#1900 My morning thanks

Firstly, 1900. ^^^

Woop woop!

Secondly, I took a photo from my bedroom this morning:

Now this is different, because we all know I love a good sunset photo (or two, three or 576?🤣)

But something was different this morning. I was different.

I was on a high from last night. I was happy, I was hopeful.

There was no sleep in! I had to get up and get baby girl to school, then I had to start work…

But still, I was in the best mood.

And so I drew the curtains… I looked outside at the glorious day that would be… took a deep breath, and said –

“Thank you.”

🙏

#1892 Published at your feet

😁😁😁😁

(Fuck, something has to go right in my life about now…)

Excusez-moi my F bomb, but after a certain amount of time, zero Fs are given.

I walked up to my wonderful words today, to see my story come true before my very eyes.

Yes, that is me, I am breaking smikg protocol and displaying myself for all (or am I, really, am I? 😉)

I participated in a wonderful initiative last year by submitting some works towards a community project… the writers club I am part of teamed up with the local shire to get writers to create a mini fiction, no more than 6 words, on the theme of community, to be drawn and displayed along the streets of Rosebud.

Why, having my words out there for all to see? How could I miss the opportunity!

After finding out yesterday that yes, it DID happen yesterday, I headed on down with Hubbie today to pinch myself.

You know what’s funny about that photo? The sun was shining DIRECTLY on the SHINE part, but the photo didn’t show the light and dark well so I got Hubbie to like, hug me from the side so that we could block out the sun… can you see his outline? 😂

I got a little teary, I won’t lie. I’ve been longing to be published in some form for so long. And even this, on the footpath, just 6 words… it makes me so happy. It’s given me the much-needed boost I’ve needed, in the midst of life difficulty, frustration with everything, and very regular bouts of writer’s insecurity, like “am I good enough?” “my writing isn’t as good as theirs,” and “who’s going to want to read this?”

But to be published, just once, anywhere… it’s broken the spell. It’s crashed through the dam of insecurity, of doubt, and now the water is crashing down, happy and unbridled and free, and it wants to do it all.

I can just stare at that, like ALL DAY.

I will enjoy this moment, and hold on, as much as I can.

Yay. PUBLISHED.

Happy dance!

***Big thanks to @rondelle for her fabulous artwork, and @peninsulawriters along with @mornpenartsandculture for this great opportunity to try and inspire. ***

#footpathfiction

#1888 Hubbie

Tonight it’s all about my love.

For helping me when no one else can.

For lifting me up when I fall down.

For saying the right words when no one else speaks them.

For holding me when I am sad.

For wiping my tears when they fall too fast.

For knowing exactly what it is I need, before I even know it.

For all of that, and so much more…

I am eternally grateful, for you. 💖💖

Photo by Valentin Antonucci on Pexels.com

#1885 Keep that snail pace

All I can say is, don’t give up.

Things aren’t perfect, and they can always get better. But I find myself at a point where I feel like despite everything, there is nothing else to do BUT keep going.

Keep moving.

Keep yourself distracted with passions, personal pursuits. If some things aren’t working out, well then find what IS, and run after that at full-speed.

But also, don’t be hard on yourself. I found myself the other night nearly crying with despair to Hubbie.

“And I want to do this, and do this, and I’m trying to do this, and then I’ve got my book! Then I want to do this, AND this…”

The list goes on and on and on.

We put sooo much pressure on ourselves.

We want to create this perfect family life. But we have to also work, and make money. Maintain the house. Cook wholesome food. Clean. Wash clothes every second of every day (or so it seems). Feed people.

But also chase your dreams! Be fit, exercise. Eat mindfully. Take time out, but don’t waste a second!

Play with your kids. Give yourself me time. Take walks. Sleep in. Keep in regular contact with family, friends.

What the actual fuck am I to do with all that?

Something has GOTTA give.

I’ve been giving so, so much lately. I can only do things, and move forward in incremental steps, and it’s these tiny baby steps I’ve been taking that are making me feel like things are actually moving.

Snail place, but still moving forward.

And that leads me back to, don’t give up.

It’s so tiresome and banal, telling people to not give up. I’ve felt like telling people over the last shit year who’ve passed out that quote, to piss off and shut up.

But I find it to be true, too true. Even in super-crawl slow-mo pace, I find it to be the most factual of all things.

Keep your head up. Look at what positives you can… even if it’s the blanket on you right now. A hot drink. Sun peeking through the clouds. Someone sending you a nice message. A cute cat.

I am skilled in the art of looking for things in the smallest of spaces. I should know. It’s awfully difficult, but it can be done.

And I guess, it’s nice to be passing out this advice, instead of looking for it.

Progress.

