I work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so it’s Hubbie that picks up baby girl from school.
But what I love as I sit at my desk working, is turning around to see my beautiful girl’s face as she comes home… always cheerful, happy to see me and with a big hug as she fills me in on her day.
💖🙏
Some of my biggest Mother’s Day wishes came true today.
First off, the most unexpected – baby boy slept through the night.
😲
Neither myself or Hubbie had to get up to tend to him overnight… bliss. And while I wonder if our slightly late night last night had something to do with it, we had an even later night last week and he still got up overnight, so go figure.
Next, Hubbie had arranged to get up and do the start of day milk for baby boy, as well as all the other morning jobs with him, while I… lay in bed.
Seriously. I have not lay leisurely in bed since before baby boy was born, for 15 months now. Since I had had a decent sleep, I couldn’t even fall asleep again, but I still lay there with my eyes closed while Hubbie and baby girl were downstairs with baby boy.
At one point I wondered if I should get up and make the bed as I waited for them to come up and get me… but again I thought, ‘no, I jump out of bed EVERY DAY with baby boy’s cries, including indefinite times overnight every night, so now I will lie here. And stretch.’
And it was a good stretch.
Then baby girl came up to tell me breakfast was ready! I came down to scrambled eggs on toast plus my weekend tea. ❤ Hubbie had made the tea, and baby girl had done the scrambled eggs on toast for me all by herself… and it was delicious!
And I even got to eat it in peace, oh my God.
Handmade presents and cards followed, and later on in the day I got to spend with my extended family, celebrating my own mum, and my sister, another inspiring mum in my life.
The weather was perfect too… and while the day was perfect in so many ways, my life is real, and I cried tears both happy and sad today, because that’s life.
I share that because I think it’s important to keep it real. But I am blessed to have been with my most loved people today, and let’s not forget –
Thank you! I am grateful 🙏
They chose not to do a Mother’s Day stall at baby girl’s primary school this year.
Initially I was like “but I like my little $5-10 presents that break easily!” 🤣
The new principal thought it was a smart idea to not contribute further to landfill with these small, wasteful items, like having one of these stalls would do, and instead get the kids to make something handmade, while enjoying an afternoon with them at school.
So that’s what today was. I was only there about half hour or so, busy running after baby boy, but baby girl gifted me this jar full of nice notes about me. It is such a precious idea, I think I will open up one per day, and I already know they will help me so much in this phase of life. 💖
She also gave me another hand-made gift, much the same premise, these held like poems and messages about me in this small gift box type thing. She said she has more to give me, but that will come on Sunday 🙏
Also in the little box was a little flower, and when I asked if it was for me, she replied she had looked around at lunchtime for a little flower for me. 🌸(Awww!)
I love these things. 😍 I’ve been thinking of Mother’s Day a lot today, and it really has gone a bit out of control. It really should just be things like this – handmade gifts, words of love from your children, your partner, really anyone in your life that appreciates what you do as a mother, and even sweet actions, like let’s say a sleep in, a home-made meal, even like breakfast in bed (hint hint, family lol!)
I really do love the jar idea though, and I know I will keep it forever.
Good job new principal. 👍
Yesterday amidst all the sleeplessness I went and did something that peeved me right off.
I broke my sunnies. They looked broken anyway. I had placed them on the passenger side seat when out doing jobs with Hubbie and baby boy, and I did that because when I put baby boy in his seat, often my sunnies hit the top of the car since they’re on my head… being all sleep-deprived and crap, I thought ‘let me spare them.’
And then my butt spared them. 🤦♀️
I didn’t hear any crunch, but I did suddenly feel them against my lower back when I sat down, of course since I had forgotten I had put them there a minute ago, you know sleep deprivation and all…
I was really shattered. I was so upset already about other things, (including no sleep forever) I started to cry. Hubbie was like, ‘don’t cry over your sunnies.’
But it was so much more.
I was like, how much more shit could I take?
Secondly, I really loved this pair.
Thirdly, if I could get them repaired, how could I even go anywhere what with our crazy schedules?
And last, I actually had a voucher for a Sunglass Hut, but again, NO TIME, so again, this just felt like another job to add to the to-do list, the current ever-growing list that seems to always have stuff being added to it, with no set end date, a real proper frustrating work-in-progress list.
But then overnight, something happened.
Other than sleep (praise 🙏) things were occurring to me.
I had already decided that I needed to get some more navy pants for baby girl for school, and that we might go this afternoon.
I had also realised that this shopping centre had a Sunglass Hut. I bought my sunnies from another centre, which is why I kept forgetting this other, closer one, could actually, possibly help me with my problem…
Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon, and we popped into the Sunglass Hut. I was there, showing her my sunnies, asking about repairing them…
And the sales assistant had a look over, and then very gently popped them into place!
I WAS SO GRATEFUL!
She even tightened the sides and gave my lenses a clean (bless) and I was oh so grateful I bought some more sunglass lens cleaner so she could at least get something out of my visit.
Sure they are a little firm on that damaged side, but I’m so happy I get to keep wearing them, I don’t care.
