#1214 The cycle of work and life

In this last month or so at work, we wait with nervous anticipation at the sole mercy and direction of management, as to when it will be our last day.

EVER.

Our job responsibilities have started migrating interstate – people will be starting to do our job, over there, in a number of days.

The countdown is on.

And today a work colleague observed something. She commented how our workload was reducing slowly, and in no time it would be the very small workload we used to have back in the day, when we first walked through those doors, many years ago.

A small workload, minuscule, compared to our job today. Weirdly, we observed that as we are nearing the end of our work days, we are coming full circle.

It isn’t just the workload though. I realised that not only were we going back in time with how much (or should I say, how little) we were meant to be doing… but we were also going back about a decade, to the same group of people.

Because those who had come after me, were already gone. Going. They had taken early leave… found another job… or left conveniently right when all of this craziness began.

Leaving me, and the original crew.
Those who were there when I arrived. Those who came shortly after. Those who were in other departments, but ended up joining ours over time.

It was going back, to the good ol’ days.

And although I share some special friendships with those who have already left… there is something nostalgic about walking out of those doors for the last time, alongside those you walked in with.

I know, it will be hard.

I say that I can’t wait to turn my back on the Docklands Winter and never have to work within its windy grasp again… but on that last shift, I will pause, and look at the water shimmering amidst boats in the morning dawn, and reflect.

I know I can’t wait to never have to set my alarm again for the insane hour of 5am… but come Wednesdays, and I’ll be wondering where all my colleagues are.

And I know I can’t wait to move on, and go onto bigger and better things… because I know they are waiting for me…

But it’ll be terribly bittersweet. I have been there for over 11 years. About a third of my life. And the friendships I’ve made, the drunk stories from Christmas parties I can tell, the gossip I’ve been privy to, the big news items I broke, the laughter, emails, in-jokes, work lingo, industry speak, insider knowledge, hour long d&ms, and the 45,721 coffee runs I’ve walked…

I know I will cry. People might put on a show and act like they don’t care.
But I do. The people and the memories will be with me always.

And so, it makes sense that at the end of the production line, we are slowly heading back, to day 1.

And with all that said… I don’t mind if they drag this out, just a little longer.

I will stay. I will wait.

#1207 Coming home to my family

That’s all I wanted to do today.

It was midweek.

I was at work.

I had stuff to do.

I was a bit over it.

And I was COLD.

But most importantly, I wanted to go home, and see my family.

The traffic was OK. The podcasts kept me entertained.

I walked up the dark drive… spied Mister F watching me from the couch through the window as I approached…

I opened the door with a jangle of my keys.

Hubbie – “someone’s here!”

Running footsteps.

And then my baby girl, running into my arms.

Ahh. I was really, home. 💗🏡

 

#1196 A different Saturday

Today I got a taste of things to come.

A Saturday where I had the chance to sleep in. Ahhh.

An easy and slow morning.

A kids birthday party. Where I had as much of a good time meeting and getting to know the parents as baby girl did jumping on inflatable piles of everything with her classmates.

We came home. We chilled. We got takeaway.

We put on music. We drank.

We chilled some MORE.

It was easy and it was necessary. But I am thinking of how the start to my Saturdays will be a whole lot different soon.

It can happen any day now. With no warning. We are meant to be given 4 weeks notice, but as work is still progressing through their moving interstate developments, with both good and bad things popping up to hinder/help the change, they can easily give us only 1-2 weeks notice and then pay us out the rest.

So any day.

Which makes different days like this seem closer than ever. Sure they are exciting. I am looking forward to being with baby girl and enjoying my time with her.

And perhaps for the first time in over 11 years, I don’t know, getting a job that doesn’t require me to get up at a stupid hour like 5am to drive in for at least an hour to work… and that’s only one way…

How’s about a normal 9-5 type job? 9-3 at least?

Oh that’s right. I don’t do normal.

Even greater reason then, to enjoy and feel gratitude for this most easy and normal of Saturdays…

A different Saturday, that will soon be very regular to me 🙂

#1193 Podcasts again

I was well into the world of podcasts over 5 years ago when I was pre-baby girl, working full time, and occasionally taking public transport.

