#3044 Still Autumn days

The days have been so nice, in that there hasn’t been any wind, any rain lately.

Chill, yes. During the morning, night, even parts of the day.

But I love how I’m able to still do the morning pram walk for baby boy’s nap… even if it’s cold, I rug up, make sure he is rugged up, and put the shade on over the pram (lessening any weather elements further) before we set off, and he falls asleep.

I know things will change soon. They always do. The weather will turn, or he will, who knows which will come first. Either Winter weather will arrive on our doorstep sooner than expected, or he will need to drop the morning nap, and move from 2 naps to 1 nap a day.

I’ve been enjoying the quiet. The morning nap allows for a rest. Like today, he was pretty cranky and off-kilter from the moment he woke. Teething has been bugging him big time, he is drooling everywhere and chewing on everything.

But that first nap offers him, me, all of us, a reset. We start again. He falls asleep, and even if like today it’s only a short 20 minutes, it has him waking refreshed, full of energy (because that ain’t hard with him 🤣) and helps him get to his next much longer nap of the day later on.

The quiet walk helps my busy mind, gives me some breathing space and moment to reassess and plan for the rest of the day. It’s almost meditative, pushing the pram along, with only the birds calling out overhead as they fly by, and the sounds of occasional dogs and people/cars moving about.

I like the walk. I like the nap. I like when the two of them combine, and I’m enjoying this phase while it lasts. 💙

#3034 A view to make you stop

In life, most things can be fixed with –

Sleep

Food

Coffee

A change of scenery

A hug

A good talk

Shower/Bath

Ahh, speaking of water…

I was feeling crappy this morning… but look, if this view here can’t make you feel better, you’re in trouble.

I stood in front of this view this morning, breathing in and out, and I gotta tell you, I was feeling a whole lotta good. 🙏😍

#3024 Turning tide

The tide feels like it’s turning.

There have been so many weird things this month… let’s just call them shit (🤣) happening, things that have felt like one thing after another.

But there have also been some pleasant things and bouts of happiness, and it makes me feel like things are changing for the better. 🙏

Take this little scenario… we were calling baby boy over for his bedtime milk, and all on his own without waiting for us, he pulled himself up on the couch, positioned seated/leaning against the couch, just waiting patiently for us to bring him his milk.

Like all patient, no yelling, crying, nothing.

Awww. 🥰 So cute!

#2983 Toddler ch-ch-ch-changes

A couple of things of note this week.

Earlier this week baby boy moved up a nappy size officially! He was using size 3s for so long, and then more recently size 4s overnight, but I’ve moved him to 4s permanently now.

The second thing… in the space of a week 3 top teeth have burst through his gum. And with the way he’s been acting, they definitely did BURST through. 🤦‍♀️

And finally… today was the last planned breastfeed I gave him. I am a little shocked at all of this.

More on this subject to come… 🥰💙💖🙏

#2974 With relieved, fresh eyes

It’s amazing what one decision, what the concept of ‘letting go’ can do for your entire being.

Ever since Hubbie and I surrendered to the fact that baby boy needs more settling for sleep than we ever expected, a huge weight has lifted off my shoulders.

Now that I’m not questioning our every move, and trying so hard to get him to change, now that we have changed our minds… I am feeling incredibly lighter.

I feel like my world has changed. Like I have fresh eyes.

It’s not to say that it’s not hard when he wakes up at 4am and I need to rock him to sleep again… or when it’s his bedtime and he is wriggling all over the place in my arms, finding it hard to get comfortable as I remain as I always have, and he keeps increasing on his 9kg.

But with letting go, comes acceptance, comes just allowing things to unfold as they are. And there is a great beauty in that, in just letting things unfold, trusting things will be ok, and not trying to control every little outcome.

I can enjoy things again. Knowing this is how it is, I am enjoying much more of my days, the little moments… surrounding him in kisses, impromptu dancing, tickling on the couch.

Just today during the morning pram walk, I decided to put away my phone. I usually hold it in my hand to check the time and gauge what time we will get back home (and make sure his nap runs to time). But minutes after he had fallen asleep, I put my phone in the compartment under the pram, and trusted that I would get home at roughly the right time. 🙏

I’m kind of revelling in this new stage of life, where I know that things will be challenging – that is a fact without a doubt – but I am enjoying the challenge, enjoying my baby, enjoying my girl, and enjoying my family, with all the ups and downs and exciting and funny and interesting and testing moments that come with it. 🥰

#2962 Looking outwards

I caught this gorgeous sunset tonight.

I’ve spent so much of the past year looking inwards at my home, my family, myself, that I’ve honestly forgotten about the world, people and environment around me.

