October 2020 – carcrashgratitude

#1721 Day 223 of getting there: back to it all

Today was an exciting day.

WE GOT OUT.

Escaped from the confines of our home.

No, it wasn’t cleaning all day,

finding a board game to play,

then pruning with waters glistening in the horizon on the bay.

NAY.

WE WENT OUT.

Baby girl and I hit the Main street. Shopping. Excited with, “look, SHOPS ARE OPEN!”

We stopped at my 10/10 coffee place from the other day, Flowergirls and co cafe –

YAY –

and had a great coffee and babycino break.

And gingerbread man. 😉

People were milling around EVERYWHERE. EVERYONE was out.

We continued the fun this evening when we went out to dinner at one of our fave restaurants, The Royal Hotel.

HOORAY! Wine! I haven’t drank it in about 2 months. I was firstly going through some health hell, then I was terrified of drinking anything that wasn’t water, so I stayed away for so long…

Until tonight.

That one glass of red made me go all YIPPEE in my head, and immediately, I loved everyone. I missed everyone.

I mean, I do love and miss everyone, and by everyone I mean only those people I care about.

HA HA HA. (Still some alcoholic effects I see?) 😜

But seriously. Cheap drunk alert. I was happy happy, LA LA LA, my seafood linguine was NOM NOM NOM, and then we walked across the road, to the best view of them all.

Ahhh.

All in all, today was a great way to get back to it all.

Shop. Coffee. Dinner. Beach.

Relax. Happy. Grateful. YAY.

REPEAT.

#1720 Day 222 of getting there: a chip off my block

Baby girl has 5 days off in a row.

Today was her first one. Saturday and Sunday follow, and are a given, sure. But then she also has Monday, and of course Tuesday, our Melbourne Cup Day, off.

5 DAYS.

I think the school decided this early in term 3, and also gave us parents warning too, in case we wanted to take some extra time off, “post-Covid” to plan a family getaway…

Little did ANYONE know that we’d only get to some kind of post-Covid normal (not even normal completely, not yet) this week.

And when the rules of 25km distance are still firmly in place, and accommodation is STILL off the cards, well…

Holiday, schomoliday.

I had to work today. Because, life.

I went to check on baby girl during the day, to see what was keeping her SO quiet in her bedroom…

And I found her sitting on the floor, with two big piles of books, consisting of activity books, colouring-in books, papers, all kinds of paper-crafty related things, that had been combined in this big box near her bed.

“What are you doing?” I asked her.

“I’m making a keep and throw pile.”

Oh! I gasped, hand coming to my chest.

This is what we do every so often. We go through papers, toys, bits and pieces that she’s been hoarding, and we decide what must be kept, and what has to be thrown.

I was shocked. She had gone of her own accord, to do her own form of organising, when I hadn’t even asked her?

She was definitely my baby girl!

“Oh! I’m so proud of you honey!”

And I went back to work, thinking finally…

Finally, it’s sunk in.

What has been your proud parent “they’re a chip off the block” moment?

#1719 Day 221 of getting there: Lights on the bay

It was one of those busy days.

I had a longer than normal work shift, and during it I still had to go and pick up baby girl from school…

And keep working again when I came back home.

Then it was a mad rush of dinner prep, some washing, then eating, then cleaning up…

By the time I had done all that, all I wanted was the couch.

The good ol’ trusty couch.

But I was upstairs, and through my rush to get back downstairs, I looked out the window, and paused.

I could see a cargo ship far off in the distance on the bay.

I hesitated… and then I walked over to the window.

The ship was almost blended into the waters, but you might be able to spot it to the left of the left-hand side tree.

Lights flashed in the nearer water, beacons to warn others of the shore. They did so at random intervals. One of them flashed four times, then the other chimed in for four flashes after a count of two.

A streak of orange light was strewn across the sky. The chance at capturing a gorgeous setting sun was gone, but instead there was other beauty that lay across the horizon.

I took a deep breath and took it all in.

Then once I was happy with my pause, I walked downstairs.

#1718 Day 220 of getting there: cafes are back

Today was so exciting!

Hubbie and I dropped off baby girl at school, and soon found ourselves on the main strip for coffee.

DINE-IN COFFEE!

Oh, what a great decision we made when we picked a primary school that practically backs out onto the main strip. Seriously. Best idea ever.

We were one of the early ones, and there were already a few people here and there, headed out to shops, restaurants and cafes…

Not only did hairdressers’ still have lines out the door…

But beauty salons now had people lining up too!

Not to worry, we were early.

And we went through the new ‘normal’ routine.

Scanned the cafe’s QR code on my phone.

Signed in our details.

Sat with our masks still on.

Then took them off when our coffees arrived!

Oh, and almond croissant to share too. 😉

Yum yum. It was a great experience, and the coffee was actually a 10/10. That has only happened a handful of times for me. Sure the coffee in Melbourne is A1, but most of the time it is an 8, 9…

But oh my, a 10? What a way to get back onto the cafe scene.

We left the cafe, ready and primed for the rest of our day, set up in the best way…

And people were outside, EVERYWHERE. Sitting at tables, lining outside shops. Cars were driving down the main strip.

The sun was shining. People were dressed up.

Everyone was happy and excited.

It honestly, nearly brought a tear to my eye.

We’ve missed so much. And now, in whatever way feels right, we are getting it back. 💖💖

#1717 Day 219 of getting there: on the edge of the horizon

You don’t realise what you’ve missed, until you’re within grasp of it.

All day today, on social media, on the radio, I could read it, hear it… People are SO excited about significant restrictions easing tomorrow.

