Ok, just a bit. Coming off the back of school holidays (i.e. no solo ‘me time’ AT ALL), also the fact that this day off is butted onto the end of the week, that happens to be the best day ever, Fri-yay (insert my Friday post from last week!) I am pretty chuffed that I have the house to myself for 6 hours tomorrow.
I’ve previously written about the anticipatory excitement one gets when Friday rolls around.
For me, when 3pm on a Friday comes around. 😁😁😁😁
Hell yeah! It’s the best. Knowing you have days off ahead, is FAR better than any of those days off, let’s be honest.
It’s the anticipation.
So today as I clocked off from my work office at home, logged off my laptop, and headed into the kitchen where baby girl was happily waiting, I started singing…
“It’s Friday then, then Saturday Sunday what?”
We’ve been singing this song ever since a Friday has rolled along, ever since we saw the absolutely fantastic video of that guy that just jumps out of the car and dances to his hearts content when he hears the song.
And so we did. Baby girl and I ripped up a storm on the kitchen dancefloor, because…
Living through lockdown has given us a new way of connecting with other people… online.
I am still working from home, and today we played this online Pictionary game. You have to draw on the screen from a selection of words you’ve been given… and the rest of the room, (people participating) have to guess what you’re drawing.
I thought it was pretty cool, and it was Friday, so later my mind wandered where it usually goes to on Friday nights… to my friends. We spent a lot of Zoom calls together during those few months last year, and so I got to really get used to seeing their faces, talking about anything and everything, and just connecting in a way that honestly, we never really had before.
The lockdown had given us a new opportunity to learn even more about each other, through a multitude of topics, discussion, and debate.
And it was great. I realised no matter how much they talk, how much we disagree, how much we maybe shit each other up the wall… we are ultimately stuck with each other for life. That’s it.
And I love it.
So, missing my crew, I sent the random message out: “Anyone wanna play a game online?” Well to be expected, most were busy and couldn’t, but one such friend said “sure, give me a sec.”
And so I’ve spent the last hour or so of this night, chatting to her online while we played online Pictionary!
She is one of my oldest friends. I actually can’t remember if we were friends first in grade 1, or grade 2… I have no idea. I have no idea because after a while, your memory starts to get blurry. I never believed it when I was in my teens, or late childhood. I couldn’t understand how people would say “I can’t remember” about a huge, momentous milestone in their life. I used to think, “how can you not remember something so important?”
Well, now I know. Because as life goes on, your head gets filled up with more and more stuff, and the other stuff that you don’t think of as much, well it starts to fade.
So, so true. Maybe that’s why I’m so adamant about capturing every written word. It’s my own personal record for my unpredictable mind.
Anyway, you get my drift. We’ve been friends for about 30 years, not a word of a lie. And while we laughed at each other’s funny drawings, and tried to make sense of the game, we also caught up and reconnected, and it made me realise that technology, lockdown even, brought a few pretty good things with it.
A Friday night spent watching something on TV, or just letting the hours while away on random stuff around the house, was instead spent sharing some laughs and having fun with one of my oldest besties.
And then, in amongst all that… a milestone! Baby girl got fed up with me on the computer playing games, and put herself to bed!
It’s actually the second time she’s fallen asleep on her own like this, but the first that she did it intentionally… the first time she went to bed as I set up watch over a huntsman in our room, making sure he didn’t hide anywhere, waiting for Hubbie to come home and get rid of it. I’d told her to wait in her bed for me another 20 minutes, and instead she had fallen asleep.
But tonight, tonight was intentional. I was there chatting away, and then went to check up on her… I even kissed her head… and she remained sleeping. Peaceful. Absolutely beautiful, as all sleeping children are. 🤣
So, a good night all around. Looking back, looking forwards… as long as it’s done with the right people…
In the past, I may have said “I’m not happy, that’s not sitting right.”
But instead I said “My BODY looks happy!”
Yep. Happy. Relaxed. Probably not cover girl form, but I actually don’t mind that it’s NOT.
It is holiday time, and I am just going with the flow.
Doing what I like, eating what I like… take today for example.
Coffee with baby girl at a cafe this morning.
Making sweet potato gnocchi this afternoon to freeze for later, just because I had sage in my fridge… because I’d decided I must spend 3 hours making home-made gnocchi to use up herbs for an accompanying sauce that cost a few dollars. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
Dinner tonight! Mmmm, our fave, at The Royal Hotel…
So of course my body is happy! Look at all of that! 🤣
You know, all jokes aside, a happy body doesn’t necessarily mean a body that has seen indulgence after indulgence, all day every day. Rather I am talking about enjoying the moment, and listening to what your body wants and needs, like really listening…
For example this morning, my body really wanted fruit on my cereal.
