I went through some mental thought processes tonight, that I am ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN ALL MOTHERS have gone through at one stage or another, when preparing to go out on their own.
For some back story, I booked tickets to see the author Sally Hepworth weeks and weeks ago, when I found out she was literally coming to town to promote her new book, The Soulmate.
Only this week did I check my diary and dates again, and realised it was a Thursday… one of the busiest times of the week because of baby girl’s gymnastics.
So I went through the mental processes. YOU know the ones.
‘Should I just cancel?’
‘Am I going to enjoy it?’
‘Really, I haven’t even finished one of her books.’
‘Maybe I’ll go to another one of her events.’
‘It’s a busy week.’
‘I’m gonna have to move things around A LOT of I decide to go…’
‘STUFF IT, I’ll go.’
Yes, I haven’t finished one of her books, but I am in the last 100 pages of The Family Next Door right now, and let me tell you it is some good stuff. I’ve followed her on social media for a while, and just think her brand of authorship and humour is refreshing and welcome, as well as particularly entertaining.
But, for a moment there, I totally second-guessed myself… because it was too hard.
Too hard for me, or too hard for others around me? Or both?
So I dropped off baby girl at gymnastics.
I ran errands.
I then started dinner.
Left notes for Hubbie about dinner all over the place.
Brought Mister F in.
Gave Mister F food (notice I didn’t say ‘fed Mister F’ because that would require him actually eating the damn food 🙄)
Quickly scoffed some food down.
And then left the house!
This is normal as a woman, and yet I know, I just know it happens everywhere, ALL THE TIME. We do something for ourselves, but in doing so we are either guilted into, or we guilt ourselves into, doing everything possible for every member of the family so that we can feel more “better” about going and having some ‘me time.’
We’re truly f*&ked in the head.
My reasons were to make Hubbie and baby girl’s lives easier. They get home after 6:30 from gymnastics, and then if he had to cook from scratch, they wouldn’t eat ’til like, 7:30pm.
Which is why I was running around like a headless chook this afternoon.
But… this story has a happy ending.
I loved the Sally talk at the local bookstore. 😍
She was entertaining, funny, insightful, generous with her time, and extremely friendly too, evidenced personally by me when I met her for the book signing!
I realised, that we don’t need to second guess ourselves so much. When we are doing something that is a passion, or spending time with people that will ultimately make us feel great, we don’t need to feel bad, or guilty, or give ourselves 1,000 jobs to balance out the ‘me time’ we end up having.
We are allowed to go out, have fun, make memories and live for ourselves and live our passion.
Next time you question yourself if you should, whether it’s worth it, whether the fam will be ok without you…
Nudge that all aside and say “f*&k it, I’m going.”
Because honestly… they WILL be.
You can thank me later.