#1050 Where I’ve come – 35.4 stage

On this day, the 30th of December, I can’t help but reflecting on the year that has passed…

I have grown. I have changed.

I have felt extreme lows that have physically rocked me.

I have felt dizzying highs that have surrounded my head in iridescent clouds.

Combined this has led me to a balance of in-between. Of remaining hopelessly optimistic as I travel through life, yet also being anxiously cautious of any shocks that may spring up unannounced.

With the cyclical nature of life, I am still happy. I am grateful for what I have, today. Every time that I observe something good, I am so happy for it, because I know that like everything, nothing lasts forever.

This stark truth keeps me paranoid, but the glass half-full gal in me ignores it until the very last moment.

I have what I need. Sure there are things that I want… but I remind myself of the important things. Of Hubbie and Baby Girl. Their love, their health. There are challenging days, and sometimes even tears, but I think the laughter we share as a family trumps that all.

Next year has a lot in store. So many changes. So much uncertainty and confusion, yet there is excitement in the unknown.

All the possibilities… what will eventuate? What will proceed? I am not alone in my life upheavals, with Baby Girl and Hubbie going through changes of their own… growing up, moving on, and discovering life.

We never stop discovering life.

So I am content. I am content in this not-knowing. It keeps me on edge and primed for action.

I am grateful with what I have now. Everything happens for a reason, and sometimes not having the things that you want is because there is a greater plan for you.

We aren’t meant to know it all. Just, let it go.

In this moment, life is good. And for that, on this second last day of 2018, I am supremely grateful.

paola-chaaya-151131

Unsplash credit: Paola Chaaya

#1045 Christmas at a different place

As far as I can remember, I’ve celebrated every single Christmas in the same place.

My parents’ house.

There was that Christmas my Dad caught a stray canary, which ended up being Hubbie, then ‘boyfriend’s pet bird aptly named ‘Chrissy.’

The Christmas it hailed golf balls and our cars and the backyard pergola got a beating.

Or the Christmas we went mad throwing water balloons at each other all over the yard, and got told off by my Dad… (oh that was in recent years 😬 )

All those warm Christmases, dancing in the garage, walking to the park, eating, drinking, memory making…

The Christmas I snuck off to see Hubbie-then-boyfriend for a bit. 🤫

The Christmas we drank too much vodka in the first hour. 🥃

The Christmas I drank nothing – with a precious new 4 month old. 😍🤱

The Christmas some of my friends came, and some of my family could not handle the extra crazy. 😜🤪🤩

34 Christmases.

Today was Christmas number 35.

But… it was spent at my sister’s house.

I thought I would feel more nostalgia going into the day. All of these years of tradition, of memories, retreating to the same backyard post-lunch… and it was all changing.

But very quickly, something became apparent to me.

It wasn’t the location. It was all about the people.

Sure the house was different. The decorations would be different. The food and drink would be a bit different, and sure, the location was completely different.

But different didn’t mean bad. It was different, but it was still beautiful. And of course, there was a lot of love.

All of this was present, the beauty, the love… because the people were the same.

As long as I am with my loved ones, I am happy.

Merry Christmas to all. I hope yours was spent with loved ones, no matter where you were. ❤️🎄🙏🎅

IMAG6178

 

 

 

 

 

#1034 When one door closes… a window opens and in pours rain

I’m finding that a lot is changing.

Lately, many things seem final. Ending. I remind myself that it is simply the natural order of life for things to be constantly moving and in a shifting state – nothing ever stays the same.

Even love grows.

But the feeling is still bittersweet. Especially when the door closing is to see the back of someone who has helped your family so much.

So much change. So much moving on. Today my heart was overcome with sincere gratitude and thanks, while also deeply affected by this next chapter in our lives, for a dear individual who has helped us for years now.

Sometimes, it’s not us who wants to move on. It’s not them. It’s just life, doing what it always does.

It’s a process we all have to adhere to.

I find the timing most interesting. How so many things seem resolute and final, all at once, and the most fascinating thing of all?

