#1739 Day 241 of getting there: people over!

Today, there were people in our house.

There were people in our house!

There were people in our house!

It has been a long time…

Since March? Early March.

WOW.

It was so exciting.

It was my sis and nephew, and it might have been a quick visit, but still…

WOW. It felt great having company over. 🥰💖

And the skies are already looking bigger and brighter…

#1736 Day 238 of getting there: the IKEA chair

Like Roger Taylor from Queen, in the 1975 famed album ‘A Night at the Opera’ who sings “I’m in love with my car…”

I’m in love with my chair!

Yes, A CHAIR. And before you think ‘she’s gone mad,’ this is a desk chair.

I’ve been working from home since March.

Using a stiff, un-desk, un-suitable dining room chair with blankets on the seat to bring me to desk height.

Yes. I’m in love with my new, functional, appropriate, desk chair.

I found the chair I wanted online months ago, but every time I went to order it, I was told it would take a month and a half for two parts to arrive…

There were two parts to the chair, and I just didn’t get why?

I couldn’t collect it either, because it was out of my km area. And every time I checked online, to see if by chance it might get delivered sooner…

It took later, and later.

For example, in July, it said September.

In August, it said October.

In September, it said November.

Last week, it said DECEMBER 17.

I was OVER it. And knowing I was going to be in the vicinity of an IKEA yesterday, I hopped on over with baby girl in tow.

Tired. Hungry. Hot. In a rush.

A real good mix for an IKEA visit, right? 🤣

But somehow, we did it. Baby girl was awesome. We found the chair, I found help, and then we proceeded to try get out of the maze that is IKEA.

OMG. I am convinced, escape routes aka escape chutes are required in that place. Why must I walk through every single room and area when I’m in a rush and need to get to the registers, like pronto?

Each room/area needs like an escape point, something that propels us immediately to the exit area. Something like this:

Or this:

Either will do. I was flying around corners, saying to baby girl “what is this maze?” while she laughed her head off at me.

What were the two parts for? Well the chair can come with armrests… but they’re out of stock.

Was that it? I spent all this time waiting for armrests, while using a dining room chair padded with blankets instead???

Stuff that.

But after all the running around, today Hubbie pretty much single-handedly built it for me, and I am loving it.

You know who else is loving it? Baby girl. This is her at my desk, on her iPad, pretty much proclaiming the chair and entire space as hers.

I am actually looking forward to work tomorrow, because of that chair.

I am in love.

And going through the IKEA catalogue today, I feel like our house could seriously become an IKEA house. We already have a few key items, but soon we’ll be taking people through our house going –

“And that’s IKEA, and that, and that, and that” –

Pointing every which way like:

Yep.

#1729 Day 231 of getting there: beyond 25

You know, 25 has always been a special number for me, being the date that Hubbie and I first got together, all those years ago.

But having been restricted within 25 kms of our home as of late, has been just an extension of the lockdown we’ve been living for months now.

Because all our friends and family are outside of those 25, the recent loosening of restrictions has been much of a muchness.

But today? Today I eagerly watched the announcement by our Premier Dan Andrews, and although it was fairly expected, given our recent brilliant track record of 0 new coronavirus cases for 9 days straight already, when he actually said those words…

That the 25kms would be LIFTED.

That the state was one again.

I unexpectedly, broke down a little.

Baby girl looked at me concerned, giving me a pat on the back.

“It’s okay honey, I’m just happy. Happy tears.”

They were. And they will be.

Getting there, more and more, every day. 💖🙏

#1711 Day 213 of getting there: a quiet beach

I took Hubbie off the beaten track today.

It was a path I ventured down with baby girl some weeks ago. It’s in a popular location, between a big park and a beach.

But the winding, narrow, and pretty path, overrun with shrubs and spring flowers climbing along jagged orange rock, still feels like it’s taking you to someplace special.

And it does.

It was so quiet. It almost felt like it was ours, what with the still air, softly lapping waves, and sun beating down and blinding us as we shielded our eyes.

But people were dotted throughout. Locals, like us.

The pensioners who came around the corner, greetings coming forth happily as their small and excitable dog tried to sprint down the stairs towards the water.

The woman in exercise gear, who kept running up and down the steep path, trying to beat her last sprint every time. She placed a rock at the end of the path each time she made it down, keeping count of her fitness.

The young Mum with her toddler in the waters below, chasing after him as he went from sand to water. Scooping him up in her arms before carrying him to where he needed to be.

It was all so peaceful, so perfect. We stood there, taking it all in, looking at all we had missed out on in the last few months.

