Almost a week ago I knew I had to do something different.
Something to help me get by.
Being my second pregnancy, I felt more confident and assured when it came to certain things.
The problem with knowing what lies ahead though, is just that – you know what lies ahead.
I knew labour would be hard – and it was.
I knew childbirth would be hard – and it was.
And just as some parts of recovery have been easier, including adapting to our sweet baby boy…
I know about the sleepless nights. I know how unpredictable it all is in the beginning. I know about the fatigue.
And so it was.
And so it IS.
I was mentally struggling with all of this knowledge in my haze of fatigue and roller-coaster of post-partum hormones, when I realised I had to make things better somehow.
First, I needed to mix things up at home.
Second, I needed little things to look forward to, no matter how small.
Third, I needed to train my brain to the positive, and look at more gratitude, not lack of, in the position I was in.
Fourth – I had to somehow keep score.
So, I made a ‘stronger’ list.
Tonight is night 5. Or so it will be after the night is over. In the morning when I get up, I add the date I just survived onto my list, plus a tick ✅ and then the shortest notation on how the night went. Something like “hard ’til 3am. I got through” or “slept between feeds, first time!”
My goal is to get stronger with this list. As it grows and I add to it every night, I’ll be able to see that no only have I gotten through another night, but see that things do get better, easier, and they pass.
And when there is a harder night, I’ll be able to deal with it better, knowing I’ve dealt with it before.
It’s still early days, but the concept is working. I’m going into the nights a little mentally stronger, and honestly, at this stage, it means so much for my well-being.