And you know, I didn’t really know how that would affect me. How I would feel.

It’s hard to know how you’ll feel, when so many things have gone astray. Events don’t go to plan, then one shit thing after another shit thing follows.

It’s difficult to work out whether or not you can ever be happy or satisfied again.

But today, I really started to get excited!

I’ve been thinking of all the things I can do, see, go back to… things that I didn’t realise I missed, or that were really lacking in my life.

Hope is on the horizon.

#1716 Day 218 of getting there: getting better, in 3s

Victoria got some great news today.

Finally, a light. 💡

Things will be reopening from this Wednesday!

That was something really great to lighten the day.

On another more personal note… I bit the bullet.

I took a step today, made an important decision to move my life forward.

It hasn’t been easy, but I am finally HERE. I am finally here at the point where I’m done with the bullshit, and I’m ready to get rid of the fear and just jump into the deep end.

There are life rafts anyway.

But, on the surface, more widely and publicly… I am also grateful for Hubbie’s birthday. Clearly, things are not normal AS YET, so it was a very low-key birthday for him, especially since he was working…

We even got a small, low-key cake.

But, like with these last 7 months…

WE’LL MAKE UP FOR IT.

Low-key or not, the cake was kinda perfect. Exactly what we needed, just for us.

Can you see the cheeky monkey in the background, eyeing it off? 🤨

Hmmm. 🤣

#1715 Day 217 of getting there: Sunday coffee, cake and old tunes

3pm is coffee time in our household.

The sky was grey, the clouds were several. Wisps of rain occasionally flew down on the ground outside.

I looked out the window, and strands of a song from long ago wafted into my head.

Soon, I had rain coming through the stereo, and someone was crying a river.

Or, singing about one. 😉

I left the rest of the album on, Justified it was. An album I listened to SO much as a young adult. Also, one that I haven’t listened to in years…

And yet, I found myself belting out the lyrics, every breath, every “ooh,” every gasp, because it was engrained in me.

As the music filled the house, it put me in a truly happy state, and I sipped my coffee, ate my amazing apple cake, and everything felt really good.

Finding new ways to distract myself, and get there, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

#1714 Day 216 of getting there: a relaxed GF

It was super relaxing and awesome to be watching a grand final, and not to be stressed about my team winning or losing.

That’s because, my team WASN’T in the final.

It was really good!

I put my feet up. Tuned in here and there. Of course, like most people watching, there is one team you are leaning towards… but again, it was no skin off my nose if they lost.

I would’ve gone to bed tonight, in the same mood regardless.

No freaking out. No pulling hair. No tears, so screams at the TV. No wails of desperation.

No verbal abuse hurtled at the umpires.

Sure, it’s amazing when your team IS in the final… but it’s awfully stressful.

Anyway, the team I was going for did win tonight… so for one night anyway (and other random moments when necessary) I’ll say –

GO TIGERS. 🐯

#1713 Day 215 of getting there: back to baking

I found a bit of my old self today.

Amazingly, I was happy to spend the day in the kitchen.

I enjoy cooking. I enjoy baking. I like finding new recipes, experimenting, and watching it all come together, the product of my hands putting it all to work.

I’ve been devoid of passion as of late, but I’ve been working through it, and getting by, bit by bit. This makes me proud, as having significant setbacks, it is then no mean feat to get up and keep trying. It has been freaking hard, but like my whole covid series, I am ‘getting there.’

Today, I made a yummy lentil soup that I got from my bestie’s nutritionist facebook page. I’ve made it before, and I’ve been wanting to make it again, but like I said, the whole lacking passion thing was a bit of a killjoy for getting anything done, much less making a soup I enjoy.

But I didn’t stop there. I made this apple cake recipe that I found months ago, and back then I even bought the granny smith apples I needed…. only to have Hubbie eat them when I never made the recipe, because you know…

LACK OF ALL PASSION.

But I bought those 4 granny smith apples again this week. I was feeling better, my mental clarity was improving, my emotional stability was settling, and it was all coming together, very slowly, once again…

So I made this today:

I actually wasn’t sure if it was baked properly, and kept it in the oven perhaps longer than I should have, until I read the facebook comments on the video and realised it was kinda like an apple crumble, and therefore was allowed to have that gooey kind of soft texture running through it.

Anyway…. YUM.

I am absolutely pooped from baking and cooking and washing dishes most of the day, but I feel really good too.

Because some of my passions are coming back.

Baking is coming back. 🥧💖

#1712 Day 214 of getting there: mindset

It takes time… but you can make it.

Make it with your mind.

“Who is the master, and who is the slave?”

A line, in a song, by one of my favourite artists Madonna, featuring another one of my favourite artists Justin Timberlake.

“Are you walking the dog, ’cause that dog isn’t new,

Are you out of control, is that dog walking you…”

So often we feel out of control, victim to life and all the unfair and cruel circumstances we find ourselves in.

It’s a terrible web to find yourself in. The negativity feeds the negativity, the dark thoughts, self-defeating words, the bleak forecasts. The web starts to spin itself, and it grows and grows, the threads growing thicker and denser every time they go around.

But, the web CAN be controlled.

Nothing has changed in my life. No circumstance has altered, nothing has miraculously improved. But the most important thing has changed.

My mindset.

It takes time. I’ve used repetition. I’ve used perspective. I repeat things, repeatedly repeatedly repeatedly.

Because I don’t want my mind to control me. I don’t want fear, paranoia, anger, and the victim mentality to overcome my life.

I want to be stronger than that.

I want to be walking the dog.

I am getting there.

Month: October 2020