It was the latter that made me dive into that then new world for me. I was following podcasts like ‘stuff you don’t know,’ ‘things they didn’t teach you in history class,’ and this inspirational positive dude that always seemed to be on holiday every time he started his podcast from somewhere in the States… he started each episode with a long drawn out “hellllooooo….. and welcome to…”

That was then. I haven’t listened to podcasts for a while. But from last week I’ve been getting right back into them.

I am surprised it has taken me this long to make good use of my time. After all when I drive to work I am on the road for a minimum of 2 hours up and down, and that is on a GOOD day.

I am really enjoying the entertainment, fascination and information that comes to me through the pod.

On my podcast list?

I have downloaded an episode of the Australian True Crime Series by Meshel Laurie.

I have also downloaded (and listened) to one episode of Maddie – the documentary on Madeleine McCann, which gave me goosebumps on the way in to work this morning.

And then of course… a writing one.

I had to have a writing one.

So, You Want to be a Writer?

No really, that is the name of the podcast 🙂

It is informative and conversational, but mostly I find fascinating the profiles and interviews done on the featured authors each week.

Let’s just say that driving in my car for long periods of time is something… I actually look forward to now.

 

#1174 10 years of the 3rd of May

Today Hubbie and I sat upstairs in the sunshine, our lunches on our laps.

“What were we doing this time 10 years ago?” he asked me.

I put down my plate of leftover lasagne to pick up my phone. 1:22pm.

“We were at church! We were getting married about now.”

♥♥♥

Hubbie was working today, and sure we didn’t have an opportunity to do much outside of that… but we could still sit outside in the sun when he came home for lunch?

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Which we did. We made the most of the situation, and our lunch date was going to happen no matter what, even if it had to happen on our balcony.

10 years is a big deal.

You wouldn’t think the newsagency thought so. Nooo. No cards for your partner signalling a decade of wedded happiness. They all started at 25, I noticed today, and internally, I had to disagree.

10 was still important.

Of course it was! It is a milestone. A decade. A decade of happiness, joy, fulfillment, as well as sadness, disappointment, frustration… and we have stuck it out. We have stuck through it all, and today our lives are so much fuller and richer because of it.

I love him more today than I did 10 years ago, and I think that means we are doing well.

Every other anniversary we’ve had has felt like a little “yay.” But this one definitely feels like “YAY!” Shouting from the rooftops type yay… or should I make that the balcony…?

Feeling happiness, love, and all the good feels today. Happy Anniversary to us. 🙂

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#1172 Letting go – part two

I’ll tell you a story… or two. I seem to be telling many of late. But this one is about my miraculous observation in the art of letting go… and how when you actually LET GO, and free yourself of expectations and what you believe should be, or should happen… well the right thing presents itself to you.

#1.

The day when we went to the animal shelter to meet our soon-to-be, yet not known at the time, cat…

We were let into the big human-sized cage to watch him. Be with him. The worker placed him into my arms and I held him for a bit before he jumped onto a nearby scratcher and climbed all the way to the top, so he could be at our height.

He looked around, pupils growing wide, curious, observant. A shiny black coat, white socks, white whiskers. We immediately loved him.

But someone else was going to see him FIRST. We were told that since someone had already called and queried about him, they had first preference. We nodded, patting this black and white cat, this cat that was oblivious to the owner wars happening around him.

We smiled and laughed. We patted him some more. We left the large cage and I started to fill in the application for the sake of crossing all t’s and dotting all i’s, but you know what I was thinking? Hubbie’s thoughts mirrored my own though we didn’t express them ’til later…

There’s nothing wrong with this cat. Surely the people will get him. He’s great. He’s gorgeous. He’s entertaining. We are too late.

Just the fact of knowing someone else wanted him, that was reason enough for these people to get this cat. It is part of the human condition, after all, to want even MORE what someone else wants.

