#2533 Next year

Despite all of this recent crap Wintery weather, in Summer of all seasons, Hubbie and I had plenty of reasons to be excited and anticipate the arrival of today.

And no, it hasn’t got anything to do with baby (although that is a blessing in itself, every moment of every dayπŸ™)

No, this was about baby girl. πŸ₯°

Today was school transition day, the day they found out who their teacher would be next year, and also, who they would be with…

This year has been an interesting one to say the least. A couple of friend troubles have popped up here and there. And despite things mainly looking to be smoothed over in the last couple of months, the inevitable happened today.

The little friendship group she’s been a part of has finally been SPLIT UP.

This has been the same group since prep. And as of grade 4 next year, it will be only her and another old friend, but not the other one.

She is really happy. Not for the other friend going elsewhere, I don’t think so anyway… but she is excited. She is rapt with her teachers (she has two sharing the teaching load next year) and her one friend who she is with.

I think this is a good thing, for ALL of them. As I said to her, it doesn’t mean they can’t hang out during recess and lunch, or see each other outside of school, have play dates, etc. It might even make their friendship stronger… absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?

I was never with a friend for so long in a row at school, for 4 straight years. She’s had that with both of them. I think it’s super healthy to make a bit of a break, albeit with one of them, and make some new friends, give themselves an opportunity for new relationships, see where it can go, and see what else is out there!

And if they find their way back to each other, all the better for it.

I am looking forward to a happy, healthy and productive 2023 school year for baby girl. πŸ™πŸ’–

#2503 The non-maternity dress

A month or so ago I was in Target browsing through the maternity section and getting quite frankly, excited.

Finally, clothes that could fit me and my growing belly! I went into the change room with so many clothes, I actually wasn’t allowed to bring them all in, so I broke them up into two groups, made Hubbie hold one pile while I went through the other, then swapped. 🀣

Out of all those many clothes, I just went home with about 4 items, 5 if you count the maternity undies. 2 of them I have worn a fair bit already, I am happy with those buys… and one of them, which I will call loose gypsy pants, well I am not happy with AT ALL.

I seriously look like a truck reversing into a car spot, that’s how wide my hips and behind and everything look in them!

They may allow for my belly, but they are truly unflattering.

That’s when I decided, NO MORE MATERNITY CLOTHES.

(Other than undergarments of course.)

I wasn’t then taking into consideration, that this pregnancy was unlike my first… my first I was the biggest in Winter, so I did need to be a bit more careful with clothes and perhaps buy a bit more…

This pregnancy, I will be my biggest, and growing to that level, all through Summer.

This would actually be a great time of year to be pregnant! Think loose, flowy, light clothing… and it didn’t necessarily need to be maternity either.

I already had dresses that could accommodate my belly. And if I needed more, it was actually smarter to buy a Summery, floaty dress that I could wear in other non-pregnant Summers, rather than buy a maternity dress that I might only wear a handful of times this season.

Today, we went shopping, and back to Target we went. I did peruse ever so quickly the maternity section (curiosity), but was truly surprised when I saw a lovely, non-maternity dress, in another section, that fit the bill.

A beautiful, bright, Summery colour, and I could wear it when I wasn’t pregnant… but I could wear it now too! Oh, the joy! I snapped it up, and really feel like I am doing the pregnancy thing right now… WINNING! 😁😁

#2438 End-of-week ice cream

Baby girl and I did something today that we haven’t done in a LONG time.

We went and grabbed some ice cream. 🍦

This used to be a regular occurrence. Hell, during covid, we went out to grab takeaway ice cream and coffee more than we do now, out of lockdown.

It’s been a long cold Winter. So with the sun shining gloriously today, I picked her up from school, and she asked me “Muu-uuum. (You know when they drag out your name so much it becomes two syllables?)

Can we go to the Main Street and get ice cream?”

I was already half-prepared, half-expecting it.

“Ok!”

We weren’t the only ones with this after-school, end-of-week idea. We saw heaps of students, young and older, and a lot from her school too, including a boy from her class.