Other times I’m just craving the sweet summery taste of mangos, just roughly chopped up to simply enjoy.
And then weirdly on Friday nights, I end up devouring a bowl of Doritos,only to follow it with an even bigger serve of pistachios…? 😜
It’s been a hard past few months. Let’s try enjoy this holiday season doing what we love, whatever that may be. 🙏💖
I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to this Friday.
The last day of school for the year.
And that might be a bit of a weird sentiment, since a lot of the school year has been at home.
But think about it. Now that things are heading back to more and more of a ‘normal,’ all the things that we put off for months and months, jobs and renovations and appointments and important life decisions, all of it was held back by big sand bags…
And now those bags have been removed and everything is rushing forward at full force like water bursting rapidly out of a dam. 🌊🌊🌊
It’s been great to have our freedom back. Amazing.
Having everything start again so rapidly, has been however, EXHAUSTING.
And, it’s Christmas-time.
A time of year where I’m usually so happy and bursting with festive cheer, I’m sorry to say, I’m lacking slightly in the jolly department this time around.
Being the end of the school year, and then the end of all other school stuff, appointments, dates… OMG, I can’t wait.
Baby girl has pulled the “I don’t wanna go to school routine” on a regular occasion for the last two weeks.
She ONLY has two weeks left.
So today when she finished school, on this bright, still and sunny Friday, where I had also finished work, I picked her up and said “I have a surprise for you…”
And nothing says surprise better than ice cream.
She was rapt. I grabbed a coffee, she her rainbow cup of joy, and we wandered up and down the Main street, transformed into a pedestrian-only zone over summer so to give businesses the best chance ever at reclaiming back all that they’ve lost during covid, with extended outdoor seating space… on the road.
We wandered here, we wandered there. Everything and everywhere at whim. Things are easy when you’re slurping ice cream/sipping coffee.
So, guess what we are now the proud owners of?
OMG, I can’t… I just can’t believe it.
Yep. We got a bloody elf on the shelf.
I never thought I’d get one of these. When I first heard of him, it felt like an anti-Christmas sentiment. Being naughty? Playing tricks? What kind of good role model was that for the kids? Weren’t they meant to be nice? How did he tie into the giving and charity of Christmas?
Then I spoke to a friend who said they didn’t have to be ALL naughty. And baby girl came home repeatedly saying she wanted one, because of course half her class has one.
And then I went stuff it.
He looks like a dipshit, sure. Something about his grin just bugs me, rubs me up the wrong way.
But we already know, he is a good elf. Sure, he is a bit cray cray at times (much like the youngest member of our family!) but generally, means well.
Baby girl thinks he’s gonna draw on our faces tonight. I told her hell no, he’s going in the bin if that happens!
I think tonight, I mean I just have an inkling… I think he might end up in the Christmas tree… just you know, climbing and stuff.
Simple like that, adventuring.
LOL. I think I can have A LOT of fun with this actually.
I was working from home when an old work colleague called me.
She told me that a mutual friend of ours, our old work friend, had died.
She cried, and I said ‘Oh my God,’ repeatedly.
It wasn’t that much of a shock. In terms of, we knew she had been battling a serious illness for years now.
But she had been winning. She had been beating it, time and time again, and I really felt like her bubbly personality and upbeat attitude would actually kick its arse.
I really did. I thought she had.
I read her posts on facebook, and I also followed her journey, taking in eagerly her updates that she was getting better, she was part of the small percentage that was still alive since her original diagnosis, watching her face on the screen of my mobile, all happy and positive, the way I used to see her when we worked together.
Back in the party shop days, when we were both in uni. We’d usually work the same Friday night shift, 4pm-8pm, and she’d fill me in on her weekend plans, the clubs she would frequent, the friends she would go out with. She was so bubbly. So positive. I don’t think I ever saw her mad. EVER. Even when a sad or sore topic crossed her lips, all it did was lower her voice, make her eyes go distant for only a moment…
But then she’d be back. That happy girl we all knew.
Today on the phone, my old work friend cried. I just stared at my computer screen, my mind blank with shock. I told her I’d call her back to have a good chat… I was at work, and had to process it all. She urged me to check out the facebook page that confirmed the sad news.
We hung up, and I knew I shouldn’t have… not just because I was at work, but because my mind was already becoming a jumbled mess.
