#3049 Mother’s Day list

Some of my biggest Mother’s Day wishes came true today.

First off, the most unexpected – baby boy slept through the night.

😲

Neither myself or Hubbie had to get up to tend to him overnight… bliss. And while I wonder if our slightly late night last night had something to do with it, we had an even later night last week and he still got up overnight, so go figure.

Next, Hubbie had arranged to get up and do the start of day milk for baby boy, as well as all the other morning jobs with him, while I… lay in bed.

Seriously. I have not lay leisurely in bed since before baby boy was born, for 15 months now. Since I had had a decent sleep, I couldn’t even fall asleep again, but I still lay there with my eyes closed while Hubbie and baby girl were downstairs with baby boy.

At one point I wondered if I should get up and make the bed as I waited for them to come up and get me… but again I thought, ‘no, I jump out of bed EVERY DAY with baby boy’s cries, including indefinite times overnight every night, so now I will lie here. And stretch.’

And it was a good stretch.

Then baby girl came up to tell me breakfast was ready! I came down to scrambled eggs on toast plus my weekend tea. ❤ Hubbie had made the tea, and baby girl had done the scrambled eggs on toast for me all by herself… and it was delicious!

And I even got to eat it in peace, oh my God.

Handmade presents and cards followed, and later on in the day I got to spend with my extended family, celebrating my own mum, and my sister, another inspiring mum in my life.

The weather was perfect too… and while the day was perfect in so many ways, my life is real, and I cried tears both happy and sad today, because that’s life.

I share that because I think it’s important to keep it real. But I am blessed to have been with my most loved people today, and let’s not forget –

1. Not getting up overnight (i.e. decent sleep).
2. Laying in bed
3. Stretch
4. Breakfast made for me
5. Eating in peace!

Thank you! I am grateful 🙏

#3046 Looking sunnies again

Yesterday amidst all the sleeplessness I went and did something that peeved me right off.

I broke my sunnies. They looked broken anyway. I had placed them on the passenger side seat when out doing jobs with Hubbie and baby boy, and I did that because when I put baby boy in his seat, often my sunnies hit the top of the car since they’re on my head… being all sleep-deprived and crap, I thought ‘let me spare them.’

And then my butt spared them. 🤦‍♀️

I didn’t hear any crunch, but I did suddenly feel them against my lower back when I sat down, of course since I had forgotten I had put them there a minute ago, you know sleep deprivation and all…

I was really shattered. I was so upset already about other things, (including no sleep forever) I started to cry. Hubbie was like, ‘don’t cry over your sunnies.’

But it was so much more.

I was like, how much more shit could I take?

Secondly, I really loved this pair.

Thirdly, if I could get them repaired, how could I even go anywhere what with our crazy schedules?

And last, I actually had a voucher for a Sunglass Hut, but again, NO TIME, so again, this just felt like another job to add to the to-do list, the current ever-growing list that seems to always have stuff being added to it, with no set end date, a real proper frustrating work-in-progress list.

But then overnight, something happened.

Other than sleep (praise 🙏) things were occurring to me.

I had already decided that I needed to get some more navy pants for baby girl for school, and that we might go this afternoon.

I had also realised that this shopping centre had a Sunglass Hut. I bought my sunnies from another centre, which is why I kept forgetting this other, closer one, could actually, possibly help me with my problem…

Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon, and we popped into the Sunglass Hut. I was there, showing her my sunnies, asking about repairing them…

And the sales assistant had a look over, and then very gently popped them into place!

I WAS SO GRATEFUL!

She even tightened the sides and gave my lenses a clean (bless) and I was oh so grateful I bought some more sunglass lens cleaner so she could at least get something out of my visit.

Sure they are a little firm on that damaged side, but I’m so happy I get to keep wearing them, I don’t care.

And that my friends is the extra light in my day that gave me a jump in my step. 😁

#3044 Still Autumn days

The days have been so nice, in that there hasn’t been any wind, any rain lately.

Chill, yes. During the morning, night, even parts of the day.

But I love how I’m able to still do the morning pram walk for baby boy’s nap… even if it’s cold, I rug up, make sure he is rugged up, and put the shade on over the pram (lessening any weather elements further) before we set off, and he falls asleep.

I know things will change soon. They always do. The weather will turn, or he will, who knows which will come first. Either Winter weather will arrive on our doorstep sooner than expected, or he will need to drop the morning nap, and move from 2 naps to 1 nap a day.