Photo by Nataliya Vaitkevich on Pexels.com

#1862 The gratitude T

Today I tried out my new top.

I have to say… it suits me to a T.

(Tee hee hee).

To say that this top was meant for me, given my blog topics… well I couldn’t have picked a better one if I had gone out shopping with purpose.

But no. Like with all things, I just stumbled upon it.

And it is perfect. 💖💖

#1813 I get knocked down…

But I get up again.

So close, so so soooo close to throwing in the towel for this gratitude blog.

You know I’ve never said it out loud, but I’ve seriously considered finishing this blog at number #2000.

I figure if I’ve managed to be grateful for at least one thing for all of those days, then I have the tools necessary to help me through life when times get hard.

Also, it’s a nice even number, and I have plenty of other writing projects to keep me busy anyway.

#2000. That’s only 187 days away. Sometime this year in fact.

But after the day I’ve had, I honestly am questioning if I’ve learnt anything at all.

Because I’m finding it very hard to be grateful.

I get knocked down,

But I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down

Am I being too hard on myself? I mean, when you go through bad times, or nightmares keep repeatedly coming back to haunt you, how are you meant to act? With a laugh? A yippee? A friendly ‘oh darn, not this again’ with a Joker-like smile?

Nope.

When you’ve had the same freaking thing, annoying you, bugging you, and no one can tell you why, or explain it, and you’re going around and around in circles, and you’re even considering psychics for answers because seriously NO ONE ELSE KNOWS, and then it strikes again…

AHHH!

I get knocked down,

But I get up again

You’re never gonna keep me down.

Seriously. How am I meant to act?

Anyway, This is my bitch-fest. My whinge to the world. Take it as you will, because it may not last for long…

So, what am I even grateful for?

I get knocked down,

But I get up again…

For now.

#1810 Weird but beautiful gloom

I found joy in a really simple thing today.

I had just made myself a tea. It was raining outside, no wind. So it was the type of rain that I liked… already a plus. 😊

The steam from the tea rose up past my monitor as I sat back down at my work desk.

I lit a candle, and watched the area around me, GLOW.

And with it, so did my heart.

Suddenly I was happy.

I was grateful for this feeling. I had been counting all the things I wasn’t happy about, for weeks now… so this simple act and subsequent feeling came as a pleasant and heartwarming surprise.

All from steam rising.

A candle wick glowing.

Rain falling.

So so gloomy… yet I felt anything but.

Allow yourself to be surprised by the little things.

#1776 Thank God It’s Christmas

“Oh, my love, we’ve had our share of tears

Oh, my friend, we’ve had our hopes and fears…”

Did you know Queen has a Christmas song? Actually, two that I know of. The one I’m referring to, the same title as my blog post, well I discovered it a few months ago.

But upon finding it to play, I struggled to get through it without tears in my eyes, as the lyrics hit me hard, having gone through some issues at the time.

This morning, I put it on repeat, several times.

“Oh, my friends, it’s been a long hard year

But now it’s Christmas

Yes it’s Christmas

Thank God it’s Christmas.”

Those were my sentiments exactly, and I went into Christmas at my parents house, shared with my sister and her family, feeling utterly grateful.

Snapshots of Christmas 2020.

You might notice a plate of lemons in there. Well you see, lemons are the right fruit to refer to with what I’m about to share, having played an important part of a moment I had today.

Not only was I grateful to be amongst family after a year like no other, where hardship and difficulty seemed to arrive at every opportunity, but it was a bittersweet Christmas in that it would be the last at my childhood home before my parents moved house.

It was a Christmas, like so many we’d had there before… full of love, happiness, laughter, and great memories. But every now and then, it hit me – CRAP, this was our last one there.

I was cutting up lemons for our evening prawn feast, when it struck me again.

Last Christmas here.

And suddenly, it was bittersweet. Much like the lemons. On their own they were hard to take, your face screwed up when you bit into it, they were so sour…

But in accompaniment, with something else, like prawns… with a martini… or with honey… somehow it tasted a lot better.

It was great, even desirable.

Much like this last Christmas.

It wasn’t the last, but it would be the last there.

I could take it though. I could take it, because I still took with me all the memories of being there, celebrating Christmas after Christmas with my family and friends, all throughout the years.

Most importantly, I was taking the most important thing with me.

My family.

As if on cue, INXS’s ‘Don’t Change’ came on the radio, and I had to smile.

If only there were no change. Things would be so easy, with everything staying the same, static, and with no room to move.

But that’s the point of life you see. To grow. To evolve.

There MUST be change.

So I took the lemons to the table, and we enjoyed them in the best prawn feast ever.

Merry Christmas. 🎄🎅💖🤶