And accepting all the beauty that was yet to come. Better. Brighter.

#1709 Day 211 of getting there: Monopoly makes me reminisce

This afternoon after school, baby girl and I started playing some Melbourne Monopoly.

In total we probably played for about an hour and a half, and you need to play for this long to really get the game going. Baby girl is getting it more and more, and my God is she a property hoarder. I’m all picky with what I buy, but I find myself having to buy more than I want or else I’d be paying her rent constantly.

We played for so long, that only one property was left unbought from the whole game board. We even had houses – 5 of mine, 3 of hers – laid down. That’s the sign of a good game. When HOUSES appear.

But this was a Melbourne version… so instead of Old Kent Road, you got Hosier Lane.

Instead of Northumberland Avenue, you’ve got the Chapel Street Precinct.

And instead of the exclusive Mayfair… it’s the MCG.

I think it’s pretty cool, and though I’m a stickler for originals (I have the original tattered version too) I came across a card today, and well, it’s just Melbourne:

I don’t know about you, but this made me miss being out and about even more.

Even the annoying hipsters. I think I even miss them. 😜☕

#1708 Day 210 of getting there: The last dance

Many months ago after Hubbie finished watching the first run-through of the Chicago Bulls/Michael Jordan Netflix doco “The Last Dance,” he turned to me and said – “I’d like you to watch this with me.”

PAUSE.

“I mean, I’ve watched stuff for you…”

Back when we were dating, I got him to watch the ENTIRE ANGEL SERIES with me. Of course I had already watched the series, and cried and laughed (mostly cried, with regular gasps) through it all, but alas, what do you do when you really LOVE something?

You want to share it with someone.

Even if that person is not into that genre AT ALL. Like Hubbie. 😉

He went through all 5 seasons with me. 110 episodes. At about 42 minutes an ep, that equals 4,620 hours of vampires, supernatural beings, long ranging story-archs, and a whole lot of funky shit and demonic deaths.

And what did it amount to? He didn’t mind it… but his one line, which I’ll never forget… “It was okay… it’s just not my thing.”

Ouch.

Fast forward to 2020, the world of iso and lockdown and having your butt planted on the couch. I knew he had a very strong case when he asked me to watch “The Last Dance” with him. And at only 10 episodes at roughly 50 minutes each, amounting to 500 minutes, well, I wasn’t going to lose much time.

Especially being in iso.

You know, if he had asked me to watch something basketball-related all those years ago when we were dating, I probably wouldn’t have been interested.

But now, I am a different person. I am ready. And also I realise, it’s not just about basketball. It’s about so much more.

I get inspired by passion. By the greats. By unbelievable stories. By incredible feats of triumph.

And tonight, after only 2 episodes in, I can see this doco has it all.

I was actually spewing at the end, because it was left at a bit of a cliff hanger. And I was like “ohh, damn it I want to know what happens!”

The difference between SmikG in 2020, and Hubbie in let’s say, 2006, is that SmikG is ready.

Do you get where I’m heading???

I am genuinely loving this series, and can’t wait to watch more. Jordan is a maniac of the game and true basketball legend, GOAT, all of it, and if you don’t know what that means, look it up, or better yet watch the Netflix doco!

I am seriously thinking of reintroducing Hubbie to Angel… do you think he’ll bite? (Pun totally intended). 😈

I think now, he might be ready. 😜

#1707 Day 209 of getting there: Declutter day

There was nothing else to do on a day like today.

An iso grey day.

But DE CLUTTER.

It wasn’t even planned. (Seriously, none of my days are anymore).

It all kinda flowed. From de cluttering baby girls toys, to attacking closets, emptying old boxes, organising files, and cleaning out drawers…

I did one after another after another. And considering how grey the day was, and how flat I felt at the start… I felt pretty damn productive and awesome after the day’s work.

There’s nothing quite like clearing and organising your external state, to help fix your internal one. Don’t tell me the two aren’t connected – they are.

#1701 Day 203 of getting there: Family walk, the day before

At the start of the day we got baby girl’s things ready for school tomorrow.

Backpack. Looking for all those readers and library books. Sanitiser. Sunscreen.

A hat. Term 4 NEEDS a hat.

She was so excited. She IS so excited. But during the day she said “Mama, I’m not gonna be with you tomorrow.”

My heart broke a little. But I didn’t show it.

Sure, I’m really glad school starts again tomorrow. And it starts, at the actual school premises, not from our kitchens, or lounge rooms, with our kids in their pjs ’til 11:30am, eating two breakfasts, a bevy of snacks, before getting around to brush their teeth…

I’m glad they’re going back.

