#1217 Parenting under a disco ball

You know it’s hard having kids.

And a lot of parents nowadays shit me with their attitude about having them.

Because, they don’t get it, but… they want it ALL.

They wanna have kids, but they also want to have the exact same life they used to have before kids. They want mini versions of themselves, but they don’t want to do the work needed to actually raise them and be responsible about it all. They think having little people will be fun, but they want everything to be constant cupcakes, lollipops and games.

Guess what? Suck it up.

As my Mum always says… something has to give. You honestly cannot have it all. And I am a glass half-full gal talking here. And if you think you are managing to have it all…. guess what?

You are not ‘giving’ where it is important. Sorry not sorry.

What I am talking about has nothing to do with giving things up in your life. Sure, you can still do the things you enjoy… to an extent. You see, it is about a whole lot of compromise and sacrifice. Like, shitloads of it.

Things I was thinking of tonight as I was out with my family.

Because it was a family function you see, and we have no babysitters to look after baby girl for anything like this, like EVER… but also, baby girl being at the stage and age she is at, we actually want her to come with us.

So let’s say, our intentions lie somewhere there in the middle.

But boy, it is still HARD.

Especially when they find themselves pissed off for no apparent reason.

It was a roller coaster ride I swear.

It was frustrating, and tiring, and long, and honestly I was pulling my hair out at times, wanting to bash my head against the toilet cubicle wall, so shitty I became with some events of the night.

With the words ‘sacrifice’ going through my head.

So we did. In the name of looming beds, and family, and a happier child, we went home… we sacrificed. But not before baby girl pulled me onto the dance floor.

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And you see… as shit as times like this can sometimes be… that mirror ball and that girl, still make it all worth it.

All the sacrifice.

#1205 Late night pharmacy

Oh, what a night.

And by no means am I talking about this kind of night:

Rather, I am coming from the time and place of the overly tired-stressed-frustrated-overwhelmed parent, the one who is sooo over it… and it is only Monday.

(Face Palm).

I can assure you, my posts this week will be super short. And therefore, I will now start writing my post in short form, so that you can create the story, yourself.

Super short, punchy sentences.

Ok?

Capiche?

Let’s go.

Baby girl.

Screaming! Pain! Oh the drama!

Crying, sobs.

Infection?

Call doctor.

More cries. Sobs and drama.

Needle? No darling.

Finally, peace.

Takeaway pizza (because drama).

And then doctor.

Check up good…

Urine sample!

?!?!?!?!

Pharmacy open?

Pharmacy CLOSED.

Google!

Pharmacy open over there!

Driving ALL night.

Get medicine.

Force baby girl to drink medicine.

Me…. very, very tired.

#1183 My Thank You on Mother’s Day

The day started with baby girl and I in bed.

It ended with baby girl and I in bed.

The beds were different.

And much of the in-between, was frustrating and crap.

Yes. I know it was Mother’s Day.

I have one. I am one. I have the best ones, around me.

But things have just been too hard lately.

Too frustrating. Too sad. I got mad/frustrated/sad umpteen billion times today. I cried about the same amount, and said “you are f&%king kidding me” another 57 times.

There was definitely good in the day. I had really great moments, with my whole family, and tried to pay the most amount of gratitude and appreciation to my own Mum, with all she has done for me and my family in my life…

While still having, this really crappy day.

The morning started off with baby girl coming upstairs to where I was sleeping. Hubbie had already gotten up. I had instructed her clearly yesterday, several times, “do not wake me up early tomorrow, I am sleeping in… it is Mother’s day.”

She came up, and coming over to my side of the bed, tapped my shoulder (I was pretending to still be asleep) and whispered “Mama… I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day…” before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.

She climbed into bed with me, and it was now 8:50am. I told her to sleep. Of course we didn’t sleep.

We found ourselves soon sitting up in bed and chatting. And that was my lovely start to the day. ♥♥

Because this is a gratitude journal, I will just say –

<INSERT CRAPPY PARTS OF THE DAY HERE>

And come back to the end of the day. This time, her bed. We had literally just had an argument within the last half hour. She knew, that I was pissed. I sat on the bed as she snuggled inside the covers, but sat up when she saw my face.

I was just staring at her.

“Mama… what you wanna say?”

I sighed.

“I want to say… that no matter what happened today, Mummy has a very big thing to tell you.”

“What?”

Tears started welling up, and she was probably thinking I was going to lose it for the 1001th time that day.

“I want to thank you soooo much, for making me a Mummy.”

We hugged, and suddenly, she was crying too. She was crying because I was crying. We were both there crying and I was telling her it’s okay, and then Hubbie heard us and wanted to join the party, entering and giving us a big bear hug as we sat there, enveloped in a hug and crying into each other’s arms, but of course he was not crying, he was LAUGHING.

Typical Dad.

And that is it. If only life were as simple as the good moments, right?

But life cannot be simply reduced to just the best and happiest moments of our day.

But as I try again and again here, they can be something we try our best to focus on, the most. ♥♥♥♥

#1179 Soothing words at bedtime

The quiet words didn’t follow happiness.

Nor did they follow joy. Excitedness. A content body and well-satisfied mind from a happy day’s work.

Hubbie and I lay there. Beside baby girl in her bed. After crying. Tantrums. Harsh words. Sighs. And intense frustration.

We tried to calm ourselves. We lowered our voices.

We reasoned with her as much as we could. We explained. We cooed, the way one coos to a newborn or even, a pet animal… we used our tones as best as possible to reverse the ugly situation and unnecessary behaviour that had presented itself.