I finished filling in the form as Hubbie and baby girl went across the room to look at other cats in cages. I felt a bit sad thinking it wasn’t likely we would see him again, and yet I still felt this happiness, this positivity… and knowing all that I did, smiling at him through the cage, I placed my finger through a hole to pat his neck and I whispered

“See you later.”

With a wide smile. I knew there were people first in line before us. I knew he was practically perfect. I knew all of this, and still I put those words out there with hope and happiness in my heart, but most importantly I –

LET GO.

And of course, the next day the shelter called me to say…

The cat was ours, if we wished. The other people?

They never even showed up.

Such a small moment, but it held so much weight. I have been replaying my state of being, my feelings, just my general mood as I whispered those words to him that Sunday. I have been thinking it over again and again, trying to bottle up the exact feeling, the exact feeling that led us to what we wanted.

And in going over it again and again, it happened… AGAIN.

#2.

My work is giving us all training allowances in our redundancies. I’m doing an online writing course at the moment… and two weeks ago I wrote in to apply for another one (as I still had funds I could use).

But last week, I got nervous. My new course started this week, I hadn’t heard back, and yet I had failed to mention to the relevant people that the course started like, NOW… so I sent a little reminder. A little “sorry, but just wanted to mention…” type email.

I came into work today and still… nothing. 

I fluctuated. First I was angry. How could she not approve me that course? There were no grounds not to? Was she busy? She had replied to another non-related email of mine within seconds of me sending, why wasn’t she doing anything about this? 

Then I went the other way. Maybe I should take this as a sign. Maybe I am pushing too much. Maybe it is not meant to be, now.

But no! I argued in my head. I had a whole plan. A whole plan as to how I was going to progress with my courses… I soon realised I was becoming too controlling, too much trying-to-make-everything-my-way and not life’s way.

I hesitated. I paused. I still sent another reminder to say I had days left to apply within this week’s period, but I pondered the repercussions of not doing the course immediately.

Maybe I should do this course at another time… I would have to wait another 2 months or so, but maybe that time was better? I was feeling exceptionally busy and overwhelmed by a lot at the moment… maybe this was my blessing in disguise. Maybe, just maybe, there was something else better waiting for me.

By the end of the day, I had convinced myself it was better this way, and that there were advantages of not doing the course now.

I felt the benefits.

I felt the relief.

I had –

LET GO.

Guess what happened 20 minutes before the end of my work shift?

Email. Approving my course.

(Face palm).

Big, little, in-between or life-changing, I am seeing a theme. A theme whereby I have let go of an expectation, an ending I believe to be correct, and allowed the Universe to take over as I focus on other things… and then those things that I have wanted, have come into my life, so easily.

Effortlessly.

Magically.

And all I had to do is LET GO, and believe it. Which sounds easier than it is. It takes serious practice and repetition that all is good as it is. Like one of my fave Pulp Fiction quotes:

“Bitch be cool!”

Well that’s what I have been doing. I have been practicing, being cool. 

Letting go.

Releasing.

Surrendering.

Not controlling.

Just, allowing.

And in such simple terms, going with the flow.

And it is a miraculous place to go.

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Photo by Mohamed Nohassi on Unsplash

 

 

#1161 The shimmering Moon

The general consensus amongst Melburnians today would be this:

The weather was amazing.

Stunning. Bright. Happy. Glorious. All the sunshine-y things.

It was a perfect Easter Saturday, and a wonderful way to continue this Easter long weekend.

But few people would have been privy to the other celestial show I witnessed earlier today.

I left the house for work at 6am. It was black as midnight. And yet instead of doing my usual hurried dash towards the car (boogie men, that’s why, and a certain cousin who likes to scare me shitless with horror videos) I stopped, and I stared.

And I took out my phone.

The moon was so full, so bright and so low, that it was casting a beautiful shimmering reflection on the water before me.

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It was magical. Like something you would read about in a book… but this was before my very eyes. My mind wasn’t making it up at all.

And I realised… if it weren’t for work, I wouldn’t have seen this spectacular lunar display.

Often, we find ourselves in places that we are meant to be in… but it’s whether we realise it or not that makes the difference.