But I did. I looked up the facebook page and burst into tears.
Why? Why her? How? She was 2 years younger than me. She was 34 when she died, months ago, and we’d only found out now. My heart sobbed. I felt sad all over. I thought of her again and again, her fight, her courage, her strength…
I struggled to think of memories. They were from so long ago, over a decade now. But slowly they came back, more and more.
Her long nails that she kept immaculate, strong and healthy despite all the balloons we tied and dust we encountered.
I remembered her 21st birthday. It was in a huge hall and she had hundreds of people there. She was dating a guy she was rapt about at the time, but he ended up to be a bit of a douche. I have to say, I wasn’t surprised about him when she later told us.
But I was beyond floored to hear the news of her death today.
Why? How? How did this happen? She had a loving family. A wide circle of friends.
She was going places. She loved her job. She was motivated. Dedicated. hard-working. Fun and cheeky and hilarious.
How did this happen?
This afternoon, my thoughts went into a deep, dark place. I cried over my keyboard, and then Hubbie came home for lunch and I cried some more.
He just nodded. He understood.
I told him I was scared. “What’s the point of life… we’re all leading towards death, or heading towards watching all our loved ones die. I’m scared to love anyone.”
I struggled with these thoughts. To and fro I went, battling, thinking of her, thinking how life was scary, life was unfair… life didn’t ask you. Things happened.
Things just happened.
Nothing mattered anymore. All this coronavirus crap… seriously who cared?
We were alive! We were breathing. Hell even if I felt pain somewhere, it meant I was alive.
I was feeling. Breathing.
A few little things made me realise what was important in the second part of the day. I finished work, and instead of rushing off to do home-schooling, and start the whole routine of getting jobs done, I sat with baby girl. Watched her draw with some colouring pens she’d re-discovered.
We had our coffee break on the balcony.
I used my eyes to look at the water.
My hands to wave at the passing neighbour.
I smelt the coffee with my nose.
I felt the sunshine on my face.
I heard the wind breathing as it wrapped the warmth of Spring around us.
I was alive.
We took a walk around the block. I needed it. We looked at houses. We counted street signs. We laughed. Touched leaves. Ran.
At home, I read, on whim. I’ve been holding back, trying to not read as much in order to motivate myself to catch up on my Book Reviews for my blog… but it’s made my soul sad. My soul wants to read. I want to read.
So I read a chapter just before dinner.
Yes, if you looked at it deeply, darkly… we were all leading to inevitable death. Ours, or everyone around us.
And we didn’t know what would come first.
Bleak, yes. Not very glass half-full at all.
But we had this life to live… and to love, was to live. We had to spend our time on this earth making the most of it, enjoying the little moments, using our senses, experiencing them, and being grateful that we were granted time on this earth at all.
Doing what we wanted. What made us feel good, in our core. I realised I had really followed my heart today, because the news of our work friend passing was so upsetting, I had to do something to make myself feel better…
I am still so profoundly sad. I think of her and I feel like crying all over again. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe she’s not here anymore.
Despite everything, I spent my time doing something for me today. Something to make me smile through my sadness. Something to make me happy through my tears.
And it was made all the more meaningful tonight. Baby girl kept asking for kiss after kiss after hug after hug from us, as she lay in bed tonight. It became a joke to her, saying “one more,” every time we moved back.
Baby girl joined about 100 or so of her school mates for an online disco today.
Last year it was in the school theatre… this year, well, via zoom.
But it was still so cute. She dressed up for the occasion, and I connected her up to the big screen to… DANCE!
40 minutes of dancing. 40 minutes of jumping. I was working from the other room, in a meeting, and could hear the tunes filtering through…
DOOF DOOF DOOF.
And then that insanely catchy/funny/irritating, whatever you wanna call it song, “Pump It Up” came on, and I just laughed out loud before walking into the room and dancing near her but making sure to be OFF SCREEN to zoom and her whole grade.
But then she ended up calling me later, because the parents were being summoned! And so I found myseld in my trakkies, next to my dressed up baby girl, doing the hokey pokey.
And of course, seeing as she’s been missing out on all that school physical activity, guess who was crazy tired afterwards?
How lucky are we to have a bestie with professional dancing experience, huh, huh? She organised a session for us, complete with warm-up, choreographed moves, and we followed her through it all… even the kids had to join in on the fun!
It was great. Nothing like a good dance in iso to remind us all of what it is our body needs, and our body wants.
And laughing at yourself with your friends is about the best way to dance to it. 😁😁😁😁