It’s something that was apparent this morning after another horrible night’s sleep. I get so awfully down on myself and frustrated, sad and depressed, that I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever feel normal or happy again.

In these moments I fall into an internal funk.

But then there’ll be a change. Baby boy has a great nap, wakes refreshed, or is smiling happily after some food, and I’m reminded that bad moments don’t last forever. They don’t even last all day, even though the baby phase seems awfully littered with too many of them.

But this sunset reminds me of the bigger picture. Of what’s out there waiting for me. I haven’t looked for a sunset often in the last 12 months, but I feel like my gaze heads outwards a bit more nowadays than it has been…

I hope I’m starting to remember everything else, and that I can unhinge myself from looking too deeply at these long and difficult days, and instead move towards the views out the window… reframe… think of perspectives. ❤

#2960 What I love about her

Baby girl has so much spunk.

She has real character. I won’t forget her grade 1 teacher telling me how funny she was, and one of her teachers in grade 4 (two teachers shared the role last year) said she was quite the character and had real spunk.

She is in this phase where everything is “bruh” or “oof.” Especially if you try to give her a compliment. You can be trying to say the most sincerest thing, and she will interject quietly with “oof” “oof” “bruh” in her coping mechanism, trying to accept these compliments but finding it awkwardly hard.

She is 10, but she loves us so much, she needs us still, needs me still, so much. She tells off her Dad when he doesn’t follow baby boy’s routine to plan – he has taken to listening to her, true story – and regularly argues with us over everything… dinner, news, the day-to-day, EVERYTHING.

She is always correct, until proven otherwise. 🤣

But she is so sweet. She has apparently organised some little Valentine’s Day surprise for me tomorrow, something completely unexpected for me, and she regularly gives out hugs and kisses throughout the day.

She is happy to go off to bed on her own, but at the same time I still come in before I go to bed to sit by her bed for a few minutes… I must do this, even if she is sleeping.

She still has this beautiful naivety about her, something I hope to nurture and treasure as long as possible.

And she is growing in independence and maturity, making small meals for herself and following a self-prescribed daily routine.

I realise there are lots of changes happening with baby boy in such a short amount of time, but I don’t forget to look at my baby girl, and all the beautiful things that have changed, and stayed the same with her.

My sweetheart. 💖🙏

#2929 Rocking him to sleep

I’ve only held him a million, or a billion, or a trillion times like that.

Holding, swaying, tapping, shushing, whispering, singing, chanting, sashaying, gliding AND rocking to sleep.

But every so often, when baby boy’s crying out for me and needs me to help him fall asleep, something happens to me. Instead of wishing these high-demand days away, wondering when I’ll have my freedom again, when he’ll be able to do this on his own…

I hold him. I cuddle him, tight. I nuzzle my face into his neck, kiss his cheeks and forehead as he falls deeper and deeper into sleep.

Cuddle. Nuzzle. Kiss. Rock.

And I imprint this moment, this time of him needing me in my head, because it all becomes so clear to me, that this won’t be forever. I know, because I used to do the same thing, long ago, with baby girl.

How things change. And how they stay the same. 🙏❤

#2900 Selective horoscopes

I don’t know about you, but my phone does that thing where it gives me recommended articles based on what I click on.

Clearly I click on a lot of horoscopes because I get them sent to me all the time.

Something I read today helped me. I was pushing the pram for baby boy’s morning nap walk, thoughts of his intense teething and sleepless night last night still following me, and a line from the horoscope that I had just read stuck with me.

It said that I’d had a run of bad luck lately, but that my luck was going to change. I had to focus on positives and put the right energy out there, but a good change was coming.

I felt it to be so promising, and even though I take these star sign readings with a grain of salt, this felt like it could be true, possible, even if the person writing it just made it up..  I decided then and there to believe in the possible lie, and allow it to help propel me into a positive future.

Where only good things come my way.

It’s called selective star signs. Believe the good, forget the bad. 💫💫

#2879 Waiting for the change

At the start of the day, so much was going wrong.

I was physically unwell.

I felt distressed and alone.

I had no help.

Baby boy was screaming at his midday nap.

It was all too much.

But then… 2:30pm, relief hit.

Silence after his lunch nap.

Picking up baby girl from school, and baby boy’s extended car nap. 💪

Seeing his face when he finally saw his big sister. 😁

Physical relief! 🍏

Help at home!

Hubbie coming home!

Putting the star on the Christmas tree! 🎄

And so, I must remind myself, no matter how difficult some days may begin, often a little change kicks in and changes everything.

I just gotta wait for the change, and remind myself, there ALWAYS is one…

I just have to, as Hubbie said to me in his sms today –

“Hang in there.”

🙏💖