#585 Sunnies season

We’re back, bitches.

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Yep. My old faves, the Dolce & Gabbana sunnies ARE BACK. I usually put them in hibernation sometime around June, to hide away in a drawer somewhere, at the first nasty sign of freezing weather, yet still whispering to them encouragingly “never mind my dears, soon.”

Yep. Soon. Well, kind of soon. 3 months. And today as I took these beauties out, my eyes suddenly relaxing against the squinty sunlight, it was all… “ahhhh.”

Ahhhh.

Because the Spring change is most certainly here. And with it, some much needed Spring sunshine…

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#584 Beautifully treacherous lookout

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

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They say. And they are right.

Moments before I took this photo, I was crying. Not from happiness at the gloriously serene, glistening, and picturesque bay water before me.

My tears stemmed from fear. Intense, sudden and wild fear, that manifested into acute anger and overwhelming sadness.

It all started after our lunch. We were spending the day together as a family, mid-week, which was reason enough to celebrate. So we lunched of course, on pretty meals like this one:

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and then we headed over to Mornington Park, where baby girl let off some toddler-steam on the slide and swing… and after a while we let our feet lead us off into uncharted territory some more, and followed the sea view, all the way to the point of the pier, heading up up up to the rocky lookout which faced the beautiful image of serenity above.

Hubbie had to go as close as humanly possible to the edge. Baby girl followed him. I instructed firmly, that he MUST hold her hand. I couldn’t keep up with them because I had small heels, and was trying not to break my step in amongst the uneven dirt and rocky path. They headed on towards the edge, as I watched helplessly, yelling out to him “hold her hand!”

He did. But I was slowly dying inside. Here was a 4 year-old, curious toddler, letting go of her Dad’s hand every so often to peer over the rocks at the edge of her feet, rocks that in my mind could give out at any moment. She didn’t understand danger: as a toddler, they are not wired that way. It’s the reason toddlers get into so much trouble, they have an inability to judge what is before them, and the obvious consequences that come with it that usually, adults are equipped with by the time they are, you know, adults.

Usually, adults. I say that because Hubbie, is STILL a child.

This is why I was so concerned. He laughs in the face of danger: hangs over far too much over a 25-storey railing; he’ll walk along a brick wall where one side is a path, the other a dangerously high drop to breaks-ville; he will jump and climb up and off of any kind of climb-worthy apparatus, without so much as a care, second thought or slow deliberation.

Also, he had just had two double-shot coffees – and that with his childish and wild genetic composition, was a BAD combination.

Here he was, with our pride and joy – MY pride and joy – standing casually, a bit too TOO close, to the edge of a rocky drop where the other side of the steep descent was dangerously pokey rocks, and smooth, still, ENDLESS water.

I was dying.

As I approached them, I was in a serious state of panic. They were so calm, so chilled about it all. Peering over the edge, getting closer to the descent. I started to cry. And I yelled out some choice words to him. I painted a stark picture, and it got his attention.

He took baby girl’s hand, and they started to walk towards me. “Come on baby girl, Mama is upset,” he said.

“Sorry Mama,” she said.

“Just go over there,” I said breathlessly, as I ordered them back up the wooden steps and to the stable, safer, lookout point.

I turned back to the water, and breathed.

And breathed.

And soon after, I snapped that picture.

And I was grateful. Because the beautiful image before us, could turn ugly in an instant. l am an eternal dreamer, but a realist too. And though I am a glass- half-full gal, I have seen too much sadness to stick my head in the sand anymore.

Life and everything in it, terrifies me to no end, ever since baby girl entered our world and made it so precious. I am grateful for the beauty in it, but I always look behind me, I always check my footing, to check there are no uneven rocks.

I love views like this. And I will continue to photograph them. But under still, calm waters…

 

 

 

#583 Zumba and my Mini-Me

I think it’s the onset of Spring, and the increase of milder weather, that has seen our family getting more active as of late.

And to all of you Mother’s out there: I know. I feel ya. Totally. I only started trying to get into some kind of exercise routine once baby girl started once-a-week kinder sessions this year, so I know, it’s hard. Even more so when you want to get fit again, don’t have the luxury of uninterrupted kid-free time, and you just don’t know how you’ll fit it all in.

But I say one thing to you: try.

Just try.

The first time I decided to do my Zumba workout with baby girl in the room, she did not let me have it! Whinging, complaining, crying for my attention, grabbing my leg, standing right next to me so I had to stop what I was trying to do, in fear of knocking her out in the process.

I felt horrible, deflated, and guilty. All normal feelings as a Mother, I know. But I just felt shit.

Shit for not succeeding.

Shit for making her cry.

Shit for trying to have a life for a short while other than that of a Mother.

I don’t even know why a week later, I tried it a second time. I think then I had decided I had to give her something, and my phone with kids playing with toys on youtube, was the perfect antidote.

It actually was.

She sat nearby, watching videos for 30 minutes, occasionally looking up at me and saying “good job Mama!” as I huffed and puffed.

Aww this girl. She melts my heart.

She also asked about 7 times during that period if I was finished – “not yet” I’d respond breathlessly. “5 minutes.”

Is what I said every 4 minutes.

Lately though, a further change. I tell her I’m doing some Zumba, and she goes and gets the DVD for me. Pops it in the player…

And then starts to workout, with me.

