#1142 The plan B writing course

Following rejection, it is vital to make yourself another plan.

It keeps you focused. Out of a state of funk. And it helps when it is an online course, therefore there are no maximum quotas of 2 people to fill up the room (not resentful much?!)

Today my online writing course started and I excitedly jumped aboard the introduction ship…

But, what to write?

What I wanted was to just write this:

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Well it was the truth. In a plain and simple nutshell. Scaling it back to basics, keeping it real… that was it. But they wanted to know more. Like where I lived, what I did, what I wanted to get out of this…

I answered some of the default questions…

F&*k it. I’ll post it for you. If you’d like to know my brief writing history background… then happy reading 🙂

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#1115 A waking dream of flowers

I don’t remember my dreams as much as I used to. I think it has to do with waking up and immediately my mind being inundated with the day’s tasks and places to be, including of course, tiredness.

But I remembered a lovely dream I had last night upon waking, and I know it is a good dream because I dreamt of a bed roses… 🌹🌹🌹

What ain’t good about roses???

This dream turned my attention to my waking life. I tended to a long put-off task, not difficult but just involved, and then because it’s been on my mind for a while, of course it’s become harder to do…

Like I said, not hard at all.

But, I had a few house plants that required serious pruning. I set about sifting through the soil and knotted roots, chopping what had to go, wiping leaves and watering soil and throwing dried out branches away, and I even found the root of my much-celebrated orchid I posted about a while ago almost reduced to shreds, so easy it was to break away from the core when I inspected it further.

As it came out of the root easily, I decided to keep the orchid in a vase while it was still perfectly pretty, and for the rest of the now empty pot plant I hope that with the change in seasons over the year, I see some new growth. 🍃

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I wasn’t even sad, despite how happy I was when I saw the orchid suddenly re-born, out of nowhere. And I think that’s because often things need to get ripped out and uprooted in order for it to start again healthy and strong.

Therefore I took great pleasure today in cleaning, removing what wasn’t working, and making new green dreams for the future… 🌱🎋🌹❤️

#1112 Letting go

Letting go.

People think it’s a sign of weakness. It’s not. It shows strength.

People think it’s a sign you’ve given up. You haven’t. You’ve just decided to put your energies to more useful efforts.

People think it’s a sign you’ve succumbed to pressure. No way. You are just focusing on positivity.

When you don’t forgive, you’re not doing the other party harmyou are inflicting it upon yourself.”

I’ve been thinking of letting go for a long time now. And by some grand design, I’m seeing snippets of it wherever I go.

Im feeling and living it as I go about my day to day.

Letting go doesn’t happen overnight. It requires deliberation, conscious thought, and a genuine willingness to give up what does not serve us.

And whether the letting go today happened in the form of baby girl maturing and letting go of insecure habits… whether it was my letting go of past grudges and hurts… or even if it was me trying to let go of preconceived notions, a controlling complex and the need to have it all my way instead of ‘life’s way’… or all of the above…

I am actually starting to let go.

And the beautiful thing about letting go of the old? It gives you something new to hold.

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Sometimes, it is magic. ✨💫

Photo by Yohann Lc on Unsplash

 

#1080 The day before prep

I didn’t think I would be too bad. We even bought school shoes this morning and everything, and yet no overwhelming emotion struck me at what the next day held…

I thought, ‘I am going to be ok.’

It didn’t hit me, until I was at the Coles check out.

Baby girl started to squirm and bounce around a little, and before I verbalised the feared signs I knew so well, she told me she needed the loo.

I had just unloaded all our shopping onto the conveyor belt. There was a lady being served in front of me, but she was with her elderly mother who was in a wheelchair, and had groceries of her own she was paying for, and was then divvying up her mother’s groceries, so that it was taking some time for the check out guy to work it all out.

I hesitated. For a moment, I questioned…

‘Should I let her go to the toilets alone?’

It was a mini shopping centre we frequented weekly, if not more often. Baby girl knew where they were. She wouldn’t get lost, surely.

But there were so many people that day. It was packed, being the last day of holidays for so many… Mums and Dads and kids and grannies and grandads, all milling around like chains and locks were going to be wrapped around the shopping centre’s entrance the next day.

I pondered it, for a few moments. I even asked baby girl how she felt about going on her own.

But then I realised, strongly. HELL NO. She was 5. Regardless of that… I could not let her go.

I explained to the check out guy I had to take baby girl to the toilets, and amazingly we were back in time as the two ladies finished up and he started setting up my reusable bags.

But the grocery shopping, or the toilets, wasn’t EVEN the point.

I was suddenly filled with anxiety, dread, fear and paranoia, all at once.

I could not let her go… but I had to.