And that my friends is the extra light in my day that gave me a jump in my step. 😁
Today we all happened to be home.
A planned day off for Hubbie, and after a late night last night at a dinner dance + Orthodox Easter, baby girl was happy to stay home from school, and we happily obliged.
I was thinking along the lines of, catch up on washing, do grocery shopping for the week, chill at home, maybe a Bunnings stop…🤣
But Hubbie said “I don’t wanna spend my day off at home” and thank God we didn’t.
So we hit the road.
We drove up to the Dandenong Ranges, had lunch in a cute cafe, walked in and out of quirky shops, and then the best was left ’til last, when we went to this beautiful park in Olinda. It was peaceful, the surroundings were beautiful, there was so much to do for both big and little kids, a lot for parents to admire, and then Mother Nature was splendid and showing off in between, looking incredible as always. 😍
We came home later on in the afternoon – missing food, washing still there, but honestly, we made the best decision today.
We saw the sunshine outside, and we followed it. 🌞🍂
So we went out for dinner tonight for our anniversary.
Hubbie, me, and the two kids. 🤣🤣
I do laughing emojis because it is funny going out to a nice dinner with kids in tow.
It was a new place we picked, a bit shit of me to do honestly, you should really only do tried and true when you have fussy kids with you… but of course, me being all “I want to go somewhere nice!” we went to this new-ish place a suburb away, because it looked good.
As we drove by the place this evening, looking for parking, and I saw the dimly lit low-hanging lights inside, I went “uh-oh.”
This placed looked a bit fancy-schmanc, and we can be very loud. 🤦♀️
Anyway, we went in, avoided tipping over the table of glasses, removed the butter knife baby boy grabbed in his hands, avoided a scream fest when we first tried to put him in the high chair, and then proceeded to order and eat very, very quickly. 🤣
Look, the place was lovely… but a bit tricky for where we’re at. As we were leaving I said to Hubbie “how different things are as a family of 4!” And Hubbie replied “and I wouldn’t change it for the world!”
And how right he is. We are at a different stage of life, we would have been much better suited for a place like TGIs to be honest… noisy and without anything precious if baby boy were to go adventuring throughout. I had been looking forward to a nice dessert, but then alas ‘fancy-schmanc restaurant’ and we wanted to get out of there before baby boy lost his patience in the high chair, so I just ate an ice cream from our freezer when we got home. 🤣
Yep, life is different, but it is beautiful. You know what was the most beautiful? Coming home, placing baby boy on the lounge room floor, and him absolutely running amok in the house, so happy with himself to be home and amongst his toys.
Hmmm… maybe ‘home restaurant’ would be the best option for us right now?
🤣🤦♀️
Baby boy got up about 5 times last night, and I tended to him nearly every time.
As expected, I was short on my fuse today, finding it hard to move past little things. I was emotional too, due to lack of sleep not just last night, but lack of any routine regular sleep for over a year now.
But then I read something in the school newsletter.
One of the school lollypop men had passed away early last month. I hadn’t even spoken a word to him I think, ever, since baby girl crosses at the main entrance, and this man was at the side not as busy entrance.
But still, I drove by him nearly every day. I knew his face. And hearing that he had died so suddenly, after such a swift and brutal illness, made me really sad.
I didn’t even know his name ’til today. And it all made me really sad, this man who I had been seeing almost every day for years, just gone.
And that’s life. And that perspective, of life, of death, here one minute, gone the next, it just made me see my sleeplessness in a whole other light.
Sure, our problems are still our problems. No one can take the hardship out of them. We still have to live them. But when presented against something so stark and grim and definite, suddenly any huge significance initially attributed to said ‘problem’ goes away very quickly.
Suddenly I’m happy for my problems.
After reading this, I hope you are too. 🙏
Today we did our first high school tour for baby girl. 😍
She’s still in grade 5, so we have a whole year and a half before she actually goes up in school level (eek!) but we (ahem, I) felt it was best to start the research process earlier, especially since neither of us have completed education on this side of town.
It was a large-ish group that gathered at our first high school research spot. Actually, this school is my first personal preference, for now anyway, and a few more school tours will follow in the months to come.
All of us attended – baby girl in school uniform, all set for a day of school once the tour was over, alongside other parents and primary aged kids in uniform as well. Hubbie left work for an hour or two, and of course baby boy was there with us as well.
What I loved most though, that amused Hubbie and us to no end – as we walked around the school following one of the principals about, baby girl kept up and with him at the front, almost walking with him! She happily stayed up front the entire time as we moved about the school, while Hubbie and I took various positions and roles as we kept baby boy entertained (and fed, and hydrated!) often on the side or back of the walking group.
At one point we even saw him exchange some words with her, and I was happy to see she responded civilly. 🤣
Regardless of where she ends up, I love her eagerness with school, her enthusiasm, energy, happiness and positive outlook… I hope I can nurture and encourage it for her whole life, and I hope this motivation towards her learning stays with her for always. 🥰
We forget so easily the routines and things we used to do with our kids. With our family. The years that have passed us by.
