Tag: writing

#3033 Focus Friday

I question myself lately – what is this that I’m feeling?

Is it seasonal depression?

Is it the culmination of 14 months of sleeplessness?

Is it frustration at the inability to do ANYTHING?

Is it just life being hard right now?

Is it the fact that shit’s hit the fan so many times this month?

And I look around me and around me and around me, and Hubbie reminds me of the bigger picture, which I love him for.

Things happen that put a smile on my face, little signs from the Universe saying ‘the storm is passing, here, here are some golden rays to keep you going.’

Golden rays in the form of baby boy staring at me intently today as I said ‘spectacles’ over and over, making him giggle again and again.

Golden rays in the form of an opening coming up for a writing workshop that had been booked out, but I got the sole free ticket today.

Golden rays in the form of drive-through coffee (because someone stole my sleep again last night 🙄)

Golden rays in watching baby girl and baby boy play together, chasing each other around the table.

Golden rays in it being FRIDAY!

Yes, things feel crappy at times, but the things I have that make me happy, they are big, bold, beautiful things, and they outweigh all the little itty bitty shitty things that keep me distracted.

But I need to stay focused.

#3001 Trying again

I signed up for a personal group zoom chat with a well known publisher tonight.

It’s not for another couple of months. I’ve done it in the past, back when I freaked out over pitching my book, and then the subsequent but much less stressful ‘Up Close and Personal’ session with an editor the the following day… yep Kid Lit Vic is rolling around again.

I haven’t had time for much else than upkeep of house (even that is a struggle) and like, raising a handful of a baby boy, you know. So another pitch to another publisher, is something I am NOT ready for in any way.

But a close and personal group session with a publisher? That I can do. I need to dip my feet into cold waters again, get accustomed to the temperature, and start to wade slowly towards deeper waters.

It was funny because I was actually trying to get tickets tonight for a publisher that I wasn’t scared of… I feel like if it’s someone I’m not that well aware of, I go in a lot more confident and not feeling like I have anything to lose.

However, she was sold out within minutes, and I signed in 5 minutes after tickets went on sale! So I went through the other names, and the only one looking back at me that made sense, was the woman that actually did scare me.

And I was like, was this meant to be? Am I meant to book this zoom group chat with her, because I’ve actually wanted my book to be represented by her for almost a decade?

I asked Hubbie: “Do I go for her (the boss) or a group chat with someone underneath her (same publisher but not the head-honcho)?”

Hubbie: “Go to the top.”

😬😬😬😬

So look, it is JUST a group chat… I don’t know. I’m not thinking too far ahead. All I know is I gotta start somewhere, and it’s nice to know I am thinking of me again and my passions.

Step by step.

Bird by bird.

🙏🩷✍️📖

#2984 The end of one era

Well, yesterday was my last breastfeed, and today was the first day there were no breastfeeds at all!

And while this is an achievement I am going to focus entirely on in another future post, and certainly it is also the end of, there is something else I’m saying goodbye to that I’m slightly struggling with.

My daily notes.

Because baby boy’s been a fusspot and routine bub since birth (🤣), as well as a super hungry one, I’ve been keeping notes on him since he was born – initially in paper form up to 3 months, which included his naps, feeds, and nappy output (and maybe some random stuff about how hard/okay the night was 🤦‍♀️)

I still found it hard to let go of this documenting at 3 months, and the feeds were still very, very frequent, FAAAARRRR more frequent than they ever were with baby girl. So I decided in an easier/simpler format, I would do them in my phone.

So since then, I’ve been doing much the same: naps, wake ups and bedtimes, breastfeeds and then solids, minus the nappy output. And I said I would do it up until he stopped breastfeeding, because well, I guess the routine is pretty engrained in me by now, and… yeah.

I mean, I could have stopped earlier, but it’s my whole fear of letting go, missing out on some important detail, making sure I’ve captured this moment in time that may be lost in my mind one day forever, but able to be brought forward and re-lived when I re-read these notes. 🥰

So today, tonight, that’s it. I think I’ll still keep a rough outline on like, start/end nap times (he is a routine boy and so dependent on wake windows, and well for me, old habits die hard), but the thought of tomorrow not capturing all that I have been, letting the day run away from me and disappear into thin air without any sort of recording of it, it’s kinda scaring me shitless and making me quite sad, much more so than the last breastfeed did.

I can’t believe we are here. He is 13 months today. He is still so demanding at times! But we shower him in kisses daily, tickle him and hug him, marvel at his smarts and curiosity and inability to slow down, and then shake our heads at why he still can’t sleep through the night on a consistent basis!

But, life with baby/toddler, right? One phase ends, and another begins… but I hope the next one that ends is this shit sleepless nights phase. 🙏🤞💙😆

#2846 Seven hundred and one

Or numerically, 701.

I’ve officially hit the 700 mark with that many ⬆️⬆️ followers of my car crash gratitude blog!

I’m happy that so many have decided to join me on this ride, but perhaps the greatest beauty is the knowledge that practicing gratitude while doing what I love, writing, is really no hard task at all. 🥰🙏

#2494 Baby balance

Question: How many times can I put ‘baby’ in a post title from now until February?

Answer: Many, many times. 😁😁

I am a certain kind of person. (Aren’t we all?) I like to have fun, and celebrate, and make a fuss out of momentous things like the best of them.

But just as I like to make a fuss, I am also fussy. I like to do things a particular way. I like to do them different, my way.

In fact, when everyone is doing one thing, I often like to go, no, that just doesn’t suit me.

I don’t want to do the regular thing. And it’s not out of rebelling against the system or anything… often, going with what everyone else does, is actually not me. It doesn’t feel real. It doesn’t feel right.