Despite this, the vibe on the Main Street was super calm. We got our ice creams, just small serves in cups, and sat down under some part-shade, part-sun.

And I discovered something… I really needed it. Just some down time, quiet time, time doing nothing, enjoying some ice cream (which I made sure was made with pasteurised milk! πŸ˜‚πŸ€°)

And I discovered something else… a really yum ice cream! Rock salt caramel, mmm hmmm! πŸ˜‹

#2436 Feeling it, seeing it

Today was Wednesday, and a gorgeous one at that.

We went out to brunch and then because Winter was officially over, we were able to walk down to the beach.

For the longest time we’ve both had no time, and the weather has been truly horrible. If it were at least still, even being icy cold, we could have had a walk on the beach. But it was always icy, always windy, always rainy.

It really wasn’t very nice beach-walking weather.

Today was the total opposite. Sun shining bright. No wind. A gentle warmth in the air.

It was magic. ✨

We headed on down to Mother’s Beach, then walked across the sand some distance before we made it to another lot of stairs, leading back up to the main road above.

After walking up some of the steps, there’s a platform where you can look at the beach around and below. We paused here for a few moments, taking in the beautiful view, and I even took a few photos.

Then it hit me.

I remembered being at this exact same outlook with Hubbie almost two years ago. It was a beautiful sunny day. And my mind was being ravaged with dark, sad, scared thoughts.

I was worried. I was emotional. I had a procedure coming up, and I had no idea of what the future held. Feeling extremely uncertain and out-of-control in your life is an incredibly hard place to be. I remember being emotional, a bit teary, and just staring out the beautiful waters before me, Hubbie by my side, as always, the gorgeous vista definitely not reflecting the woes of my mind.

I recounted this memory to Hubbie, and I immediately grew emotional. Not only had I learnt a massive lesson after my procedure – that everything was ok, to some extent – but I also learnt most importantly, that I was stronger than I ever believed possible.

That was a huge, huge takeaway for me.

I had survived that, and now, after all this time of woe and frustration, I had a miracle growing inside of me.

How could I not cry?

To be on the other side, as I’ve mentioned so much lately, is a beautiful thing. I was saying it to Hubbie the other day as well. For so long I longed and wondered how it would feel like to be excited to be expecting again, to have our loved ones happy for us and planning as much as we were, and now, we were here.

We were living it. All the happy things, were actually happening.

I was overcome with emotion. πŸ₯²πŸ₯²

But then, something even BETTER this afternoon. I was at my monthly acupuncture appointment, and my acupuncturist left me with pins all over to rest in a half-sleep state in the dim room… but someone else had other plans.

Baby. Baby started moving. Now this isn’t anything new. I’ve felt movements now for 3 weeks, and have felt more and more sure it’s baby as we’ve gone on on this journey.

But it was strong. It was specific. It was almost, like a pulse.

Curiosity got the better of me. I opened my eyes, lifting my head forward so I could look down at my belly.

Two pins on my exposed belly. One, two. I focused on the left of my belly, waiting, waiting…

Kick. Kick.

Wait, what? I just saw that!

Kick!

I could see baby kicking!

OMG. I couldn’t believe it. I saw a few more movements, before lying my head back down and closing my eyes in disbelief. I questioned myself, wondering if I had in fact seen movement in such a dimly lit room?

5-10 minutes later I was feeling it again. I opened my eyes, checked again, and there it was again!

Kick, kick, kick!

WOW! I told my acupuncturist when she re-entered the room, and she said with a big smile that that happens very often with her pregnant patients… the acupuncture triggers the parasympathetic nervous system to relax more, and somehow in doing so everything goes still and gives baby room to move more freely and do somersaults!

I was astonished, yet so, so happy. I told Hubbie and baby girl repeatedly at home. I even waited for baby to reappear with kung fu action, but alas it seems baby was asleep for the day. πŸ˜‚

So, next time. But, it was still a beautiful day. To feel. To see. 🌞πŸ₯°

#2429 On the last day of Winter

This morning for brunch, I had a delicious vegan crumpet stack with chia raspberry jam, coconut ice cream and biscuit cream.