I saw that the contemplation of letting her go a couple hundred metres on her own, had filled me with such unease, but it was a situation that was completely unavoidable.

Because at one stage or another, I had to let her go. And suddenly, my time was up.

Because tomorrow is the start of prep.

Most of the day has been spent preparing for it. In between ironing on labels to her school clothes, I’ve spent the other moments just staring at her with a frozen smile, willing her face at that time into my memory forever.

Setting up her lunchbox and bag, and then playing with her, letting her drag it out for another minute, then another minute…

Telling her how proud we are of her…

And then bursting into tears the next minute.

Get a grip! I told myself. You are picking her up at 12:30! After the half-days, you will still be together from 3:30!

But I can’t kid myself. It’s not just the time. It’s the beautiful moments shared. The slow wake-ups together, the kisses and cuddles in bed… her asking me what the plans are for the day, and me surprising her with promises of babycino café visits or the beach.

It’s all the little moments. It’s not even anything momentous or eventful. It’s the everyday occurrences, which will be replaced by routine, and order, and responsibility…

And she will be exposed to people, environments, and things that I can not control.

It scares me.

I am excited by what is to come for her, for us… really I am.

But I am so afraid, that the innocence in her that I have loved, and nurtured, and seen thrive… will be lost.

Will she change? Will she be the same?

What will this new life stage bring?

So much happiness has come before us, and I am terrified it will end.

Friendships might change her.

Harsh truths will be learnt.

Tears will be shed.

And I am freaking out about it all.

I don’t even know how this is a gratitude post, other than to say this day before prep, was a beautiful one. Telling each other how much we love one another… and now the tears won’t stop rolling, so I think it’s time I go.

Wish me her luck.

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#1076 The (ice cream) shop before school starts

I wasn’t only preoccupied with thoughts of navy navy navy.

Navy polo shirts.

Navy hair ties.

Navy socks.

Freaking navy skorts.

I had something else on my mind as we bought a whole lot of stuff for baby girl’s imminent primary school start next week.

I was thinking, ‘this is it.’

The shopping outings during the week, hand in hand.

Baby girl encouraging me to ‘buy that dress’ (I love this girl ♥ )

Deciding whether it is rice, or a happy meal that day?

Coffee breaks.

Talking about just “one more really small toy” that she would like to get.

And, cold and soothing ice cream breaks.

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I told her I had a surprise for her as I took her to Twisted Sista. She screamed out loud, no hesitation as she saw the extravagantly twisted ice creams with lavish and brightly coloured toppings through the glass display.

I love how she was sooo excited. Her happiness completely unrestrained.

Baby girl, take your time growing up. There is plenty of time for everything.

I am happy for her to act so childlike, because she is after all, a child. My child, growing up, and heading off into school in 5 days time.

I savoured the moment as we sat at the table, slurping our ice creams, and saying “it’s good.”

It was good in every way. ♥

 

#1074 Pretty little pebbles

Don’t ask me why my ‘before and afters’ of our garden bed had 3 days in between.

Just don’t. It is too early to get into.

IT IS TOO EARLY.

But for now, anyway, here are the lovely pebbles on our garden bed, which is the official ‘after,’ and which have just LIT UP the brick wall behind it…

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I love it, but I’m also so darn impatient for the plants to GROW. Grow damn it! I want to see our new garden bed all brand new and shiny and developed.

But alas. Patience is a virtue, especially to gardeners. I will need to hone that skill, and wait.

Hold on I don’t give myself enough credit. I feel like all I do in life is wait.

So I will wait some more…

 

#1071 The start of the garden bed

We’ve been wholeheartedly focused on the interior of our house for a LONG time.

Even after finishing almost all of the kitchen (one tiny little thing left before my before and afters surface) we were still hanging up frames on our walls last week.

But, sometimes you need to look outside the square.

Or in our case, beyond our brick walls.

Seeing as we’re in Summer and the vibes are totally there, today it was finally time to go…

No, not that.

Gardening time… Outside!

We had a side garden bed with dark brown plants, and black ugly bark on top of a black weed mat that was peeking out, and all of these depressing colours against our traditional brick wall house, was just too much heavy energy. Ugh.

We ripped off the weed mat.

We removed the bark. (I’m saying ‘we’ even though Hubbie did ALL the heavy lifting and digging).

Ripped out all but one plant.

And bought a whole lot of little baby ones. 🙂

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I will hopefully have a nice before and after shot for you tomorrow once our pebbles arrive… I am cautiously confident it will look good, but even so I think anything but that black bark, weed mat and brown flowers (what did the previous owners wanna do, make us cry with that side patch?) will look better.

Hell, even the plain dirt ground, removed from all of the old stuff looked better than what was there before!

Here’s to fresh beginnings 😉