#877 Shopping with my girl no.8

It is so true that forcing yourself to get out and about when you’re not up for it, can really do wonders for you.

And having a convincing baby girl on board to coax you along, helps too.

As a parent, it’s really hard to say no when your kids are so damn cute and clever.

So, feeling under the weather, light-headed and all spaced out, we headed over to Southland today, amidst headache, crankiness, and cramps…

ALL MINE.

It was great though. After our argument within 10 minutes of being there. We got the shouting out of the way (what will happen to me when she is 14, and not 4?!?!) and then proceeded to actually have, the best day.

Spending money is a really great way to feel better. I know I’ve said this before, but it is so true. We made use of our time, eating and cafe-ing our way throughout the centre, and getting a few bits and pieces along the way too.

IMAG1889

She got a couple of books that she loves, from discovering them at kinder/the library; I got a book on handling fear, something I desperately need as the necessity to share more of my writings and work grows, and with it the inevitable audience which quite frankly SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME; some Lego, and a dress for her; and for me/us, a Queen album.

But none of that quite compares to the highlight of our shopping day, which cost absolutely nothing, and gave both baby girl and I insurmountable laughs and joy. Because as we were lunching, I somehow decided to open up my messenger app and show her the filters you could place over our selfie portraits.

What a can of worms… and a fun one at that! We went through filter upon filter, checking them out, watching our faces and features change and distort upon the application, and we roared and shrieked with laughter. We had our lunches half-eaten in front of us, and here we were in a room full of people, cacking up like we were the only ones in it.

It was, absolutely the best. And well, that kind of ruins my earlier hypothesis…

Because it was FREE.

msgr_photo_for_upload_1531194721919.jpg

 

#853 Open to the ‘signs’

Call it hilarious. Call it timely. Call it freaky. Call it coincidental.

No, don’t call it coincidental. There are no such things.

But with all of the emphasis I have been placing lately on signs… like the post I wrote last week where the psychic asked me that very telling and bone-chillingly accurate question as if he were reading my mind… then the other day I posted this on Instagram:

IMAG1362

And I was feeling like the world keeps asking me, checking and confirming from me, the very same thing.

And now, like right now. I am doing a late shift at work. I walk into the kitchen to get my dinner ready. I see a lady who is in another department – we don’t see each other often, but when we do, she always wants to hear about baby girl.

And her second question to me, immediately after the one asking how old she is now, is:

“Now I hope you are writing down this stage of life for her – because when it is over, that’s it.”

I smiled, my mind in disbelief. “Yes, I am quite good at recording these things,” I said with a grin.

And then we went on to talk about their grown up phrases, and I told her that baby girl had said to me on my way to work this evening

“Have a good day at work Mum!” and “Take care!” –

the exact two things I was originally going to post about for my gratitude today, my love for her humorous and so grown-up phrases.

Damn. Why do people keep asking me about writing?

I think the Universe is asking, because it wants an answer. It wants to know if I am legit or not.

It wants to know, what I have to say.

#841 What he said no. 3

I walked out of the lounge room later this evening. Hubbie called out after me.

“Can you bring back my phone? I wanna read your gratitude blog.”

:):):)

This made me smile for more than simply egotistic reasons. I had told him recently that I was frustrated. I had no one to talk to, share with, and bounce feedback off about my blogs, my writings… it was making me feel antsy, disenchanted, and lonely.

Sure, there are people out there that read them. But I am realistic. Unless you are a writer yourself, you don’t tend to passionately follow these kinds of pursuits to the point where you are offering feedback and analytical critique. It is just not your natural forte.

And I get it. Really I do. But when I see that my sad stories get a rise out of people, I have to wonder…

Why do you ask me about something bad, rather than maybe, how I came to do this in the first place? Aren’t you interested in my passion? Or is it only interesting when life goes wrong for me?

It’s a sad day when you feel as if you aren’t getting the support you need amongst supposedly ‘supportive’ followers.

I told Hubbie I needed to get out there and network. I had to meet other like-minded individuals. I had to get these feelings and thoughts and ideas out of me, and into a sphere of people who would nod their head in understanding, rather than stare at me like I’d just said “goo goo ga ga.”

“Talk to me!” Hubbie had said earlier today. “The way I tell you about my cars and music stuff, you can tell me anything you want about your writing.”

And not only is that invitation open, but his new routine will be actually reading my blog posts.

Let’s see how long this lasts 😉

And even if it doesn’t, just the fact that I am supported by someone who truly has my back…

It is priceless.

#823 An afternoon with Dead Poets

It was the perfect day…

It was cold.

It was dreary.

I was under the weather.

I had a sore throat.

I was tired.

I was uninspired.

And all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball…

Yes, it WAS the perfect day…

To stay in and watch a movie.

The combination of wintery conditions, and a tired mind and body meant it was ideal weather to just curl up on the couch with a tea and watch something for a couple of hours while baby girl was at kinder.

The only problem was, I couldn’t quite curl up on the couch, as the DVD player in that room has started playing up. I couldn’t put in a DVD loaned to me by a work colleague, with the risk that it wouldn’t come out, much like the current scenario and baby girl’s Moana being lost in there?

So I improvised.

I went into her play room… grabbed her bean bag… brought her small art-y table close by to me, and plopped into the player Dead Poets Society.

IMAG0831

I think it’s been in my hands for at least 6 months. Maybe even close to a year. I seriously can’t remember. I know he didn’t expect me to return it immediately, but at the same time he doesn’t talk to me much anymore so maybe he thinks he’s lost it for good.

