#665 Sunday family day and realigning

I could be grateful that we spent a good portion of the day shopping, and got a bit more of our Christmas list ticked off… but with all that has been happening with life lately, the busyness, the reality and the true meaning of it, I just ain’t feeling the grateful shopping vibe.

Another day, maybe. Today, it feels too materialistic for the realisations that the day brought us. And maybe, I’m sick of spending so much $$$ in the festive lead-up.

Instead, I had the best time after we got home. We had driven home in the sunny sunshine, and then spent the afternoon not doing so much. In line with this relaxed vibe we got some charcoal chicken, but maybe also (ahem, HUGELY) due to the fact that our kitchen is still a W.I.P.

I had so much on my mind, and laid it all out to Hubbie.

We decided in a change of plans. We have been discussing a simpler, easier, more stress-free, carefree and happier life for about week now, but it was decided for sure tonight, that that WAS going to happen.

Life is short. We are only here once. We plan so much for the future, and often, things change so much. We need to be willing to adapt, roll with the punches, and attune ourselves to our environment in order to survive.

What we were sure of years ago, we are now not so. So we are changing. I am grateful for the relaxed Sunday vibes that allowed us to get to that place, and I am happy that my husband is also in the same ‘place,’ as I am.

Super-duper important in ANY relationship.

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Photo by Jordan Ladikos on Unsplash

 

 

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#374 Reclaiming the past with Besties

Tonight, Bestie and her Hubbex came over to visit us in our new ‘hood.

It was a pretty rad night.

We have a pretty awesome history, us 4. I often wonder if the looks we get from other ‘friends’ are that of jealousy: I mean, bestie and I are of course, LONG-TIME besties, and when we get together, our Hubbies become equally as tight and crazy as us.

We were an integral part of their bridal party when they got married, which was right before I got pregnant with baby girl. It was an amazing day, and so special to be sharing it with them both, in such a close and intimate way.

But that was not the beginning, and it sure as hell won’t be the end. No. Our times together have many prior years and years on their wedding day… from after our high school years and through all of our twenties, birthdays and events, days out, dinner, catch-ups and plenty of laughter here, there and EVERYWHERE. I’m talking Hubbie and Hubbex jumping out of our semi-moving car after midnight singing “How Bizarre” at the top of their lungs on a Saturday night. I’m talking funny dress-ups, and stupid faces to the point that when we look back on them now, we laugh ourselves so silly that we do unintentional ab crunches from our laughter, our breath soundless and eyes all screwed up from the mad laughter that we are expressing.

I’m talking wine, I’m talking shots, and I’m talking plenty of D&Ms in-between. When I think of our long-standing history together, and think back through all of those years, I then realise how varied, vast and deep our friendship and experiences with one another are.

And generally speaking, I am proud of the maturity I’ve developed in response to the friendships and relationships in my life. Nothing remains static, stagnant. Things are ever-changing, and so too do many friendships take on a temporary ‘on hold’ spell, while life takes over, other things become more of a priority, and you move in different directions.

I love that quote, that says something like you know you have a true friend when you don’t always see each other, but when you get together it’s like no time has passed. Nothing is truer for this awesome-foursome.

Although all our lives are extremely busy, and we all have differing passions and interests and jobs that keep us entertained and out of trouble, we still make the time for each other, when we can. And tonight, while eating and drinking, listening to a whole variety of musicians and getting extremely excited over them, talking the deep philosophy of Beyoncé’s image, pruning roses, allowing baby girl to do multiple renditions of Let it Go, turning our staircase into ‘ice’ as she stamped down on the landing, and shooing off cats, we had a smashing time.

We have matured, we are older, and we have more responsibility present in our lives… but it is still us. And US, has still got IT.

Take care of your true friends, because it takes a long time to gain an ‘old friend.’ They are precious and much sought after.

After tonight, I think our future together looks just as happy/funny/silly/meaningful/profound/bright, as ever 🙂

 

#242 D&M with Hubbie

It may strike some as unusual that I’m having a bad time at the moment.

But then, if you know that we’ve recently moved house, it may not come as such a surprise.

Everything is off-centre, backwards, outdated, trying, and so ridiculously wrong that it is almost laughable. I feel like Mr Bean and someone up there is laughing their arse off at my expense.

No gas, means no heater. This coincided with some of the coldest days over the weekend, and I was terrified for some moments thinking we had Sea changed to the coldest part of the state, until I discovered that fam and friends on the other side of the city were too, miserably unhappy with the weather.