The air was cold, but the sun was shining bright on this last day of Winter. 🌞

Hubbie and I also had lunch in the sun, out on the balcony. It feels like the longest time since we’ve done anything like that, it’s really been so cold and miserable out. But I had a summer hat on in the bright midday sun, and we munched away under the rays. 😎

I am so emotional at the moment. I cry at the drop of a hat, for sad, for happy. Feeling my eyes well up with tears is a common occurrence.

My bump is showing more. 😁😁

And on this last day of Winter, I have one thing to say to it…

Bye bye. πŸ‘‹πŸ˜πŸ˜‚πŸ‘‹

Bring on the light!

#2426 Waiting for the sun

Today was one of those days that we had been looking forward to for so long.

And it wasn’t just about the company, the family, or the friends. Though they were GOLD.

It was the sunshine. 🌞

It’s been a long Winter. And when say Winter, I don’t mean it purely in a seasonal sense. Yes this season of Winter has brought with it many hiccups and hard moments, but just as much as it’s brought difficulty, it’s brought unbelievable highs and happinesses and things we never could’ve dreamed of.

The Winter I’m speaking of, is the Winter season of our life. I don’t think many people really even understand how long of a metaphorical Winter we’ve been dragged through. Not just days, weeks or months.

YEARS.

One of my friends once divulged to me that she too had gone through a difficult period years ago, and it too had lasted years… no one knew at the time, and when you’re going through it, all you can do is put one foot in front of the other.

Her words, though sombre, had given me hope, that our Winter was yes indeed, A LONG ONE, but that like all lows, it would end too, and the sun would come out.

And the sun has come out.

We spent the day celebrating my brother-in-law for his birthday. After many weeks of high-voltage, maximum people parties, it was super amazing to spend it with just a few others, catching up and chatting and having some good quality conversation.

And of course, it was t-shirt weather. 😁 Well, I did wear a jean jacket on top, but the t-shirt was there. πŸ˜‚

The sunshine part of our life has arrived. I sometimes doubted whether it ever would. And there are so many parties and get-togethers coming up, it seriously makes my heart sing.

So many things to celebrate, so many things to be grateful for.

The sunshine has arrived. πŸ™πŸ™Œ

#2415 The big reveal

Exactly 10 weeks ago, something huge happened.

It was momentous. Unbelievable. It felt like a miracle.

It was a miracle.

An online dictionary states the meaning of miracle as: “an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.”

Well, maybe some parts were explicable, but if you knew the whole story, you yourself would call it a kind of miracle.

A kind of magic, as my friend Freddie Mercury says.

On this miraculous day forwards, I started to let people know in a series of codes that something was up with me, in my life, but by not actually telling them that something was up. πŸ€”

On the day in question, I called both my Mum and my sister. I wanted to talk to them, to hear their voice, for them to hear my voice. I had planned this, I had planned this all again… if I couldn’t see them on this momentous day, then I would at least talk to them over the phone, and tell them in my own hidden code way, speaking happily and easily, that things had finally turned.

Then I turned on my friends. I deliberately started picking words for my wordle night centred around a certain ‘theme.’ This was also a pre-planned event, something I had thought about for months before it actually happened. This went on for 9 weeks, and only in the last few days have they all found out the news, and my little wordle plan, tee hee hee.

I will now reveal that I also told you. ALL OF YOU. Exactly 10 weeks ago on this day, I started to say something.

Let me take you back there.

I penned a post, titled “Time for a poem.” Now this post wasn’t just marked under my “Gratitude” category, like every other post, it was also marked as “Special Edition” for a reason.

I have dabbled in poetry in the past, that is true. However this was a poem, a plan I had for a long time before this beautiful day came along. I always knew I was going to tell you, you, and you in code, and so I sat down, my mind reeling, my life changed for the better, hesitant and unsure and excited and cautious and scared and every emotion, but also HOPEFUL.

So freaking darn hopeful as I always have been.