I’ve been enjoying the quiet. The morning nap allows for a rest. Like today, he was pretty cranky and off-kilter from the moment he woke. Teething has been bugging him big time, he is drooling everywhere and chewing on everything.

But that first nap offers him, me, all of us, a reset. We start again. He falls asleep, and even if like today it’s only a short 20 minutes, it has him waking refreshed, full of energy (because that ain’t hard with him 🤣) and helps him get to his next much longer nap of the day later on.

The quiet walk helps my busy mind, gives me some breathing space and moment to reassess and plan for the rest of the day. It’s almost meditative, pushing the pram along, with only the birds calling out overhead as they fly by, and the sounds of occasional dogs and people/cars moving about.

I like the walk. I like the nap. I like when the two of them combine, and I’m enjoying this phase while it lasts. 💙

#3041 The stage we’re at

So we went out for dinner tonight for our anniversary.

Hubbie, me, and the two kids. 🤣🤣

I do laughing emojis because it is funny going out to a nice dinner with kids in tow.

It was a new place we picked, a bit shit of me to do honestly, you should really only do tried and true when you have fussy kids with you… but of course, me being all “I want to go somewhere nice!” we went to this new-ish place a suburb away, because it looked good.

As we drove by the place this evening, looking for parking, and I saw the dimly lit low-hanging lights inside, I went “uh-oh.”

This placed looked a bit fancy-schmanc, and we can be very loud. 🤦‍♀️

Anyway, we went in, avoided tipping over the table of glasses, removed the butter knife baby boy grabbed in his hands, avoided a scream fest when we first tried to put him in the high chair, and then proceeded to order and eat very, very quickly. 🤣

Look, the place was lovely… but a bit tricky for where we’re at. As we were leaving I said to Hubbie “how different things are as a family of 4!” And Hubbie replied “and I wouldn’t change it for the world!”

And how right he is. We are at a different stage of life, we would have been much better suited for a place like TGIs to be honest… noisy and without anything precious if baby boy were to go adventuring throughout. I had been looking forward to a nice dessert, but then alas ‘fancy-schmanc restaurant’ and we wanted to get out of there before baby boy lost his patience in the high chair, so I just ate an ice cream from our freezer when we got home. 🤣

Yep, life is different, but it is beautiful. You know what was the most beautiful? Coming home, placing baby boy on the lounge room floor, and him absolutely running amok in the house, so happy with himself to be home and amongst his toys.

Hmmm… maybe ‘home restaurant’ would be the best option for us right now?

🤣🤦‍♀️

#3040 15 years

The thing is, we’ve been married 15 years, together for 23 and a half, but it feels like I have known Hubbie for a lifetime and so much more.

We make each other’s days brighter, and there is no one I’d rather share my joy and woe with at the end of the day.

I love him, and he makes my world a better place.

As expected, the sun came out today, and reminded me of the beautiful day that we got married 15 years ago.

I am blessed. 🙏🩷😍🥰

#3039 Life perspective

Baby boy got up about 5 times last night, and I tended to him nearly every time.

As expected, I was short on my fuse today, finding it hard to move past little things. I was emotional too, due to lack of sleep not just last night, but lack of any routine regular sleep for over a year now.

But then I read something in the school newsletter.

One of the school lollypop men had passed away early last month. I hadn’t even spoken a word to him I think, ever, since baby girl crosses at the main entrance, and this man was at the side not as busy entrance.

But still, I drove by him nearly every day. I knew his face. And hearing that he had died so suddenly, after such a swift and brutal illness, made me really sad.

I didn’t even know his name ’til today. And it all made me really sad, this man who I had been seeing almost every day for years, just gone.

And that’s life. And that perspective, of life, of death, here one minute, gone the next, it just made me see my sleeplessness in a whole other light.

Sure, our problems are still our problems. No one can take the hardship out of them. We still have to live them. But when presented against something so stark and grim and definite, suddenly any huge significance initially attributed to said ‘problem’ goes away very quickly.

Suddenly I’m happy for my problems.

After reading this, I hope you are too. 🙏

#3037 Her eagerness

Today we did our first high school tour for baby girl. 😍

She’s still in grade 5, so we have a whole year and a half before she actually goes up in school level (eek!) but we (ahem, I) felt it was best to start the research process earlier, especially since neither of us have completed education on this side of town.

It was a large-ish group that gathered at our first high school research spot. Actually, this school is my first personal preference, for now anyway, and a few more school tours will follow in the months to come.

All of us attended – baby girl in school uniform, all set for a day of school once the tour was over, alongside other parents and primary aged kids in uniform as well. Hubbie left work for an hour or two, and of course baby boy was there with us as well.

