and it’s subsequently messed with my head… but all I can say is, the drop by tonight was not only welcome…

It was my mental saviour.

Thanks sis. ♥

 

#1338 Hearing the Novel name

I don’t know how I am going to say this. It’s a bit hard to talk about something when you don’t want to use real names.

So I will use pseudonyms. It comes natural for me, being SmikG and all 😉

Let’s say the over-riding name for my novel, the series as it were, since I have written the first, and have started the second (albeit very s-l-o-w-l-y) with my intention for it to be part of a very long series…

Is ‘Mountain Peak.’ Yeah that’s about right. Let’s call it that.

But that’s the title of the series, so it comes to reason that each novel would need an individual name, right?

So for this current novel that I am working and re-working and re-working ’til FOREVER it seems, it is called…

‘Experimentation.’

YES! Perfect. No that is not the name, but for purposes of this experimental exercise and real-life scenario, let’s go with that.

Mountain Peak: Experimentation.

That makes sense! You experiment while climbing a mountain’s peak, right?

Tee hee hee.

I was at swimming with baby girl today. She was doing her thing in the pools, while I was doing my Mum thing… having a quiet moment. In the peak of swimming centre traffic, with kids entering pools excited, then exiting the same waters drenched and exhausted, with parents amidst it all watching the clock and holding out towels, and ordering that wet clothes go into plastic bags, I sat with my head lowered, looking at all of social media and trying to remember if there was anything I needed to look up during this temporary moment of non-interruption.

I was getting bored while scroll scroll scrolling, as a Mum sat beside me with her older primary school aged daughter. They were doing something, I didn’t really look up to see, and I just figured they were waiting for a child/sibling to get out of the pool.

Then all of a sudden…

“Experimentation.”

Huh? Had my ears deceived me?

I looked to the side where the Mum and daughter were. They were doing a crossword puzzle. Not wanting to stare and be obvious I quickly looked away, wondering to myself…

‘Did I just imagine that? Did I just hear the name of my novel? I must be kidding myself.’

I went about getting out baby girl’s towel as the end of her session drew near, and the curious cat that I am, I just couldn’t help myself…

The mother-daughter duo were positioned to my right and baby girl’s class was also in that direction, so it made perfect sense to linger my gaze a little longer to watch her retrieve dive sticks from the pool…

(Meanwhile my eyes were insanely scanning their crossword from a distance, looking at all the long words to see, if really…)

BINGO!

There it was. Experimentation.

They had it crossed off.

They had found it.

OMG.

I found it the oddest, funniest, yet also spookiest thing to have someone whisper to themselves, loud enough for me to hear sitting beside them, the name of my novel!

And this name, it isn’t even as common as ‘experimentation.’ Sure, for one particular group of people it might be a daily utterance … but most folks would usually say testing, instead of experimentation, you know?

Yeah, I know, you don’t know… ha ha ha.

And I was just like… woah.

Before I had time to smile or ponder any further, baby girl came over to me soaking and wet, with raindrops of water cascading off her hair and swimsuit, as if it were falling out of the sky… 😉

 

#1292 A catch-up with an old friend

Do you have one of those friends? You meet up with them once a year perhaps, or as was my case today…

CRAP. I can’t remember. The last time I saw my old media work friend was years and years ago.

I have a couple of friends like this. I think the older we get the busier we get. Whether there are kids involved or not, partners involved or not, and careers we are pursuing or just working a simple 9-5… things get more complicated and involved as the years go by.

Before we know it, 3 years have passed and we are scratching our heads going “where did the time pass?”

Sometimes it is timing. Timing to get your shit together and make the effort… and then there is timing.

Like the kind where you catch up quite easily and quickly, and then realise that you are both on the same fork-in-the-road life path and are going through pretty similar things.

Timing. Symmetry. Old friends who you get onto old subjects with quickly. As much as I sometimes think it is us not getting our act together when it comes to seeing these people around us, after the signs and symmetry of the day, I can’t help but wonder whether this is all orchestrated by life, and we are merely puppets in its Universal play…

And that is how timing comes in. “That’s happening to me too!”

Coin-chi-denche?

Whatever the reason, I think we need to see all of our friends MORE.

 

#1191 Look up

Social media is great.

Social media tells you what is happening – which of your friend’s are pissed off and which family member has life-changing news to share.

Social media shows you countless vids of how to cook delicious food, as it does all those before-and-after bikini shots from people embarking on an exercise regime from yet another celeb trainer.

Social media lets you know what is trending: memes, jokes, news, cat videos…

Social media keeps you informed.

Also, social media tells you when you should stop looking down at your phone…

And start looking UP, at the sky.

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I was literally just on my phone as baby girl was falling asleep. It is my usual routine to message people back and get my gratitude post ready. And in amongst this, while scroll scroll scrolling, I found a site I follow, tell me, to look outside NOW… Jupiter was next to the Moon.