I got rained on 3 times in 2 days. The last time I got rained on was 4 years ago. And when it happened this weekend, I couldn’t even dry off properly. Heater issue, above.

I’m feeling isolated. Family and friends are not around.

Boxes are everywhere. Not having my shit together is keeping me restless and scatterbrained.

I haven’t slept properly in 2 weeks. Lack of sleep due to packing before the move, and now here, lack of sleep due to baby girl waking in the middle of the night because of the new house.

Everything is getting to me. Everything was getting to me. I had a few sorry moments this afternoon… and as down as I was feeling, after I spoke to hubbie and purged all my worries and stresses onto him, I slowly, eventually came to turn around.

The power of someone who has your back, is enormous. I am so grateful to him for his listening ears, helpful heart, searching eyes and loving soul. He did not give up until he made sure, I wasn’t going to.

It’s a tough time of life at the moment. We are settling. Things are up in the air. Things aren’t working the way they should. We are out of our comfort zone.

But, I know that. I knew that, before all this happened. I just didn’t think it would be so hard.

But, as long as I’m out of my comfort zone with hubbie and baby girl, things are good.

Following our D&M, I’m looking up again.

#239 Her bed is complete

Even though it is, it was actually more intimidating for her to sleep on her Dora the Explorer-sheeted bed tonight, surrounded by her stuffed animals, than it was to sleep the last week on her old mattress on the floor.

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I know these things take time, and not only is baby girl in a new bedroom, in a new house, in a new suburb, but we’ve now upgraded her from her cot, to a king single bed for goodness sakes.

She walked out of her room 3 times tonight, after repeated attempts to get her asleep. I know I’ll get a middle-of-the-night visit like I have been getting the past week, but still… I’m grateful.

I’m glad her room doesn’t look like a mess anymore. I’m glad we’re moving forward and she’s progressing to a big kid bed. I know the transition will be difficult for all, yet still, I am happy.

And I know by experience, these things get better, since the hard times don’t last forever…

#225 Falling into place – Kinder

I only put in the late application last night. It had been the first kinder we had visited at our Sea change destination, yet it had made an impact on us – the teachers were warm and friendly, the room was filled with kid-fuelled, inventive and funny nik-naks, and I immediately felt like baby girl would love it there.

However, I felt the need to research some more – surely the first kinder we visited wouldn’t be the right one straight off the bat, could it? I had to be sure.

A few drive-by inspections, and another kinder visit yesterday, told me that often you don’t need to do any further research. Sometimes you should just go with your gut, regardless of what else is out there. We spoke to a lovely lady from another kinder who said that spots were tough to come by at this stage of the game, so I took her kindly advice and applied for the first kinder we had seen.

A phone call this afternoon: baby girl was offered a spot. I happily accepted, then got off the phone to jump up and down with baby girl telling her she was going to be painting to her hearts content next year. Her cheeks were rosy and bright, from being outside all day – in my parents yard, and at the park I had frequented so much as a child. The thought of painting endlessly thrilled her.

Later during her nap, as I was being appreciative of how easy it had been in the kindergarten application process, a song came into my head. As I hung her clothes to dry on the inside clothes rack, I smiled as the words filtered through:

Que Sera, Sera

Whatever will be, will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que Sera, Sera

I used to find a strong affinity with the song as a child. Dreaming, imagining, wondering what my future would hold. I would hum the words to myself as I played in the park, thinking deep thoughts that I’m not sure a normal 9 year old would think.

Who would I marry?

What would I become?

How would my children be like?

What would I do?

Being a naturally inquisitive person, the questions posed in the song (will I be famous, will I be rich, here’s what she said to me) reflected my own curiosities and doubts, fears and wonders over life and what would come in the future. But in the end, no matter how much I wanted to know, anything, the words of the song rang truer still:

The future’s not ours to see.

Funny how things work out? Today as I remembered the lyrics:

Now I have children of my own,

They ask their mother, what will they be?

As we are on the verge of so many life-changes, with moving house, moving lifestyle, and now our baby girl going to start kindergarten next year, I wonder what her questions will be? What will I tell her? Will I be honest, or will I put on my rose-coloured glasses and paint the world a vibrant rainbow?

I’ve always swayed heavily between two lines of thinking, two ways that are directly opposite one another and yet BOTH that I believe to be true.