What I loved most though, that amused Hubbie and us to no end – as we walked around the school following one of the principals about, baby girl kept up and with him at the front, almost walking with him! She happily stayed up front the entire time as we moved about the school, while Hubbie and I took various positions and roles as we kept baby boy entertained (and fed, and hydrated!) often on the side or back of the walking group.

At one point we even saw him exchange some words with her, and I was happy to see she responded civilly. 🤣

Regardless of where she ends up, I love her eagerness with school, her enthusiasm, energy, happiness and positive outlook… I hope I can nurture and encourage it for her whole life, and I hope this motivation towards her learning stays with her for always. 🥰

#3035 Paying it forward with cars

Last night, we had 5 cars on our property! We felt like a car yard!

Today, it was back to normal again. The MIL took her car back, and we drove my sister’s car back to her place.

It felt weird yet good to be driving my car again, finally, after a 2 week spell. It wasn’t only the people under my roof that was affected by these car woes, but Hubbie’s mum who loaned us her car, and my sister who loaned us hers… so it feels right and normal that everyone has reunited with their cars again. 🥰

But it was lovely in the way we all helped each other too, paid forward our thanks. The MIL stayed over at our house last night, and commented on how amazing her sleep was here, and how it felt like she was away on holiday. 🩷

She not only leant us her car, but totally vacuumed my car after she got it back from the repair shop! It was a job and a half, but the car is so clean, other than the repairs it actually looks brand new now!

And before we returned their car, Hubbie washed my sister’s car, and it was really sweet to see it had made her day, her eyes lit up when she saw it. Life generally makes us so time poor, what with work/kids/house responsibilities (I can vouch for that, see the lack of vacuuming above) so it was nice to know we returned the car in good form. 😁

And not that they didn’t help us enough, sis and bro-in-law put on an amazing bbq lunch spread, oh my goodness, we felt spoiled!

It was just a perfect, lovely, sunny day, where all of us were helping each other and leaving one another in a happier place then when we first saw each other.

The best way to be. 🙏

#3033 Focus Friday

I question myself lately – what is this that I’m feeling?

Is it seasonal depression?

Is it the culmination of 14 months of sleeplessness?

Is it frustration at the inability to do ANYTHING?

Is it just life being hard right now?

Is it the fact that shit’s hit the fan so many times this month?

And I look around me and around me and around me, and Hubbie reminds me of the bigger picture, which I love him for.

Things happen that put a smile on my face, little signs from the Universe saying ‘the storm is passing, here, here are some golden rays to keep you going.’

Golden rays in the form of baby boy staring at me intently today as I said ‘spectacles’ over and over, making him giggle again and again.

Golden rays in the form of an opening coming up for a writing workshop that had been booked out, but I got the sole free ticket today.

Golden rays in the form of drive-through coffee (because someone stole my sleep again last night 🙄)

Golden rays in watching baby girl and baby boy play together, chasing each other around the table.

Golden rays in it being FRIDAY!

Yes, things feel crappy at times, but the things I have that make me happy, they are big, bold, beautiful things, and they outweigh all the little itty bitty shitty things that keep me distracted.

But I need to stay focused.

#3031 Twice for a lifetime

Imagine meeting someone at two points in your life, and yet they last in your memories a lifetime.

Well that’s my aunty from overseas. She passed away overnight at the age of 88, widowed for several decades, living on the farm and working it hard, self-sufficient and self-made… with a true heart of gold.

I met her first during my first overseas holiday, when I was 13. A holiday I wasn’t too excited about (I was going to be meeting people I had never met) turned into a trip of a lifetime.

And she was part of those memories. Sleeping at her village house with my cousins, being under her roof of love and care. It’s the place where me and my cousin buried some future goals and wishes, with the hope of one day in the future reuniting to unearth our treasures from the past… that day is still coming. 🙏

It was a time of family, cousins and get-togethers, catch-ups and laughter, going through old photos, finding out old stories from the past… it was a wonderful window into the world, a different perspective of my parents life and their families, from a whole new set of eyes. And what a world it was.

When I saw her the second time, it was during my honeymoon. I was so glad that Hubbie got to meet her, got to be witness to her beautiful kindness and generosity… isn’t it always the way, that those that have little to give in the way of their simple life, want to give the most?

That was her, through and through.

So today I feel grateful and blessed that I got to meet her at all. She was on the other side of the world all these years, but will remain forever in our hearts.

RIP DK.

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