And I lay there, reading one of her recent fave books, holding her with one arm while holding the book in the other… and I observed.

The night had been stressful. Far from any kind of bliss.

And yet I was happy with our dedication. Our tenacity. Our willpower to not give up, to try and get through, and try to make things better. Together.

All with, the whisper of words.

And as she started to doze off, I told her all the wonderful qualities she owned, and hoped that those beautiful thoughts, would carry her into dreamland and take her out of it on the other side, with a clearer, and happier head.

For tomorrow. It is a new day. ♥

 

 

#1171 Lovely in the sun

I found myself a bit overwhelmed by life this morning. So much so that when baby girl had a fairly decent ‘moment,’ that seemingly appeared out of nowhere and had me wiping away her tears in front of her class, before walking away when she was settled and then wiping away my own… well let’s just say that problematic thoughts kind of took over.

I had so much to do, things were upsetting me, I was trying to stay in control… it was too much. I looked out to sea as I drove along the Esplanade, thinking how much I wanted to get out and stare at the water.

“Do it,” a voice whispered.

But I have so much to do… I told myself. And now I’m sad.

Still, I faltered. I pondered my options, as if I were hopping from one foot to the next, and when I got to the familiar clearing amongst trees and saw there were no cars approaching, I spontaneously turned in.

Grabbed my phone and keys. Left my bag in the car. Walked with my not-appropriate for gravel/sand boots over to the table and bench that was free.

Waiting for me.

And I sat, and I stared.

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It was post 9am and sunny in April, so people were taking advantage. They were out and about. I dared not turn as I heard runners crunching on the gravel behind me. To and fro they moved, some silent, some making quiet conversation to their partner, when suddenly…

“Morning!” A voice clearly directed at me startled my Bay-stare, and I turned quickly, compelled to answer immediately.

“Morning!” I replied. He smiled, this short, yet fit 50-something man, charging happily on his lonesome past me. “Lovely in the sun?!”

“Yep it sure is lovely,” I replied. I smiled as he walked off, grateful that someone had snapped me out of my listless watching.

Lovely in the sun… had it been a fact, or a question? A friendly greeting, or a check in to see if I was ok?

Yes it was lovely in the sun… the sun allowed light to bathe us and take us out of darkness, but sometimes that light failed to penetrate deep to our thoughts…

Thank God for words. Thank God for people.

#1158 Counting down the work days

You ever have those days, when you really don’t wanna go to work?

Ha! you say. EVERY TIME, DUH!

Seriously though… I don’t mind going to work. Sure getting up sooo early can be extremely difficult. The tip-toeing around the house, trying to leave without making any noise, driving for a minimum of an hour, only to then have to WALK 10-15 minutes from where I have parked, to my place of employment…

But after that, I get to breathe. Relax. Work at my own pace (to some extent). Have a coffee break with my colleagues. Catch up, on stuff.

Eat and drink in peace.

Have ADULT conversation.

Feel valuable and needed.

Feel confident in what I do…

Get my drift?

But still there are some days where I wake up and am all –

“UGH.”

“Ugh, I didn’t sleep enough.”

“Ugh I feel sick.”

“Ugh it was so hot last night.”

“Ugh I had a restless night.”

“Ugh baby girl is grinding her teeth again and I’ve just lost the last half hour of my night.”

Whether my reasons were one, two or 17 of the above, let’s just say I really struggled this morning when the alarm went off at 5am.

I lay in bed, thinking very hard, very seriously… wishing that I didn’t have to get up… looking over at Hubbie, and baby girl who had crept up between us only hours earlier…

Feeling a bit like this cat really.

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But then I got up.

The work countdown helped me get up. Because even though there is no official end date as yet, there is a rough, estimated date, and I can almost say with assurance that there is less than 2 months to go.

2 months. NOT EVEN.

So I lugged myself out of bed. Did the tip toeing. Did the quiet exit. Did the dark and long commute.

Walked through the warm Autumn air. Past the docked boats gently bobbing in the morning water…

And into the glaring red light.

The countdown is on. Soon I won’t be walking there, and I’ll be officially unemployed.

But I’ll be unemployed and sleeping in my warm bed at 5am, and as baby girl would say

“Na na na na boo boo.”

😉

#1146 Surviving/celebrating end of term 1

Ahh. What a week it has been.

Baby girl is totally ready for the holidays.

I am totally ready for the holidays.

If we’re being honest, if it weren’t for the fact that it was the last few days of term this week, she would have been at home a lot more often than she was at school.

The poor darling was losing her voice at the beginning of the day. 😦

But the Easter Hat Parade was happening. And I just couldn’t have her miss out…

And the teacher said it was going to be much of a chill day for them…

And they got to dress how they liked…

Geez. Just one more day.

She made it. She survived. And they celebrated during their parade with a couple of interesting visitors…

The police service and fire trucks arrived to bring along Elmo, Mario and Luigi!

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And then the major drawcard, the man of the moment…

Or should I say, the bunny of the moment.

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In another freaking fire engine. Well that’s just egg-celent.

(I had to).

Sure she walked the parade. She was happy in her Sleeping Beauty costume. Her hat we made days ago stayed atop her head only because she was holding it in place (so darn cute). But the girl was wrecked. I was so happy to pick her up at the earlier time of 2:30.

And so, as I prepared dinner hours later, I opened up a new bottle of wine, inhaled deeply –

“Mmmmm”

-and then proceeded to ENJOY IT VERY MUCH.

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But I had to ask myself… was that a celebration wine, or a survival wine?

Because I got through too.

Only another 100 or so terms to go…