To be standing in the middle of it all, with utmost alertness, watching it unfold.

Completely aware. I go by each day like this. My ears attuned to every conversation that passes. My eyes go through all of life’s details. I decipher dreams, remarks, people, places… ALL OF IT.

To be totally aware in the middle of change is a truly wondrous place to be.

And once again today… there was release.

IMAG5715

IMAG5714

Once again, I was caught in the deluge. It was while was driving in my car, back to my parents house after being at the hairdresser’s. I saw it start to come down slowly, then more quickly, leading to a rapid downpour, all in a manner of seconds.

And meanwhile I was in the car shouting happily “Come on, give me more!”

It did.

There’s some link here, something between the release of rain and the always changing nature of life.

December rain… summer rain? Closing doors, but perhaps better rotating doors?

Moving, sudden, release.

Ahh, that’s it.

Change can come swiftly and without warning if you’re not aware. Watch your windows carefully, because when you’re not looking, rain can come pouring in.

 

 

 

#895 Total Eclipse of the Moon

I knew of the lunar eclipse going into the weekend, and then a series of events occurred, that meant I had to get up half an hour earlier this morning.

Half an hour is a significantly BIG DEAL and long time when the moon is turning blood red.

Without knowing quite what to expect, I rugged myself up and put my beanie on, phone camera turned on, heading outside into the night on my way to work, expecting to glance up at the sky for maybe, 30 seconds or so amidst it all.

Instead, I was there for 5 minutes. Work? What work? When there is an onyx sky dotted with crystal stars, and a perfectly round moon gazing down at you right opposite your house, with Mars visible right above it to the left, for our Australian eyes…
IMAG2269

Of course I would be happy being late.

It was perfect viewing. I took photos and video, the latter of which you can view on my SmikG facebook page.

I usually rush off to the car, scared of boogey men and ominous shadows so early in the morning, but I stood there, in the middle of the yard, just gazing above, and appreciating the moon turning to a slow red.

IMAG2274

Apparently there are 4 eclipses a year, but not all corners of the world can see them. This morning’s one was accessible by a multitude of continents, and was also the longest of this century, with a duration of over an hour and 30 minutes.

There is also a lot of hoo-hah about this eclipse wrecking havoc on our lives over the next several weeks, with yet others believing that biblical prophesies of the moon turning blood red, will mean an impending apocalypse.

Me? I believe a change is as good as a holiday. A blood moon cannot adjust that, as change is inevitable in ALL of our lives.

Blood doesn’t have to mean death. It could mean love. Passion. Desire. Fire. Heat.

It can also be a wake up call.

Let’s just appreciate this lunar eclipse for what it is, which is simply, a beautiful and rare spectacle across our skies… ♥

#892 The Last Winter Walk

It felt like so long ago since I had done this.

These were my thoughts as I walked the 10 minutes from the car park to work, just before 7am this morning. I had had the last couple of Wednesdays off, but still, the previous ones I had worked I must have had a late shift, because this walk felt like something I hadn’t done in a LONG time.

It was peaceful. Still. Few people around. Working in the city outskirts, means that even in peak hour, there is a smaller group heading off to work and going about their day, much smaller in size than if you were to go, bang smack in the middle of the city, and have to scurry about like a hamster on a wheel.

It was still dark, and yet the first light of the day was starting to filter through. The Bolte Bridge’s lights shone above the water in the near horizon. Boats slept. Runners jogged/shuffled by with earphones on. The regular café guy started opening up shop, putting on the lights inside and taking out tables. Trams whizzed by silently.

Things were happening, and life was still moving. But it was all hush hush.

It was actually, beautiful.

I pondered this as I shoved my hands into my jacket pockets, borrowing my face into my scarf. It was still cold. I knew that the next two Wednesdays I had late shifts – therefore, I wouldn’t be walking like this, at 7 in the morning on those days. Rather, my start time would be at the leisurely hour of 3… PM.

I started to calculate. If I do two more late Wednesdays, and then I’m on holidays for a few weeks… I won’t be doing an early Wednesday shift, until September.

