I guess I’ve been very caught up in more pressing matters. 🤰But tonight I saw this sky, and I just loved the spotted purple clouds, reminiscent of faraway places and kingdoms where dreams and fairy tales come true on the daily, the immediate blue of the sky making way for the colours to turn to lilac, then pink, then peach… and then the horizon of a deep purple ocean.
It really did look like a fantasy. Then I realised, it was, and it was real. I was seeing it with my own eyes.
Those fantasies and dreams are as true in real life as they are in the fairy tales.
I reflected a lot during the day and then at night.
I spoke out loud, my hopes, my fears. Sometimes I can’t believe where I’m at. It hit me today, a few times.
“If I am sleeping let me never wake up.”
For the most part I am one with reality, it has sunk in. But then I buy another baby outfit with baby girl, some maternity wear… she laughs at me when I look at yet another onesie, but then she too coos over a cute neutral number that boy or girl can wear.
So we buy it.
We aren’t finding out the gender. I love people guessing. I love guessing. We can make a game of it. People get awfully heated too about their opinions of how you carry, while I just laugh and laugh.
I love it.
When I was pregnant with baby girl I had one friend tell me there was no doubt I was carrying a boy – everything about my tummy pointed to that. And yet when baby girl came out, they put their hands up in defense – “you’re proof the old wives tale is wrong!”
At this rate I’m collecting more clothes than baby will wear. I’m excited. I’ve earnt the right to feel this way too.
I am still craving juice. Juice juice juice. Boost juices have replaced my coffees, and I honestly don’t even miss that caffeine.
I’m not looking just bloated anymore. There is a definite bump. My tummy is stretching constantly, moving and shifting and giving me feels I have never felt before. It makes me feel like this is the first time, though my precious baby girl who kisses my belly nearly every day is proof that it isn’t.
I look out at the waters before me. They sparkle. Spring is coming. Will baby get to step into those waters next Summer, or will they be just a tad too small?
Maybe we can hope for an Indian Summer.
It makes sense. I’m having one in my own life right now. 😉🙏🏖️🩴
The sky was all yellow/orange tonight. It made me think of the many people that will pass through our house very soon, and the beautiful view we can share with them… not just of the sky, but of life. 🙏😍
I had just finished with an appointment. I felt… heavy. My head was full. I was confused, but somehow enlightened. It was a bit of a bittersweet feeling: like a new beginning, while still feeling like I had no idea where to go, and what to do.
Do I stay here? Do I go? Do I go home? School pick up is soon…
What do I do?
Questions questions questions. Life is just a series of questions. Big, small, revolving, cyclic, the same questions, new questions, questions that never seem to get an answer.
I opened the window.
I’ll go home.
No, I don’t wanna go home. I just… need to be someplace else.
I turned the ignition, and minutes later was at a coastal lookout.
There was no point in going back home, when school pick up was so close. Why should I wait at home and do job after job, when I could sit in my car, relax, and just watch those waves, watch those clouds?
So that’s what I did. 🙏
And they didn’t give me any answers… but as I later drove to pick up baby girl, I caught the smallest glimpse of the end of a rainbow in the darkened sky… and that was enough.