Even myself, someone who journals online daily via this outlet, even I am sometimes blown away when a memory comes crashing back at me.
Just this afternoon baby girl reminded me how she used to ask for a snake lolly after her swimming lesson years ago (which used to be before dinner time) and how I would comply, but then she would ask for a second one, and only sometimes I allowed it, even using it as bribery like “if you muck around with x, y and z, then you can only have 1, maybe even none!” And just the memory of that time, years ago now, our Monday afternoons, running from school drop-off to swimming and then back home, the quick getting her into the shower, rushing to do dinner, washing her swim gear etc… it all came flooding back to me, and I was like…
Woah.
It also occurs to me a lot, when I compare this old life pre-baby boy, to now, the current day, not only is it crazy how different things are now that he is here, but how different baby girl is now. She is far from baby-ish – so mature, responsible, helpful, while still being a big bundle of fun for baby boy, as he absolutely adores and looks up to his big sister.
And I look at this girl who kinda was forced to grow up and get more responsible when her younger sibling came along, and I feel bad in a way, I don’t want her to not be playful or act like a child, because she still is, she’s 10. But I also can’t remember the moment or the time that she started to move away from being more of a cheeky child, to a mature one.
It all happens gradually, I get it. And I know every week/month/year brings with it even more changes, and next year our home routine will be even more crazy different to this year. And we will all be different with it. But because I am here, and this is what I do, I wanted to capture my daily stuff with baby boy/family, because I know, I can see already, I will look back at these days and say ‘I can’t believe I did that!’
So, as of April 2024:
Baby boy has his morning nap in the pram, around the block, or he falls asleep as I drive around, somewhere. He is heavy, but also I don’t want him getting used to falling asleep on us ALL THE TIME.
I count awake times all throughout the day. Currently 3hrs 45 mins, last one can be about 4.5hrs.
His main nap is getting later now due to this, so I put him in the car so he falls asleep on the way to school pick up. On days there is no school, I rock him to sleep, or when I am working, Hubbie rocks him to sleep. We also rock him to sleep at night, and yep, fun times. 🤣
His favourite foods are rice, strawberries, this peanut butter and banana loaf I make, yoghurt, and lamb!
He is hugging Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy all over the house, and it is the cutest thing.
Still obsessed with the 🔵🔴🟡🟣
We have gymnastics on Monday with baby girl.
We’re eating less junk food, both because baby girl prefers home-cooked meals, and because he is so young, we are trying to make baby boy’s foods healthier.
He still screams/cries in the car when he’s not happy. I wonder when it will stop? 🤣
Our Saturday nights and Sundays are still pretty low-key, but we are heading out more when there is a party or event, and as tricky as it can sometimes be, we are loving getting more social again.
Mister F isn’t getting as much love as he used to, but we are trying to involve him more, and he’s cool with baby boy, except when baby boy runs at him. 🤦♀️
Still getting up at least once a night, sometimes two or three times as baby boy goes through development or teething. I don’t mind the once a night to be honest, I hold him and once he nods off I sit on the nearby chair until I’m sure he’s asleep and put him down again. But when he wakes an hour later, then again, I’m a bit 🥱 and need Hubbie assistance. 🙏
I’m in a good place in terms of reminding myself that we finally have what we wanted for so many years, and now that this part of my life doesn’t feel like it’s ON HOLD, I’m looking at my passions and other projects again, trying to reignite that personal spark in my life and find me again, and I’m loving it, even if my ‘me time’ or ‘free time’ comes in 5 minute dribs and drabs.
Hubbie and I are in a good place, surviving less and living more, though at nights when there is excess screaming we are like “WTAF?” 🤣🤦♀️🥱
We are looking at high schools for baby girl, and I have to say I am so glad she has another full year of primary school after this one – last year was a blur with baby boy’s arrival, and if this year was her last I would be an absolute emotional train wreck.
And that is my little long post, for future me. You’re welcome. 🩷
I question myself lately – what is this that I’m feeling?
Is it seasonal depression?
Is it the culmination of 14 months of sleeplessness?
Is it frustration at the inability to do ANYTHING?
Is it just life being hard right now?
Is it the fact that shit’s hit the fan so many times this month?
And I look around me and around me and around me, and Hubbie reminds me of the bigger picture, which I love him for.
Things happen that put a smile on my face, little signs from the Universe saying ‘the storm is passing, here, here are some golden rays to keep you going.’
Golden rays in the form of baby boy staring at me intently today as I said ‘spectacles’ over and over, making him giggle again and again.
Golden rays in the form of an opening coming up for a writing workshop that had been booked out, but I got the sole free ticket today.
Golden rays in the form of drive-through coffee (because someone stole my sleep again last night 🙄)
Golden rays in watching baby girl and baby boy play together, chasing each other around the table.
Golden rays in it being FRIDAY!
Yes, things feel crappy at times, but the things I have that make me happy, they are big, bold, beautiful things, and they outweigh all the little itty bitty shitty things that keep me distracted.
But I need to stay focused.
carcrashgratitude 