I have very deliberately NOT put up an official social media post announcing our pregnancy. Those that are dear to us have found out personally from us, and now that I have some pregnant photos floating around online, sure, people are finding out more and more…

But there was no hoo ha about it. I did it my way.

There is lot about this pregnancy journey I want to share with people. I will also write about it extensively in time, that I am sure…

But just because I write about it openly, it doesn’t mean that I am willing to talk about it openly with just anyone.

There is a very strong difference here.

Because those that get me telling them face to face, get my personal unedited tongue guiding them through the raw stuff.

Those who read my words get my carefully articulated and chosen expressions that will just as thoroughly share my story.

I am very, very particular about this.

Also, people like to throw baby showers. I don’t like that term.

Of course. 🤦‍♀️

200 people have asked, “are you having a gender reveal?”

(There was no such thing when I was pregnant with baby girl.)

No we are not having a gender reveal.

300 people have asked, “are you finding out what it is?”

No we are not finding out what it is.

And so on and on it goes.

A large part of me wants to scream and shout from the rooftops about how happy I am.

The other part wants to keep it low-key and cas, because the neighbours don’t need to know my thoughts.

I want hype, fan-fare, excitement and lots and lots of yelling!

But then I also want like, yeah ok, chill out there. Just relax.

I don’t want to do and buy all the baby things, just because everyone on TikTok is buying it, doing it, showing it off…

But then tonight, as I was researching baby related things… OH MY HEART.

I want all the things!

I said to Hubbie, “this is killing me with cuteness.”

And baby girl responded correctly, “EVERYTHING is killing you with cuteness.”

So I’m just a complicated, pregnant woman (redundant statement I know, all pregnant women are complicated 🤣) trying to find some kind of middle ground between laying low and staying cool, and doing and buying and celebrating all the things that means a new baby is on the way.

I am just trying to work out, my way.

#2465 Marvelling at where we’re at

It’s been a quiet week work-wise.

I’ve been using the spare time to do EVERYTHING else.

I make appointments. I go to appointments. I catch up on washing, cleaning, writing.

I think of my passions. I try to fit them in where I can. I write to-do lists, things that need to be done soon, things that need to be done before baby comes.

Baby. I massage my belly with creams. I look at the new baby clothes I have. I step into the nursery and just look around, marvelling at it and where we are and all of life at the moment.

I’ve felt life’s lows, and now I’m feeling life’s highs. 🙏

Baby girl has had a good week too. It’s amazing what a missing person in the friendship group can do. It shakes things up. She’s been playing with heaps of new friends, and I’ve used the opportunity to show here that she has many friends, she doesn’t just have to stick to what or who she knows, especially if respect fails to show up.

I buy presents. For others, for us. I plan outings for the future. I message, and call and email.

I get excited.

It is Spring after all. Now IS the time to get excited. 😁😁

#2354 Winter sun

Just as Winter is a time to wind-down and chill more, so too will I take that message on board and apply it to my gratitude writing.

Going back to basics, for a little while anyway.

Simple. Easy. Chilled.

Today was a lovely Winter’s day. Finally. We started the season in a flurry of intense cold weather, and it’s slowly, very slowly, eased to a point where sure, it’s still cold…

But, the sun.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Ahh, the sun. Today the sun shone, and it reminded me that seemingly dark days have beauty in them too. 🙏

#2307 Query for a passion

Another day, another successful session at the KidLitVic conference.

In one way, although I wasn’t asked to submit my manuscript, with the only option being to send a query letter, I felt more rejuvenated about today than yesterday when I was asked (after much ‘constructive’ criticism!) to submit some chapters of my manuscript.

It’s what happens when you find someone who thinks like you.

Who likes things the way you do.

Who may have the same background as you, or reads the same things you also did as a child.

When they start to speak out loud the things you’ve always wondered, quashing all of those doubts, you go “WOAH! Where have you been all my life?”

I walked away inspired, buzzing, and so invigorated. I was absolutely popping at my desk as I wrote up a query letter immediately, pouring my entire heart and soul out onto the screen.

Stuff professionalism… to some extent. I gave it my all. You only have one chance to make a first impression. I said everything, was probably quite pathetic and daggy at times, but I don’t care. I expressed my truth, spoke from my soul, shared my passion, and then I hit send.

Then I exhaled.

And now, I wait.

Photo by furkanfdemir on Pexels.com

#2306 The Pitch

The Pitch. It sounds like the name of a movie.

Or a book.

Speaking of books, I spoke about mine today.

Today was the first time ever that I pitched my book to a publisher!

I was so unbelievably nervous… no matter how many times I sipped water and applied lip balm beforehand, by the time I was finishing reading an excerpt of my manuscript, my mouth was dry and my lips were sticking together. 😬😬

But I got through. I came away with valuable takeaways, as well as an incredibly clear picture of what I should have said, instead of that which I did say. Why does it take us doing something wrong, to work out what we should do right?

Well, one more takeaway, one more right…

I was asked to submit the first 3 chapters of my novel to one publisher.

This is huge! This is epic! And yet that well-known alter-ego of mine, the one suffering from massive self-doubt and imposter syndrome, is convinced it was a pity request..

But still, even if pity, I will take it!

If a starving man was given food out of pity, do you think they would decline the offer?

NO!

Just as I too took it, happily said thank you, and then shut down the Zoom session to fall onto a heap on baby girl’s bed and be thankful the nerves, for now, were all over.

Whatever happens, I am grateful for this opportunity, to take another step forward. I have already learnt so much. 🙏

Life is full of learnings… ❤❤