The next time I will be walking in the morning like this, it’ll be Spring.

Oh! I realised with excitement. This is my last Winter walk for the year.

Suddenly, EVERYTHING INSIDE OF ME HALTED. My legs kept moving forward tentatively, yet everything in my head whirred to a direct halt.

Redundancy. Moving on. New jobs.

I wouldn’t be here next Winter. This was my last Winter walk to work, EVER.

The acknowledgement suddenly saddened me. Sure it was cold… but here we were, months and months and months away from finishing up, and suddenly I was experiencing one of the many ‘lasts’ that I would inevitably come across as I made my way slowly but surely, to the work finishing line.

In this race, we were all crossing the line together. We were unified in our change, but it was still horribly bittersweet.

I was immediately relieved that I had made the Winter Walk realisation. I crossed the road, and paused near my work, taking some photos.

IMAG2233

IMAG2234

Those pine trees I’d complained about, when they’d replaced them with the original palm trees years ago… I’ll miss them.

That street I walk up religiously to get my coffee fix… I’ll miss it.

That view. It’s pretty darn impressive, even in Winter. Even in the dark.

Those boats. They have allowed me to daydream and ponder as they waft and tilt over the swaying waters.

Even the God-damn mirrored elevator in the building.

IMAG2239

Sure, I’ll miss that too. What with the bright lights allowing you to see every pimple on your face, yet with enough of a warm glow that makes you feel like you too, might be able to jump in front of the cameras and give the latest news update.

Oh, it’s beginning. The ‘lasts’ are-a-coming.

Thank God for phones. Thank God for photos.

Because the memories will always remain. ♥

#852 Sweet reminiscings, and bittersweet goodbyes

Sugar prevailed today.

Some was of a transient quality, the kind you get when you visit a place you used to frequent often, a long long time ago.

That is a rather poetic way of saying that I caught up with my parents in a shopping centre on the other side of town. I used to go there fairly regularly, and I swear I don’t know what it is, but I miss the shopping centres on my old side of town so much. The three I used to alternate between visiting had a variety of shops, gave me a different experience at each one, and also, all three were relatively close compared to my now 40 minute drive to either Southland or Chadstone.

Of course, once there, coffee was in order.

IMAG1379

IMAG1382

Like I said. Reminiscently sweet.

🙂

And then I had one of my last late, late work shifts tonight, because well, someone will be taking over the reigns soon, THANK GOD. No more driving home post 1am. But this night held something else over good riddance to crappy late shifts… a dear work colleague who I have worked with for the past 8 years, well tonight was her last shift… before starting the most important job of her life – becoming a Mum.

To see her off properly, again, sugar.

IMAG1383

There was cake galore, some brought in by her, some brought in by me. I decided to eat it all at once, but then I didn’t know if the ill feeling was from overconsumption, or the realisation I wouldn’t be seeing her anymore at work past tonight.

😦

Sweets that help us remember, and sweets that help us to pay tribute. Their unifying theme is the moment of gratitude we hold when we look back in appreciation and understanding… that things change, people move on, and people move away… but we can still remember these things fondly and hold them dear to our hearts…

Keeping the memories sweet in our hearts. ♥

 

#803 New place, old feels

I was in a new place within my old ‘hood today…

IMAG0462

And no matter how new and improved some places become, still, the ‘feels’ remain. The emotions and memories and time spent there with loved ones, the catch-ups and stories you can tell about what happened many moons ago, well those are priceless. No amount of renovating could take that away.

I have no qualms about new and improved, and renovations. Noooo, siree. I caught up with an old work friend in the new entertainment eatery section of Westfield in Plenty Valley, and while baby girl had a ball climbing in the above NEW suspended rope tunnels in the funky outdoor area, I enjoyed a bird and brie burger from an eatery which may or may not have been there before… but it was still all NEW to me.

IMAG0461

I am happy for changing and for trying new things, embracing what is ahead while still holding onto what is dear to me from the past. That was what was representative of today.

And over time, those new places give you new feels, which over time turn into old feels… and that’s how memories are made 🙂