  1. There are things that are ‘meant to be’ in life
  2. We control our actions and our futures

They are highly contradictory thoughts, and yet some things in our life I believe we can’t escape, yet simultaneously I believe we can do what we want to do…

I’ve always imagined having a beach house, but it was always just a silly fantasy, wishful thinking. I never really put any kind of plan or action into it, ’til the start of this year. And in very little time, we made a purchase, and are now moving.

So did we make that happen, or was that meant to happen?

All my beach house, silly references throughout life… was that me attracting the beach house to ourselves the whole time?

Or was that meant to be, and the Universe was throwing me snippets of our future forecast before it happened?

I still don’t know, and I don’t know what I’ll be telling baby girl in years to come. I think I’ll be realistic, yet I’ll inject a good dose of romanticism and wishful thinking, because you know, as I say to her:

Reach high for the stars, and follow your dreams. You can achieve whatever you wish for.

I honestly don’t think that that line of thinking could harm anyone.

I am grateful that so far, things are going smoothly, and this kindergarten process has gotten off without a hitch… almost like it was meant to be.

But, ‘whatever will be, will be.’

 

 

#172 The verge of happenings

It is quite a surreal experience, when you have been wanting something, planning something, envisioning something, for so long, that when you finally do get it, there’s a few moments that occur.

‘Shit. I have it. What now?’

‘I really have it?’

‘We can now start with our plans!’

The next part, after getting whatever it is you want, is always particularly thrilling. This phase, when you have all the boldest and brightest ideas, and you can see them all happening, is the most exciting. Everything is possible, anything can happen, and the world is your blank canvas. Or in this case, our Sea change house is:)

We are now on the verge of all of this starting to propel down the hill at full speed, and the ball we’re balancing on makes it scary, yet a hell of a lot of fun.

I’m grateful to be at this stage. I will take ALL the stages in, and revel in the novelty of all of them.

This is the best bit… is what we should say every time.

🙂

 

#171 I outbid them

It’s become a bit of the norm now, me posting post-midnight on a Saturday night/early Sunday morning.

Things are done, events happen, circumstances change, enlightening moments are had. D&Ms, partying hard, routine completely out-of-whack, no time to rest – these are all the elements of what constitute me usually posting so late on a Saturday. Usually one, or many elements join together to make it a memorable and jam-packed day.

But what if all of the above happened in one day?

Today, my blogging friends, was a big day.

You know that speech Jerry Maguire gives towards the end of the film when he walks in on Dorothy during her sister’s group for ex-wives/disgruntled women/desperate-and-dateless-whatevers, he says something along the lines of their company having had a huge night, a very big night.

I am Jerry Maguire, saying that today was mammoth. Because today I learnt for real, that dreams can come true. They do.

Today I bid at my first auction, and won our Sea change house. I still can’t freaking believe it. It happened. It really happened. It’s still happening, and I need to seriously pinch myself.

I was freaking out. I had to do it without Hubbie. He couldn’t get out of work for the auction, so I had a large support team with me: my Mum, sister, bro-in-law, and of course my good luck charm, baby girl.

And boy was she good luck.

Having never raised a hand at any auction before, today, I brought it home. Amidst intense competition. I was scared and shaking and dizzy, and somehow I pulled a poker face and planted some sunnies on to shield my eyes Jerry Maguire style, and I brought the mother fucker home.

We will now be moving to our beach-side lifestyle, our Sea change dream, our destination of destinations, in a matter of months.

I am not only so grateful we got it – WE GOT IT! – but I am so happy that I managed to hold it together and find that fire within me, that force that is to be reckoned with, that Lion that announces itself with a “ROAR.”

I realised that that feline in me has been stifled for quite some time. Call it life’s pressures, insecurities, doubts. Whatever. But I was reminded of what I have in the depths of my soul, and at the end of the day, I had to rise to the challenge, because… who else would do it? Not my neighbour. Not my colleagues. I wanted the house, Hubbie was unable to come, and I came to the party. Which I’ll be throwing for quite a while now let me assure you.

The main message out of all of this?

Dreams can come true. They do. You just need to find the fire within you.

Stay passionate and unrelenting.

Keep positive vibes flowing around you. Don’t let any toxicity or toxic people into your sphere of dreams.

Keep your vision clear, and bright in your mind, and feel the joy that comes with it.

I sound like The Secret I know, but seriously, this shit is real. I learnt that myself today.

And then came the applause… the auctioneer yelled “SOLD!” and I laughed as everyone in the yard started clapping for me, in shocked disbelief about their genuine happiness, baby girl chiming in and laughing at them all, unaware that her whole life was about to change…