But I will miss her. And having spent a whole term together, where most of the time I was stuck at my desk working from home, and she was cruising around the house, doing as she liked, when she liked… I still enjoyed her company. I liked her being there. Nearby.

And as much as she told me she preferred her teacher teaching her, over me teaching her (to which I wholeheartedly agree!) I can see a little part of her is gonna miss seeing me throughout the day.

Giving her random hugs and kisses as I walk by.

Getting her camomile tea when she likes.

Waving to her through the window when she is outside playing with Mister F.

It was the weirdest experience, and one I never want to recreate…

But I think we’ll both miss it.

We’ll miss each other.

We took a family walk this afternoon. Just some together time. Something simple. Out in the sun.

Before we all part ways again tomorrow.

#1694 Day 196 of getting there: trying to get there

I am going to be brutally honest with you.

Not that I’m usually dishonest. But doing this gratitude blog, means I focus in on some positive moment, event, thing, person, expression, and amplify it.

So often in our lives, we focus on that which doesn’t work. That which doesn’t go to plan, or that which makes our hearts sad.

That’s why I do this blog. To prove, that no matter what, you can find something good in every day.

I have had so many bad days. More than you will care to realise. And each time, I chug on, write another gratitude post, think of that one thing amidst many shit things that is worth focusing in on.

But I am really truly struggling as of late.

My health has been hit with some setbacks. When you fall ill, without any understanding of why it’s happening, and it comes back again, and again, and again…

You really start to doubt things in your life. You start to fear. Anxiety grows, slowly at first, but then like a garden you tend to, if you neglect it for only a few days, the weeds spread out and cover your every thought.

This has been my life. This has been me. Health issues, as well as other serious thoughts, and isolation, are all colliding together spectacularly.

I clutch onto good things in my day, like a cat with its claws dug into a piece of driftboard, as it sails further and further away into murky and stormy seas.

It is hard to avoid the deep, dark seas.

I am becoming devoid of passion. I have no motivation for things that used to bring me happiness. I am not looking forward, to anything… even my appetite has taken a hit.

I used to look forward to baking new things, finding new recipes… I can’t be bothered anymore.

I used to count all the opportunities during the week in which I could write in all my side projects… I can’t. I feel fake.

I would love sitting on the couch at the end of the night, doing whatever I liked, for me, while the rest of the house slept.

Now it just makes me feel more alone and scared than ever.

Fear and anxiety is the main presence in my life. I can’t trust anything… I am scared of what’s around the corner.

I just want my life to go back to how it used to be. But it feels so far away. Isolation, the absence of seeing my family, my friends, is making it so hard.

Being stuck in the square box we called home, the anxious thoughts circling around my head, following me from room to room, are not helping.

I’m honestly going mad.

And although on a good day, I would be overjoyed and proud to share something like this…

All three of the tulips blooming.

Today? Nothing. A mere distraction, that I’m trying so desperately to clutch onto.

I try to snap other things, other flowers, trying to remember how they will look like this season, based off previous years growth…

But not even curiosity can save me.

So I turn to you, anyone reading, to ask for help.

Having poured my heart out to you, I ask, I beg…

If you were ever in a moment, or a spate of days/weeks/months, of intense and extreme fear and anxiety, where the emotions took over all your senses and clouded all movements you made throughout your day, what did you do to help yourself?

Is there anything you did to help yourself? What helped? What could you have done better, looking back?

I really need some guidance here.

Thank you. 🙏

#1688 Day 190 of getting there: Spring walk to the park

You know what’s better than a fresh spring walk around the block?

Well, a fresh spring walk around the block, that leads to a park!

Today was park 4 out of the 5 within our 5kms. It was spur of the moment, as baby girl and I were chasing sunshine-y spots in the late afternoon sun along the footpath, and I knew that taking a longer route, would also lead us to the very well lit up park not too far from home.

She was all too happy to take that detour. 😁

I’m just so tired of being in the box. Of being in the box known as home. Gee, I love our home, and what we have created, and what we are creating…

But shit. You need a break. I need a break.

I wanted the sun on my face.

I wanted to feel the early evening chill start to settle around us.

I wanted to feel the cold seep through my clothes.

I wanted to move my body, and stretch, and look upwards, shield my eyes from the sky, hide from magpies, and look for the regular neighbourhood cats that we just know would be friends with our mate Mister F if they lived closer.

I wanted to do, and feel it all. And we did. 💖