And I wrote.

You need to look closely at the poem… I will screenshot it for you now.

If you take the first letter of each sentence (not line, sentence), you will see it spells something…

IMIGHTJUSTBE…

I might just be…

And on the following night, I finished my current poetry slam as I called it. Here are the screenshots again:

PREGNANT.

I MIGHT JUST BE… PREGNANT.

And I was.

I had done the home test the first night, and by the second day where I did my part 2 poetry slam, it had been confirmed via blood test. I was pregnant.

Words and emotions cannot even begin to describe how I felt. I’d been so cautious and nervous and tentative in those early days and weeks, and I think because of this my emotions now spill over, crying from happiness easily, at the drop of a bib, a baby mention, a thought about the beautiful future… all my happiness and love and gratitude is now spilling over.

When I began my gratitude journey all those years ago, I had no idea then that one of my biggest tests was to be this one: falling pregnant. I had no idea what lay in store, and perhaps it’s better I didn’t. I’ve gone down paths I never thought I would, seen people I’d never imagined, felt the depth of human emotion, and wished and hoped and prayed like I never had before.

After that day I kept dropping hints to you all, though these were teeny-tiny! Here are some of them:

In #2363 I wrote about looking forwards and how things were dragging. They were. I was desperate to get to at least 8 weeks (my self-determined first safe spot) and I also wrote about being tired, which I was then… very, very tired. Early pregnancy symptoms.

In #2364 I wrote of symmetry. The entire post is relevant, but my final line I love most: “As if there was ever any doubt.”

In #2365 I was overcome with fatigue and had to lie down. I never lie down during the day unless I am sick… or pregnant. πŸ˜‰

In #2366 that ‘miracle’ word pops up when I talk about mother nature and sunsets. The metaphor is there.

In #2367 I was at my parents and enjoyed some home-made Sarma, known to non-Balkans as meat stuffed cabbage rolls, and oh my God me and baby loved it. I am loving salty foods from way back then, and the Sarma was just so agreeable to me! OMG!

In #2371 I was counting down, not just to the end of winter, but to telling my family and friends, and to getting to the end of the first trimester. A clue appears at the end of this post: “baby steps.” 😁

In #2375 I saw a heap of rainbows that day. They are a definite sign for me, and seeing the amount of them that I have since finding out I’m pregnant, has confirmed for me how true that is.

In #2378 I wrote “Her surprises.” The presents I spoke of that we bought for baby girl, were actually big sister items, and we told her that night that she was going to be a big sister.

She’s been loving and kissing my belly since, and I already know how lucky this baby will be to have her. πŸ’–πŸ’–

In #2380 we saw 4 rainbows…. 4! More beautiful signs that things were progressing nicely. “That HAS to mean that better times are ahead.”

In #2388 I wrote of nicer things that were to come. My last line “At least things are still shining.”

In #2389 I wrote of my love for the Madonna song ‘Rain.’ There’s this quote, well there are many quotes that have actually saved me during this journey, but one that I am able to truly feel now is the quote

“Go laugh in the places you’ve cried. Change the narrative.”

I’ve cried through so many songs, and this song of release, with the metaphor of rain and storms, hit me in a different way.

“The last time I had listened to it I was different. The last time I had written about it I was different. Today, again different. I thought about life, the unexpected beautiful and difficult things that hit us in the face, throwing us off balance, I guess, a bit like unexpected rain.”

‘Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass… it’s about learning to dance in the rain.’

πŸ™

In #2396 I wrote about watching the Elvis movie with two of my friends. I mentioned needing super-comfy pants, and I couldn’t have felt this more. After a filling dinner, and being 11 weeks pregnant, I needed my trakkies so bad, but obviously still was wearing and able to fit into my jeans (barely), so in the dark of the cinema actually unzipped my jeans and popped my button so I could breathe and not be in pain for 2 and a half hours! I don’t think my friends saw a thing. πŸ˜¬πŸ˜†

In #2397 I wrote about “Family abundance.” This is the night we told my parents and sister’s fam that we were expecting. Happy screams, shock and wonder filled the air!