It’s something I never would have expected, especially back when she was practically crying for my attention. It’s such a hard place to be in, because of the horrible Mum guilt you feel when they want you, and yet you are trying so hard to reclaim that old, personal part of you, and move towards something that both helps, motivates, and inspires you to be a better person – and meanwhile they are still crying in the background.

It’s not like they want your attention once a day. OMG, that would be easy-peasy. No. It is a hundred times a minute, and it is constant, never-ending, and fatefully ongoing, every second of every hour of every day of every every every every DAY.

You are their greatest idol, and they your greatest cheerleader. You wouldn’t have it any other way. But it is still, hard.

So today. I am warming up, doing my moves. I take off my socks so that they don’t slide on the carpet. She too stops and takes off her socks. Then, I take off my hoodie because I am getting hot. She stops and gets my help in taking off her jumper, so she is only wearing her long-sleeve singlet.

And we are there side-by-side, me and my Mini-Me, reclaiming carpet space and dancing in Latino bursts.

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She only lasted about 5 minutes before growing bored and wandering off to play with Peppa Pig Lego and watch TV. But those 5 minutes were pure gold. I was chuffed.

And not only is it cool to have a little version of me prancing around to Zumba, but it is nice to know that our healthy habits are rubbing onto her, and setting good examples for her life ahead.

So she is now letting me exercise, doing it herself, and we are both happy?!

That is a whole lot of gratitude there ♥♥♥

#582 Movie firsts

My sister took me to my first movie. Batman, with Michael Keaton as the man in the cape.

It always was, and still remains, one of my most favourite past-times and memories with her. Our movie nights, our sister days.

Well it wasn’t a ‘movie first’ for either baby girl or my nephew today, as we took them to see the Wiggles Nursery Rhymes being shown at the Vjunior cinemas.

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But it was baby girl’s first time EVER eating popcorn… did she like it? I’ll leave you with these words she uttered: “No mama don’t touch.”

There you go.

It was also my nephew’s first time sitting through a whole movie, happily! The volume was lower than it usually is in other regular cinemas, much easier to take in without the ear-splitting stereo bursting your eardrum.

And it was our first time, ALL together. With the success of today, I think there will be many more movie days, and memory days.

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(The popcorn cup, I could not touch)

♥♥♥

#581 Basketball sesh’

Sixteen degrees.

Sunday.

Spring.

Sunshine.

Basketball…. Sesh.’

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Baby girl thinks Daddy is pretty cool, with all his special basketball manoeuvres, techniques and on-point shooting.

She had her own mini basketball as we ran up and down the publicly accessible court, played defence on one another, and broke all the rules as we ‘travelled’ and chased each other around.

Baby girl has mean wrist action as she goes to shoot with her ball… she totally misses, but that is not the point. Toddler-steps. She has the knack.

It was windy, but it was sunny.

We were tired by the end of it all, but we were also very, very content.

 

#580 Pizza

I was looking forward to it in the middle of the night, when baby girl was crying from her sore throat and rubbing her nose of all its snots, as I tried to calm and comfort her.

I was looking forward to it after my sleepless, deprived, intermittent sleep, where baby girl’s cries, insane rain pounding against the windows, and my personal tumultuous thoughts, kept me awake.

I was looking forward to it as there was even more rain, driving 100km on the Monash to work this morning, my wipers on the fastest speed, trying to see past the dangerously blurry vision.

I was looking forward to it when I took my morning walk through the icy air to get my work coffee of the day.

And I was looking forward to it as I slogged away at work, type type typing, sit sit sitting…

Counting down the seconds… minutes… hours.

And then earlier this evening, I got it.

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Simply, Pizza. Isn’t it just the best? When Hubbie mentioned a couple of days ago, “I’m craving pizza,” suddenly, I was craving it too.

We both had some smashing good slices tonight. I mean, how amazing is this food, really? So universal, such a crowd pleaser. It can come with as outrageous toppings as you please, or as simple as you request. It is really all up to you.

Ham… cheese… sauce… vegies… seafood… on some dough? Baked in an oven?

Heaven. Nom nom nom.

It’s the simple things tonight…

That are the big things.

 

#579 First Christmas Tree sighting

I had heard of rumours that there had already been sightings of Christmas trees in some Department Stores.

You know those people who see Christmas decorations appearing after mid-year, and groan and shake their heads in dismay and exclaim “too early!”

I AIN’T that person.

As baby girl and I approached Myer this afternoon, I could say finally, with certainty, that I actually spotted one: the elusive, too-early seasonal festive tree.

And I was overjoyed.

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“Baby girl, look!” I said. “Can you see what’s over there?”

I pointed up ahead. This was a test, you see. She had passed with flying colours last year. She has been getting as excited as me every year for Christmas, and the older she gets, and the more she understands, this Christmas joy in her grows. I want her to get to the level though, where she is rubbing her hands in excitement as early as late August.

Some Mums put their kids in pageants. I put mine through an extensive “love/joy/merriment/laughter festive Christmas” programme.

She had a pensive look on her face as she peered ahead.

“Christmas tree!”

Pass. Good job Princess. She hadn’t forgotten.

We walked in, with me exclaiming about how early we were seeing this tree. Another Mum who had also walked in ahead of me, was staring incredulously at the tree. She turned to me open-mouthed.

“I can’t believe it!”

I smiled, nodding…

Yeah. Um, it’s soooo surprising. Soooo early….

I cannot lie.  I am rapt 🙂