My photo is clearly shit, let’s face it. You need some super-charged DSR/DLR/TLGHDYT I-don’t-know-what super-charged camera to capture this moment. But the moon, as you can see, is to the left and big and bright and shiny, whereas Jupiter is but a tiny tiny dot to the right of the moon, positioned to the centre, and yes I have just seen a planet.

How cool is that. Go out and look outside people. Be amazed at the world out there.

So much bigger than all of US combined…

#1172 Letting go – part two

I’ll tell you a story… or two. I seem to be telling many of late. But this one is about my miraculous observation in the art of letting go… and how when you actually LET GO, and free yourself of expectations and what you believe should be, or should happen… well the right thing presents itself to you.

#1.

The day when we went to the animal shelter to meet our soon-to-be, yet not known at the time, cat…

We were let into the big human-sized cage to watch him. Be with him. The worker placed him into my arms and I held him for a bit before he jumped onto a nearby scratcher and climbed all the way to the top, so he could be at our height.

He looked around, pupils growing wide, curious, observant. A shiny black coat, white socks, white whiskers. We immediately loved him.

But someone else was going to see him FIRST. We were told that since someone had already called and queried about him, they had first preference. We nodded, patting this black and white cat, this cat that was oblivious to the owner wars happening around him.

We smiled and laughed. We patted him some more. We left the large cage and I started to fill in the application for the sake of crossing all t’s and dotting all i’s, but you know what I was thinking? Hubbie’s thoughts mirrored my own though we didn’t express them ’til later…

There’s nothing wrong with this cat. Surely the people will get him. He’s great. He’s gorgeous. He’s entertaining. We are too late.

Just the fact of knowing someone else wanted him, that was reason enough for these people to get this cat. It is part of the human condition, after all, to want even MORE what someone else wants.

I finished filling in the form as Hubbie and baby girl went across the room to look at other cats in cages. I felt a bit sad thinking it wasn’t likely we would see him again, and yet I still felt this happiness, this positivity… and knowing all that I did, smiling at him through the cage, I placed my finger through a hole to pat his neck and I whispered

“See you later.”

With a wide smile. I knew there were people first in line before us. I knew he was practically perfect. I knew all of this, and still I put those words out there with hope and happiness in my heart, but most importantly I –

LET GO.

And of course, the next day the shelter called me to say…

The cat was ours, if we wished. The other people?

They never even showed up.

Such a small moment, but it held so much weight. I have been replaying my state of being, my feelings, just my general mood as I whispered those words to him that Sunday. I have been thinking it over again and again, trying to bottle up the exact feeling, the exact feeling that led us to what we wanted.

And in going over it again and again, it happened… AGAIN.

#2.

My work is giving us all training allowances in our redundancies. I’m doing an online writing course at the moment… and two weeks ago I wrote in to apply for another one (as I still had funds I could use).

But last week, I got nervous. My new course started this week, I hadn’t heard back, and yet I had failed to mention to the relevant people that the course started like, NOW… so I sent a little reminder. A little “sorry, but just wanted to mention…” type email.

I came into work today and still… nothing. 

I fluctuated. First I was angry. How could she not approve me that course? There were no grounds not to? Was she busy? She had replied to another non-related email of mine within seconds of me sending, why wasn’t she doing anything about this? 

Then I went the other way. Maybe I should take this as a sign. Maybe I am pushing too much. Maybe it is not meant to be, now.

But no! I argued in my head. I had a whole plan. A whole plan as to how I was going to progress with my courses… I soon realised I was becoming too controlling, too much trying-to-make-everything-my-way and not life’s way.

I hesitated. I paused. I still sent another reminder to say I had days left to apply within this week’s period, but I pondered the repercussions of not doing the course immediately.

Maybe I should do this course at another time… I would have to wait another 2 months or so, but maybe that time was better? I was feeling exceptionally busy and overwhelmed by a lot at the moment… maybe this was my blessing in disguise. Maybe, just maybe, there was something else better waiting for me.

By the end of the day, I had convinced myself it was better this way, and that there were advantages of not doing the course now.

I felt the benefits.

I felt the relief.

I had –

LET GO.

Guess what happened 20 minutes before the end of my work shift?

Email. Approving my course.

(Face palm).

Big, little, in-between or life-changing, I am seeing a theme. A theme whereby I have let go of an expectation, an ending I believe to be correct, and allowed the Universe to take over as I focus on other things… and then those things that I have wanted, have come into my life, so easily.

Effortlessly.

Magically.

And all I had to do is LET GO, and believe it. Which sounds easier than it is. It takes serious practice and repetition that all is good as it is. Like one of my fave Pulp Fiction quotes:

“Bitch be cool!”

Well that’s what I have been doing. I have been practicing, being cool. 

Letting go.

Releasing.

Surrendering.

Not controlling.

Just, allowing.

And in such simple terms, going with the flow.

And it is a miraculous place to go.

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Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash