I work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays so it’s Hubbie that picks up baby girl from school.
But what I love as I sit at my desk working, is turning around to see my beautiful girl’s face as she comes home… always cheerful, happy to see me and with a big hug as she fills me in on her day.
💖🙏
They chose not to do a Mother’s Day stall at baby girl’s primary school this year.
Initially I was like “but I like my little $5-10 presents that break easily!” 🤣
The new principal thought it was a smart idea to not contribute further to landfill with these small, wasteful items, like having one of these stalls would do, and instead get the kids to make something handmade, while enjoying an afternoon with them at school.
So that’s what today was. I was only there about half hour or so, busy running after baby boy, but baby girl gifted me this jar full of nice notes about me. It is such a precious idea, I think I will open up one per day, and I already know they will help me so much in this phase of life. 💖
She also gave me another hand-made gift, much the same premise, these held like poems and messages about me in this small gift box type thing. She said she has more to give me, but that will come on Sunday 🙏
Also in the little box was a little flower, and when I asked if it was for me, she replied she had looked around at lunchtime for a little flower for me. 🌸(Awww!)
I love these things. 😍 I’ve been thinking of Mother’s Day a lot today, and it really has gone a bit out of control. It really should just be things like this – handmade gifts, words of love from your children, your partner, really anyone in your life that appreciates what you do as a mother, and even sweet actions, like let’s say a sleep in, a home-made meal, even like breakfast in bed (hint hint, family lol!)
I really do love the jar idea though, and I know I will keep it forever.
Good job new principal. 👍
Yesterday amidst all the sleeplessness I went and did something that peeved me right off.
I broke my sunnies. They looked broken anyway. I had placed them on the passenger side seat when out doing jobs with Hubbie and baby boy, and I did that because when I put baby boy in his seat, often my sunnies hit the top of the car since they’re on my head… being all sleep-deprived and crap, I thought ‘let me spare them.’
And then my butt spared them. 🤦♀️
I didn’t hear any crunch, but I did suddenly feel them against my lower back when I sat down, of course since I had forgotten I had put them there a minute ago, you know sleep deprivation and all…
I was really shattered. I was so upset already about other things, (including no sleep forever) I started to cry. Hubbie was like, ‘don’t cry over your sunnies.’
But it was so much more.
I was like, how much more shit could I take?
Secondly, I really loved this pair.
Thirdly, if I could get them repaired, how could I even go anywhere what with our crazy schedules?
And last, I actually had a voucher for a Sunglass Hut, but again, NO TIME, so again, this just felt like another job to add to the to-do list, the current ever-growing list that seems to always have stuff being added to it, with no set end date, a real proper frustrating work-in-progress list.
But then overnight, something happened.
Other than sleep (praise 🙏) things were occurring to me.
I had already decided that I needed to get some more navy pants for baby girl for school, and that we might go this afternoon.
I had also realised that this shopping centre had a Sunglass Hut. I bought my sunnies from another centre, which is why I kept forgetting this other, closer one, could actually, possibly help me with my problem…
Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon, and we popped into the Sunglass Hut. I was there, showing her my sunnies, asking about repairing them…
And the sales assistant had a look over, and then very gently popped them into place!
I WAS SO GRATEFUL!
She even tightened the sides and gave my lenses a clean (bless) and I was oh so grateful I bought some more sunglass lens cleaner so she could at least get something out of my visit.
Sure they are a little firm on that damaged side, but I’m so happy I get to keep wearing them, I don’t care.
And that my friends is the extra light in my day that gave me a jump in my step. 😁
Baby boy got up about 5 times last night, and I tended to him nearly every time.
As expected, I was short on my fuse today, finding it hard to move past little things. I was emotional too, due to lack of sleep not just last night, but lack of any routine regular sleep for over a year now.
But then I read something in the school newsletter.
One of the school lollypop men had passed away early last month. I hadn’t even spoken a word to him I think, ever, since baby girl crosses at the main entrance, and this man was at the side not as busy entrance.
But still, I drove by him nearly every day. I knew his face. And hearing that he had died so suddenly, after such a swift and brutal illness, made me really sad.
I didn’t even know his name ’til today. And it all made me really sad, this man who I had been seeing almost every day for years, just gone.
And that’s life. And that perspective, of life, of death, here one minute, gone the next, it just made me see my sleeplessness in a whole other light.
Sure, our problems are still our problems. No one can take the hardship out of them. We still have to live them. But when presented against something so stark and grim and definite, suddenly any huge significance initially attributed to said ‘problem’ goes away very quickly.
Suddenly I’m happy for my problems.
After reading this, I hope you are too. 🙏
Today we did our first high school tour for baby girl. 😍
She’s still in grade 5, so we have a whole year and a half before she actually goes up in school level (eek!) but we (ahem, I) felt it was best to start the research process earlier, especially since neither of us have completed education on this side of town.
It was a large-ish group that gathered at our first high school research spot. Actually, this school is my first personal preference, for now anyway, and a few more school tours will follow in the months to come.
All of us attended – baby girl in school uniform, all set for a day of school once the tour was over, alongside other parents and primary aged kids in uniform as well. Hubbie left work for an hour or two, and of course baby boy was there with us as well.
What I loved most though, that amused Hubbie and us to no end – as we walked around the school following one of the principals about, baby girl kept up and with him at the front, almost walking with him! She happily stayed up front the entire time as we moved about the school, while Hubbie and I took various positions and roles as we kept baby boy entertained (and fed, and hydrated!) often on the side or back of the walking group.
At one point we even saw him exchange some words with her, and I was happy to see she responded civilly. 🤣
Regardless of where she ends up, I love her eagerness with school, her enthusiasm, energy, happiness and positive outlook… I hope I can nurture and encourage it for her whole life, and I hope this motivation towards her learning stays with her for always. 🥰
We forget so easily the routines and things we used to do with our kids. With our family. The years that have passed us by.
Even myself, someone who journals online daily via this outlet, even I am sometimes blown away when a memory comes crashing back at me.
Just this afternoon baby girl reminded me how she used to ask for a snake lolly after her swimming lesson years ago (which used to be before dinner time) and how I would comply, but then she would ask for a second one, and only sometimes I allowed it, even using it as bribery like “if you muck around with x, y and z, then you can only have 1, maybe even none!” And just the memory of that time, years ago now, our Monday afternoons, running from school drop-off to swimming and then back home, the quick getting her into the shower, rushing to do dinner, washing her swim gear etc… it all came flooding back to me, and I was like…
Woah.
It also occurs to me a lot, when I compare this old life pre-baby boy, to now, the current day, not only is it crazy how different things are now that he is here, but how different baby girl is now. She is far from baby-ish – so mature, responsible, helpful, while still being a big bundle of fun for baby boy, as he absolutely adores and looks up to his big sister.
And I look at this girl who kinda was forced to grow up and get more responsible when her younger sibling came along, and I feel bad in a way, I don’t want her to not be playful or act like a child, because she still is, she’s 10. But I also can’t remember the moment or the time that she started to move away from being more of a cheeky child, to a mature one.
It all happens gradually, I get it. And I know every week/month/year brings with it even more changes, and next year our home routine will be even more crazy different to this year. And we will all be different with it. But because I am here, and this is what I do, I wanted to capture my daily stuff with baby boy/family, because I know, I can see already, I will look back at these days and say ‘I can’t believe I did that!’
So, as of April 2024:
Baby boy has his morning nap in the pram, around the block, or he falls asleep as I drive around, somewhere. He is heavy, but also I don’t want him getting used to falling asleep on us ALL THE TIME.
I count awake times all throughout the day. Currently 3hrs 45 mins, last one can be about 4.5hrs.
His main nap is getting later now due to this, so I put him in the car so he falls asleep on the way to school pick up. On days there is no school, I rock him to sleep, or when I am working, Hubbie rocks him to sleep. We also rock him to sleep at night, and yep, fun times. 🤣
His favourite foods are rice, strawberries, this peanut butter and banana loaf I make, yoghurt, and lamb!
He is hugging Iggle Piggle and Upsy Daisy all over the house, and it is the cutest thing.
Still obsessed with the 🔵🔴🟡🟣
We have gymnastics on Monday with baby girl.
We’re eating less junk food, both because baby girl prefers home-cooked meals, and because he is so young, we are trying to make baby boy’s foods healthier.
He still screams/cries in the car when he’s not happy. I wonder when it will stop? 🤣
Our Saturday nights and Sundays are still pretty low-key, but we are heading out more when there is a party or event, and as tricky as it can sometimes be, we are loving getting more social again.
Mister F isn’t getting as much love as he used to, but we are trying to involve him more, and he’s cool with baby boy, except when baby boy runs at him. 🤦♀️
Still getting up at least once a night, sometimes two or three times as baby boy goes through development or teething. I don’t mind the once a night to be honest, I hold him and once he nods off I sit on the nearby chair until I’m sure he’s asleep and put him down again. But when he wakes an hour later, then again, I’m a bit 🥱 and need Hubbie assistance. 🙏
I’m in a good place in terms of reminding myself that we finally have what we wanted for so many years, and now that this part of my life doesn’t feel like it’s ON HOLD, I’m looking at my passions and other projects again, trying to reignite that personal spark in my life and find me again, and I’m loving it, even if my ‘me time’ or ‘free time’ comes in 5 minute dribs and drabs.
Hubbie and I are in a good place, surviving less and living more, though at nights when there is excess screaming we are like “WTAF?” 🤣🤦♀️🥱
We are looking at high schools for baby girl, and I have to say I am so glad she has another full year of primary school after this one – last year was a blur with baby boy’s arrival, and if this year was her last I would be an absolute emotional train wreck.
And that is my little long post, for future me. You’re welcome. 🩷
Baby girl missed the cut-off last week, because well, we are all busy, and then she is busy with us as well. I felt horrible that she hadn’t been on time to register for Children’s University – an opportunity for a dozen or so primary schools only in Victoria to be a part of this program where children can foster a love of learning and engage in activities and programs outside of normal school hours, to help them earn stamps, meaning hours learned. The more they earn, the more learning they have completed, which they are then eligible to graduate (!) at a university at the end of the year – primary style of course. 🥰
Well I gave it a shot last week. I said to her, ‘why don’t I email your teacher?’ I think she was initially scared of being let down, because she didn’t want me to do it. But I said to her, the worst that will happen is they will say no, you are too late, and the best is, well, you’re in!
So I emailed on Friday afternoon. And then completely forgot about it ’til last night. Then I forgot about it again ’til this afternoon, when I got an email from one of the coordinating teachers…
She was in.
And isn’t that a lesson in giving it a crack?! I am drilling this lesson into her SO MUCH!
So happy for her to have this fun opportunity. 🩷
Meanwhile, baby boy was with me on the couch today in the evening, and I think it was his empty milk bottle that toppled off the coffee table… and on cue, he went “Uh-oh!”
LOL! I love it. Cheeky monkey learning every day. 🙏
Oh, and I’m loving this stage of couch cuddles and wrestles. He LOVES throwing himself onto soft places and so when he climbs up on the couch, we grab him, tickle him, kiss him, hug him, and he throws himself around and we cuddle and it’s the greatest feeling. 🥰💙
I love both of these very different stages with my kids. 🩷💙
Thursday tends to be the day of the week that I struggle with the most. For some reason it just feels long, help from others in the family feels far away, and I don’t usually have much on to occupy me. or baby boy
Not so today.
Today, was a GREAT Thursday.
It was really lovely to finally catch up with some mums from the local mother’s group that I haven’t caught up with since last year… seeing them and their much older bubs was so sweet! Sure, I was holding baby boy most of the time, feeding him, entertaining him, following him as he walked around the outdoor cafe, and making sure he wasn’t eating any of the leaves or tree nuts that he was constantly picking up off the ground.
But it was a gorgeous, sunny day. Once again strangers were all making comment and striking up conversation… baby boy was being his cheeky, charming self and smiling across tables to random ladies, who LOVED the baby attention, lol. And I also realised, this is the place I want to be. Sure I am flat out busy, all day every day. And even a solo trip to a cafe to meet others with baby boy in tow, is not really the leisurely experience I expect it to be.
But there was a time that I longed to be in this situation, and I would’ve done anything for it… and now I’m here. I’m living it. I have this cheeky boy on my hands and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Also making local connections with supportive and fun women who are going through the same thing you are, is something I’ve really needed, and I am enjoying every second of it. 🙏
The second part of my Thursday enjoyment came in coming to baby girl’s school in the afternoon to watch her receive a class award at assembly, the shooting star award! I was so happy for her, and I am relieved to realise that her teacher ‘gets’ her… apparent with her receiving this award so early. You can have lovely teachers, but they just don’t appreciate your child or their uniqueness, but I already have a feeling that he sees her strengths, her trying, her enthusiasm and positive attitude, and that’s all I ask for. That he sees it.
So those are my two very happy Thursday things. 🥰🩷💙
Baby girl has so much spunk.
She has real character. I won’t forget her grade 1 teacher telling me how funny she was, and one of her teachers in grade 4 (two teachers shared the role last year) said she was quite the character and had real spunk.
She is in this phase where everything is “bruh” or “oof.” Especially if you try to give her a compliment. You can be trying to say the most sincerest thing, and she will interject quietly with “oof” “oof” “bruh” in her coping mechanism, trying to accept these compliments but finding it awkwardly hard.
She is 10, but she loves us so much, she needs us still, needs me still, so much. She tells off her Dad when he doesn’t follow baby boy’s routine to plan – he has taken to listening to her, true story – and regularly argues with us over everything… dinner, news, the day-to-day, EVERYTHING.
She is always correct, until proven otherwise. 🤣
But she is so sweet. She has apparently organised some little Valentine’s Day surprise for me tomorrow, something completely unexpected for me, and she regularly gives out hugs and kisses throughout the day.
She is happy to go off to bed on her own, but at the same time I still come in before I go to bed to sit by her bed for a few minutes… I must do this, even if she is sleeping.
She still has this beautiful naivety about her, something I hope to nurture and treasure as long as possible.
And she is growing in independence and maturity, making small meals for herself and following a self-prescribed daily routine.
I realise there are lots of changes happening with baby boy in such a short amount of time, but I don’t forget to look at my baby girl, and all the beautiful things that have changed, and stayed the same with her.
My sweetheart. 💖🙏
I have survived.
Though tomorrow is the last day of the school year for baby girl, today was my last day dropping her off in the morning ‘solo.’ I have help on Tuesday afternoons when Hubbie picks her up, and then on Wednesdays he can do both drop-off and pick-up.
By ‘solo,’ I mean myself and baby boy.
I have survived crying. Intense, annoyed, incessant, sobbing, frustrated, out-of-control crying.
I have survived crying myself in efforts to soothe him.
I have survived all those rushed morning drop-offs, trying to get baby girl to school on time after the morning with her and baby boy went awry, but I’ve also survived the afternoons, where I couldn’t bare to wake him early for his midday nap, but then I had to, and then I had to rush to pick-up and look for a parking spot so baby girl could find me.
I’ve survived bad days, long days, hard days.
I’ve survived days I never thought I’d survive.
I’ve survived balancing all the things, in all of life, in all of our routines.
I’VE SURVIVED!!!!
I am here to say, I am so, so proud of myself.
I am also here to say, woo hoo! I now have home help for approximately 6 weeks in the form of baby girl.
(Which is probably why she is sad about school ending 🤣)
💪💪💪💪🙏🙏🙏🙏💖💖💖💖💙💙💙💙
carcrashgratitude 