In #2398 I wrote “We are so close!” It was the last day of July, and I was excited about August and ALL that it would bring.

Spring begins to spring forth.

I for one, amΒ soooΒ ready for this next stage.

BRING IT ON!”

In #2399 I spoke of my love for August.

“Everything in abundance. Happy times, happiness, everything growing in happiness.”Β (Including my belly!)

In #2400 I said “Just because.” An important blood test came back good, and I was crying from happiness, just sobbing. All the tension and unknowningness and uncertainty that had been plaguing me just went away. I was so unbelievably light and happy.

“I had aΒ reallyΒ good day. I feel like things are starting to fall into place, for me, for my family, and just living in and appreciating, relishing this every moment, makes me so happy, makes my heart full.”

In #2402 I talked about the cakes that I ordered for mine and baby girl’s birthdays… only thing is, mine was a baby reveal cake! We were going to announce our pregnancy during cake time for our birthday.

“My cake is the one I’m a little more excited about.”

How true that was! πŸ˜†πŸ˜

In #2405 I wrote “Better here than there.” Better to be busy and running around for something great, than to be like we were the last two years, sad and in lockdown.

“This year isΒ soooΒ different, and despite the busy-ness and the craziness of it, I am so grateful for it also.”

Well, now you know why it’s so different, and it’s not just because lockdowns are over!

In #2406 I said decorations were off my to-do list, and said “We got some really special, nice ones.”

Along with the baby reveal cake, we got balloons that said ‘Oh baby,’ ‘Baby’ and one that had a young girl and read ‘I’m going to be a big sister.’

!!!!

#2411 was our HUGE day. Our close family and friends finally found out. And at the end of my post, after writing about hope, not losing it, and hanging on, I said it “was a big, and very special day.”

The day after in #2412 we told more people via phone who hadn’t been able to be there, dear family and friends. Therefore, “Spreading good news.” πŸ’–πŸ’–

And that leads us to here! This moment, this reveal, this announcement. πŸ₯°πŸ₯°

I am beyond happy. I also have a lot to share, and I’m still working out how to say it. Whether I say it via this blogging forum, or whether I write about it in another format, be sure that this is a subject I’ve learnt a lot about, having first-hand experience of all the trials and tribulations, and therefore have a lot of very strong opinions as well as hard facts from my own life.

I will end on this. You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Don’t be nosy. Don’t be rude.

Be kind. Be a friend. Be there for them. That is the best thing you can possibly do. If you do that and they need you, trust me, they will reach out.

I have of tonne of thank yous to make. Many of you reading this will get them in the coming months.

But first of all, for joining me on this incredibly hard but very rewarding journey… a big thank you.

We’ve only just begun. πŸ™πŸ’–πŸ€°πŸ€°

#2398 We are so close!

We are down 2 months of Winter!

It may be cold and windy outside, and sure the air is icy at hell during most parts of the day, but you don’t fool me, weather!

August is upon us, so close, tomorrow. And we all know, though the days remain cold, one thing begins to change…

The sun shines more. Buds on trees blossom. The air begins to shift.

Spring begins to spring forth.

I for one, am sooo ready for this next stage.

BRING IT ON!

#2383 Day 2

Day 2 of iso for baby girl due to covid is also my day 2.

We are getting through it. But it’s boring, and it’s cold, and we’re just ugh.

She’s coughing, but alright for now. πŸ™ Had about 8 camomile teas today (she counted) and spent endless time on her ipad and watching TV.

What else is one to do?

I am still negative, but am feeling tired, like soooo fatigued. It reminds me of January, when we think we all had covid, but back then when we were finally able to get our hands our RATs, we were negative. πŸ€·β€β™€οΈ

Hubbie is fine. He said he feels great in fact, but still shit, because all Winter he has felt shit… but good too.

So baby girl is getting there, I’m flying under the radar, doing my best, and Hubbie is feeling great, while still shit.

Day 2 vibes. πŸ’ͺ