Oh LOLS. If there’s one thing I am, it’s an elephant. I don’t forget. I don’t keep people’s things.

I needed some thoughts of inspiration and meaning. I sat with my tea and a cherry Danish on the table beside me (alongside baby girl’s own tea set)…

IMAG0832

And proceeded to get lost in a fine work of art by one of my favourite actors, Robin Williams, for the next two hours.

It was certainly an interesting film. It made me want to read more poetry. It made me want to go and live life to the fullest even more than I already try to do.

Robin Williams’ teacher character tells his students that they are little more than worms to feed the earth in future years, leading to his main statement:

Carpe Diem.

Seize the day. Make the most of what time you have. Live your passion. Don’t follow the path well travelled – forge your own. Love and the Arts are notable pursuits.

And one of my many fave quotes of his from the film:

“No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.”

It was a sweet, funny and passionate movie, but one also starkly true and grim about life’s pressures, taking a sad and horrific turn right near the end, leaving me going “No!” I didn’t just spend the last two hours of slowly-building inspiration for this?

But then there was the promise of something learnt, of not all lost… of Hope… and that reminded me of my own book, where I pretty much do the exact same thing.

It was a lovely afternoon which I spent not doing much at all. In a week where I have felt bombarded and overwhelmed in all avenues of my life, with just too much going on all at once, I needed a moment, an hour or two, to not tend to any of those things… and just take some time out, to do my own thing.

To find inspiration and the meaning of life again.

To remember where I am.

And to remind myself of where I am going.

 

 

 

#804 Pre-work cafe writing

Today, I did that little thing that I do sometimes… I left the house for work at 7am, even though I didn’t have to start until 9:30am.

No, it doesn’t take me 2 and a half hours to get to work. It takes me 1 hour when things are going well – so where were those other 90 minutes going?

I got to work and parked. I then walked

down the path to my destination of choice –

A CAFE.

IMAG0473

I had brought my laptop in with me, so as I woke up with an indulgent egg and hash muffin, so too did the words on the screen light up and come alive…

With the help of some caffeine too.

IMAG0477

I never would have thought that I’d ever forgo sleep to get up and get some ‘me time’ in. It’s not purely the ‘me time’ that dictates what time I get up though: I want to get up and out of the house early so that baby girl isn’t upset if she sees me leave for work.

Avoiding an angry and sad child is a STRONG motivator. Wanting some writing time, is the extra icing on the cake.

It was a perfect and relaxed start to the day. The more I ‘cafe write’ the more I feel absolutely legit as a writer.

Wait a minute. I am not a writer solely based on where and how I write, and what it is I write, and whether I am published or not…

I am a writer, simply because, shortest English sentence here – I AM. 

And YOU are too… simply. Whatever you want to be, you already ARE.

#792 Happy about kinder’s return

Absence makes the heart grow… distant. So is the case, proving the popular quote wrong, when it comes to kids.

Kids don’t react to things the way us adults too. The quote tells us that the love and joy we have experienced for something, only grows more when we are absent of it, and proves to us that we did indeed, in moments of blasé attitude and take-for-granted trials, LOVE it.

Not so for the little peeps. They will love something, and love something, and tell you they love it, and it’s the bomb, and the bees knees, and yet after a short absence from it…

What is this horror? What? I never loved this… and I hate you too!

That was my fear going into these school holidays. I accepted the break gratefully, happy about not having to get up so early and not having to rush around so much with baby girl 3 days out of the school week.

But there was this thought at the back of my mind. I had spent so much time building my little BIG girl up, from tentatively entering the classroom, to pretty much strolling in unfazed and excitedly starting her first task of the day, every session – by painting me a picture.

Would all that effort and energy undo itself and take us back to square one? Would I be with a tight smile on the outside, and yet frustrated as hell internally?

I discovered today, that my thoughts were just that – thoughts. They didn’t materialise, and baby girl walked in happily, putting on a smock as if she had just done it the day before, and looked around for her friends, spotting them in the play areas of the room.

She was happy about the return to kinder, and therefore, so was I. I was able to go about my time today, catching up on jobs that had been on my to-do list for months, looking after myself by getting back into working out, and eating more meaningfully and mindfully, and last but not least, I did some writing, which ALWAYS makes me feel happy.

It was a win-win for ALL.

 

#765 Reading break

I think I can say properly now, that I can really appreciate Winter. Sure, it’s not here just yet, but with the cooler weather slowly creeping towards us, some days are getting not-so-pleasant to spend outdoors.

Like today.

I did some odd jobs after kinder drop-off, toyed with some writing stuff at home, and then went…

“Hmm. That couch sure looks inviting.”

The background to the couch showed it was grey and cold outside through the window, so I took a book, covered myself in the couch throw, and began to u-n-w-i-n-d.

IMAG9617

It was great. Amazing. I felt a little guilty that I wasn’t actively doing something. But I have to repeatedly remind myself that when I am reading, it is in fact, research, and learning, not just enjoyment.

And when the days are cold and miserable, the act of reading becomes less selfish, and more, therapeutic. Like all the things we put off in Summer because we should be getting out and about and living life to the full, the presence of Winter reminds us that we, like the bears that hibernate, also need to take pointed time out, to replenish our bodies and minds.

And having a new working heater makes going into Winter a bit easier too.

Reading wasn’t the only thing I indulged in today, as after my ‘couch time’ I accidentally discovered Dawson’s Creek re-runs on TV…

No. Not Dawson’s Creek. All my productivity is now SHOT.

But that’s another post, for another day… 🙂